Flying Stars
30-08-14, 23:26
Hi! Thought I would introduce myself and give a bit of a background which I hope some others can relate too as well.
I think I have always been a worrier about my health, but I would say it probably came to be more noticeable after my Nan passed away in 2008. Hence the trips to docs about aches and pains, UTI's etc.
I would like to think I had a wonderful childhood, but sadly all that changed when I was 14 and my Mom passed away from cancer (2005.) I'm 23 now. It was kept a secret from the family with only my Dad knowing. She never looked ill to me until near the end, so on the surface I couldn't detect anything being wrong. My Dad did an incredible job to try and look after me, my brother and nan...and my nan quickly became a 2nd mother figure. When she passed in 2008 it was a utter shock as she too had seemed so well.
I went on to bottle up my grief, had the odd bouts of (what I now know to be severe anxiety) ups and downs (fear of swallowing, throat worries, back worries etc etc) but never related them to anxiety until last year.
Fast forward to 2012 and I had constant dizziness and palpitations, I tried to think it was all to do with my Uni work. After heart scans and chest X-rays all clear the docs just told me to work on my breathing techniques and that was that, no mention of anxiety.
October last year was the turning point for me. Panic and fear struck out the blue and next min I was off to walk in clinics and docs like nobodies business, fully believing I was going to die and something was wrong with me. I had full bloods and (because I complained of stomach pain) a CA-125 test too. This was the cancer I had lost my mom too and it sent my worry through the roof not to mention my dad into depression. All other bloods were clear but this came back raised very slightly, so next min I had pelvic and abdomen us which thankfully came back clear. I had a further CA-125 in Feb of this year which then came back normal thank god so my worry subsided.
I decided to see a therapist which was a huge huge step for me and something I don't usually do! She is amazing and has really helped me understand that most of this anxiety and health worry comes from my unresolved loss.
However, I seem to have been doing well but unfortunately my health anxiety has been in full force this past few weeks and from visiting childhood places and having the stress of dealing with some solicitor matters as well as starting my training to soon become a lawyer.
My obsession has been checking my neck and around collarbone for the past few weeks and I don't really know why lol...However, I keep prodding and poking and obvs found a bumpy bone on my shoulder (top of arm joint, no pain at all, I feel well just have achy pains in shoulders/neck) yesterday....My family all think I am silly if I mention health to them, espec my dad who I just panic as he has his own problems/work to deal with. However, through panic fear/anxiety this morning I decided to mention it to him and he said I'd probs just pulled a bone slightly out of place from lifting heavy things (suitcase down stairs this week etc) but obvs the monster made me go to google which in turn has made me worse lol :((. Therefore I thought I would come here and say hello as I have often looked through the boards in the past. Thanks for reading and I hope some of you may be able to relate :) Clare x
I think I have always been a worrier about my health, but I would say it probably came to be more noticeable after my Nan passed away in 2008. Hence the trips to docs about aches and pains, UTI's etc.
I would like to think I had a wonderful childhood, but sadly all that changed when I was 14 and my Mom passed away from cancer (2005.) I'm 23 now. It was kept a secret from the family with only my Dad knowing. She never looked ill to me until near the end, so on the surface I couldn't detect anything being wrong. My Dad did an incredible job to try and look after me, my brother and nan...and my nan quickly became a 2nd mother figure. When she passed in 2008 it was a utter shock as she too had seemed so well.
I went on to bottle up my grief, had the odd bouts of (what I now know to be severe anxiety) ups and downs (fear of swallowing, throat worries, back worries etc etc) but never related them to anxiety until last year.
Fast forward to 2012 and I had constant dizziness and palpitations, I tried to think it was all to do with my Uni work. After heart scans and chest X-rays all clear the docs just told me to work on my breathing techniques and that was that, no mention of anxiety.
October last year was the turning point for me. Panic and fear struck out the blue and next min I was off to walk in clinics and docs like nobodies business, fully believing I was going to die and something was wrong with me. I had full bloods and (because I complained of stomach pain) a CA-125 test too. This was the cancer I had lost my mom too and it sent my worry through the roof not to mention my dad into depression. All other bloods were clear but this came back raised very slightly, so next min I had pelvic and abdomen us which thankfully came back clear. I had a further CA-125 in Feb of this year which then came back normal thank god so my worry subsided.
I decided to see a therapist which was a huge huge step for me and something I don't usually do! She is amazing and has really helped me understand that most of this anxiety and health worry comes from my unresolved loss.
However, I seem to have been doing well but unfortunately my health anxiety has been in full force this past few weeks and from visiting childhood places and having the stress of dealing with some solicitor matters as well as starting my training to soon become a lawyer.
My obsession has been checking my neck and around collarbone for the past few weeks and I don't really know why lol...However, I keep prodding and poking and obvs found a bumpy bone on my shoulder (top of arm joint, no pain at all, I feel well just have achy pains in shoulders/neck) yesterday....My family all think I am silly if I mention health to them, espec my dad who I just panic as he has his own problems/work to deal with. However, through panic fear/anxiety this morning I decided to mention it to him and he said I'd probs just pulled a bone slightly out of place from lifting heavy things (suitcase down stairs this week etc) but obvs the monster made me go to google which in turn has made me worse lol :((. Therefore I thought I would come here and say hello as I have often looked through the boards in the past. Thanks for reading and I hope some of you may be able to relate :) Clare x