Finally plucked up the courage to book an HIV test.

[Katie_cupcakes]

I have been worrying for the past 3 months that I have HIV, and been far too afraid to face up to it. I think I have finally realised that all this Google searching and worrying and trying to convince myself that my symptoms are something else is pointless as it won't change the result of my test.
Got a test booked for Friday morning, so now I have to face up to it. Whatever the result, I will finally be able to stop this obsessive search for reassurance because it's pointless.
Wish me luck :( I think I have convinced myself to the point that a positive result wouldn't shock me, and I have kind of mentally prepared myself for it.

[puzzledlass]

Well done! It takes a lot of effort and courage to face these fears and you should be proud of yourself.

I don't know your story, but I know HIV is not as easy to contract the media would have you believe!

I am confident you will be fine.

[Dedre88]

Katie,

I've been in your shoes. As puzzledlass says it's not easy to catch, I'm sure results will come back fine. Whilst, I was terrified of HIV, I've come to realise there's much worse illnesses out there. And whist it's not curable it's very treatable.

You won't regret having test done, it's scary but after (even before you get results) you will feel a massive release! Positive thinking!

[twtm2002]

Katie - I will also be taking a test 2moro in London so imagine a hand reaching out to hold yours. I know my result will be negative unless I have truly either a)forgotten something about my massages b)created medical history by being the first person to get HIV from a massage or c)contract it on the way to the doctor. I am sure you will be OK and as the others say the odds are in your favour. I have also found googling doesnt improve things - it makes things worse even though the majority of the advice on the regulated and sensible sites like aidsmeds is actually very good. I am afraid this is the nature of health anxiety and OCD. X

[Katie_cupcakes]

I'm glad you are so sure your result will be negative, I'm pretty much convinced mine will be positive. Ugh I just wish I could undo my idiotic desicion! I'm so annoyed with myself

[puzzledlass]

May I ask what your idiotic decision was?

[Katie_cupcakes]

To have unprotected sex with someone. Wish I hadn't been so stupid. :(

[puzzledlass]

I've made that same bad decision too. I also was very afraid. I had a test done, it was clear (as yours will be) and then vowed to not make a decision like that in future. It's all you can do really.

[SelfLoathing]

Hi Katie

Just want to send you some warm wishes. I am exactly where you are, and I would not wish the anxiety on anyone.

Well done for being so brave and taking the test

xx

[Katie_cupcakes]

Thanks guys for all the support. I'm currently suffering with tonsilitis and convinced it must be hiv. I'm scared for tomorrow but I'm ready for it!

[pringles]

Thinking of you…:)

[Fj2014]

Heyy!! How did it go today? Hope you're alright :)

Fingers crossed for the results :) xx

[Katie_cupcakes]

Hiya, Iv had the test done, just need to wait for the results.
I told the nurse my symptoms, expecting her to be concerned but she didn't seem concerned in the slightest (even though my symptoms matched hiv)
She said it sounds like I'm very low risk. Had the test done though, and although she said that, I'm still pretty certain it will be positive (health anxiety and all that)

What I'm a bit confused about was that she gave me a card with a pin number that I need to use to access my results, so I saI'd does that mean they don't phone me then, and she said they will only phone if there's a problem. AThe the time I thought that meant if there is a positive result...but now I'm thinking what would be the point in giving me a pin number to get my results if they would phone me about any positive results. Surely if I don't receive a call then that means everything's fine and I don't need to access results.

So I'm notrying sure if by 'problem' that maybe means if a results is inconclusive or goes missing or something? Maybe someone here can shed some light on that query. .x

[crazybrain]

Katie, good luck girl! I had to do that too with my current girlfriend. I gave blood and I knew I didn’t have HIV but there is all kinds of other STD’s. Mine came back clean (I was a little risky at times). God bless, I know how crazy that can make you.

[twtm2002]

Hi Katie - I hope it went well for you. I am sure it will be OK. Keep strong. x

[Dedre88]

Katie - when I got tested the first time they sent me a text saying 'all tests are negative' second time I didn't hear back from them. Called and they looked it up and said 'all clear'.

Give it 2 weeks (assuming you didn't go private) then give them a call. But afaik they only call when a test is positive.

Did you have test for other STD's too?

[Katie_cupcakes]

Thanks :) I'm basically just sitting in wait for the dreaded call that I'm certain will Come.

Yes I was also tested for other std's while I was there, just went for the full works to make sure. X

[Dedre88]

Ok, in which case just be aware they may call you back in with chlamydia or something, so don't panic if they do call you!

Sure you will he fine on all counts.

[Fishmanpa]

I'm placing my bet on an all clear and a "told ya so" ;)

Positive thoughts

[Katie_cupcakes]

I would love a 'told you so' more than anything!
Fingers crossed :$

[iPodClassic]

I was actually talking about this with my sister a few days ago. I asked her what would she rather contract, if cancer or HIV, and she chose the first, just so I did and a few I know and asked did as well. Why is this?

