View Full Version : Getting there slowly....
I'm just popping a little message on here as a way of venting I guess so sorry if my post isn't really relevant to anything.
Recently I have decided to face my anxiety head-on and spoke to the doctor - he said that it was probably down to a change in environment as it coincided with me moving to London and starting a new job.
I have been referred for CBT and in the mean-time am working on an online course, journalling and muscle relaxation - in all honesty I am feeling better but I can feel the worry creeping back in.
I had a really busy weekend so still feeling really tired and dazed which isn't helping, although, this weekend I did start to feel more myself again which is fantastic - but tinged with a hint of the old 'what if...' sadness.
I have an xray on my hip on Wednesday and hopefully they won't find anything then it will be a long long road to recovery...
Has anyone who has gotten through this experienced this weird 'inbetween' stage -kind of anxious but almost there??
Any advice on how to work through it would be fab :) xx
Rosiebee87
01-09-14, 11:41
Hiya, think I am where you are right now. Sort of inbetween. I'm just trying to get through the days, distracting my mind as much as possible, not letting my mind wonder and giving it time... Also going to go over more cbt stuff online later.
When are you going for your cbt? I have my assessment on the 3rd, although I've been told the waiting list for health anxiety in particular is a long one in my area so god knows how long I will be waiting. Can't wait though think it will really help x
Absolutely! This is great news! Keep working friend you are almost there!
Yeah, it definitely sounds like we are in the same place with it all... which CBT stuff are you using?
I feel asif some days in sorted and fine but today I'm back to freaking over cervical cancer even though my smear test three weeks ago was normal :(.
I'm waiting for a phone assessment from the NHS IAPT service in Lewisham but I think it will be a long wait too!
What about you?
xxx
Rosiebee87
01-09-14, 12:09
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=53
That's the one I've been using. Do you know of anymore?
Ah the cervical fear. I've been there, I actually had abnormal cells too which went back to normal so have mine every 6 months. Thankfully this isn't one of my fears as I feel in on top of it getting my smears.
Think you need to relax if it came back clear, although I know harder said than done, but think we need to start believing these health professionals. They are there to look after us after all.
Then again, I had a breast ultrasound in march/April which came back fine and am going for another in 2 weeks so I'm just as bad :doh: x
Female healthanxiety
01-09-14, 12:22
You will be fine darling x I promise you that :yesyes:
When you are already anxious and then have something else to think about you feel even more distracted with your thoughts!
You are doing FANTASTIC and I am very proud of how well you have been doing xx:bighug1:
Hi Jj2014
I think this is part of the recovery process. You may have days when you think you are over the HA, but it's still early days,and you have to gradually undo the way you've been thinking.
Keep doing the CBT and don't be dismayed if you do have a few blips. This is what I keep telling myself, really blipping at the moment due to exposure therapy. Keep going ladies. :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 12:31 ---------- Previous post was at 12:29 ----------
How are you feeling Female HA ? You are sounding upbeat. :)
Female healthanxiety
01-09-14, 14:38
Hello Primula,
Thank you for asking :-)
I am feeling 60% better I would say - actually managed to go and get some lunch today - which I was unable to do last week - but still feeling dizzy, when I stand for longer then a minute....
How are you doing with the exposure work? xxx:winks:
Finding the exposure very hard, but will keep doing it. :ohmy:
Thank you ladies - hopefully we will get through all this soon enough.
Rosiebee- We definitely need to start believing the doctors, I know how hard it is but you are so right when you say they are there to look after us!!
And Karina thanks so much :). WE can get through this :) :)!!!
Primula - well done on keeping going with the exposure, it will work eventually :)
xxx
Female healthanxiety
01-09-14, 16:35
Yes of course we will! :-) we have each other for the bad days and also the good
:yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yesyes:
We do :) - definitely!!
I am having a bit of a new issue though.. I'm scared of terrorism.
I was on a bus through central last night and made my boyfriend go and sit downstairs with me because I thought the woman behind me was an Isis bride about to behead me... she was actually a little old lady on her way to Oxford Street.
I can't avoid central london forever - I need to go through it to see my friends!!!
Any advice? I'm actually going mad!!
xx
Yes it's lovely to have a group of like minded people to talk to. Keep posting ladies, and anyone else who wants to join in. :hugs:
I thought the woman behind me was an Isis bride about to behead me... she was actually a little old lady on her way to Oxford Street.
Glad to see you're making some headway with your HA. Concerning the fear of ISIS?... I think all you need to do is read what you wrote and that should definitely help :)
BUT ..... Beware of Gangs of Old Ladies! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uel1vfAQ52M)
Positive thoughts
Female healthanxiety
01-09-14, 17:08
It is just panic my lovely - I promise - I get like that on buses/trains all of the time - deep breaths COME ON.....XXX
No your not going mad silly! Just hyper-sensitive, THAT IS ALL and it is completly NORMAL XXX
I have not had a chance to whatsap you today as I have had people on my tail all day - will sap you at 5.30 as soon as I come out of here xxxx
---------- Post added at 17:08 ---------- Previous post was at 17:07 ----------
FYI....I am like that when I am in central London and I AM from London!!!! xxxx
It is just the busiest place this is why your anxiety is heightened - That's all! xxx
Remember, Isis was the goddess of health, marriage, and love centuries before it ever became a terrorist group ;) And now that you know that, isn't it a stupid name for a terrorist group? Ohhh the irony! ;)
Positive thoughts
Thanks everyone and LOL!!! Fishmanpa, I love your video!
I think I am just on 'high-alert' with everything atm - my CBT workbooks did warn me about this.
I have an xray on my hip tomorrow, if all is clear I'm determined to do everything I can to overcome this.
How's everyone else doing today?
xxx
Female healthanxiety
02-09-14, 11:15
Hello Hun,
Can't check my phone as at work and have eyes on me :mad:
I am positive you will be OK after you scan hun - you have the big-A leading up to the event and nerves are completely normal - even for those without HA....
Did you have an early night last night? you feeling better today?
I'm having a bad day today - feeling dizzy - but then I went sleep at 1.30 and woke up at 7.30 xxx
Thanks everyone and LOL!!! Fishmanpa, I love your video!
I think I am just on 'high-alert' with everything atm - my CBT workbooks did warn me about this.
I have an xray on my hip tomorrow, if all is clear I'm determined to do everything I can to overcome this.
How's everyone else doing today?
xxx
Good luck for tomorrow. I'm sure all will be fine.
No too good myself, had a cold a few weeks ago, and now feeling achy and run down again. Of course my HA is telling me stories, but I keep talking back and saying to myself, I'm run down because of this prolonged stress.
Hello Hun,
Can't check my phone as at work and have eyes on me :mad:
I am positive you will be OK after you scan hun - you have the big-A leading up to the event and nerves are completely normal - even for those without HA....
Did you have an early night last night? you feeling better today?
I'm having a bad day today - feeling dizzy - but then I went sleep at 1.30 and woke up at 7.30 xxx
Ohno :(!! Seems like work is dead busy for you this week!!
Thank you, I am fairly confident it'll be okay - and yeah, I think I probably am anxious cause I have the run coming up as I seem to be worrying about everything and not just health.
I did, kind of, but didn't sleep great as I'd got myself wound up and a friend was having a drama so will try again tonight.
Aww no, it will probably be the lack of sleep making you worse, as you said it always affects your anxiety - tea and biscuits is the way forward :yesyes:
Primula - sorry to hear you're not well, I'm feeling a bit coldy too so obviously it is an underlying disease getting worse :doh: Are you keeping yourself busy today? I might stop those naughty thoughts from creeping up on you!!
xxx
Yes trying to keep busy. I'm in work, so trying to distract myself. The urge to seek reassurance is strong, but I am resisting.
Ooh Hello ladies and Fishmanpa ha! Been up North for a week and did not know my password so could not contribute. Good to be back and glad everyone seems relatively good:)
Lucia x
Heyy Lucia!
How was your trip?!
How are you doing?
Welcome back :)! Xxx
It was great. Seven days visiting friends and family without any worry - oh a teeny bit. On day one I tried a top on and my hand slipped and I touched my boob and for a brief minute I was like "well that's it, I've spoilt my holiday, what am I gonna do?" reply "what your gonna do is get dressed, tell yourself once that you didn't feel anything, and go and get some Yorkshire puddings with your mum - simples" When my cousins toddler hit me in the boob - all good. When my uncle hugged me tight - all good.
When I was bad I used to try to pull myself together by thinking that everybody had problems and they managed. However, not a day goes past now without me realising that having severe anxiety and depression is debilitating in a realm of its own. Tomorrow with my given mindset I could miss the alarm, miss the bus, loose my keys, get shit on my shoes, burn the tea, rip my blouse, get stuck in a lift and it wouldn't come near to 30 minutes of how I used to feel!!
Anyway..... ha how are you me dear?:D
Rosiebee87
03-09-14, 08:30
Hi everyone, glad to hear everyone is doing ok!
I have my cbt assessment later this afternoon, I feel this dark cloud keeps coming and going. It's worse in first thing in the morning, and I keep myself really busy during the day to push it away.
It's worrying me a little bit, has my health anxiety caused depression now? I don't know? But I'm having a constant battle in my head trying to push this detached sadness feeling away. And I can do it, last night I watched TV really relaxed. It's back again this morning though... :doh:
---------- Post added at 08:30 ---------- Previous post was at 08:18 ----------
I'm on day 15 of sertraline now too.. Think they are helping take the edge off my health anxiety as I'm finding the mind power to dismiss aches twinges etc and have cut my scanning down loads. So I know I'm winning the battle of my health anxiety worries, (at the moment) just this stupid dark cloud it's left me with I need to shift!! X
It was great. Seven days visiting friends and family without any worry - oh a teeny bit. On day one I tried a top on and my hand slipped and I touched my boob and for a brief minute I was like "well that's it, I've spoilt my holiday, what am I gonna do?" reply "what your gonna do is get dressed, tell yourself once that you didn't feel anything, and go and get some Yorkshire puddings with your mum - simples" When my cousins toddler hit me in the boob - all good. When my uncle hugged me tight - all good.
When I was bad I used to try to pull myself together by thinking that everybody had problems and they managed. However, not a day goes past now without me realising that having severe anxiety and depression is debilitating in a realm of its own. Tomorrow with my given mindset I could miss the alarm, miss the bus, loose my keys, get shit on my shoes, burn the tea, rip my blouse, get stuck in a lift and it wouldn't come near to 30 minutes of how I used to feel!!
Anyway..... ha how are you me dear?:D
Well done you - this is such good news and so glad you enjoyed your break :)!!
I'm not too bad thanks, having an x-ray on my hip today so a bit worrisome this week - also feeling some pain in my lower tummy and a bit extra discharge and trying not to fall into the cervical cancer trap as I've recently had an examination, ultrasound and smear - all came back normal so I don't know why I'm freaking out :(.
Feeling quite down today actually :wacko:
Does anyone have any tips on how to convince ourselves to believe the docs?
xx
---------- Post added at 09:12 ---------- Previous post was at 08:59 ----------
Hi everyone, glad to hear everyone is doing ok!
I have my cbt assessment later this afternoon, I feel this dark cloud keeps coming and going. It's worse in first thing in the morning, and I keep myself really busy during the day to push it away.
It's worrying me a little bit, has my health anxiety caused depression now? I don't know? But I'm having a constant battle in my head trying to push this detached sadness feeling away. And I can do it, last night I watched TV really relaxed. It's back again this morning though... :doh:
---------- Post added at 08:30 ---------- Previous post was at 08:18 ----------
I'm on day 15 of sertraline now too.. Think they are helping take the edge off my health anxiety as I'm finding the mind power to dismiss aches twinges etc and have cut my scanning down loads. So I know I'm winning the battle of my health anxiety worries, (at the moment) just this stupid dark cloud it's left me with I need to shift!! X
Hi Rosie!!
I'm always worse first thing too - I tend to wake up and instantly think about what could be wrong. My boyfriend is a gem at getting me up most days though :).
I know how you feel, I was worried about depression and mentioned it to my doctor who has referred me to CBT but I'm going to see him for xray results next week so think I'll have more of a chat with him them as it is getting me quite down.
Well done on managing to relax last night :) - maybe keeping ourselves busy in the morning by getting straight up and making a more complex breakfast or something fun like a smoothie would help??
Good luck with your assessment - let us know how it goes :).
Great news that the meds are working :) - you're so nearly there girl, you can do it!!
:yahoo:
Hi ladies,
I'm afraid I'm not doing too well at the moment. Having a huge blip, I'm just not feeling well at the moment. Had a cold two weeks ago, and now I feel like I'm coming down with something again. Horrible aches and pains, that are not doing my HA any good. I know that rationally this is happening because the prolonged anxiety is exhausting me and making me more susceptible to any virus going around, but my HA brain is having a field day, and saying horrible things to me.
At the moment I feel nothing works, the sertraline doesn't seem to work, and neither does the cbt. This has been going on for seven months now, I want to be me again.
Any words of encouragement would be much appreciated.
Luc glad to hear you are doing well. X
Female healthanxiety
03-09-14, 09:48
Oh my Primula,
I am sorry to hear.
A cold, or any related attack to your immune system always makes you feel like you have been hit by a truck and can make you feel so weak and not yourself!
Look - if you are coming down with something (which sounds like maybe flu due to your cold) you are bound to feel like this -- it's normal but not nice.
Tell you HA to DO ONE! and say look - I am allowed to be ill every now and then it is completely normal...
In the meantime - Lempsip, nurofen and rest is what you need, oh yes and a big cuddle! xxxxx
Stop being so hard on yourself xxx
Thanks FHA, you're right, I am allowed to feel ill now and again, without it being something serious. I will tell my health anxiety to 'do one'. Ha ha I like that :)
Rosiebee87
03-09-14, 09:55
Thankfully I have a 3 and 1 year old keeping me on my toes and my house has never looked so clean ha ha busy busy busy.
