View Full Version : Too busy!!
Good news... just found out I have an interview for a job I want.
Bad news... I have to prepare a presentation. It's on Monday at 11.30am. Today I have a full day of work, 9.30-5.30, then a meeting at 5.30, then I have to do some more work. Then I'm going to a music festival which is a birthday present, there's a house party in the place I'm staying. Then I'm moving house on Sunday and need to get a duvet etc urgently. Then I have another deadline for work on Monday afternoon. How the heck am I going to pull this off???? I want to have fun, I can't just give up tomorrow's parties - I feel like I don't have enough fun as it is.
So anxious I can't concentrate at work now :(
Something is going to have to give... but what?!
how long do you think the presentation will take you to do?
I don't know what it is yet. I have to wait til the end of the day for them to send it to me. So I literally have this evening and the weekend to do it.
They are only interviewing 6 people for 4 roles so not getting it would be painful at this stage... I probably know most of the other people they are interviewing
What a challenge ! :D
See the way ! Do it !
You'll do the right thing. You're bright, you can manage this.
Get the work at tea time and see what you have in front of you, go from there.
!!!!! COME OUT OF THIS WITH THAT JOB !!!!! :yahoo:
crazybrain
29-08-14, 14:58
Good job! Don’t let the stress get to you and focus. Take breaks if you need them. I’ve found when I’m stressed try deep berthing. Think in with WISE MIND and out with EMOTIONAL MIND while doing it. I learned that in my DBT sessions and find it really helps.
What does thinking in with wise mind and out with emotional mind mean? You mean,
breathe in - think to self 'wise mind'
breathe out - think to self 'emotional mind'
crazybrain
29-08-14, 15:46
What does thinking in with wise mind and out with emotional mind mean? You mean,
breathe in - think to self 'wise mind'
breathe out - think to self 'emotional mind'
yes, Wise mind is the centered way of thinking. Then emotional mind is on one side and the cold and calculated is on the other. "wise mind" is the sweet spot. it really works for me and could help :)
Interesting... it does kind of help :)
Did I get it done? Yes I got the presentation made, and I went to the interview with the rest of my stuff from moving house. I'm so anxious now I can't concentrate and I have to because I have a deadline but I'm not coping. I can't concentrate, I'm going mad.
On the way away from the interview with all my bags from moving, my shoe broke.
I have to deal with this deadline before I can go and get my shoe fixed and get a towel and some bedsheets. And I need to do some other stuff tonight too for some other work and I should probably eat dinner at some point. How can I do this all? I just want to sleep.
Hang in there lior.
If you can get through this very challenging spell you could very well be sitting there in your new little place in a brand spanking new job ! And you KNOW that is a good thing considering how things have been going for you.
You're doing so well putting all of this hard work in.
Sunflower2
01-09-14, 20:21
Lior - I saw your posts a couple weeks ago and you were really down and depressed, and I think it's really brilliant what you've done so far. It sounds like you've come a long way really quickly getting things done and looking to the future. Just wanted to say it's so great to see someone turn it around so well!
Thanks for your positive comments, I cried at both of them - I'm putting in hard work but it doesn't seem to be that effective.
I'm still depressed. I'm not suicidal but I'm questioning the point of everything. It seems so futile. I'm stressed out of my mind and I just want to stop working and for it to be sunny so I can go to the park and sunbathe without a care in the world with a picnic. That hasn't happened this summer and I've missed out.
I'm in my new room which is sublet, and the girl hasn't moved out all her things. So now I have to do that :(
Sunflower2
02-09-14, 11:30
It seems that we always want what we don't have. I just quit my job so I'm at home not doing anything and sitting out in the sun reading. And all I can think about is how left out I feel by not working at the moment and feel guilty! But I know if I was at work I'd be thinking oh I wish I was out in the sun. We just can't seem to be content with what we've actually got!!
But that's not so nice, I hate how some people are inconsiderate of others. Once you get that sorted it should feel more comfortable! Keep at it, you might not see the changes but me and oosh do! :D
I'm putting in hard work but it doesn't seem to be that effective.
Well you got that presentation done for your job interview monday ?
And youve been keeping afloat with your micromanaging bosses work ?
Youve the added complication of moving into your new place and getting rid of the last girls mess.
But you will be over all of that and find some free time soon surely ?
I think the important thing was attending that interview whilst keeping your current job and it appears youve done that.
Itll all feel worth it when youre sitting in your own place, in a new job, with money in the bank and free time to have a good time with your friends.
Then you can build on that.
When your mood picks up lior youll be glad youve built this life for yourself.
Sometimes, when the moods not there, you have to try to continue to be productive and do what you know is right so that when your mood improves you can open your eyes and find a good life and not a life were you slid backwards into a bigger mess.
Youre doing that and deserve all the credit in the world.
