Lack of support [Archive]

Avasmummy_x

31-08-14, 10:56

Anyone families and friends just don't get what your going through. Me and my partner of nearly 4years are on the verge of breaking up as he says he can't take being with someone who is ill and complaining there ill everyday. Which I completely understand. My mum says she doesn't want to hear it if I'm feeling ill as she says I'm making it up OR looking for attention. She often says I want something to be wrong with me and I wish she'd understand that is the last thing I want I just want to know what is wrong with me!

My dad suffers with bad anxiety and health anxiety too and he always tells me it's just my anxiety. I sometimes feel like I'm not aloud to be ill anymore. If I had a 24hr bug what would they say? Oh don't be silly that's your anxiety? So frustrating and I feel very alone. Which is the last thing I want when I keep telling myself I'm terminally ill, I never tell them that though or they would call me a hypochondriac ( I hate that degrading word so much )

Serenity1990

31-08-14, 11:18

Tbh I've kept my issues to myself, so this isn't a problem I've had; though people do know something's up.

In your situation I'd probably tell your partner you understand, and that you're sorry for putting him through stress, and perhaps offer to do something now (like CBT or something similar) to try and fix your issues to save the relationship.

Avasmummy_x

31-08-14, 13:44

KeeKee

31-08-14, 16:56

Avasmummy, I feel the same way.
I have even been ridiculed for it, 'you think everything is wrong with you', 'are you seriously worried about that'.
I have also had depression for 7 years and feel I have had no support with that either. My partner isn't too bad so I am lucky in that respect, but had I not been the mother of his child I truly feel he would have left by now :-(
It's awful when the people who could help the most, won't, can't or have no idea how to.

mr benn

31-08-14, 17:27

Avasmummy - you are truly not alone. My wife has never shown any sympathy or really tried to help me with my anxiety , and health worries. I know its bad, but they just cant see how much they could help us if showed some level of interest / sympathy / help. I guess we have all heard the 'pull yourself togthor' , 'its all in the mind', and every illness is attributed to anxiety.

And therein lies another issue - knowing when you ahve a non-anxiety related illness or not. For the last 12 months Ive kept having giddy type motions, and legs wobbly - and the doc just works on the theory its anxiety related. But the symptoms are typical anxiety ones, but i cant get out of the cycle of feeling bad, worrying , feeling bad.

Avas - its very hard. My marriage is getting closer to the brink. And im the opposite to you - im the male . Im not sure how i would now survive on my own with my anxiety. I know I couldnt hold down another serious relationship as Im sure most women wouldnt tolerate it, and that I understand. Maybe I should meet up with a lady who also suffers with healh / anxiety , and we can symapthise with each other !

Katie_cupcakes

31-08-14, 22:16

I can't offer much advice, but I can empathise with you. I frequently get told 'it's all in your head', ' you're obsessed with your body', ' you want something to be wrong with you'

I can understand that people don't understand, but it is frustrating when all you want is for someone to listen to you and everyone just fobs you off with really unhelpful comments like that.

That's why I like this site. It's the only place where folk actually totally sympathise and know what you're going through. Coming here is kind of like my comfort blanket.

laurenn

31-08-14, 22:19

My father tells me that I am ruining the family and that I am going to end up in a mental hospital. He doesn't get it and shouts in my face telling me to snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for myself. I try to carry on with normal things but he just doesn't understand how hard it is for me. He tells me I need to get a life and grow up. I wish it was as easy as he thinks!!!

Flying Stars

31-08-14, 22:45

Hi, although I can't offer any real advice I do sympathise. My dad hasn't been able to understand my stuff but tries his best, but only so much I can keep putting on him health anxiety wise that he doesn't know how to properly handle it and get angry...to everyone else I try and act as normal as possible, and I get away with it. Hate this health anxiety though and feel for you all.

swanick15

01-09-14, 04:34

The only person who actually knows the reality of my anxiety order is my GP. I think other people can't comprehend how HA actually affects people.

blueangel

01-09-14, 10:59

The only person who actually knows the reality of my anxiety order is my GP. I think other people can't comprehend how HA actually affects people.

And to be fair, I don't think you can understand unless you have been there yourself.

I've seen this from both sides; I have had anxiety and/or depression for long periods in my life, and I've also lived with people with the same problems, and it's really hard.

Whether we like it or not, we are difficult to live with when we are in this sort of state! For that reason, I've always tried hard not to "download" my problems on to my nearest and dearest - with the best will in the world, they're not professionals.

mr benn

01-09-14, 14:45

I guess we all get frustrated when those that love us seem to not try and help us. My wife has never sympathised with my illness, and now even blames me for all the anxiety traits my daughter is showing. She has started to threaten that she will leave me if I don't pull myself together - well that's really helped my recovery !
I understand it must be horrible seeing your loved one looking depressed and miserable, but surely you do whats right to try and help them.
Even these days, there is a general ignorance about mental illnesses. We have plenty of friends who haven't had holidays as one of them have physical illnesses, and they accept that. But because I don't feel like travelling I get all sorts of bad things said to me.