I will definitely let you know how my assessment goes. I'm looking forward to it actually. Hope I don't cry!!
My mum offered to treat me to get my hair cut after but I don't know if I'm able to just sit there looking at myself in the mirror and not take this cloud with me. Told her I would think about it.
Oh as for believing the doctors, a tip Luc gave me was to write down the test you had done on paper and tick it off as normal results and underline it. I have left my list on my drawers and it catches my eye from time to time and helps me snap out of isn't doubts I have x
Female healthanxiety
03-09-14, 10:00
Keep telling yourself this!
Relax, Recoup and Repair.....
Good Luck Rosie x
Good luck with the assessment Rosiebee, it doesn't matter if you do cry, a good cry can do wonders. Looking forward to hearing how it went. :)
Rosiebee87
03-09-14, 10:01
Hi primula,
Like it's says on cbt our body's are like old banger cars and sometimes we can become poorly. Go with it, plenty of water, food and put something you enjoy watching on the TV. Give it a 2 week window and if no better see your doc but allow your body time to recover properly first and try and help your mind by not allowing bad thoughts get to you. Let them bounce off you. You know you are fine deep down.
Keep busy if you have the energy to.. Write a Xmas gift list or something. Anything just don't sit and ponder. Hugs xxx
Remember we all have our good and bad days, it's normal x
Aww ladies, it is so nice to be able to share our experiences like this :).
Primula - it's just a cold, nothing else, so many people I know are suffering with them recently - give yourself time to relax, sleep and plenty of fluids will have you right as rain as soon as possible :).
Rosiebee - great tip on the tests, I'll do myself a list later on.
I want to cry today, I'm scared sick of cervical cancer but we can get through this - I know we can.
xxx
Female healthanxiety
03-09-14, 10:17
It is nice :-)
Let's all have a cry at lunch today!
xxx
Thanks everyone, it does help having people with similar problems, although I wish none of us had to go through this. Hope all goes well for you too FJ. :)
Yes let's all have good cry.
Hey hey! How's the day worked out for everyone?
I hope you're all feeling better!!
I had my xray and was really freaking out, shaking, as the guy before me was sent down to a&e but the radiographer said she certainly couldn't see anything wrong that would stop me running this weekend so I guess that means nothing serious! So relieved!!
I called my mum after and realised how emotionally drained I am.. ive had so many tests and not a single diagnosis so now its cbt all the way!
So glad I have this forum for support! Xx
Female healthanxiety
03-09-14, 17:20
OMG - I thought today was Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG
I am going to message you when I finish work - see my head is all over the place!
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOOO happy to read your results are fine (not that I didn't know already, but more-so for the fact that you can now move on - AND I MEAN MOVE ON Chick!!!! xxx:yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::bighug1:
Aww bless you... But good news.. You're a day closer to the weekend than you thought! Waheey!!
Thank you lovely :)!! I'm really pleased!!!
I'm planning on moving on - I've had all clear everything so I have no reason not too just need to tell my anxiety brain that :)!!
Nearly home time for you yayyy! Xxx
Female healthanxiety
03-09-14, 17:26
Reading your news gave me goosebumps!
Bless you - I bet you are so happy?!
Yes I know - 5 minutes and counting!!!
I think you should have a cheeky glass tonight - I will join you xxx
Rosiebee87
03-09-14, 20:45
Great news fj2014 :yesyes:
Really pleased for you.
Primula how you feeling now?
I had my assessment, therapist was lovely. I couldn't stop talking, seemed to have so much to say. But anyway it lasted about 45 minutes and she thinks recent events in my life have played a bit part in my HA and depression (still not sure if I'm depressed) but she said living in fear of your mortality can definitely bring on feelings of low mood. Obviously. She thinks the cloud could be lingering because I'm scared of what's round the corner - like another health fear. Kind of makes sense as I have dipped a few times.
Anyway first we are going to work on my 'low mood' then address health anxiety. I told her any task she sets me I am willing to give 100% as I really want to get better.
I have been given 2 books, 1 on HA and 1 on depression.
I have to go through both and find a starting point for my cbt which starts in about 2 weeks.
Feeling quite positive. Going through the health anxiety one now.
Hope you are all feeling ok. Tomorrow is a new day :hugs:
That's great Rosie. You are doing all the right things and I am sure that your relationship with HA will be short lived.
Fiona, glad to here scan went well. Your cervical cancer worries may lessen now that you are a bit more relaxed. If not, write that list, make them ticks big, highlight them if need be. Visualise them boxes and as soon as any cc thought comes into your mind bring that image up. Visualise me saying that with those tests you do not have cc. I have, dark hair, freckles and big boobs. Don't worry I have an image of all of you ladies for reference when I'm having a moment ha !!
Primula I hope you are feeling a bit better
LUCIA xxx
Thank you so much ladies :)!! You're all fab!!
Rosie - great news, you sounds so positive and I love it :)!!
Lucia - Hahahha, your post made me laugh! Thanks so much for that ... I'm more likely to have a spot of cystitis from drinking too much wine and not enough water over the weekend!
I will conjure you up when I'm worried!
I'd love to know what your image of me is like.. I'm little with mousey hair and a big grin! Lol!!!
Xxx
You were fair and tall so I've reinvented you - for some reason you now have a little basin haircut.... never mind.....:hugs:
Hi Rosiebee, that sounds very positive with your counsellor.
I saw my counsellor yesterday, and explained I was finding the exposure really difficult. She said to hold off on it for a while, and that it's not the only way to get better, although she says some therapists swear by it.
I'm going to put in to practise the tips I've just read in cpe1978 excellent post. I'm going to limit the amount of time I spend on the internet, so may not login on here for a while. Good luck everyone:)
That post is fantastic - the internet (even here when people post symptoms/horror stories) is overwhelming - I need to stay off too but when I work on a computer all day it's hard.
I am having another slog today as I constantly feel in pain in my vagina (sorry) and stomach and legs.
I'm going to wait it out and see if it goes away on it's own before running to a doc.
Best of luck Primula - hope to hear from you soonish :) xxx
Rosiebee87
04-09-14, 13:57
Good luck primula, do what you need to do to get more positive. We are all entitled to our up and down days. All part of recovery.
Fj2014 another iffy day for me too, stupid tingling itching inside my left breast needs to do one. It's been on and off since march. Seems to be my main trigger. Not checking or prodding though!!
Have been doing my cbt trying to bring my anxiety down.
On a brighter note the dark cloud has gone away today. Don't feel depressed so far anyway!!
Stay strong girls (and busy!) x
Hey Rosie!!
Sorry to hear you're having an off day too but well done on the CBT and no poking and prodding.
Mine seems to be pelvic pain which i think is IBS as no tests have shown anything and my friend, a dietitian, has similar issues so I trust her judgement when it comes to gastro stuff.
So glad your cloud has gone though :) - I think mine is leaving as (as silly as it sounds) I am getting songs stuck in my head again :)!!!
Stay happy :) xxxx
Rosiebee87
09-09-14, 19:42
How we doing ladies? Good I hope!
I had a trip to London to visit relatives weekend just gone. New baby in the family so was plenty to distract my mind on the Saturday. Woke up on the Sunday with a wobble though so had one good day and one bad.
Yesterday and today however, I can honestly say I have been 99% back to my old self. The itch in my breast has completely gone. Maybe they are part of my anxiety cycle..
I'm on week 3 of medication now so maybe they have contributed to my 'recovery'. I have also been reading through my cbt books.
Long may it continue. But one day at a time...
X
Heyy Rosie :)!
Glad to hear how well you're doing - Aww I bet the baby did keep you busy :)!
I'm not doing so bad thanks, was up doing the great north run over the weekend - i went to uni in Newcastle so it felt like home and the event was amazing so I am feeling more positive aside from some problems 'down there'
Just a bit of pain and cystitisy type symptoms but it's been around for a week now and is starting to stress me out as I don't know what it is!
I might go and see a doc tomorrow if it doesn't improve!
How's the rest of you getting on?
Xxx
I'm not as bad as I was a few weeks ago. Last night I had a blip, my throat and head started aching and my back, don't know why, but it threw me in to complete panic. Started catastrophising thinking oh no, this could be something serious. The rational side of me said, this is just panic, and you are feeling run down, because of all the months of anxiety your body has been feeling.
I've found keeping off the internet for a bit helps a lot. Sometimes you can be looking for some new shoes, before you know it you're googling cancer again. Internet is a blessing and a curse, it can become a bad habit.
My anxiety is also up a bit because I have a big hol coming up in 3 wks, going to Hong Kong to visit friends, booked it when I was feeling good. I still want to go, but I'm panicking that I will spoil it all with this anxiety.
Anyway, I feel better for writing that down,
Hope everyone else is improving. :)
Rosiebee87
10-09-14, 10:36
Primula, definitely go Hong Kong. It's your anxiety that is making you not want to go so face it head on and do it for your 'normal' self. Anything to distract yourind is good in the long run. Maybe my trip away at the weekend done me the world of good. Like you, I didn't want to go either but so glad I did!
Fj2014 keep in mind you have had your sneer test. I had mine over a year ago so I have more chance of having something wrong down there than you have. Am I worried? No. Sensations down there are common as are cramps etc. all part of being female.
I think you need to hold off from seeing your doctor drink loads of water and cranberry juice and give it another week. Maybe get some caneston cream.
I had cystitis and thrush when I moved house, could be stress and anxiety can cause all sorts of funny symptoms and maybe this is one of yours. Like an itchy breast is mine.
Hugs ladies, try and switch off today and get some sunshine on your faces xxx
Thanks for that lovely message Rosiebee. I will go to HK if I have to crawl on to the plane. I''m sure the anticipation is worse than things will actually be. So glad you are sounding well.
Fj2014, I agree with Rosiebee, I would give it another week before rushing to doc. HA makes us focus in on things and exaggerate them, just like I did last night. Try to focus outwards, and enjoy this lovely weather we are having.
Love to everyone xx
I definitely wrote a reply to this .. not sure where it’s gone!! Lol.
Thanks ladies – I’ve now got two litres of Cranberry juice under my desk (special offer –woohoo) and am going to wait at least a week to see if it all dies down.
Got a pain in my thigh atm though which I know can be connected but I’m hoping this might mean the infection is moving about and going away?? If that’s even a thing that happens.
Rosie – I definitely think you’re right – my HA kicked off with a bad UTI when I first moved to London for a new job so it does feel completely like a cycle which I’m trying to break.
Primula – Hong Kong will do you the world of good – I only went to Newcastle for the night and I came back feeling so refreshed.
I definitely think waiting to go is the worst part but I’m sure your anxiety will disappear while you’re there!!
We all seem to be getting somewhere ladies and it’s fantastic – keep it up
Lots of love xxx
---------- Post added at 16:19 ---------- Previous post was at 15:25 ----------
On another note ladies - I feel sad – anxiety makes me feel so selfish.
On Monday my boyfriend had an interview and before saying good luck I said I might need to go to the doctors/gyno that night.
The poor guy is going through so much with exams, interviews and work pressure and I can’t even help – TMI but we’ve not had sex for months and that’s because I’m scared it will bleed or hurt and set me off .
He’s been so so supportive recently and now I just feel incredibly sad that I can’t do the same for him.
Just wanted to vent xxx
Why not take a deep breath, and give it a try, try some lubricant to make things easier, and take it slowly and gently. Even if you do have slight bleeding, it will only be as a result of friction. You've had a clear smear, and a full internal examination, so you know that all is ok. Go on give it a go, you'll feel better once you do. :yesyes:
Haha, thanks Primula - I'm sure I will eventually.
I really need your help ladies - I am in so much pain today with whatever this is - it is burning down there, I feel like I can feel discharge coming out, weeing hurts like hell and now I'm terrified I'm going to come on my period early/bleed which i shouldn't due to my pill.
You're all going to kill me for saying this but I feel like I need to go to the drs and rule out cervical issues.
I just want it to go away - I don't feel strong at all today :(.
Rosiebee87
11-09-14, 14:15
Breathe!!
Cervical issues would have been picked up on your smeer so rule that one out.
Sounds like reoccurring cystitis. The doc will probably give you antibiotics.
Discharge is normal too!
If you have a period - that's also ok! Stress is probably messing up your normal bodily functions right now so things may be abit out of the ordinary.
I'm wanting my period so bad. Came off the depo injection last month and just want my cycle to get back to normal now. Although probably won't happen due to my recent stress lol xx
---------- Post added at 14:10 ---------- Previous post was at 14:08 ----------
Keep busy. No pondering, staring into space and googling!!
X
---------- Post added at 14:15 ---------- Previous post was at 14:10 ----------
Just a little update on me; I'm still doing great. Tiny wobbles now and then but I just keep busy and distract my mind. Itchy breast been fine since Monday :)
Have taken my daughter nursery this week, she started on Tuesday and parents have to stay with them for a couple if sessions till they stay on their own next week and it felt amazing to be engaged and play with her. No silly worries over my head.
I also got my hair cut today!
Progress... It can be done. Just keep on with the cbt and keep your mind busy as possible. Force yourself to do the things you don't want to xx
Thanks Rosie – I was doing so so well and now I’m freaking out – I need to learn to trust this smear, not sure why there is such a barrier there!!!! I was lucky to get one at 24 anyway along with a full exam and a gyno I can contact via email so I need to have faith.
Just going to keep on with the cranberry and lots of water and hope it all passes.
Aww I hope your comes soon – I remember when I came off the pill before waiting and waiting – nightmare!!
I haven’t googled but you’re so right with the staring into space – it’s mad!!
I’m so glad you’re doing so well - sounds like you’ve had a lovely time with your daughter – and a haircut!! Busy day!!
I’m attempting to write a story I’ve been putting off to keep my mind busy but dreading going home tonight cause that’s when I’m worst (mainly cause I don’t like my houseshare) BUT I will read some CBT books, cook and clean to distract myself.