I did go to the park this summer, even with ice cream, but I was so depressed and anxious that I found it very difficult to enjoy it. I still don't have job security. If I had job security, I could enjoy time off. What I want is a peaceful mind.
Even now when I give myself a break, I stress out about other things I should be doing. I'm making a conscious effort to take notice of good things - flavours, warmth of sunlight, etc... I try to stay in the moment but it's not working very well, I'm constantly on edge freaking out about all the things I have to do. The only time I relax is when I sleep, but I keep having to wake up in the morning!
I have a new place... I will hopefully feel better when it's clean and I've unpacked.
I have a freelance job until the end of September. 4 days a week.
I am waiting for responses from two job interviews. I might get an offer, but at this point I'm not very hopeful.
I have to organise a kick-ass event for September 19th, and there is so much to think about... it's taking up a lot of time. Also it's dealing with stuff I have no idea how to do, so it's really challenging. And I'm not earning anything from it.
After the end of September, I don't have anything planned. I just really want one of these job offers. I would love to take one of them and start work in mid-October so I could have the first two weeks of October off. But I can't have that break unless I get more work lined up.
I can't enjoy breaks. That's the problem. I'm trying my best. But I don't think I'll be able to enjoy them until my work situation is sorted.
Then after that, I will eventually have to talk to my family again... and maybe tell my boyfriend that he's a dick, maybe that might make me feel better. Those two things - family and dastardly ex boyfriend - are like extra weights that I carry. They pop into my head when I think I might be able to start handling the situation, then they immediately get me whirling with anxiety/crying. I simply can't handle it.
I am not the sort of person who doesn't talk to her family. I usually deal with situations much more directly than this. I am afraid that this episode will have caused irreversible damage with them. I couldn't have done anything else though, if I had stayed I would have probably ended it. That would have been worse irreversible damage. Even so, things have probably changed forever and I can't turn back the clock.
I don't know what's going to happen in the future but I do know it's not all going to be fine. There's so many problems to work through - and I don't know how I will do it.
---------- Post added at 18:50 ---------- Previous post was at 18:48 ----------
And the man I loved stopped being who he once was - and I have to go on without him. I miss him so much, and I still love him so.
Aaaw im so sorry you really miss him lior. That's not an easy thing for me to help with. The only thing I learned was "after them, do well. You have a hell of a lot better chance of getting them to come back to you if you are doing well".
Maybe there's a chance that could come around again at some point in the future. Do well, be your best, enjoy yourself. Be the best you that you can be !
Then if THAT doesn't come around good things WILL come to you !
I think you can repair your relationship with your mum. You said she still attempts to make contact with you. I think that's still there for you lior.
It sounds like a bit of a "glass half empty" time for you at the moment. And I can completely understand that. You're probably really really tired and you've had enough stress lately to last you a lifetime.
"I don't know what's going to happen in the future. But I know it's not all going to be fine" :) really ?
I remember reading bits of your blog, you appeared to enjoy things and I'm sure you've enjoyed many things in your life. That means you have the capacity to enjoy. You are going to enjoy things again.
Glass half FULL -
Possibility you have two job offers.
You've found that sublet you were after and said you were quite happy with.
You can make up with your mum when you feel ready.
You live in one of the coolest cities in THE WORLD !
You have family and friends who care about you.
You will have your old b/f or a wonderful new b/f in the future.
You're going to have a rewarding career.
You're probably going to have a few little Liors running around who will change your life.
You are FANTASTIC at helping people !
You are lots and lots of wonderful things !!!
Throw it all back at me if you want but I'll just keep throwing it back at you after I've made it all shiny !
...because it's important you keep a healthy balance to your thinking at the moment.
Realistically - not optimistically - there are hard times ahead. There is stuff on the horizon that I don't want to deal with that is going to come and deal with me, and it won't be pleasant. I am afraid of all that.
In the past my family have thrown tons of stuff at me to confront and deal with when I didn't have the capacity to do it. I told them that, and their response was that there's always going to be stresses in life so there's no better time than now. That's their attitude - I spoke to them a few times about things.
I don't think they are going to change their minds - so I'm avoiding them totally, because if I see them, it's always all about what they want from me, and I have to play games by their rules. I've had enough of trying to satisfy other people's needs. If I see them, they are going to demand explanations and whatever else - I can't satisfy their demands. They ask too much of me. All my friends through the years have commented on how much I put in to my family life - how much I'm involved and contribute - that's from them seeing it, not me just talking about it. For my family, it's never enough. At one point it was on the cards that I would quit my job so my mum could study art. I've been so subservient - I was always trying to not get shouted at, I've been good as gold - but I can't take it any more. I've reached a point where it's not worth being subservient in exchange for a roof over my head. I'd rather take independence and pay for myself, even if that means my existence is more expensive... I'd rather be taking the costs than adding financial stress to my dad. I kept being told that I must stay at home because if I can save up and buy property then it makes financial sense - but if I do that, then I have to cook and clean up after everyone else. Then I get shouted at if I have work and can't come home in the evening. Acting like my mum's counsellor too was just too much.
