I'm having the week from Hell!

[Carnation]

What a week I am having. Absolute nightmare! My Anxiety has really been put to the test and I've still got three days to go.
First of all, I accomplished getting over my Phobia of Lifts. Three decades, it has taken to do this. Yes, I got into a Lift all by myself, no Panic and was skipping as I came out of the Lift doors. Then something has to go and ruin it for me. My Mother 'n' Law; who has Dementia, decides to press all the buttons inside the Lift including the Emergency button which brought the Lift to a jolt and a horrendous sound like a high pitched siren was piercing my ears. Panic, Panic, Panic. Tried to climb the wall; I know it sounds ridiculous, but that was how I was. Then the doors miraculously opened and out I ran as fast as I could, through the shop and in to the street.
I know it is not my Mother 'n' Laws fault, but I was so angry after my big achievement that had all gone down the pan in a matter of minutes.
Then; another day, I took my Mum out and she has a massive Panic Attack and flops in the street. She could not walk, she froze and was hyperventilating and could not see properly. Luckily, a lovely lady stopped and helped. She stayed with my Mum so I could run Home and get my Dad's old wheelchair to take her back home. Get half way there and realize I'd forgot the bloomin stirrups. Back I go, get the stirrups, get Mum in the chair and as approaching the street, I see the shopping that we had ordered online was being delivered to the house. So, now I have to run with the chair to catch the Van. Get Mum indoors, man with shopping decides to plonk everything on the floor in one heap in the kitchen so I can't even get in there. Once I get everything sorted, calming Mum down, putting shopping away, I decide to go out and get some fresh air and collect myself before I have a Panic Attack as well. Within minutes, this crazy man comes up to me right in my face and starts swearing abuse at me for walking in his pathway. I can not tell you what he said, there was so many swear words, but it was not nice. Not to be defeated I carry on walking and bump in to a couple I know that want to tell me about a car crash that they have just been in. By this time, I just wanted to go somewhere and hide. There have other stuff as well leading up to these event. Like my Mum telling me she wants to die and can not live without Dad anymore. My Partner, who has now got depression from looking after his Mum, because she doesn't recognize him anymore with the Dementia.
It's just been too much and I needed to air my stuff on here. I am so sorry to moan and take up a big chunk of page to do this, but it helps me as I have no-one else to tell. Thank you for letting me do this NMP.

[Nickw1401]

Hi sounds like you've had it rough alately I suffer with anxiety on a daily basis your not alone with all this I've been having similar problems/worries, an for the crazy man I understand where your coming from don't you always seem to get something or someone adding to it when you already feel vulnerable, hope the "moan" helped an tat someone is listening

[Loubylou1982]

So sorry to hear that :-(
You are coping very well considering you have so much on your plate! You're so busy caring for others that you are not getting enough 'me' time.
Caring for the elderly can be so stressful and sad. It's a shame your husband has depression too.

Well done for conquering your lift fear! That's amazing! Don't see what mother in law did as a setback to your progress because even people without anxiety would have a major panic if that happened!

Are there any nurses available to give you a break from the caring?

[Soph18]

That is what we are here for. To heelp and support each other. I have had the week from hell too. I hope your family and friends are ok? I know it must have been hard but like you said you actually got into a lift. Maybe try and find one positive in every negative. For example, yes your mom had a massive panic attck but you overcome your ancieties and went to help her and didnt have a panic attack. I know it can ve scary when you see someone have an attack but it is so good that you was able to help her. Keep strong carnation. Tour doing an amazing job. Never give up. :hugs:

[Carnation]

Going on Holiday in a week's time, but it means facing two of my biggest phobias. Long journey in car and going on the Motorway. Have already cancelled two holidays this year. Third time lucky??

[Soph18]

No dont cancel your holiday. You can do this carnation. I believe in you and im sure others do to. One of my fears is crowds. I face that fear everyday. It is so hard. I hate it when people walk towards me I just start to panic. I have faith ou will brave it and have a sense of achievment and have an amazing holiday. You'll see. :hugs:

[Carnation]

Thank you NickW1401, Loubylou and Soph18. Didn't expect any replies to this thread, I just had to get it all out before I exploded with stress. I can not believe I did not have a massive Panic Attack myself. Strange, I was waiting for it to come, but it didn't. Thing is, I am normally quite good in a crisis, it's when I am doing nothing and everything has calmed down that my Demons come out to play.

