new and scared

[sunshine27]

New and scared..allow me to introduce myself..I am recently separated, my mother, my rock moved to another state and now it's just me and my children 17, 19. I've been overly stressed to put it mildly since about January 2014. I was dealing just fine I thought, but about 3 weeks ago, I lost it. Always struggling with HA, it's never hit me like this. It started out with discomfort in my ear, which led to my lymph nodes swelling..I also have scalp psoriasis I believe as a result of stress. However I'm terrified of doctors / hospitals for fear they'll tell me I'm dying..finally got the nerve to go and was told ear infection and severe tmj and given meds.ear cleared up but still have swollen nodes. I work in a dental office so I had a night guard made to help with tmj..but my focus was on the nodes, I am obsessed to the point I had a major break down at work and my boss rushed me to his personal physician as I was hysterical. He examined me and said it was all normal lumps and bumps, but my HA, refuses to let me believe it! Since then I've diagnosed myself with every disease imaginable, and am convinced I'm dying and my children will be all alone. I'm still working but just want to hide in my house and be with my children. I rush home from work, I literally count the minutes til I'm home. I'm in a vicious cycle, in that I don't believe the doctors and refuse the meds. Had a terrible reaction. To zoloft and would rather do natural herbs and therapy. I know I'm my own worst enemy but I can't stop. I should also mention I've looked over the list of anxiety symptoms and experience nearly all of them, but am still convinced I'm dying. Sorry so long but wanted to give all details to see if anyone relates. I love that I found this forum, and am praying it gives me some peace. Thank you!

---------- Post added at 03:37 ---------- Previous post was at 02:27 ----------

I should also note, my mother swears I've carried this over from a past life, this fear of dying from a horrible disease and alone. Thoughts, anyone else ever hear of that? She firmly believes if I do past life regression therapy, I would be "cured"..

[puzzledlass]

I've got the same fear at moment, a swollen node in neck is terrifying me!

Re past life stuff... I'm not too sure I believe that we have those but who knows.
Either way I think spending time and money on the life you have now is more worthwhile.

[anthrokid]

Sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time sunshine.

It is normal for lymph nodes to swell when you have an ear infection, and lymph nodes can actually remain swollen for some time after an infection has passed. Anxiety also makes us more aware of natural body sensations and normal things we wouldn't usually notice.

I know you said you'd prefer to work through this the natural way - have you had a referral to a psychologist or therapist yet? As a training psychologist, I don't believe working through past life regression therapy would be beneficial for health anxiety. I think it would be a great idea to try some CBT or counselling therapy for some extra support. CBT is really good for treating anxiety, and it involves no medication.

[trish1955]

Hi sunshine I think most of us with HAare afraid we are dying I have been this way sin e I was 12now58 so a long time its been highs and then its been less I married raise six kids with the anxiety panic and agoraphobia and this past year I have been depressed all my kids grown ups now and family,lies of there own so seem to have to much time to fall apart now I ave test and things but never believe then there was medication I am scared of but I am giving it a go I am on fourth week I have tried over the years all natraul stuff hypnossis acupuncture EFT timeline therapy phycoligiist counciloring CBT rescue remedy massarges and struggling really bad at minute don't go out afraid to stay home lone which is making problems with my husband who is getting down because he as to be with me twenty for Severn xxx

[Oncemorewithfeeling]

At the end of the day, everyone has their own beliefs but if it's something you can find closure and calmness from, then it would definitely be worth a try.

Things like reiki, meditation, tai chi etc are really great for relaxation. Finding what works for you is a great tool even if it just gives you a short break from constant anxiety, otherwise you just end up exhausted.

[HalfJack]

I firmly believe that anyone with anxiety can be "cured", to an extent, provided they find the right therapy/therapies. Finding the right one is never going to be an instant cure, and it will likely be a few different methods together :)
Let us know how you get on with past life progression! I've heard of it before but only on TV.

Regarding HA my big issue was focus. Learning to deal with panic attacks was great but I still focused on my health all the time and that was fuelling the panic! When I learned how to rationalise, relax, distract and then prevent/deal with panic my HA melted away. I still feel it now and again but its no big deal anymore.

It's important to address these things in your own time and when you're ready but perhaps consider trusting a Dr and trying medication as things to work towards one day. Glad you found us! :hugs:

[SelfLoathing]

Hi Sunshine

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

I recognise so much of what you are saying. My health anxiety started about six months before I seperated from my husband. I had a health scare which turned out to be anxiety due to being in a very abusive marriage. It hit me then that if I died, my children would be left to the devices of an extremely manipulative and feckless father.

I live in dread that something bad will happen to me, and they will lose the only stability they have in their lives. I feel liek I constantly let them down. My children are teenagers now too. And I find myself shutting myself away from everyone bar them, just like you.

You have been through a lot of upheaval, and this will take its toll. I would dearly love to give you some advice, but as I am struggling to cope myself, it would probably be useless. I just wanted you to know that I completely understand your fears, you are not alone. There are some wonderful people on here, try to keep talking.


:hugs: x

[sunshine27]

Thank you for all the responses, it was wonderful to see positive messages this morning when my anxiety tends to be off the charts! I am currently looking into cbt in my area. I too believe in past life, but am to afraid to explore it as I think it would send my HA into a tailspin. Again I thank you all, and this forum. I actually slept pretty Well after releasing it to people who "get it"..I feel safe here!