Thanks again for the advice.
xxx
Beckie4567
11-09-14, 15:48
Wish me luck my appointment for my results is at 6:20 don't wana go I've been a wreck all day :(
Good luck Beckie – let us know how it goes but I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Are you doing anything for your anxiety? It’s clearly becoming quite a problem whilst you’re waiting for your results x
Hi ladies,
Rosie it is like listening to a different person than 2 months ago - lovely to here you are doing so well. Fiona you are doing well too, what is probably cystitis is just getting you down and playing on you HA fears. I used to phone the smear result people and ask if the letter Telling me that my smear was all clear was a standard letter or was the bit about smears not being 100% accurate only to me:doh:
Beckie4567
11-09-14, 18:11
no im waiting for my referell to come thro to see a therepist but it been ages so still waiting im sat in waiting room heart pounding feel sick :( terrible :(
Rosiebee87
11-09-14, 18:11
Thank you Luc, I'm on day 4 of feeling more like my old self now. At the same time I'm aware I need to keep up my medication and therapy incase I dip again.
You and the other ladies on here helped me so much at a time I was feeling very alone and terrified. (Of both my symptoms and understanding health anxiety really!!)
I think we are all getting there. One step at a time xx
We are Rosie and it's so good to hear. I keep my eye on the ball and push myself every day. However things are good and this forum has been a great support xxxx
Haha! Lucia- that cheered me up!!
I am feeling so much better in myself so hopefully when this buggers off I'll be catching up with you guys on the fantastic scale :)!!
Makes me so happy to hear how everyone's doing!
Beckie - how were your results? Hope it went well!
It will bugger off - I have cosmic ordered it to (my best friend actually believes in all that!:huh:). BTW well done on the Great North Run, my stomping ground xxx
Thanks :)!! Haha hope it works!!
And thank you .. It was such an amazing atmosphere!
Are you from Newcastle?! I went to uni there and my family are from peterlee so it's like my second home!
My boyfriend was so mad that I wouldn't shut up about how happy I was there compared to london! Lol!!
Yes but like you I live in London. I was up there last week xxx
---------- Post added at 20:53 ---------- Previous post was at 20:51 ----------
What did You study??
Ahh cool! Whereabouts in london are you based?
I did journalism and English .. Seems like ages ago now!
Lewisham way but hopefully moving to Brixton soon :)! X
Beckie4567
11-09-14, 21:44
Hey fj got my results erosion was detected but all normal no cell changes detected thanks god thanks for your support x
Yayy! Great news :), so pleased for you now please don't worry about it anymore.
We are all here to talk about anxiety and understand how hard it is!
Xx
Rosiebee87
12-09-14, 21:00
Having a little wobble today. Stupid breast itch is back too. But I'm trying to keep focused. Not sure if it's the itch that's causing the anxiety or of the anxiety is causing the itch! Lol.
I dunno!!
Prodding and checking again too oops!
Ultrasound and cbt starts with my therapist on Tuesday anyway so hopefully she can give me some pointers on keeping on the right track.
I'm still much better and have mentally allowed myself to have the odd off day. Keep busy, took my kids to the park. Made a family meal which I managed to eat some of. So overall not too bad but not as good as the rest of the week.
Hope you all had a good day?
Xx
Your doing really well Rosie. Your breasts are fine. Don't make them saw by prodding them. You mentioned an ultrasound on Tuesday?
I went for an interview today and as I was driving there I realised that nothing had cropped up prior to the event to try to sabotage things. That is I hadn't found a lump,mole,blood etc just as I was leaving my house as used to happen.
This makes me think that I really am getting better xxx
Rosiebee87
12-09-14, 21:31
Yeah my ultrasound is the one I mentioned ages ago but I had to cancel an appointment because my little ones had a sick bug. So it's this Tuesday. I know I should cancel it to challenge my health anxiety but this is what has triggered my health anxiety to get so bad. Especially with it keep flaring up. I really need that reassurance so I can add it to my list and tick it off ;)
Sounds like you are doing really well too Luc. I'm thinking that it's ok to have wobbles as I soon come out of them eventually. And I seem to be getting over these wobbles quicker and quicker each time.
Got to keep focused on the ball like you say.
Hope your interview went well! X
It's ok to have wobbles and the fact that you are getting over them quickly is what counts.The ultrasound is Tuesday so there is no need to touch boob/ think boob until then.After Tuesday you can file your reassurance tick list only to be accessed when wobbly:hugs:
Beckie4567
13-09-14, 00:06
Thanks fj I no but easyier sed than done itl be something else next week I'm worried about lol x
Hi ladies :),
Hope you're all okay??
Rosie - don't worry about your wobble - we all get them and if it's your main trigger it's bound to feel overwhelming but you are doing amazingly and hopefully Tuesday will put your mind at rest and move on as Luc says.
I'm doing okay - had a wobble myself yesterday and called the GUM clinic to make an appointment - I was told it was walk-in but I managed to pull myself back and not go.
I went for a meal with my boyfriends parents and strangely after a few glasses of mine I didn't notice the sensations at all so that's a good sign - manning the office alone today though and feeling it again.
Hope you're all having a good weekend :). xxx
Female healthanxiety
13-09-14, 15:47
It is mad what a drop of wine can do isn't it!!? Glad you let your hair down :-))))
I need more wine now - if you ever need a distraction ladies become a journalist .. I've spent my Saturday afternoon being trolled over Twitter :yesyes:!
Yayyyyy!
Morning everyone, hope we are all on the up, and if not that's ok too.
Like you FJ, when I'm distracted I'm hardly aware of my aches and pains. I was over a friends house on Friday evening sharing a bottle of wine, and wasn't until it was time to go home I realised I hadn't felt any discomfort. But when I'm home alone, my mind is constantly searching for anything untoward.
Focussing on something else is definitely one if the keys to getting over this. We have selective attention when it comes to our bodies.
I keep picturing it like...I don't know if you guys ever saw Labyrinth but there's a character who has an annoying bird attached to his hat. I'm picturing anxiety like the bird but clinging to our backs going "twitch twitch twitch pulse pulse gland gland" until we notice it. I wonder if there's any culling spells for these little buggers :sly:
Wishing everyone a good Sunday :flowers:
Hi wnsos, yes it is like an annoying little bird attached to our backs. I try to acknowledge my symptoms, and say "so what" and just get on with my day. It's not an easy thing to do, and we have to keep practising like we do with anything we want to master.
Rosiebee87
14-09-14, 16:51
Glad you had a good evening on Friday primula!!
I'm still ok! Breast itch gone again yay. Have been to a gardening centre with my little family today and going to do abit of gardening when I get home.
Was sitting on my own watching TV last night as my otherhalf fell asleep so I got my car keys and went round a friends for a catch up. Trying to fill my days as much as possible :)
Keep going ladies we are all doing great! X
That's great Rosie. I have been to two lots of kids football matches,blackberry picking and samphire picking oh I love a good forage. I talk and giggle all the way through the matches and have to ask the score at the end before my sons ask me what I thought - oh to not have that bleeden dragon sitting on my shoulder!!:hugs:
Glad we all seem to be improving. We just have to keep moving forward. Even when we feel that we are too anxious. One of the great Claire Weekes phrases is "recovery lies in the places and experiences we fear most".
So we must keep going out and doing things with friends and family even when we are frightened. I know this works because back in May I was almost too frightened to go out of the front door. I knew that if I gave in to this fear I would become housebound. I kept going out even though I really didn't want to. I didn't always have a good time, but generally things were ok. Gradually I stopped being frightened. Sometimes I still get a little frightened, but I know what I have to do. The Health Anxiety is all part of the same thing, we have to face what we fear. This is the hardest part for me, but I will do it.
It really helps having the lovely people on here as a sounding board. :D
Hi ladies,
Really need your help today – I am having such a terrible time – I’m feeling really low cause I’m having money issues and work feels very difficult.
I’m working six days a week so I’m exhausted and my boyfriend is studying for exams and interviews so I feel shit complaining to him.
I’m still having terrible trouble with the pains ‘down there’ and cystitis-like symptoms, now I’m having a lot of white discharge.
My mum thinks I should go to the doctor but I don’t want to cause myself any more stress so I just don’t know what to do – I feel like the boy who cried wolf and think that now I will really have cancer or something.
I felt like I was doing well but in reality I just feel numb.
Any kind words or advice would be lovely.
Sorry to whinge!
x
Rosiebee87
15-09-14, 11:14
Hi fj2014,
A little wobbly myself this morning too. But that's ok! We are allowed to have the odd funny day. This can't be sorted overnight after all :hugs:
I'm watching last nights X factor as I'm doing my housework to distract me.. Going to take my kids park again later and pick up my next lot of medication so hopefully once I'm out I will feel much better again :).
It's really important you stop the stress as I feel it contributes to out anxiety. And symptoms for that matter!
Go back over the cbt, break everything down in your head and calm down. Deal with one thing at a time.
White discharge is normal? It's strange colors like green I'd say are more concerning x
Thanks for the reply Rosiebee - sorry to hear you're having an off-day aswell.
I do think being so stressed might mean I'm not recovering as quickly as I should :( but it's a vicious little cycle.
I'm hoping some chill time tonight might help :).
As for the discharge there seems to be A LOT which ranges from really watery to obscenely thick and jelly-like so I thought it might be classed as 'abnormal'.
Urgh I'm just so confused with myself - scared to miss something but it mkight just be anxiety!!
xx
Rosiebee87
15-09-14, 12:17
You have had a smear test keep reminding yourself it come back NORMAL..
Why don't you go a few days not checking the discharge?
Distract your mind, deal with the issues stressing you out.. One at a time and see how things are by the end of the week? X
---------- Post added at 12:17 ---------- Previous post was at 12:11 ----------
I'm still waiting for my monthlys so any change in discharge I'm like whey hey this could mean I'm coming on soon!!
Conplete opposite haha x
Okay - let's think positively - CLEAR SMEAR. CLEAR SMEAR.
I think that sounds like a good plan Rosie, I mean I probably wouldn't notice the discharge if I wasn't obsessively checking it!!
I'm going to wait until Thursday to see a doctor - fingers crossed I won't need to!
Argh, bless you, I know how it feels to wait and you get so excited at the tiniest change!!
Has your day got any less wobbly?
WE CAN DO THIS!!
xx
Rosiebee87
15-09-14, 13:13
Definitely try. Like I had to do with my prodding and checking, it's hard at first but you do feel a sense of achievement once the urge to check has passed. I think on the cbt module it says write down the symptom that is boring you and check it at a set time each day. And only check on that set time if you feel you absolutely must.
That helped me cut my scanning right down. I do have a cheeky check now and then I ain't gonna lie but not on the scale I was a few weeks ago!
I'm doing fine, have been having night sweats lately, waking up in the morning sweating which is probably due to my sertraline. And I can feel my right gland in my neck today, like feel its presents without touching it. I can laugh about it writing it on here because I know my dragon is seeking another symptom now my breast itch has gone again.
We should start doing 'symptom of the day!' Ha ha ha
Anyway I haven't googled. Because I know I will start getting new symptoms if I do! X
---------- Post added at 13:13 ---------- Previous post was at 13:13 ----------
*bothering (not boring!)
I got so good at not checking my hip and that eventually morphed into this so hopefully I can deal with this one too.
Part of me is wondering if it is IBS/irritable bladder/hypersensitivity related as it seems worse when I think/worry about it.
Hahaha definitely - I don't know if it happens to you but if i feel a painful area, gland or lump I will super aware of it and what's going on there.
I'm glad your breast itch has gone though :).
xxx
Hi FJ, what you are describing sounds perfectly normal. But if you are really worried wait and go to doc later in week. They will just do a swab and if there is any infection they'll give you some antibiotics. I had a very bad discharge a few years ago, but this was slightly grey in colour and non-stop, it was just an infection. Strangely enough I wasn't worried about it then.
Try using CBT to help you get through this, use it as practise for facing your fears.
Thanks Primula - I kind of feel like my anxiety is exacerbating the symptoms if that makes sense?
Going to quick the obsessive checking for a week, remember the clear smear, get back on the CBT and hope it all eases off as I am so so hoping/feel that this is my final hurdle (for now).
How are you doing today lovely?
x
Hi Fiona,
I have really bad period pains and an irritable bladder(like cystitis) at the moment. Now in the past they would have definitely been an indication of ovarian cancer, bladder cancer etc. Today it is what it is. If you really feel like you have an infection then you must go to the doctors for antibiotics. If however your dragon has lost the hip battle and has now moved on to you fandango see it for that. I know it is hard and I am not belittling your anxiety but I know you can do this. There has to be a time when you drawer a line under it all and I wish my time had been sooner. Sending you hugs and all my support, Lucia xx
Hi luc,
Thanks for your reply! You do make me laugh :)! And see sense!
I think the fact that 'I'm not sure' if it's an infection makes me think I'm just run down and my anxiety it sitting on my shoulder so I'm just going to see how I feel towards the end of the week :)!
Hope your cramps ease off soon :)
Xx
Hi Fiona,
Ideally we want the doctors to not be an issue. We don't want to run to it and we don't want to avoid it. Ideally we would like to leave their with no 'piece of mind' tests, no doubts, no ruminations etc.If you have an infection you want antibiotics and you want to walk out of their with nothing more than a prescription. I am not sure I am at that point yet and I'm in no hurry to test it.:lac: So if by the end of the week you think you have an infection make an appointment. BTW from my knees to my belly button is aching:weep::bighug1::bighug1: Lucia
I'm not doing too badly FJ, much better that I was thanks. Still a bit up and down. I know I still have a long way to go, but I WILL get better.
Rosiebee87
16-09-14, 08:53
Bad morning for me! This is the second morning in about a week I've had visual disturbances in my right eye. It's hard because I'm really trying my best to get better but as new symptoms appear I can't help but feel like I'm fighting a losing battle sometimes, and one of these symptoms are going to knock me back to square one again.