I think it has something to do with the shame that comes with contracting an STD. For some reason, if you get cancer or whatever other 'natural' disease, it's not as bad as ****ing someone and getting it. Why is that? Which is weird because when you ask people, how they wanna die —mostly men—, many say they wanna die shagging, so why does a deadly disease caught by ****ing scares them so much? I think it's about the social burden of being 'a whore' or something like that.

I've been browsing this forum a bit, and I notice how many of our HA symptoms are death/sex related. I think it's neurosis. I think it will do you good to get some counselling if you are not already. You need to talk this out, and stop feeling so guilty. Why are you feeling guilty? Are you a bad person? I doubt it.

I hope you're feeling better.

[Katie_cupcakes]

It's the stigma associated with it. Iv read a lot about Hiv from being so anxious about it and from what iv read it's a very manageable illness, medication can bring the virus levels in your body down to an undetectable level and people these days usually have the same life expectancy as everyone else.
For me, it's the thought of being alone for the rest of my life, as soon as I meet the man of my dreams and tell him I have hiv he would more than likely run a mile.
Having said that I would prefer to have hiv than to have terminal cancer for sure. And walking through town last weekend I realised there are all sorts of people who have different conditions they have to live with their whole lives. There are those with downs syndrome, autism etc, or people born with disabilities, or people who have been in accidents and lost limbs or loved ones...and these are all things that people have to live with forever, just like hiv.
I think it definitely is the stigma associated with it and also that you would have to be incredibly unlucky to be someone who catches it.

On another note. I haven't had a call yet and it's been nearly a week. I'm taking that as a good sign, but I'm not celebrating yet. I have to wait till Monday before the 10 days are up.

[iPodClassic]

Please, read yourself once again. Why are you speaking about chance with so much certainty? It's the same as finding yourself speaking with the same certainty about winning the lottery, butyou don't,right?

All i'm saying is: RELAX. Don't try to convince yourself you do or don't have it, just stop thinking about it. And this is coming from a person who suffers SEVERE health anxiety. Please get some counselling, otherwise this won't stop, EVER. Have you checked your serotonin levels? Low serotonin causes hypochondria, (I know this as my serotonin is often so low that it becomes undetectable).-
Please get help, it's not a lot you've got to do, once or twice a week, for half an hour, and after a few months you'll notice how better it gets.
Problems won't go by themselves, you know? you have to do something about it, and YOU CAN. It's not that hard, I know you can.

[Katie_cupcakes]

Just because I am anxious about my health doesn't mean that everything I worry about will just turn out to be anxiety. This forum is here for people to post their worries and get support from others, which is why I'm here. It's easy to tell someone to relax and get help, but that's easier said than done.
Iv tried counselling and found it extremely unhelpful. Iv tried medication and it made me ill.

My last comment was a hopeful 'I think I'm gonna be ok' comment if you read it again. So I didn't think I was speaking with certainty at all. Not really sure where you took that from.

[Katie_cupcakes]

True, but it's the kind of thing you would have to bring up pretty early on in a relationship, before any feelings of 'love' had been established.

Anyways, the clinic said they would call within 10 days if I had a positive results. It's been a week now. They are closed over the weekend and then Monday will be the 10th day. So fingers crossed.

[iPodClassic]

Just because I am anxious about my health doesn't mean that everything I worry about will just turn out to be anxiety. This forum is here for people to post their worries and get support from others, which is why I'm here. It's easy to tell someone to relax and get help, but that's easier said than done.
Iv tried counselling and found it extremely unhelpful. Iv tried medication and it made me ill.



My last comment was a hopeful 'I think I'm gonna be ok' comment if you read it again. So I didn't think I was speaking with certainty at all. Not really sure where you took that from.

Well, if you say "as soon as I meet the man of my dreams and tell him I have hiv he would more than likely run a mile" that pretty much sounds like you're sentencing yourself to HIV. I mean, only a person who is certain they have HIV would ponder about the case scenario of telling their love they have HIV.
If you would really be anxious about your health you would only think about "do I have it or not?" but not really fantasize of a life with HIV.
I didn't really mean any comment as an attack to your problems or worries, and I know it's 'easier said than done', given that I suffer severe Health Anxiety since ages, but I also know that saying that you tried therapy and medication and it was unhelpful is just an excuse. For these things you have to keep on trying, trying as if your life depended on it, and not give up just because you tried and it didn't work. Getting support is not only have people feel sorry for you, but also for people to tell you what could help you to get out of the state you are.
If I'm trying to help you is because I have faith in you, and I know you can get out of this. I won't just feel sorry for you, that's for helpless cases.

regards and I hope you're feeling better.

[GadGirl]

Hi Katie, Go you girl for taking the test, Im sure it was a negative result. I keep saying to myself i will go and get tested thats 1 of my main HA issues, Im sure i will buck up the courage to do it.