Moe Kay
27-08-14, 11:35
:scared15:
Hi there folks. I hope all of you get well. I hope all of us get well immediately or that they invent a cure or drug that will return us back to ourselves.
My problems first surfaced in Jan 2010. I had a bit of an inner ear infection while my wife at that time had just gotten pregnant. I used to get light headed and dizzy and went to doctors who scared the bejezus out of me. One said it was Minieres and that triggered off an OCD streak where i researched the condition and could not get it out of my mind. I was upset about having a baby and being effected by the condition and not being able to hold her and getting bed ridden. So that's when the panic and depressions set in. Going to the shrink was very difficult cuz its a bit of a taboo here. And by the time i did go... it was like 3 months later, after having suffered terribly. I kind of clamed up.
I was prescribed Cipralex and he gave me Xanax .5mg as a cover until the Cip kicked in. However i was so afraid of taking the xanax cuz of the bad publicity it had in the media and getting addicted to it. But push always came to shove and then I started off with .25. It proved helpful and gradually i started popping .5mg when needed. Meantime Cip kicked in ... took about 2 months... but i got better.
By the time my baby girl was born in June i started feeling much better and three months later actually weaned off the the Ciplralex. I had become normal again! The dizzy spells were diagnosed as nothing but benign positional vertigo.
But then S hit the fan again. My marriage started falling apart. My ex-wife was a higly energetic person while i - especially after my panic episode had become very laid back - I also had a Mitral Valve replacement surgery back in 2005 which prevented me from any sort of contact sports. I got sick again...while the divorced was proceeding as the pain of being separated from child was too much from me. I was very maternal with my little girl as i saw her as my AD through life. Eventually we got divorced and I moved in with my parents as over the span of my divorce I had developed another infection on my heart and had to be operated for the same condition. Recovered by the grace of God, but fell into a depression soon after. Hit the Cip again. Got better and then weaned off it a few months later.
But now the anxiety has retruned. I wake up in the mornings (some mornings) with this horrible feeling in my tummy, as if something bad is about to happen and can't understand what it is. Walk around aimlessly in the house. The Xanax is my pill of relief.... i mean i love it. Still on .5mg cuz i use it when im feeling really jittery.
And when i start feeling that way, i get all sorts of thoughts in my head.. from "What if start shouting or screaming and cant stop?" to "What if I stop loving my daughter one day" "What if i harm her" "What if i suddenly stop understanding languages that i speak" and all sorts of nonsensical stuff. The thoughts keep going back and forth in my head... like broken record and then with the anxiety soon turn to panic. Sometimes even when i am not bothered about the thoughts... my tummy or my mind feels nervous. I function normally, cuz when im in between work or conversation or friends...or watching the TELLY or on soacial media, I forget all about it. But then the thoughts hit me again!
Went to my shrink. He has put me on Seroxat.. and its my third day on the pill. But then reading about it, has added an other unwanted thought in my head "What if i get suicidal cuz of the drug"... i mean i feel perfectly fine... like i did with the cipralex... but its that nagging thought at the back of mind with the "What if..." And the Robin Williams incident has not helped one bit! Just made me more panicky about my own actions. Its like im unsure of my self, my feelings. I am in control of myself... but what bothers me is "What if I lose control??"
I am looking for an exact diagnosis! Am i OCD or do i have GAD?
PS: If your gona reply, please don't mention something that'll trigger another thought i may obsess or worry about.
Hi there folks. I hope all of you get well. I hope all of us get well immediately or that they invent a cure or drug that will return us back to ourselves.
My problems first surfaced in Jan 2010. I had a bit of an inner ear infection while my wife at that time had just gotten pregnant. I used to get light headed and dizzy and went to doctors who scared the bejezus out of me. One said it was Minieres and that triggered off an OCD streak where i researched the condition and could not get it out of my mind. I was upset about having a baby and being effected by the condition and not being able to hold her and getting bed ridden. So that's when the panic and depressions set in. Going to the shrink was very difficult cuz its a bit of a taboo here. And by the time i did go... it was like 3 months later, after having suffered terribly. I kind of clamed up.
I was prescribed Cipralex and he gave me Xanax .5mg as a cover until the Cip kicked in. However i was so afraid of taking the xanax cuz of the bad publicity it had in the media and getting addicted to it. But push always came to shove and then I started off with .25. It proved helpful and gradually i started popping .5mg when needed. Meantime Cip kicked in ... took about 2 months... but i got better.
By the time my baby girl was born in June i started feeling much better and three months later actually weaned off the the Ciplralex. I had become normal again! The dizzy spells were diagnosed as nothing but benign positional vertigo.
But then S hit the fan again. My marriage started falling apart. My ex-wife was a higly energetic person while i - especially after my panic episode had become very laid back - I also had a Mitral Valve replacement surgery back in 2005 which prevented me from any sort of contact sports. I got sick again...while the divorced was proceeding as the pain of being separated from child was too much from me. I was very maternal with my little girl as i saw her as my AD through life. Eventually we got divorced and I moved in with my parents as over the span of my divorce I had developed another infection on my heart and had to be operated for the same condition. Recovered by the grace of God, but fell into a depression soon after. Hit the Cip again. Got better and then weaned off it a few months later.
But now the anxiety has retruned. I wake up in the mornings (some mornings) with this horrible feeling in my tummy, as if something bad is about to happen and can't understand what it is. Walk around aimlessly in the house. The Xanax is my pill of relief.... i mean i love it. Still on .5mg cuz i use it when im feeling really jittery.
And when i start feeling that way, i get all sorts of thoughts in my head.. from "What if start shouting or screaming and cant stop?" to "What if I stop loving my daughter one day" "What if i harm her" "What if i suddenly stop understanding languages that i speak" and all sorts of nonsensical stuff. The thoughts keep going back and forth in my head... like broken record and then with the anxiety soon turn to panic. Sometimes even when i am not bothered about the thoughts... my tummy or my mind feels nervous. I function normally, cuz when im in between work or conversation or friends...or watching the TELLY or on soacial media, I forget all about it. But then the thoughts hit me again!
Went to my shrink. He has put me on Seroxat.. and its my third day on the pill. But then reading about it, has added an other unwanted thought in my head "What if i get suicidal cuz of the drug"... i mean i feel perfectly fine... like i did with the cipralex... but its that nagging thought at the back of mind with the "What if..." And the Robin Williams incident has not helped one bit! Just made me more panicky about my own actions. Its like im unsure of my self, my feelings. I am in control of myself... but what bothers me is "What if I lose control??"
I am looking for an exact diagnosis! Am i OCD or do i have GAD?
PS: If your gona reply, please don't mention something that'll trigger another thought i may obsess or worry about.