I'm not googling but at the sametime wanting to. But I won't. I have my medication review on Monday. If it's still there I will bring it up with him then. Hoping today isn't a bad one, I have my ultrasound on my breast later at 3 and a call from my therapist later this morning x
---------- Post added at 08:53 ---------- Previous post was at 08:42 ----------
... It's almost gone now. Odd.
Going to try and move forward with my morning and keep busy busy busy.
Hope you all have a good day today. I will update later :) x
Hi Rosiebee, sorry your not feeling too good. Hopefully you will feel better as day progresses. I know I usually do.
Not a good morning for me either. Feel achy, tired and fluey again. I think it's my anxiety just making the symptoms feel worse. When I'm not anxious I just think, oh I feel a bit run down and I don't worry about it too much. But as we all know, when we are anxious all our symptoms feel much worse.
So tired of it all today.
Rosiebee87
16-09-14, 09:21
That's how I feel primula, I was just speaking to my mum on the phone and was telling her I'm feeling not down or worried, just peed off with the constant reassuring in my head of new symptoms. And I understand we can't go through life symptom free but I just wish I would look at things how I used to. Visual disturbances probably = migraine, stress, hormones. Instead of the silly WHAT IF!?!
I'm glad my therapist is calling today. I think if she had called last week I wouldn't have known what to say as I was feeling THAT good.
I'm not in a low mood yet either I think I still have my head above water for the moment.
Primula I hope you feel better, keep in mind you had a Good Friday night and your symptoms went away. If it was serious they would surely be constant and get worse.
Keep busy like me, let's turn this day around xx
---------- Post added at 09:21 ---------- Previous post was at 09:17 ----------
Have you tried a little gentle exercise? It says in my depression booklet avoiding being active can make you even more tired.. A little walk maybe? I'm just wondering if you are maybe resting to get rid of your symptoms. Maybe try the opposite? X
Thanks for the reply Rosiebee.
I'm in work at the moment. So not resting, but I will have a stroll out in the fresh air when I have a break. Thanks for reminding me about Friday. Also last night I was walked my dog for 45 mins and went to choir practise, and didn't feel any symptoms, so it must be my anxious mind homing in on symptoms and making the seem worse. Also I expect that all these months of constant anxiety are responsible for the feelings of tiredness and achiness.
It's so strange isn't it, that I can see when others symptoms are possibly caused from anxiety, but I can't see that my own are.
Maybe I'll try writing it down as if it's about someone else to try to get perspective.
Let us know how it goes this afternoon. Sure it will all be fine. :hugs:
Hi ladies,
Sorry you've not had the best of mornings - how are you both feeling now??
Best of luck with your ultrasound Rosie - I'm sure you'll be fine.
I'm feeling proactive today - I've made an appointment at the bank on Saturday to try and sort out my money stress and am going to see a doc at the walk-in later if I get chance to try get some antibiotics.
Funnily enough I'm feel a bit achey and run down too - do you think it's the stage we're at where full on panic has died down and the adrenaline has started to wain so muscles are like 'aaah, owww' from all the tension and tiredness of anxiety?? Like after a long run almost?
We're getting there girls :).
Keep us posted Rosiebee xxx
Yes I'm pretty sure that's what it is. Approx 20 years ago and 10 years ago, I had bad spells of HA, and this happened to me then. I became exhausted with the worrying, and then started with the aches and fluey feeling. I just need to get my head around the fact, that is what is happening now.
Glad you are feeling proactive FJ. :)
Hugs to all of you. :hugs:
Hugs to you too wnsos. How are you today?
It definitely is :) - with three of us (a probably a million more) feeling like this it has to be!!
Some TLC, good food and self-love will have you better in time.
Thank you Wsnos - as Primula says, how are you?
:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Female healthanxiety
16-09-14, 14:52
Hope your all ok?
Big hugs to you all :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Thank you, same to you :bighug1::bighug1::bighug1:
Rosiebee87
16-09-14, 15:39
Another needless test :) ultrasound was fine. I knew it would be. When I was in the waiting room I was thinking about my other symptoms more than my breast itch ha.
Anyway after 2 ultrasounds I can relax.
Doctor said no lumps then don't worry x
Fab news Rosie - I'm so so pleased for you!!
Now, please don't worry about the other symptoms as - after this many needless tests - you know it's most likely just anxiety playing up!!
Eeeeek I'm so happy for you :)!! :yahoo:
That's wonderful Rosie, so pleased for you. :yahoo:
Isn't it incredible what our minds will have us believe. Unbelievably powerful. We just need to learn how to harness that power in a more helpful way. :yesyes:
Hey ladies, just a quick update - been to the walk in and the doctor said I had no signs of infection in my urine but has given me some antibiotics in the hope they help!
Fingers crossed they do and these worrisome pains go away - I was half-hoping it would be an infection as then at least I'd have an answer!
Eeek! Xx
Beckie4567
16-09-14, 21:20
Hope ya ok fj let's hope they work for u x
Rosiebee87
16-09-14, 22:52
Thank you ladies. Have had a great evening. Watched tele and have managed to switch off my anxiety and worrying so think I am back on track now.
I have my first proper therapy session next Wednesday, so again just making sure I keep an eye on things really.
It's my little girls first day at nursery tomorrow afternoon so I will only have my 1 year old son to contend with. Nice bit of one on one quality time to look forward to.
Fj2014 I think the answer to your sensations are ANXIETY ;) how's the not checking discharge going?
Glad you are feeling proactive too, sounds like you are managing your current stressful situations better than before..
Primula you sound more positive, hope your day improved :)
Xx
Yayy! Glad to hear you're back on track Rosie!!!
Hope you have a lovely day with your son :)!
You could be right - the discharge checking is getting slightly better but is still in the back of my mind!! Argh!!
Primula - I hope you you're feeling good this morning :)!
Xox
Thanks Fj
Slept really well last night, but woke up and started feeling fluey and achy again. Despite this I went to university open day with my son. Then had lunch and did shopping with him. Came home had a little rest, then walked my dog. Felt wobbly, achy and light headed all day, but carried on so it can't be anything terminal, or I'm sure I'd be a lot worse. My anxiety hasn't been too bad, but have that horrible little voice that keeps whispering, "perhaps you really are ill this time, and your ignoring your symptoms and it's going to be too late to help you."
Realistically it's probably as I said before , I've burnt myself out with all these months of worry. I will do some relaxation and meditating later.
Anyway, enough of my woes, how is everyone else getting on? :)
I'd whisper back to that little voice "that's what you said last time and the time before that and the time before that and you were bloody wrong each time":hugs: Lucia
Ha HA, Thanks Lucia, I will tell that little voice to sod off. Strangely tonight, even though I feel run down, I'm just not that bothered. I don't like feeling like this, but I can cope with it. Anxiety is not going to beat me down. :lac:
Rosiebee87
17-09-14, 20:51
Great advice Luc - as always! X
You sound like you are managing your anxiety well primula. Maybe tomorrow will be an even better day for you. Fingers crossed.
I had a lovely day, dropped my daughter to nursery and had a walk down to the beach with my mum for a cuppa and cake. Have been in good sprits.
Not completely 'symptom free' (dragon keeps wanting me to focus on my right gland in my neck) but like you I'm not allowing myself to be bothered by it. All these tests are becoming embarrassing so I ain't asking for anymore! :)
Keep positive everyone xx
Glad you had a good day Rosie. Sounds like we are all doing ok. I'm sure we will have ups and downs, but it's great that we are starting to recognise what we are doing to ourselves. Another thing I find helpful, is to ask myself what if I was seriously ill? How would I want to spend my time? Being miserable or making the most of my time? I have relative who has a life threatening disease, and even though she does get down, she is always planning exciting things to do. I'm trying to take a leaf out of her book.
So so so glad to hear how well you're all doing - sounding so postive!!
I'm doing pretty good today too - had the best night at a safeguarding course for a youth group I'm starting volunteering at.
The people are so positive and up on life - I think this is just what I need :)!!
Hope you're all having nice evenings! Xxxx
Glad you have both had a good day. I have had gnawing pelvic pain for a good few days now - even had to cut the top of my nickers today at work ha. Thing is I've had this pain before and I didn't have anything sinister then so I'm seeing it for what it is- a horrible gnawing pain:hugs: Lucia x
Hope your pain feels better soon Luc. I hate pain even when I know I've had it before.:bighug:
Aww hope you're feeling better soon luc!
Sending hugs! Xx
Thank you ladies. The pain is a lot better today.
I have been off work today (Day off) and I have been meeting new clients as I am going to go back to my old job as project manager. I am going to be very busy but as I have found recovery goes through many stages and I am now at the 'get every minute out of every day stage' which is about five stages down the line from the ' I've frigging hit rock bottom - I have to get out of this whole' stage!!
Anyways how is everone ?:hugs:
Rosiebee87
18-09-14, 17:50
Glad you are on the mend luc!
I think keeping busy is really good too. Lots of distraction. Thats where I'm going to be starting with my therapy. They are hoping to distract me with something more interesting than housework though ha. I've very recently moved to Devon from London so got to put the feelers out there abit maybe.. (Although I do have family around me thankfully.)
I'm good though, just cooking a spag Bol! My right gland still popping into my head now and then but other than that can't complain :)
X
Hi Rosie,
You sound like your doing well. Are your kids of school age? My house was immaculate and it is big. Clean a bathroom, check my boob, ruminate, google, clean another bathroom , google, ruminate and so on. Unfortunately mine then moved onto (after many years) Clean a bathroom, check my boob, ruminate, clean another bathroom, open a bottle of wine and then to simply open a bottle of wine.
Get out there!! When I decided to get better I got a job in a shop. So from a management consultant to a shop assistant with a big lump of HA and being at home with 2 kids. You know what though Rosie, I have not been happier in years. I swan around that shop like an extra off the Trueman Show:yesyes:
Rosiebee87
18-09-14, 19:51
Ha ha love the Truman show!!
My kids are 3 and 1. My eldest has just started nursery 2 afternoons a week. My otherhalf works various hours as a lorry driver so working for me, as much as I would love to (solely for the adult interaction more so than money) I'm unable to due to childcare.. Totally agree though it would probably do wonders for my confidence and overall happiness.
I'm going to start going to a baby group next Thursday in hope to meet other people. Trying to rattle my brain of other things I could do, like I say got to put the feelers put there abit!! X
Have you just moved Rosie - do you know anyone? xx
Rosiebee87
18-09-14, 22:31
Yeah I moved here in May, I don't have that network of friends here yet but like I say I do have family thankfully x
Hey ladies!
How are you all doing?
I'm having a bit of a bad morning .. And it's 6.15am!
Had a great few days but I've not slept, had night sweats and now the pains 'down there' are back!!
Just needed to turn to you All for a bit of support!
Going to a wedding tonight and I don't want my anxiety to spoil it!
Happy Friday :)! Xxx
Rosiebee87
19-09-14, 08:28
Morning :)
Oh no how come you haven't slept?
Worrying thoughts? Anxious? This probably caused night sweats and bought your pains back..
Put it into perspective. You have had a smear, had your urine tested and have antibiotics. What is it that you think is wrong down there?
You've had a great few days, hiccups will happen. They have done with me but hopefully this won't last long and you will get back on track quickly.
Keep busy this morning. No staring into space and pondering :hugs:
You haven't had a cbt session with a therapist yet have you? Any updates on that? X
Hi all.
Off to work, but quickly Fiona you can see the correlation With stress, lack of sleep and forthcoming event with Pains down below and worry. Keep busy today. Shush any negative thoughts you have. As soon as one comes into your mind use a point of reference. Either think of me telling you off or think of you flicking the dragon on the tip of its nose :hugs: Lucia xx
Rosiebee87
19-09-14, 08:54
Things always seem worse at night and mornings are bad for both of us but give yourself the chance to get back on track today.
Let us know how your day goes.
Wedding will be good for you tonight, let your hair down
:) x
---------- Post added at 08:54 ---------- Previous post was at 08:46 ----------
Luc just curious, I have my medication review with the doctor on Monday. I'm on 50mg, did you ever go to a higher dose?
I think 50mg is taking the edge off with me but when I'm having my moments I do wonder if I should go higher. Then again hoping therapy will help those moments become less and less..
Just after some advice really! X
Hi fj, I think Rosie and Luc are right. This is your anxiety stopping you sleeping well and causing night sweats. Also it was a very warm night in the UK. I woke up in a lather last night.
I'm like you at the moment, I'm anxious about going away the week after next, and I keep having fluey achy feelings and a sore throat. Anxiety keeps saying I'm seriously ill, but my rational side says this is stress.
Remember you have had all the tests, and if there was anything wrong you would be a lot worse by now. This is what I keep telling myself.
Write your thoughts down, so you can see them for what they are. Just thoughts.
Like Luc says, flick the dragon on the nose. Or give it one of these :buttkick:
Hi Ladies,
Hopefully Fiona will be dancing to Macarena right now:winks:. Rosie, I started on 100 ml and have no problems with Sertraline. I don't know how to advise you as I don't know where you are really at but you do seem to be a lot calmer. It can be difficult as when you decide to make a change it can be a culmination of support, medication, strategies , regimes and you don't necessarily know which ranks highest as most helpful :hugs: Lucia
Hi Ladies,
Thanks for the advice - there is definitely a correlation as as soon as I got to work yesterday I forgot all about it when I was busy.
I did go to the wedding and had a fab time - not feeling to great today with a combination of hangover/cold and I'm at work but that will pass :).
How are you all doing today?? xxxx
Glad you had a good night Fj. I'm feeling the best I have in quite a while, I'm even looking forward to my holiday. Still having the aches but just getting on with my life. Isn't it strange how when we get involved in something pleasant we don't notice the workings of our body.
Have a good weekend everyone. :D
Rosiebee87
20-09-14, 15:47
Thank you Luc, I think like you say I am much calmer so going to keep on this dose of 50mg for now..
So glad you are ok now Fiona! The fact your pains went away MUST tell you this is all anxiety symptoms. No way would serious problems go away like that. Keep that in mind next time they play up.
