anxiety causing relationship problems (early mid 20s)

[Mezzo]

We've been together for about 2 years and it's always been fine, no problems, he is a wonderful man. He has spent 2 weeks at my house and it sent me absolutely crazy, I was crying in his presence for the majority of the time and worst of all I kept feeling so indifferent towards him and lying awake at night next to him wondering if I even still loved him at all. At the same time knowing I REALLY don't want to break up and that he's someone who is so perfect for me.
I have anxiety and depression and I often feel like I'm behind some plastic when talking to other people because I just don't feel as though I can connect, and this with my boyfriend felt almost like an extension of that. There were some good moments but a lot of the time I just felt so wrong and unhappy. It was easiest when I was not alone with him, which makes me feel like an awful girlfriend. But at the same time I am always very upset that he might not be having a good time, and that I'm failing him and not being entertaining and stuff like that, so it's not that I am indifferent towards him, I think maybe just very anxious to please him and it's blocking everything else out, I don't know.
I don't know what to do, I think it is the mental illness making it hard to feel anything 'real' but it is really bothering me as I have never felt this bad around him before. He is the person I see myself with in the future, he knows about all my mental illness issues and is very supportive but I don't know how much I can ask him to take, especially after these new strange feelings - almost lack of feelings.
editing for more info: not on any medication and not in any treatment. I feel similarly when I go out with friends, i .e. I'm not really fully 'connecting' with them. I guess in my head I have some idea that the 'true love' sort of relationship should be able to bypass all this head stuff but I also don't really subscribe to the idea of 'true love' and I believe even great relationships need work. I don't mind the work but I don't know what I should even be working on, other than fixing my head, but I am not sure how fixed I can even get. I think some derealization may also be at play here and possibly to blame for my muted reactions to surroundings and relationships.

[Oosh]

I think I can relate.

I have always had social anxiety and was generally crippled by inhibition, self consciousness and performance anxiety by default.
It can leave you numb.

I actively tried to see my partners in different ways to make me feel differently, more useful feelings.

I found it helps to think who they are, what they've been through, maybe how is that similair to me. What do I like about them. It creates empathy and feelings of sameness between you.

We used to go on hikes alone together. The being alone for a long period together and the mood boost from the exercise, I found, brought about lots of positive changes in me. I felt we connected most positively when we did this. I saw her in different ways that stuck with me.

I think if you, by default, feel these things you describe you really have to try and actively work at changing your perspective and state.

If it's depression , you can lift it with exercise.
If it's performance anxiety you can lift it with empathy and seeing the person.

Laughing together and liking things about them is a massive way to make a connection. Picture him in funny ways when you're with him. Picture daft things happening to him that would make you laugh. Then feel that laughter in your belly and feel it chase all that gloom and Indifference away.

Here is a man who's the same as you in lots of ways. He has (maybe) suffered in similair ways to you. He wants to be loved and liked like you do. He doesn't want to be hurt. He's been so nice to you. And now you're picturing him looking silly and wanting to laugh at him and give him a hug at the same time !

Work at it. If I was able to shake it all off I reckon you can too. Use your imagination, use hiking together, you can shift it :)

[lior]

I felt like this sometimes too with my ex.

I haven't got a good solution but I think I could have done better by asking him for more feedback about how he was feeling. He felt he had to support me all the time and that I wouldn't listen to him, so he didn't communicate any problems to me... so by the time he did talk to me, it was too late. Of course I would have listened to him if he had any issues. I had no idea that he had certain issues. In the past I always asked him to talk to me if there were ever any problems, but I guess I should have said that more frequently towards the end.

I was in a critical condition (depression) and his going off and kissing other people made me paranoid. He broke up with me because he couldn't handle my being upset with him for his wrongdoing. Hopefully your problems with this guy aren't as bad as that :)