[Soph18]

I understand that one carnation. I could be sat on the sofa listening to music and my anxiety kicks in and my mom is noticing now. It is hard as I know it is stressing my mom out and she gets worried and I hate doing that to her. Hust be proud of yoyrself carnation for what your achieving everyday. :hugs:

[Sunflower2]

Oh carnation we do seem to have so much in common, I also have a long standing phobia of lifts!! I've been known to walk in the walk straight out of one before it even moved haha! Sounds like a pretty stressful week, these things are here to try us. Keep positive and as you said to me,try to keep yourself a priority as it's very easy to forget about yourself and that's when the anxiety and depression comes creeping back in.
I'm typing this from my bed at home as I just could not face another day at my work. I am so completely exhausted physically and mentally I know I cannot manage and have decided to take the day off and give some breathing space for what I'm going to do next. We have to sometimes step back and look at what we should be doing and what we actually can do.
Don't think about the motorway or car for now, it will come and go and it will be fine. I panic about driving too and I can get so worked up, but it's never as bad as I think. Sure I panic and feel uncomfortable, but it passes :)

As you've said to me, remember to look after yourself the best you can in tough situations!

[Carnation]

I am not surprised you didn't go in today, I could see it coming. You did the right thing. I would think very carefully on whether go back. It has only been a few days and look at what it has done to you. Please, please, please, think of something to say to them to solve this horrid situation you are in. I hate to think of you being so unhappy. :hugs:

[trish1955]

Thank you NickW1401, Loubylou and Soph18. Didn't expect any replies to this thread, I just had to get it all out before I exploded with stress. I can not believe I did not have a massive Panic Attack myself. Strange, I was waiting for it to come, but it didn't. Thing is, I am normally quite good in a crisis, it's when I am doing nothing and everything has calmed down that my Demons come out to play.

To be honest wen there a family crisis its funny how we forget how self for a little while and cope XXX

[Carnation]

Well, I have eyes like p...s-holes in the snow today. Not surprising. Today, I have some me time and I am will steer clear of Lifts, streets of people and Family. It's always so exhausting having a bad day/bad week and I want to get a calm day in to gain back my strength and sanity. Thank you to everyone who listened to me.:)

[Sunflower2]

Aw thank you carnation, I really appreciate you looking out for me :) soo nice having a day to recuperate, I have also had a me day and it's made all the difference! I'm also feeling exhausted though, I think when we stop it just takes a while to hit us and realise how much energy it's taken. Glad you're able to relax a bit now!

[Carnation]

Just when I was starting to relax and calm down a little from the week's stresses. My Partner has just told me that the Care Home we put his Mum into when we are away is fully booked and the second choice is also fully booked. So now, I might not be going away after all. At least I won't have to face that dreaded Motorway. :(

[swgrl09]

I'm sorry, it is so hard caring for somebody else who is ill :( It is extremely stressful and tiring. I hope you are able to find a really nice place for her soon.

[pearljammer]

I understand that one carnation. I could be sat on the sofa listening to music and my anxiety kicks in and my mom is noticing now. It is hard as I know it is stressing my mom out and she gets worried and I hate doing that to her. Hust be proud of yoyrself carnation for what your achieving everyday. :hugs:
i was just chatting to a friend yesterday about this....getting a wave of anxiety just sitting in mu front room watching a dvd...no stress, no triggers , no worries ...them Bang!!!

[VictoryIsForever]

Reading this thread I am so glad that i got rid of general anxiety :)
I do still have agoraphobia but life is so muchhhhh better now.

Take a few days rest and then keep working towards ur goal " no fear in elevators " the only way to do it is to expose yourself again :)

As an agoraphobic I know so much about exposure, because i am doing it for nearly a year. Progress is MASSIVE :)
Setbacks like the one u had with ur mother in law are normal part of the recovery. U just have to carry on and expose yourself again!
Although it feels like u made no progress at all, you must keep going :) because u haven't actually lost anything. Its just hard to force yourself to do it again.
So do it slowly, but not to slow :)

Its not easy, and it takes courage but u can do it.


Hope it helps, although mine english is not so good :D

[Carnation]

Well, just as I thought, all the Anxiety symptoms are coming out tonight. So much stress, that I suppose it has to come out some how. Twitches, head pain, sweating, stomach reflux and sheer exhaustion. That's why I prefer to keep busy all the time, but I know the body and mind needs to rest at some point. Taking it all on the chin as usual, but that's one of things that annoy about Anxiety is the inability to rest! :ohmy:
Thank you swgrl, pearljammer and VictoryIsForever, it does help to hear other people's slants on situations. And, that's an interesting perspective about exposure, I will try and see what happens. I am getting so sick of The Demon that you begin to think; 'Oh, what the Hell, do your worse, I just can't be bothered with you anymore'.:shrug:

[Soph18]

Pearljammer that is exactly the same as me. It is horrible isnt it? It makes me feel scared to be myself sometimes. It stops me wanting to do my favourite hobbies. :( i know exactly how you feel. X