Primula really pleased you are having a good day too!
It's such a weight off the shoulders to be rid of the dragon. Even just for a day. Remember we will all have our ups and downs and that's ok!
I'm fine today, just enjoying my day with my family. Not much to report!
Xx
Morning everyone,
How are we all today? After a shaky start, I'm not feeling too bad. It takes me a while to gather my rational thoughts in the morning. I came across this little tip on morning anxiety, I don't know who wrote it and I apologise for stealing it, but I find it very helpful to read when I wake up.
Yes, I feel anxious this morning, but I have felt this way before and have been able to handle it.
If I have trouble with anxiety during the day, I can use relaxation techniques that will calm me down.
I am in control.
Anxiety is a normal human emotion, and it is my cue to relax.
Hope this is helpful for you all. I've printed a few of these off, and keep one by my bed and one in my handbag, as little aide memoirs if I feel anxious.
It's a lovely sunny day so let's enjoy it :shades:
Rosiebee87
21-09-14, 18:16
Hi primula,
It's very strange how we all find mornings the hardest. Maybe because it's the beginning of a new day and we are scared of what it will hold, any symptoms we might find during the day. I don't know..
I'm still ok, really pleased because last week started abit wobbly but I've managed to get back on track quicker. Not to say I don't worry now and then, I come across various marks on my body or symptoms and I don't completely brush them off, my dragon does try it's luck and I do get a little concerned but then again I tell myself 'see if things are the same by the end of the day' I don't let my worries consume my day like before.
Here's hoping I have another good week. I'm on week 5 of medication now and I've come such a long way since week 1.
Hope you all had a lovely day, I took my kids to see the penguins today :) x
Yes Rosiebee you have come a long way. I've just been reading back on the last few months in my diary and I can see I've improved. I'm not googling illness anymore or asking for reassurance. I know I may still have a few hiccups along the way, but now I know how to deal with them.
It's a long and sometimes lonely road we travel, but it's great to have support on this forum.
Glad you've had a lovely day with your family. We are getting stronger and stronger. Lets just take ourselves as we find ourselves in the morning, we know that once we get going things improve as the day goes on. :)
Hello my lovely ladies,
How are you all doing?
Great to hear so much positive stuff over the weekend!!
I had a good weekend (bar my cold and hangover) and felt fine.
Today, however, the dragon is creeping back with my pains 'down there' - this morning I noticed some discharge and wiped quite hard which resulted in some bright red blood on the paper - now it's sore but I'm telling myself that this has never happened before and I was poking, prodding and wiping so I probably hurt myself - is this a sensible way to think?
Due on my period today too so think that is making me worse :(.
I just can't shake the 'what-if' feeling despite none of my symptoms being consistent - if I went to the doc I'd say: 'I have some discharge - it differs in quantity and thickness sometimes and sometimes it hurts but I can't ermmm describe the pain or anything!' - so it's clearly nothing I can pin-point =/!!
Any tips on getting rid of the superstition surrounding HA?
Fill me in on you :) xxx
I was doing fine this last few days, but my teenage son has dropped a bit of a bombshell on me, so cross with him, and it's made me a bit panicky again, but I'm working through it.
Sorry to hear that Primula - but stay calm, you're a strong woman and a fab mum so I'm sure all will be okay.
It's funny how these things send us 'off on one' though.
Keep smiling - I'm sending love.
FJ xxx
Hi ladies,
Kids eh primula ! Mine are still young so I've got this all to come. Hope you have had an ok day.
Fiona, I was thinking about just this this morning. I wiped and there was blood, so I wiped a bit harder and there was more blood- conclusion, little traces of blood due to wiping. Now in the past I'd have wiped, wiped again and again until my undercarriage was sore. Then to my teeth. Brushed saw blood brushed some more more blood - conclusion vigourous brushing causes bleeding. In the past sore gums. Cumulative conclusion, abrasive movement cause bleeding especially in the sensitive areas of the Fandango and the gums. Now in the past I would have had cervical cancer, bowel cancer, throat cancer etc. What I have got is what other people have got but their not looking. If they are looking they are not catasthophyzing and that is the difference.:hugs:.
Thanks FJ and Luc, I'm feeling better now, have things more in perspective about my son. I realise it's not the end of the world, I was just doing my usual catastrophising.
FJ, you said your period is due, it's very common to have a little show of blood before you start. I've had the menopause now, but I do remember that happening , but I didn't worry about it, and I don't think you need to either. :)
I do that too, visualise myself telling my doctor my symptoms, I usually realise that they are nothing specific to worry about xx
Rosiebee87
23-09-14, 22:59
Hi ladies,
Fiona step away from the discharge! You are going to make yourself sore and bring on more symptoms to worry about. Clear smear test remember? Antibiotics obviously didn't have much effect so I'm guessing no infection either. You're fine. Distract your mind onto something else :) xx
Primula glad you are doing ok! Sometimes stressful situations will test us but you will learn how strong you can be when you bounce back and hopefully you will bounce back quickly. X
Luc great advice as always ;) x
I'm still fine, first therapy session tomorrow. Not really got much to say to her as am feeling like my normal self at the moment!! (Which is good but hoping it doesn't make an awkward first therapy session ha ha)
Xx
Hey ladies,
Thank you all for the brilliant advice as always - Primula - well done you for the way you've coped with your current stress :).
I am trying so hard to distract myself - my new issue is horrible low back pain which (suprise suprise) disappeared when I was teaching kids about journalism this morning and talking to a lovely puppy.
I've had a missed call about CBT so going to try get an appointment sorted when they call back :)!!
How are you all doing? Hope your therapy session went well Rosie
xx
Rosiebee87
24-09-14, 15:28
Hmmm so so for me today.
Started great but then without tmi I think I suffer from ibs so some questionable symptoms going on around that region.
It's a strange on though because I haven't really been anxious and stressed for that to flare up.
Been shopping to take my mind off it which helped, symptoms still there when I go to the loo though so not something I can make go away by stop thinking about it.
Anyway just waiting for my therapy now.
Glad I'm seeing her today x
Hope you are all ok!
Sorry to hear you're not well Rosie - I hope you're feeling better soon.
Maybe tiredness or something you ate is to blame for your IBS flaring up!?
How'd it go with the therapist? I found out today that I have my phone consulation for CBT on October 17! yay!
One more thing ladies - does a clear smear mean no cancer? I need to get this into my silly head as I just read a daily mail article (oops!) about 22-year-old who died from it but the focus seems to be on her not having a smear! Need to sort my head out on this once and for all!!
Good news of the day is that the daily mail are carrying one of my stories today about a breast feeding mum!! (Not with my byline but still IT'S MINE :))!!
xxx
Hi FJ, the girl in the DM story had not had a smear, you have and an internal examination. When the doc shines that light up your nether regions, they can see the cervix, and they know what they are looking for. It's very sad what has happened to her, but bad things happen, and it isn't always the doctors fault, despite what the DM and it's readers think.
As you and I know, the crux of HA is to learn to live with uncertainty. Hopefully you will work on this when you start counselling.
Congrats on your article being printed. Things will get better, they've started improving a lot for me this past few weeks. I still have a lot to work on but I can feel a change in my thinking.
Rosiebee hope you feel better soon, and that your therapy session was good.
We CAN do this ladies, it requires a lot of hard work, and doesn't happen overnight, but we will get there. :yesyes:
Rosiebee87
24-09-14, 21:14
Hi ladies,
Therapy went well, i have a lovely therapist. Got a couple of things she wants me to do the next couple of weeks. Sheets to fill in to look at my pattern of thinking. Told her I had been really good up till this afternoon with my new symptoms.. She said I'm to use my new symptoms to practice new techniques which I know I will do..
As for my symptoms, I'm so tired this evening, (done a ridiculous amount of walking today) so feel too tired to even worry lol just haven't got the energy for it!
Hugs xxx
Hi all.
Rosiebee, being to tired to worry is a good sign - hope you have a good sleep. Fiona, well done on the article!!! Hope you are not worrying this evening. It is so important as Primula says to try to live with uncertainty (not,that I add you have to in this instance unless you count the 'teensiest weeniest times by itself' chance that you could have anything untoward going on with your cervix. Only when you give up trying to be certain/ 100% sure/ in complete control etc. can you live for now. Test results are out of date by the time you are picking them up from the doctors!!!. Living in the now is a great feeling, 'what ifs' and 'once I've got those results I will ....' are not rattling around in your head. Accepting that we have to live with some degree of uncertainty frees our minds of the afore mentioned clauses (if that makes sense).
Lucia:hugs: all.
Rosiebee87
25-09-14, 08:24
Morning all :)
Bit of an offish morning for me. It's frustrating to think you are well on the path to getting better then bang out of the blue comes a symptom that can knock you back a few steps..
My 'symptom of the day' is bowel cancer. I don't fully believe I have it. Probably 20%.
My kids are really demanding this morning so feeling quite stressed I can't have a moment to breathe...
Hopefully my day will get better.
Hope you are all still keeping strong! Xxx
Hi Rosiebee
This is what recovery is like one step forward two steps back. Yesterday and last night I thought I had it all sussed. Woke up this morning with bad back, and thought oh no here we go again. I'm up and about and doing things and starting to feel better.
Try to think of these blips as learning experiences, it's only when we experience discomfort that we learn how to deal with it. Try saying to yourself, " I am in charge not you health anxiety, I will carry on with my day regardless, if you want to hang around then so be it." Don't struggle to get rid of the thoughts, write them down, and try to thinks of more rational explanations for how you feel.
As luc said, we have to give up our need for 100% certainty.
We can do this, we are strong and courageous. xxx
Rosiebee87
25-09-14, 09:41
Thanks primula xxx
Starting to feel better as the morning is going on..
Went to the loo and all was normal so thinking things would persist and get worse if things were serious.. Am starting to rationalise.
I did write down my thoughts and it's obviously helped.
God damn health anxiety ay!
Glad your morning is improving
X
Hi Ladies,
I know you're all right - I've had the tests and exams and there's nothing more that they could do not to find anything so I have to live with my irrational fear and fight it off!!
Sorry to hear that you've been having blips - great that everything is getting back to normal though Rosie :).
Primula - I have a bad back too and it's stressed me out.
I think we're all at a similar "20% chance there might 'be something'" stage which is probably the toughest bit to fight through as we've come so far and it's like a final BIIIIG push.
Hope your day's are going well and sorry I'm not writing as much - I'm being watched more at work lol!!
xxx
Rosiebee87
25-09-14, 20:06
FJ you sound like you are coming round yay.. Try and avoid scary stories on daily mail if they make you more anxious. They do like to dramatise!!
I got my day back on track and pushed my fevers out my mind - however my kids have driven me insannneeee today lol. I love them dearly but sometimes they can be SO full on from the moment my eyes open.
Anyway my daughter is sleeping round her Nanny's tomorrow for a girlie night so that should give me a little breathing space :yesyes:
As for the bad back, right there with you both. Think mines tension..
I've noticed during the night while I'm sleeping my mind is really frantic, hard to explain but feels like I'm having a series of bad dreams. I wake up shaking abit and sweating. I'm not worried its a symptom or anything, must be my medication xx
Hi ladies,
How are we all? I'm pleased to say, I've had a pretty good week. Health fears have receded a lot. No aches and pains to speak of, so I know now that they couldn't have been anything serious. I'm really pleased with myself for holding on and not going to the doctor for reassurance. Also I have not googled symptoms in weeks.
What has worked for me;
No googling
No going to doctors
No asking husband for reassurance
Relaxation/meditation/ mindfulness at least once a day
Thought record sheets
Journalling almost every day
Counselling - enormously helpful to me
Getting involved in things whether I want to or not
Telling anxiety that it doesn't control me, I choose what I will and wont do
I'm not cured, but hopefully things will keep improving.We need to exercise our brain like any other part of our body.
I'm off on my hols tomorrow, and whereas I was dreading it a few weeks ago, I am now really looking forward to my big adventure.
I'll write more when I come back. Love and hugs to all.
Feal the fear and do it anyway!!!!!!
Rosiebee87
28-09-14, 16:11
Hi all,
Primula so pleased you are doing ok. Complete turn around from a couple of weeks ago! Just goes to show when we are feeling bad, there is a light at the end if the tunnel :)
Hope you have a great time on holiday and feel even better. There will be lots to distract you.. Lucky you!!
I'm doing good.. Still have moments, if it's not a symptom it's a general low feeling but they don't last long. I write stuff down and looking back I think it has actually helped.
I saw an old school friend on Friday when picking my daughter up from nursery and that was really nice to see a familiar face and have a catch up. (As I've said previously I've very recently moved from London back to my home town in Devon). Also going to a mum and baby group on Thursday in hope to build up my own little network of friends here.. My therapist seems to think this is all relevant.. So see how that goes.
Anyway hopefully another good week for us all xxx
Oh those two posts have put a smile on my face! I've got a cold and I'm a right pain in the arse. Where are you going Primula? Isn't it lovely to be going away and looking forward to it. Fiona, how's you? Are you out there?
I believe The dynamic of this little group has been of great help - I know it has for me. I hope it doesn't sound like a clique because anyone who wants to get better please join in! x
Hi Luc, having a cold doesn't half drag you down. You'll soon be better.
I'm off to Hong Kong for a week, then on to Dubai for another week. Looking forward to the holiday, but not the journey. Plenty of books loaded on to my Kindle though.
Take care of yourselves everyone :hugs:
Hi ladies,
Sorry I've not replied - I wrote a reply on Friday and it mustn't have sent as I was on a train!
So glad to hear you both wing so postive Rosie and primula.. Have a fab time away prim - we can't wait to hear all about it and Rosie, let us know how your new group goes!!
Luc, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low - you're so strong and postive that I know you will get through this and be back battling that dragon off!!! Colds always make me feel worse, all crappy and tired! Get some rest and some vitamin c and you'll be all sorted :)!
