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I know this is going to sound silly. but I would love another baby. I got two under 9yrs old. but I aint got no man? o im buggerd. but also everyone around me are having third & fourth babys & to be honest im jelus. I think I,ve spelt that wrong. I know it,s silly but I realy can,t help the way I feel.
Serenity1990
01-09-14, 13:16
This probably isn't very helpful, but my personal opinion is that it's only fair on potential children to consider having them once a relationship is well established and stable for a number of years, and both parents are in professional(ish) £40k+ jobs. Maybe stop being concerned about what your friends are doing and just wait until you're in a stable relationship again?
littlebutterflygb
01-09-14, 13:37
Cripes serenity, youve just ruled out a massive part of the very population who are the very ones ensur,ing that those semi professionals have a very comfortable life thank you.
Imagine that? All those semi professionals kids would have to be working in factories, burger bars and cleaning the streets.
Bravo
excellent reply & I understand were your coming from. I mean im so happy & gratefull I already have two kids. but maybe in the future if & when I settle down. thanks for your reply
---------- Post added at 16:10 ---------- Previous post was at 16:09 ----------
I know.
Fruity I now how it feels (kind of) I have been in a relationship for almost a 9 years, we have a 7 year old and I have been wanting another for about a year, my partner keeps saying he will think about it, but it never gets further than that.
Serenity nobody I have ever known in my life earns £40,000 a year even jointly. You always have fantastic advice but I disagree with you on that amount. Jobs like that just aren't that easy to get, even when you have been to University (which I haven't ha). I do think you should be in a stable relationship though.
When you start feeling broody just remind yourself of the negative downsides of having a baby. Rather than apparent 'joy', you'll soon change your mind!
yes a stable relationship is a good I dea. ha,ha. & certainly don,t earn that. im just a cleaner.
---------- Post added at 20:36 ---------- Previous post was at 20:34 ----------
the only downside I had with my two kids was post natal dep and my anxietys. but I would go thru it again. because im better at controlling my anxietys.
Good Lord fancy suggesting anyone earning under 40k shouldn't have kids!! That rules out teachers like myself and most other public sector workers too. Talk about elitist!!
Anyway fruity, I know it's tough dealing with broodiness but maybe try to do some nice things with your kids and really enjoy their company, that could help to change your focus, and who knows what will happen in the future.
Serenity1990
01-09-14, 20:55
Is teacher pay really that low? :o
Hardly elitest, I could understand that comment if I'd said six figures but £40k seems to be about the starting salary for most young professionals. Certainly in London anyway.
I've been teaching thirteen years and I earn less than 30k. Didn't mean to jump down your throat serenity but that did hit a nerve!
Eta the average graduate salary in London is 27k but not everyone has the resources to get to university and it isn't right for everyone either.
Just my opinion.....
Babies are cute, adorable, lovable and bring untold joy. Perosnally, I'm older and ready for grand kids. This way I can play with them, spoil them and give them back to their parents. With all the joy they bring, I can't help but remember the sleepless nights, the worrying (not a great thing with anxiety disorder), screaming and crying, temper tantrums, smelly poopy diapers and having to take 2 hours just to get everything ready (diaper bag, bottles, car seat, playpen etc. etc. etc.) just to take a small trip. Ahhh no thanks ;)
Concerning your post Fruity. You have two little ones under 9 years of age. That's a really cool age to be and some awesome stuff is about to happen. They're becoming more independent which leaves more time for "you" and that's really important! That and the fact that raising children as a single parent is one of the most difficult and challenging tasks one can undertake. Having another baby without a loving and supportive partner and father will put more strain on you then you are possibly ready to undertake. Be proud of what you accomplished thus far, live vicariously through your friends. Volunteer to babysit perhaps. Play "Auntie", play and spoil them and give them back to their parents when your done. Think how nice it is that you can tuck your two into bed and get a good nights sleep ;)
Positive thoughts
Catherine S
01-09-14, 21:23
There is also the negative side of it all here in the UK at the moment fishmanpa....we have a benefits crisis, in that there are alot of people having alot of children and on state benefits. Fruity is a single parent who works as a cleaner...i'm assuming part-time and under the tax threshold, so will probably be getting benefits to top up her earnings, and the people who earn enough to pay tax will be paying for those benefits....unless the father of the children she has pays lots for them already? Wanting another baby while in this situation will only stretch the tax payer even more.
Serenity...you should maybe think outside the London box as the rest of the country would think they were rich if that was their minimum salary! My hubby is a specialist technician and when I was in work until last year I worked for a GP and our combined salaries didn't amount to 40k.
ISB x
ISB... certainly there's the financial aspect. That's a given. It's not much different in the US where there are those that have manipulated the welfare system and live relatively well off of it and the taxpayers pay for them. Bottom line, it's not cheap to raise a child. That being said, if people waited until they felt they could financially be comfortable doing so, we very well might go extinct ;) The world population is proof that birth control and financial responsibility is overcome by the need to coochie coochie ~lol~
Positive thoughts
Catherine S
01-09-14, 21:46
Coochie coochie...love it. Well in answer to that yes I agree that there is never a best time to have children as far as finances go, but as I said, at the moment in the UK...as reported in all of the newspapers and on TV quite regularly here...the people who work and pay taxes are getting a bit tired of the people who don't pay taxes having lots of children that they really cannot afford. Ending up in a situation where the partner does a runner and doen't pay for his children is one thing...then the mother is not at fault, but to then go on to have more children when you rely on state benefits is a tad irresponsible for the vast majority of UK tax payers, sorry.