I am really glad I moved out.
That glass half full list helped. I still think it's not all going to be ok though. I don't want Andrew to come back to me. I am concerned that if I see him I might kill him. Or slap him at least.
I helped two people with luggage/shopping this evening but I still have cried two or three times. Being a do-gooder doesn't solve things.
I cried for hours today... this is what it was like last time I was in the depths of depression. I cry and work while I cry, and continue crying because of all the pressure to get things done.
There's so much to do and I've got so many road blocks. Just wish people would get back to me so I could get stuff sorted. Lack of information is worrying me a lot.
People keep telling me how great it is that I'm doing the things I'm doing, or just telling me that I'm great in general, but I can't go on like this. I want someone else to take over running this event I'm organising. I can't do it any more - I can't take the pressure. But if I don't do it, nobody will, and I simply cannot have that. It's just got to happen. My reputation is on the line. It's just going to happen, no matter how I drag myself through the thorns. I'm so so so exhausted and I have to carry on juggling other work too.
Sunflower2
04-09-14, 21:19
I was like that when doing architecture at uni. It was sooooo exhausting and I hated it but if it didn't get done I would fail. I cried, shouted at everyone, broke down hysterically when things went wrong, I didn't want to continue and hated even single moment, and lost some friends along the way. But I have a degree sitting in room now saying that I did it and it's my most proud achievement ever. You know yourself when something you know needs to be done but you hate it and can't go on, you find some strength from somewhere inside and get through to the end.
Keep taking breaks and don't burn out, try to stay calm and remember things will always work out somehow!
This was what my degree was like too - at both universities. I don't think it's healthy to be like this. Is the achievement really worth it? I'm seriously sacrificing my health here. I keep getting ill physically from the stress.
Sunflower2
05-09-14, 10:08
Well I guess only you can decide if it's worth it. My degree did cause me to develop severe anxiety cause I failed at the end and had to resit. And I did just quit a job after a week because it was seriously affecting my health and I am not well enough to cope with so much stress at the moment. Kind of feel like a failure because of having to admit I can't cope, but it's the truth and people with physical illness need to adapt just the same. So above all look after your own health.
I'm glad to hear you quit your job actually. It gives me a little bit more hope that I might be able to do the same. I'm just not sure how I can afford to though. How are you managing that? Is someone looking after you or are you able to support yourself?
I am not well enough to cope with this much stress either. I don't know how it's all still happening. I have a mountain of work to get through today, and I haven't yet started, and I have social engagements this evening and tomorrow...
And on top of that my family were in contact yesterday because my aunt has cancer and will die soon. My mum wants to see me but doesn't seem to understand, no matter how much I explain, that seeing her would make me a lot worse. It's another area of problems which I cannot cope with. I can't comprehend that my aunt will die because it's simply too much for me to handle.
Last night I talked to the Samaritans (really need some counselling) and we came to the conclusion to not see my family, to look into changing my phone number, and to take a couple of weeks off work at the beginning of October. I'll be unemployed anyway.
Sunflower2
06-09-14, 12:09
I'm very lucky that I am going back to my old job, but even I didn't have job security I still wouldn't have stayed. I also am living at home with parents for the time being, which isn't ideal because it tends to turn me into a recluse if I don't make the effort to go out but it's for the best for now.
Do you think there is anything you can put off at all? Just to give yourself a bit of breathing space? I know how you feel about not being able to cope with things like that while in a high stress mode. My brothers fiancé was killed last summer in a car accident and for months I just shut down and refused to feel any emotions and got on with what I had to do. It was too much for me to take in all at once so I just kind of came to terms with it bit by bit in my own time. I don't know if that's a good thing or not because I developed a lot of anxiety around this time, and maybe if I'd got it all out near the beginning it would have been easier. But you do what you do!
I think some time off would be very good for you, but in my one week of unemployment I have had a bit of a relapse in my anxiety and depression because it's been like a bigger topic in my mind as I haven't been doing that much. It was also due to the stress from that job, but I think there is a fine line between taking time to relax and having too much time to think and dwell on negatives. I'm not sure about the changing numbers, it seems like that's running away from your problems a bit. I know what it's like to not have family understand, my mum and I yesterday had a maaaassive argument because I was in tears about not wanting to leave the house and she just doesn't understand why I can't pull myself together and kept asking what was wrong with me, but they're still your family and they still love you, even if it makes no sense to them. Maybe you could tell them that you're not managing with the grief of your aunt very well and would rather avoid anything related to it in the near future? People tend to understand grief a lot more than depression and anxiety.
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