I'm good thank you, had a lovely weekend with a friend visiting but it's worn me out so I need a rest tonight to get myself back in track!
I'm still worried about aches and pains but trying to tell myself it's nothing sinister! I need to go and sort out my pill this week so may mention it to the doc/nurse for some reassurance..?
Also, I have my cbt consultation this month which I'm looking forward to egging started with!
Hope you all have a good day! Xxx
Thanks Fiona, She is back down the bottom of the garden. I have tied her tail to the fence post. We had a bit of a wrangle- got the bruised boob to prove it !!
Feeling much better so here you go. I would try my hardest not to mention my unfounded fears to the nurse. I would no that asking for reassurance not only feeds the dragon but also gives my HA head something to go on. I think I would be quite chuffed with myself if I had stuck to the script :hugs: Lucia x
I'm glad she's been restrained - your poor boob though :(!!
I'm going to try not to mention it - I'm not sure if it could be ibs related. My poor tummy is awful today (heavy weekend + a rich tea last night has down it no good!!) and it seems to be worse!
I also feel as though all this anxiety has brought my confidence right down - I don't feel like I can make a decision anymore especially on things like clothes or anything that would normally show off my personality :(. Does that make sense? Xx
Hi Guys,
I appreciate this is something of a women's thread, but just wanted to pop in and say that I think threads like this are tremendous. They were a massive help to me when I was in my darkest of holes, and I am still friends offline with some of the people I spoke with.
Keep it going - you will all do just fine with one another's support and I think it sounds like the way you are talking and viewing this thing is a really important step.
Luc - I think we all have setbacks from time to time. I am experiencing something of a low at the moment too. Noticing that some of the old thoughts are sneaking their way back in, and that in turn leads to some unhelpful behaviours. But, even that is better than I was a year ago so I am trying to view it as a hiccup rather than a disaster! I think you should do the same.
Rosiebee87
29-09-14, 11:38
Well done luc, glad you are feeling better. Dragon tried his luck but you showed him who's boss. Just a blip.. Think we have to accept we may have them from time to time.. Not sure this can be 'cured' 100% without the odd wobble. But if we learn to get back on track quickly that in itself is amazing! Xx
Fiona glad you had a good weekend, I agree with luc to try and resist reassurance seeking. What aches and pains are we taking about? because you have already said yourself your weekend has worn you out so therefore you will feel tired with the odd ache? If I really focus on my body I can feel aches just sitting here right now.. But keep distracted, see if they fade away - if they do it's obviously nothing. You know it's nothing deep down anyway xx
Thank you for your reply cpe1978, this seems to be my 'go to' thread. The others I find can remind me of symptoms. I think a lot of people on here want reassurance for their symptoms rather than facing that one problem we all have in common ;-).
Anyone is welcome to join in by the way it's great to hear how others are getting on with their recovery and also a good place to vent to people that understand rather than boring your nearest and dearest lol x
I feel good this morning, not much to report. I've been finding retail therapy has really helped me lately, things for my new home, winter clothes.. Although my bank balance is suffering ha x
Hey guys,
Thanks for your message CPE - great to hear from you and of course anyone can join the thread. Rosie is right , it is my 'go to' thread for support as others do tend to 'fuel my fire' in terms of making me worry about other illnesses/symptoms.
and Heeeyy Rosie, I'm glad you're having a good day :)!! I think once you've cracked getting through the mornings you really are getting there so nice one :).
It's still the same 'down there' pain as before, ranges from a sting to a dull ache but at the same time I'm not sure if I'm just being hypersensitive as I'm feeling worn down today after the weekend.
I think I'll do some exercise, have a healthy tea and an early night and see how I feel.
I'm also stressing over finding a new flat to that might be causing some added anxiety!!
Hope everyone's day is still looking up :) xxx
Thanks all.
I think This thread is tremendous also CPE. I mentioned in the 'Get a plan' thread that I use the support from those involved I many ways. Like I said I also have a picture of you all in my head to use as reference when I'm having a moment. Believe me your long legged French exchange student image has been accessed on one or to occasions.
Due to the simple fact that I think you need to have experienced HA to understand it makes these relationships on NMP priceless. I had never used an Internet forum before NMP (well it's 'my sort of thing' is it?) but it's been a great support.:
hugs: all, Lucia.
---------- Post added at 17:40 ---------- Previous post was at 17:38 ----------
Two
and what happened to the hugs:hugs:
---------- Post added at 17:41 ---------- Previous post was at 17:40 ----------
Also Fiona, do you get the pains as much at the weekends ?
Luc, I've been thinking about that too and I'm not sure I do - yesterday I could really bad but I was exhausted/hungover but when I was with friends who don't know too much about my HA I'd say it was like 60% better so I guess that says a lot!
How you feeling now? Xx
Believe me that dragon Lurves a hangover!!
I'm a lot better. I think I shocked myself sitting prodding my boob and bruising it like the last few months did not happen! I have a shitty cold but I also knew that I was reverting back to some of my old avoidance teqnniques and my little bubble burst. So I have learnt that the emotional relationship I have with my HA mindset is complex and I still Have a lot to understand (if that makes any sense?)
Reckon I'm going to jump in with you lovely people here! How is everyone feeling today?
I went to bed pretty early last night which had me huffy, but rather sleep than worry! Done a lot today considering. My neck ache is still rampant but every now and then when I forgot about it, it faded into the background. Also tried some of my mindfulness breathing techniques whilst in shops that helped a bit more. Curiously enough, the aches came back big time as soon as I got home. Quieten down there, body. Annnd I'm about to order a new swimming cossie after deciding to start swimming again. Hopefully it'll help get rid of this adrenaline. Then I'll do a bit more of the CBT booklet I reckon.
:hugs:
Hi wnos, did you order your cossie? I am just in from work. Working has helped me no end.
I think very hard about the workings of HA. There is so much I do not understand about mental health. For example, my recent little blip had me right back to my old ways. How I dealt with it is different but my wiring is still the same. Is it because it is habitual or is it because I still don't understand what it is that needs to be kept alive by the same irrational mindset/behaviours?
If that makes sense to anyone (even a little bit) I welcome your input :hugs: Lucia
I didn't! I failed. But I did have to take my dog to his vet appointment which I forgot about. Doh. I would say I'd do it tomorrow but screw that, I'll do it now!
I wish I understood the mental side too. It's taken me over a month to actually really drum into myself that anxiety can have caused what's going on. But it's sort of like, we don't actively go looking for these things to happen so the fact they do, it makes you wonder why it doesn't happen to the other people you walk by. Or maybe it does but it feels more debilitating? I reckon it's part habitual, it has to be. Maybe we think without actively thinking. X
Thanks Wnos,
What compels us to partake in a ritual(say checking or safety tecniques)that we know is ridiculous, that we would tell others is ridiculous (not in those words of course). To what gain I just don't understand:hugs:
Rosiebee87
30-09-14, 20:41
Evening ladies and welcome wnsos!
Would you believe my itchy breast is back this evening.. After 2 ultrasounds I'm thinking maybe we all just need to accept we will have symptoms that maybe are unexplainable and just one of those things we have to put up with.
Have been prodding abit I won't lie. Nothing there obviously.
I'm ok though still holding it together really well..
Hugs ladies xxx
I think so too. It's been really hard for me since it all started because I've been so like, I honestly don't know how to explain how manic I was at one point that it wouldn't just one day go away. But it's been a month now and it's not gone anywhere BUT I'm still here when I didn't think I would be three weeks ago. Acceptance is a hard step but it might be one of the first major ones we all need in some way.
Ahh itchy boob. Maybe I can go and catch George Clooney on his honeymoon to come and scratch it for you... :ohmy:
Happy thoughts for the night. Tomorrow is another day. Que sera sera and whatnot. xxx
Is there room for another one? I started my therapy last week and had another session today and it was quite revealing and I feel positive that I can address a lot of my anxieties in the coming months.
If you look at my post history you'll see that I'm currently worried that my 2 year old son may be autistic. I have decided that I instead of looking for reasons that he might be, I am going to focus on all the positive things he does. I just seem to look for negatives all the time, in all aspects of my life actually.
Just going to try and be positive, which if you knew me you would find hilarious! This thread looks like a positive thing that I can do.
Hope you are all good x
Rosie my boob used to itch all the time and because I avoided touching it at all costs I just used to have to sit there with an itchy boob:winks:
Mondie, I am excited for you because trying to be positive is a challenge that you sound like you are up for and people will see a change in you. Yo may even get a buzz out of trying to be positive I know I do.:hugs:
What's with all the boob talk this evening :)
Rosiebee87
30-09-14, 21:44
Right there with you wnsos I thought I wasn't going to make it into my home I move into this May when my breast issues started in march time. It's a really scary and depressing way to think so definitely work on the acceptance and Of course happy thoughts xxx
Hi Mondie, wow my heart goes out to you having health fears over your child. That was one of my worries that my health anxiety would spiral onto worrying about my children's health too but thankfully it hasn't.
In some ways I think that would be harder for me to deal with as obviously out children are everything to us.
Great news therapy is working though, I started my first session last week.
Keep the updates coming ladies I come on here daily to check up on you all!
Here's to a positive day for us all tomorrow. Keep busy busy busy!
Hugs xxx
---------- Post added at 21:44 ---------- Previous post was at 21:42 ----------
Ah I know Luc. It's like an itch you can't scratch and it makes it feel even more itchy!
Distraction works though I know I'm ok :) xx
Mondie - look at it this way. In the unlikely event that your son did have autism, the absolutely best way to support him would be to look at strengths rather than issues. So in reality you are doing the right thing in respect of any eventuality.
Thanks guys! I guess it's just trying to reprogram my natural thinking...hopefully will become habit very soon!
Night all xx
Hey everyone!!
Loving the crowd and postive chat on here today :)!!
As luc was asking about ritual and habit I'll start there -I've been thinking a lot about this too!! I reckon it's a safety behaviour which becomes a habit which then becomes so compelling it becomes ritual!!
It's so hard to break but I'm not sure why - maybe it's the same way when you're tired or stressed you 'need' a cup of tea or coffee or beer because you believe it will help!!
For example, I believe I have pains which I need to see a doctor about but realistically they're not there most of the time and I've seen a doctor - so I believe I'm just craving reassurance! This is a cycle that needs breaking!!
Wsnos - I love how positive you sound! You go buy that cossie :) and Mondie - so sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't have kids but I do worry about family members and it's terrifying cause you can't protect them in the way you'd 'protect' youself! Sorry if this is inappropriate but (due to my parents being teachers and volunteering with kids) I've always thought autistic kids were very special! A good friend of mine is on the autistic spectrum and he is now a lawyer and the nicest guy I know!
How is everyone today?! Xx
Hi all,
Fiona,I completely agree with you're take on things. The boggling thing is I realised this about 10 years ago. However it I only now that I feel strong enough to truly challenge it...but the last week has made me think more about taming the dragon than slaying it. At the end of the day, this is me. Since I can remember I have used safety behaviours. Dolls and other inanimate object were often rearranged when I was younger in order to keep my family safe and I mean young say 6/7. My mothers breathing was checked in the night. I was too young to think about what I was doing and far to young to take on the responsibility of controlling my families health (mothers in the main) by my little rituals/ safety behaviours. I was not asked to do this and if it was learnt behaviour then it did not show in my relatively carefree siblings.
I suppose what I'm getting at is the fact that this mindset is embedded in me so I think dragon tamer might be more appropriate.
Ooh going to be late for work. Have a good day everyone x
Morning!
A lot of my work at the counsellors yesterday was about what makes me this way. She mentions that we have all had something happen to us that starts off certain behaviours and patterns. We are working at identifying my trigger...so yes I believe that rituals are learnt, I always salute at single magpies, won't walk across 3 pavement covers the list goes on.
I also say 'if I get through these traffic lights before they turn red, I won't get ill etc'
Off to play group with my son now, makes me anxious as I'm not good in social situations especially with my concerns. But I will go and focus on how fab he is!
Have a good day xx
Morning (afternoon...) ladies!
This is easily one of my favourite threads on here. I do understand the reassurance seeking of others cos I try to seek it a lot myself but reading too much of it can really take you back to that place, I've noticed.
I love what's been said about rituals and triggers too, definitely something to think about that I haven't completely until now! I've had a habit of checking those around me are breathing for a long time now. I also used to line up my toys when I was little or else I wouldn't be able to settle, which isn't entirely the same but I'm sure it's somehow linked. I've always been overly cautious. I think its in part learned and in part, when I was four I read the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and climbed in the wardrobe that then collapsed on me and fractured my wrist. I've also always had my head in the clouds slightly. I've...I do think that contributed to how I grew up and that I don't think I entirely have yet and cos my 30th is looming next year, that was something I was thinking about a lot before this hit me.
On top of which, I've always had this kind of idea that if a good thing happens for me, something really terrible is going to follow.
Rambling again ahh. Ordered my cossie and I had a good couple of hours this morning when my neck didn't hurt. I did a few things around the house (trying to break the unhelpful habits and the ruminating) and I'm off to walk the dog again. I had a bit of a scare last night as the callus on my foot seems to burn from time to time and when I look down, it's bright red. I don't want to rush off to the Drs so quickly but am also afraid it might be diabetes? Im going to hold off on ringing and just ask my psychiatrist about it on Friday, then possibly arrange a test. It's finding that balance again between what's looking too much and not looking at all ah well. I think it can only be a positive thing that despite that happening last night, I still had an alright morning.
Much love to everyone. :hugs:
Rosiebee87
01-10-14, 15:52
Afternoon all,
Wow well after reading about odd childhood behaviours I will share mine lol.. I used to walk home from school around 10 years old maybe, and say to myself if I can get to a certain distance in a certain amount of time, my mum won't die (eg to the top of the hill). I've never even until reading your posts, related that to my health anxiety. I've never even told anyone I used to do it, just thought of it as an odd thing I used to do..
Also check on my kids breathing constantly when they are sleeping and have even started to check my otherhalf and asked my mum about her moles the other day..