ISB x
And now just wondering if fruity knows this and just wants to see the reaction she gets to it...call me cynical :D
You just assume she receives support?
Fruity, you know what? I completely "get" the broody thing. It's just maternal instincts. Nothing wrong with that. It bodes well for the kids you have. I'm sure they've done well by you, and you're doing the best you can for them. ... I sure do get the warm fuzzies for a new baby, I was like that. As crazy as it sounds, now I look back I wish I'd had a great big family like we see on TLC here, ha ha! Seriously, if I had had a husband who was of the same mind, and could figure out how to support them, I think it might have been a lot of fun! ... But then, once the older ones all leave, what am I supposed to do with an energetic 10 and 12 year old, at my age?? I barely have the energy to be company to the husband I have and our two cats in the evenings now, ha ha! ... And Fishmanpa's right, the pukety-puke and poopety-poop of a cranky 18-month old with the flu can sure kick the warm fuzzies in the chops! :wacko:
Never mind the money, hunni, if you are in a stable relationship for a good while again, and your partner is truly up for it (so long as he is working you can manage), by all means reassess where you're at mentally and let those factors help you make the decision to have another baby! Just be sure (as sure as you can reasonably be) that you will be able to stay home and be the one changing and cuddling the sick toddler in the night so he can get some sleep for work in the morning! :winks:
And I think you have made it clear these things are important to you, too. Good on you, hun. May your dreams come true! xx
Marie
well thanks everyone for your replies. I work 12hrs a week wednesday-sunday. I clean in a cinema. very hard work. I get 2 benefits. child tax & child benefit. my kids father don,t pay nothing. and I wish I was in a stable relationship so maybe I could have another child. to be honest I feel ready more than ever. hopefully one day I will settle down again. xxxx
Catherine S
03-09-14, 13:52
If your comment was aimed at me RoseEve...and they usually are...then no, I didn't just assume anything. If you read my comments properly I did say 'if' her ex partner was paying for the children and 'if' she was getting benefits, and because I wasn't sure if the US has the same benefits policy as we do I was explaining to fishman Mark how people in the UK felt about it as it can be a very touchy subject in UK.
ISB
I know this is going to sound silly. but I would love another baby. I got two under 9yrs old. but I aint got no man? o im buggerd. but also everyone around me are having third & fourth babys & to be honest im jelus. I think I,ve spelt that wrong. I know it,s silly but I realy can,t help the way I feel.
Being "buggered" and jealousy are not arguments for another pregnancy...
I brought my daughter up on my own and i did an excellent job she went to uni got an honours degree she has an excellent job travels the world she's a wonderful human being and I did all that ON MY OWN earning 18k a year , so I don't agree with what you say serenity1990
I'm a single mom as well. I do it all on my own. I too get jealous sometimes when people have a third it's totally normal. The choice is yours Fruity. Children need love above all and I'm sure that you are a great mother :) The choice is completely your own.
Despite controversial Serenity's exact criterion (the amount of money earned) for people's decision for children, she emphasized the obviously correct opinion - that before deciding to have children, it is very important and recommended to be situated well enough to avoid difficulties - believe me, no one is doing a child any favors by making him live in an enviroment where there is omnipresent stress over financial troubles, worry if there will be enough money to pay the bills, perhaps forcing parents to work multiple shifts/jobs, leaving the child on their own.
Catherine S
04-09-14, 14:45
As Deadman said, most salaries are low anyway so you'd be waiting forever to have kids if low wages was the problem. The point of this is though, if you're already struggling to keep the children you have and having to rely on benefits to boost income...why as a single parent, go on to have more children? The feeling of wanting another baby is what alot of women feel, but most would acknowledge that stretching themselves even further financially wouldn't be sensible or fair on the children they already have.
Like others here, I raised my youngest daughter alone after a change in circumstances and I had to have benefits to top up my wages. I got her through school and had bucket and spade holidays and I got her through Uni, but it definately wasn't easy and I wouldn't have wanted to have another child at that time...I'd be then claiming even more benefits and felt the tax payers were helping me enough as it was.
ISB x
Catherine S
04-09-14, 14:57
I don't know...these Londoners eh? What are they like! :lac::D
ISB
Catherine S
04-09-14, 15:00
Brummie?
Catherine S
04-09-14, 15:14
Haha...yes I remember that bit of the countryside too, anyway...not to take over fruity's thread I've sent you a PM.
ISB
Serenity1990
04-09-14, 15:24
I'm very sorry if anyone's offended. However allow me to explain my opinion. The take-home pay on £40k is only around £2500 a month, so a couple would take home £5k a month. Around these parts a three bed house or flat rents for around £3k a month, and a mortgage would be around this figure too. So the family income drops to £2k a month. Minus bills, pension savings, cars, travel etc from all that and you get to very little. Aside from the other childcare associated costs, especially during the day in the school holidays and stuff. This would also mean state healthcare, state schooling, and doing without decent holidays.
Tbh it's just an opinion, and other parts of the UK are obviously different. My last job paid far more than this and even then I wouldn't have been comfortable having kids.
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