Still I'm good today, have done loads of walking these last couple of weeks. Rather than getting the bus. I'm enjoying it and like the exercise..
Off to baby group tomorrow and have to be there at 9am so tomorrow morning will be busy with no time to dwell. I have to say this week has been a really good one so far. I got visual disturbance today and have had the odd on off burning sensation in my breast but nothing that is making me worry.
I'm learning the problem isn't the symptoms, it's how I deal with them.
Hugs xxx
Woah – this is so weird – I did very similar things as a child and I guess, in a way, still do.
I used to cross my fingers and tap wood seven times in the hope my grandparents wouldn’t get ill and make myself pray every night that my family wouldn’t get ill but would always use the same words.
I also still check my Grandma’s breathing when she naps on the couch and do the same for my dog.
I also used to have a ritual every night when I put my dogs to bed when I was 11 and they were puppies – I’ve never related this to my anxiety until now either!!!
I’m glad you’re all doing well – I hope you mummies enjoyed your respective classes??
I’m doing well today – I was all set to go to the docs about pain down there tomorrow but after ‘ya know’ lol last night for the first time in ages I’ve had less pain, it didn’t hurt and yes, there was a little blood but it was only coming from the back where I’ve always had a little sore from friction.
I’m learning to trust my smear test result and the doctor who examined me seven weeks ago.
My anxiety is trying to trick me with tummy pains and an itchy mole on my nose now but I won’t have it – as far as I and an ultra sound, x ray, smear, internal exam, several a & e trips, five blood tests, five urine tests, a stool test, countless doctor’s appointments annnnd a trip to the breast clinic are concerned I’m physically fine .
xxx
I had a good time at play group, H played nicely and even kissed and cuddled other children. Lots of positive interactions, he even made me an imaginary cup of tea. These are the things I would normally ignore and only focus on his challenging quirks! Definitely makes for a nicer day highlighting the good!
I even managed to talk myself out of a HA attack...I was kneeling down and when I got up my right leg felt funny. I automatically panicked and thought of what it could be, the next thing I knew my legs and hands felt weird. I decided to try and describe it to myself and I said it was like adrenaline. I then thought well it probably is adrenaline and anxiety so just ignore it. I did and it went away, very proud of myself!
I am very tired today though and would love an early night, but my husband moans that I don't spend enough time with him so I guess that's out of the question!
Positive vibes! X
Rosiebee87
01-10-14, 21:30
Hi Fj, glad your pains are subsiding. I bet your other half is happy ;-)
Sounds like you had a positive day Mondie, making a conscious effort to battle your negative thoughts. It's a really hard thing to do but does become easier, I think... So you should feel proud! :yahoo:
I found another symptom about 20 minutes ago whilst having some chill time watching TV, no way am I diagnosing myself with another fatal disease over something I've probably had (but not noticed) all my life. The dragon can 'do one'. (I did have to battle it away but I think I've won).
Really happy with how far I have come in the last 6 weeks but wish it would all just goooooo awayyyy now. Symptoms, fear, battling. All of it!
Anyway.. Off for an early night xx
... I wonder how primula is getting on! X
Glad to hear that the dragon has been given short thrift from all you ladies. Also glad to hear that aside from a little friction your Fandango is bearing up well Fiona:yahoo:
Mondie you sound really positive and you should be proud.
This thread makes me happy!! xxx
Proud of you for whipping your dragon into shape when it tried to bite there, Mondie!
My day was sort of positive. No more than sort of. I did things! Last night was hellish. I've had constipation for months now but I haven't been able to stop going for the last about 14 hours! I had to get up loads during the night and a couple of times this morning. I've started taking acidophilus and so I'm wondering if maybe that's clearing me out? Not entirely sure. I'm trying not to worry and I'm not like I would have done a month ago but it hurts and I'm sick of dashing to go. The day is young though right?
Xx
How are you feeling wnsos? Make sure you are drinking lots of water if your stomach is still a bit dodgy.
I'm having an ok day, I had dental implants fitted last week and they're still hurting so that's putting me in a grump.
Took my son to baby signing class and he did some great sharing which is fab, he did ask to go home before the end which is unusual for him but I'll just ignore that!
Hope everyone's day is going well.
Xx
Hi ladies, today has been a good day. No soul searching just cleaning and shopping! It is so lovely for October here in the south East. A life not filled with panic and anxiety is so different. I bought a book ten years ago on a physiologist recommendation titled 'Get out of your mind and into your life' As soon as I opened it and seen the work sheets that was shelved! I've just looked at it and lo and behold it should be called 'how to circumvent 10 years of your life by reading this'. So I learned the hard way and that is why I urge anyone who is still just about to move onto the next illness to just maybe take a couple of weeks off to give getting better a go.
Great to hear you sounding so positive Mondie and wnos I hope your stomach has calmed down:hugs: Lucia xxx
Rosiebee87
02-10-14, 19:44
Evening ladies,
Went to baby group today which was great, saw an old friend and made another :). Then was invited over by my neighbour where I met another mum of 2 little ones so am slowly getting my little network of friends here. Was a good day in that respect.
I'm struggling with the dragon today though, I was fine when I was busy today but moments when I haven't been I've been worried about (I know this sound ridiculous) nose cancer!? It's the symptom I found last night. The inside of my left nostril is swollen on the septum. So I've been googling, prodding. Basically back to my old tricks. I did do my cbt and write things down this morning, it did work. But what, do I have to keep writing the same things down??
Anyway the prodding is obviously causing sensations which my dragon is also loving.
Confused really as I thought me having a overall good day today would have been enough to see the dragon off... I will be telling this to my therapist anyway next week.
Booooo to the bad days!!
New day tomorrow xxx
Rosie my nose is swollen in various places inside and cause over the months I have picked it it's now very sore. Sore nose, sore boob- don't go there:lac: To be honest i believe writing thing down serves a great purpose but you won't be doing it forever. The nose cancer should be a one liner. Have I got nose cancer-have I bollox!!:winks::winks::hugs:
Rosiebee87
02-10-14, 22:52
Thanks luc you do make me smile! :D
I feel alright now.. You have helped put me back on track xxx
Ooh Luc, where in the south east? I love the south. One of my favourite places to be is Brighton. Last time I went down there was when we were getting those rotten storms in February but even that didn't dull my time. I'm up in Durham and the trees are beautiful. They're proper orange and yellow this year and the fact we have sun for a change means they all have a glow. I love October (when it behaves!) :)
Mondie, my tummy did settle down eventually! I discovered the flax seed I had was two months out of date and I think that might have played a part in it. Not sure. My aunt mentioned something about how cause I had a good day the day before, anxiety wants me to suffer and I just have to tell it to f off. Good thing is I didn't let it get me in tears!
Rosie, I (tmi again) had a massive snot come out of my nose yesterday. I'm going to pretend it was empathy! I hate that when we discover something or have something it's so hard to leave it alone cos of the worrying which makes it even worse. You'll be right :hugs:
Got an appointment with my psychiatrist this afternoon. Scared after this I'll be left to god and good nature but the fear can take a back seat for a bit. Only have a limited supply after all! I had an idea as well, do you think we could all manage to coax our dragons to go on a holiday together? Like a war zone. That'd be good. :whistles:
I'm the queen of editing apparently but I just want to thank you all again for this thread and yourselves. Cannot be more grateful for you all. :)
Morning All
Glad you're feeling better wnsos and well done for not letting your anxiety get to you, your Aunt sounds very wise f off indeed!
I'm off to another play group, really don't like this one as it was here that some stupid mum mention that my son seemed autistic. I feel so on edge whenever I am there, but it's not fair to Harry to not go, I'll just have to suck it up. Don't know why other people feel the need to stick their noses in to other peoples lives.
Hope you're appointment goes well wnsos this afternoon, have you been seeing them for long?
Have a good day peeps xx
That mother sounds like a right wordidontwanttosayhere. Who just says that to somebody? I'm frustrated for you. But try to ignore it, people that like to comment on anything other than themselves are usually trying to mask their own stuff by being wordidonteanttosayagaines. It's none of her business. She should think more about her own family. xxx
I've only seen him once so far. I ended up at a&e a couple of weeks ago to see the mental health team cause I kept having massive break downs and the gp I was seeing was a registrar that couldn't change my meds or make referrals etc. It was a really dark time but luckily I got an appointment with him to change my meds and I have a follow up today. He was really nice though. I kept thinking my veins were moving and black (sounds ridiculous, I know!) but he checked them for me instead of just telling me it was in my mind which made me rest a bit. :) Kinda wish there were more doctors like him. One thing this ordeal has made me realise is I want to go back to college and involve myself with mental health somehow so I can help people.
Went to the play group and it was alright, Harry had fun and that busybody was nowhere to be seen, thank God!
I still struggling with not comparing him to other children, but had a word with myself when I got home and wrote down all the nice things he did. Drawing this picture being one of them!
2224
I think it's fab that you want to go to college to learn about mental health support, I've toyed with the idea of becoming a counsellor in the past. I hate the idea of so many unhappy people being out there. I just want to mend us all!
Hope everyone's day is going well.
Speak soon xx
Ooh wnos, Where are you from?
---------- Post added at 19:19 ---------- Previous post was at 18:20 ----------
Wnos I hope you did not think I was taking the mickey. Just looked back at the thread and it seems us fellow Northeasterners like abit of Ooh:winks:.
Just upstairs and a bit of nipple pressing going on (sorry CPe) however stopped myself somewhere between that's new and that's grainy, thought of you ladies and honorary man and said "Lucia, practice what you preach". Now that told me!! xx
Morning all.
How did your appointment go wnos? Mondie your sounding really positive so different from a few weeks back. How is everyone else?
Lucia :hugs:
Morning All, hope you are all well. I'm having a blip this morning, someone had posted on my Facebook page a video of their friends autistic 4 year old son. They really remind me of my son, silly I know as this boy is older and it's a 10 sec clip and I don't know them! Just old demons creeping up...must..slap..them..down...
I also woke up in the night with bad stinging pains in my upper stomach. I had dental implants last week and have been taking voltarol for the pain. The pharmacist said that they could cause stomach bleeding so if I get any pain to see her and she would give me some omsoprozole to help. I'm now a bit concerned that that's what's happened.
Aaah..I've been so good this week too!
Right off to slap myself, have a good day people...
Xxx
Beckie4567
04-10-14, 10:02
Fj can I ask what u mean by painful down the re I'm to experiencing soreness down there at the mo and convinced its vaginal cancer or cc :( it's stingy to sit walk it's horrible :( x
I love that picture, Mondie! I don't have many kids around me but my best friend is an auntie to loads and her mum is a foster parent, so whenever I've visited and there's been kids around, watching them draw always makes me so happy for some reason. I sort of remember when I was happy with some crayons and paper. Hope it's got a spot on the fridge! :) Glad that beast of a lady wasn't around too. F her. Xx
I'm in Durham, Luc! And no worries on taking anything personally. I can assure you that as much as I love newcastle, the general population up here are very much like Geordie Shore. :roflmao: I have to sort of laugh about it or I just get annoyed at them! We have a really beautiful cathedral up here but I've seen it so much in my life that I mostly just shrug my shoulders these days. I should stop doing so cos beauty is beauty and it keeps us going!
As suspected, I did have only the two appointments with the psychiatrist to get me on the right medication. He's going to write a letter to my GP and also the group that does the CBT so I might hopefully get involved in that sooner. My neck started aching when I went to the shop to treat myself after which sort of started me thinking about the fact my back hurts and how I've never had this or that checked which marred the rest of the day a bit BUT I still did the things and got on with it. :D Also my swimming stuff came but typically I'm cramping before the monthly. I sometimes wish we could give out periods to men. If only they knew...
Much love and positive thoughts all around xxx
Hi
I dont believe recovery form anxiety is something that you strive towards. I think its a physiological process that heals in its own time.
And that you shouldnt interfere with it if you want to heal. It is like having a wound, and then picking at it. If you pick at it every day it will never heal.
But if you dont touch it then it heals in its own time.
The not touching your wound is basically accpeting your anxiety. This is done by not trying to overcome your anxiety. But instead to admit to yourself that you have the symptoms, feelings, and sensations and to stop fighting them. To stop trying to fight your way out of them.
Taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly, and find that place of neutrality where the storm rages yet you are unaffected by it.
Also let go of your body, and sag. Sag your shoulders, your arms, and your tummy muscles.
Once you do this then after some time youll see an improvement!
Best,
Jon
Wnos, I am from Newcastle and was brought up in County Durham xx
Ohh really? That's so cool! Like really really cool :D I live in a little village called Ushaw Moor. Where abouts are you from? xx
Birtley ha! My mam used to work in Pity Me. xx
Ahh I know both! Birtley most as somewhere I drive through to get to newcastle but it looks lovely. And I was just in Pity Me the other day. :)
How has the weekend been for everyone? Xx
You positiveness has no boundaries Wnos - Birtley?!!
Apart from Primula, who is on holiday everybody else seems to be doing ok well attest I hope that is why they are not posting. My weekend has been working, football, gardening and ironing but I would not have it any different :hugs:( well maybe scuba diving in the Maldives):winks:.
Anywhere is good compared to this village! :winks:
My weekend has been ok, not brilliant. My wobble on Friday continued into yesterday but I seem to be back on an even keel today. My son and I went for a long walk this morning and he's now gone swimming with my husband so I can have an hour to myself. Guess what? Ended up cleaning!!
Hope everyone else is good, it's been lovely and sunny here in Warwickshire which is good for my mood!
Speak soon xx
Rosiebee87
06-10-14, 10:26
Hi everyone, glad all is ok with you lot other than the odd little wobble here and there!!
I'm good, I had a mad busy weekend decorating my bedroom and changing the kids room about. I was non stop. My dragon didn't get a look in atall other than when I sat down last night once everything was finished. But then I beat him away with a stick ha ha!
Busy morning today as I had to get my my daughter to nursery early as she's there for a whole day today so there was no low feelings this morning either.
So just have my son to contend with today. I keep busy and go out but I feel like I need to rest after a tiring weekend and tons of walking I done last week.
Thing is, I have purposely avoided having any chill time whatsoever for weeks as it allows me to ponder so I will see how I get on today.. Body feels like it's craving rest and I still haven't managed to put much weight back on from my bad episode a couple of months ago.
But I'm good though, therapy on Wednesday hopefully I can go in positive.
Hope you are all having a good day x
Hiya Rosie and Mondie :hugs: I'm glad you both got over your wobbles.
I'm having one or have been having one yesterday and today but I'm determined to chase away these negative thoughts! I'm due my period and I've never before wanted it to come til I got HA, I always dreaded it but now I'm like, okay I bet it doesn't come just to mess with me more. I fought off getting a Drs appointment and I'm just going to ask my GP about a few things when I go next Friday for a medication check recommended by the psychiatrist next week. My tummy is the thing that always gets me worked up again, but I suspect the dragon knows this.
Much love xo
I'm due my period too and I find that my anxiety is so much worse at this time of the month. I have lymph nodes under my armpits that always come up when I'm due on and even though the doctors aren't worried, I don't like it!!
I've got quite a lot of 'symptoms' today but I'm refusing to let them worry me. I've had them all before and nothing's happened to me, so I'm pretty sure I'll last the day!
Speak soon, much love xx
Hey kids :),
How's it going? You all seem so positive and WELL DONE for getting over your wobbles!!
Sorry I've not posted recently - I've been flat hunting and partying all weekend - it started off as an absolute nightmare but we got accepted for the flat we wanted today so that's good!!
My pains only seem to be there when I'm thinking about it and seem to follow a pattern with my cycle so think it's hormonal if anything :).
I did have a wobble last night though - two of my best friends got engaged and are the first in our group of about 8 people and I was thrilled but found myself thinking that I might not make it til the wedding. Has anyone else ever had that???
Lotsa love xxx
Definitely, when I was getting married I couldn't picture myself on the day as I was convinced I wouldn't make it. Thought the same when I was pregnant, found it difficult to picture my future. Must be quite common I guess!
Congrats on the flat and partying sounds like fun, seems a lifetime ago since I did any partying!
Xx
Same here sort of! I keep thinking I won't make it to Christmas. We will though :D
My favourite musician has announced a once in a lifetime show in December. I wasn't going to go "because" I'll be away from home but why should I miss out? Why should I make myself miss out? Screw that. :)
Oh it's so good to hear everyone is good. The odd wobble here and there can be soon shushed by us lot.:hugs:
I have dreaded, shortened, curtailed many a happening due to HA - no more. I am off to Tallinn at the weekend and Italy at half term !!
Wnos who are u seeing in December? xxxxxxx
Oh live music...my favourite...go for it.
Who is it?
Xx
---------- Post added at 17:39 ---------- Previous post was at 17:37 ----------
Jealous Luc, I'm off to Devon at half term so not quite as lovely as Italy! Xx
I love devon, where are you going Mondie?
Anna Calvi! Absolutely brilliant and worth a check out if you like music. I had a massive anxiety attack the last time I went to a concert, sort of around the beginning of all of this and while I'm scarred, Anna will be playing with an orchestra in an old church. Sounds unmissable to me :D
I'd love to go to Italy, Luc! Hope you'll fill us in with photos and stories when you get back.
Also got fond childhood memories of Devon. :) Fond ones and also not so fond, lost one of my baby teeth at Appledore. Had a massive crying fit on the beach. Apparently I've always been a nervous person :roflmao:
We go to a place near Okehampton called Manor House Hotel. It's an all inclusive sport and craft holiday place, it's good for us as there is something for everyone, children through to OAP's! Also it's familiar to me, so no anxieties over it!
I feel really anxious tonight, just had a very hot bath and think it's made me feel shaky and a bit peculiar. Just eating some food and hoping to settle down, trying to ignore the weird feelings.
Xx
---------- Post added at 23:09 ---------- Previous post was at 20:41 ----------
Ok, so I'm really not good right now. My left thigh is twitching, like I can see the muscle moving. It's been like this for over 2 hours now, it's constant and starting to freak me out. I'm imagining all sort of horrible diseases.
Hate feeling like this, so not where I want to be right now.
Sorry ladies :(
Hey everyone!
Mondie, how are you feeling this morning?!
I'm not doing great either - my pains down there are back, I've had a funny tummy and my hips and back are stiff so I'm super worried but I'm sure we can help get each other back on track!!
I bet your leg twitch has gone this morning?! It's probably just a nerve- my friend gets a similar thing Everytime we go to the cinema lol!!
Hope you all have a good day! Xxx
My leg is still twitching, it's like a pulse in my thigh but I can see it move. I have restless leg syndrome and it has been very bad the last few days, it's gone into my feet too. I hate physical symptoms like that, makes my mind go into overdrive.
Sorry your pains are back, hope we can get our thinking back on an even keel soon!
Xxx
I'm sorry your leg is twitching again, Mondie. Wish I'd been around last night to respond. Was all sedated thanks to my good friend mirtazapine. And I'm sorry your tummy is being a pain again fj. Cuddles for you both. My tummy is worrying me too still. Dragon keeps whispering awful things whenever I get an ache. Course my arm started stinging again yesterday too so if it was what I was worried about in the beginning or intermittently, the arm has nothing to do with that. Hmm..wish it was easier for the mind to absorb. Trying especially hard not to think about Lyme disease again too. Feels like I go back and forth between that and the C word. Know what though?
We can get through this. I know we can. :hugs: Just woke up over here after a night full of bad dreams. Draco surely knows how to infect you. Good thing I'm a gryffindor and above his bs. :) (she tells herself over and over..)
Haha Wsnos, I love the Harry Potter references!! :shades:
Mondie - I'm sorry to hear you're still suffering - if you know you have restless leg though I'm sure that'll be why.
I'm doing very badly today, I can't stop thinking about my vaginal pains, back pain and achey bum. I might go to the clinic tonight but I'll probs have to work late and won't bother.
I was getting better but I've been triggered by some things I've read on here recently so need to push that to the back of my mind. I'm not blaming anyone as I know people use this forum for different reasons and I've been known to post symptoms but I just don't want to get back to that.
xxx
I know exactly what you mean by the triggering. I want to try to help people out as best I can but then there are posts that do a number on you. Found myself doing the silly thing of symptom checking via search just the other night. So much love. Maybe you're just getting sympathy vag aches since my period finally came :doh: my dragon is spreading. Kidding but I hope you can distract yourself somehow xxxx
My biggest problem is that I don't really google symptoms anymore (well not in the last few weeks) but I can't unlearn what I've read in the past...
I've just started my period this morning, so maybe my anxiety is at an all time time and I'm suffering because if that? Got counselling tomorrow so will talk it through with her...
I too love Harry Potter, so much so that my little son is called Harry in his honour! I went to the studio tour last Christmas and I loved it, want to go back again soon!
I wish I really was in Gryffindor then I would magic us all better...
Xxx
You know what, I bet anxiety ebbs along with the cycle. My mum said she could tell I was almost due because of my mood. To me, I feel grumpy all the time but I can't see myself from the outside! I remember once, an old friend was talking to me about how much control the moon has over us all. How it can control the tides and how women have monthly cycles and we're made up in large part by water. So the seasons and the planets can affect us all. And with us being really really sensitive... Just a thought!
Your son being named after Harry is the coolest thing, I knew he was awesome! I love those books too, I love stories that involve overcoming things and stuff like that. It's funny, when I was younger I always "wanted" to be Slytherin but kept getting Gryff in sorting hats cos I never felt brave. (Then again, Snape was Slytherin and awesome and James was a weasel to him! We all have a bit of everything in us.) im totally getting side tracked now haha, it'd be so cool if we could magic it all away. It seemed like it magically appeared!
My goal this week is to not read in to my period like last month. Other than it being a bit lighter and shorter the fact I kept checking in the toilet after made me discover things I have never discovered before in 17 years. Yay me. But surely it's cos I haven't looked in that much detail before??
Xxx
Oh I wish we were magic too Mondie.
Haha, Wsnos – I hope it is sympathy pains . I’ve been so so so bad and googled after getting a message off another user about similar symptoms and I’m now sitting at work in sheer panic convinced I have a stage 2 vulval cancer.
I hate this - I was doing so so well.
I might pop to the clinic tonight to put my mind at rest, I know I should be avoiding reassurance seeking but I have done so for around 5 weeks now and I think it’s time.
I hope you’re all having better days ladies.
xxx
Rosiebee87
07-10-14, 14:25
Sorry to hear you are having wobbles ladies. It's ok though, ups and downs remember. Try and use your wobbles as practice to fight away your dragons. And pleaseeee keep in mind that it's normal to feel and see strange bodily things! We can't wrap ourselves in cotton wool and be symptom free.
If your symptoms come and go and have only been there for a day or 2 I'm sure it's nothing serious!
Keep busy ladies maybe too much focus is on your bodies today and when that happens you feel and see EVERYTHING!
Hugs xxx
---------- Post added at 14:14 ---------- Previous post was at 14:13 ----------
Also try and stay away from other threads on here that are asking for reassurance. Even I'm not ready for those yet.
This thread is to keep one another strong and focus on the main issue at hand - our dragons ;-) xxx
---------- Post added at 14:19 ---------- Previous post was at 14:14 ----------
And stop staring into space worrying! Do some online shopping but something nice and switch off from your worries. I got hunter wellies this morning. This retail therapy is becoming somewhat of a habbit and absolutely skinting me ha ha x
---------- Post added at 14:25 ---------- Previous post was at 14:19 ----------
*buy
I'm currently waiting at the dentist for root canal. That definitely is taking my mind off everything!
big love ❤
Rosiebee87
07-10-14, 14:41
Poor you Mondie I avoid dentist at all costs lol..
Also not meaning to belittle your worries. I know a couple of months ago I was in tears most the day. Couldn't eat let alone do anything nice for myself but start off little in small steps if you are having a wobble, do something, anything to distract your mind x
---------- Post added at 14:41 ---------- Previous post was at 14:40 ----------
Also, I'm still waiting for my period boo hoo!! X
Wow! Rosie, how did you know I was staring into space.
I feel so mad with myself that I’ve gone back to square one..
Hunter’s are fab – what colour did you get?
Good luck with the root canal Mondie?
Lotsa love xx
Rosiebee87
07-10-14, 16:18
You haven't gone back to square one it's just a blip that's all. You're doing great we all are. You seem to do great on the weekends when you are most distracted. That must count for something - surely?
I got navy tall hunters with abit of pink at the back. So exited it's quite sad really. I loved the cornflower blue ones too. Must resist!! X
Thanks Rosie - I can beat this blip :) I'm just panicked but you girls know how it is.
I'm gunna try and go to the clinic tonight or Thursday dependent when I finish work to get myself back on track!
I am loads better on weekends and even more so when I'm out having a few drinks and fully relaxed.
Oooh they sound lovely, you can treat yourself to another pair for xmas ;). Mine are chocolate brown but I wish I'd gotten a brighter pair!!
xxx
Hi Ladies. Rosie is right. Try to use these blips to push on. You are just experiencing the bodily functions of a female which are pretty complex and VERY RARELY sinister. The point is you are giving them to much thought which is the nature of the beast. I believe that continuallypracticing positive (or if you can't manage positive then realistic)thoughts is crucial. Don't try to push the thought away just answer each one. You won't miss anything because we all know that if we really thought we had something wrong with us we would be getting it sorted.
Now Fiona, you do not have cervical cancer and you know that. What are you going to talk about at the clinic? What you would like is to know is exactly what the pains are that only happen through the week. That's not really gonna happen if you go along there tonight or Thursday. If they are musculaskelatol or a number of other intermittent pain sources this could take years, if ever , to get to the bottom of. I have had a pain in my left pelvic region for 22 years. I had a laparoscopy at 22 to determine the pain - I still don't know.
The reassurance you seek can not be sought. Talk to us we will reason with you and I am sure if anyone of us thought you needed to seek medical attention we would advise so. I hope this helps a little, Lucia:hugs:
I know I say it a lot but I'm really thankful for you girls. :hugs:
Rosie and Luc are both right too, it is just a blip and blips mean progress even though if doesn't feel so. Hope you feel better soon. Xx
I know you are all right...my leg is still twitching but I've decided to try and ignore it and see if if goes away. Silly thoughts about my son resurfaced today, but I know I can't change who he is so will just have to ignore those as well.
Back to the counsellor tomorrow which I'm looking forward to, it's so nice to feel in a safe place and say whatever I want without being looked at like I'm weird.
Root canal was vile and the tooth feels sensitive now *sigh* I'm always at the dentist for something or other. Luckily I don't have a phobia!
Wishing us all a good day tomorrow.
Onwards and upwards!
Xx
Hey girls :),
Thanks for all the replies .. I've been baaaad today and I've had a mirror out and looked extensively.
There's a small lump on one side at the opening of the vagina so now even more freaked. I'm trying to think positive as it could have been there forever.
I honestly don't know what I would so without this thread and you lot!!
How are you all this evening?
Xox
I can honestly say I have never looked at my froo froo in a mirror, so I guess I probably have lumps and bumps too. Probably normal anatomy that you've never noticed that before.
I would say stop looking, but you know that anyway right?! ��
hugs xxx
I do indeed Mondie - I haven't had a spell like this in ages but I'll get through it.
Especially with the help of you guys!
Lucia, thanks for your reply last night and sorry I didn't take more time to respond- my head was all over the place. Stupidly, cervical cancer isn't my worry anymore but vaginal cancer (which I didn't know existed until yesterday!!) I'm not sure what I'd say at te clinic but now I've seen a 'lump' it's making me worse!! I'm trying to keep my mind off it the best I can and will see how I feel in a few days!
Lots of love to you all xx
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