Reassurance - can't seem to be reassured

[Butterfly22]

I'm struggling with reassurance at the moment, each time I am reassured I still have this nagging doubt that something is wrong, for example I have a new boyfriend and things have been going from strength to strength and recently we had to have a discussion about contraception he was not keen on using protection and I said I needed him too and we had a detailed conversation about it and I had to put my foot down, he has agreed to it but I keep feeling like I've done something wrong even though he's said it's fine and that he loves me, I just keep getting this nagging doubt about is everything okay even though he's reassured me it is and that he loves me, how do I deal with this?

[Anxiety A]

If he really loves you he will respect your wishes, i hope everything goes ok for you just don't let him push you into anything your not sure on or uncomfortable to do. My advice would be to have a long talk to him, i like to always think that 'a problem shared is a problem halved', and see where that goes.

Best wishes

- Anxiety Anonymous :)

[Oosh]

Feel secure in the decision you've made. It's the right one.

You are a person in your own right, this is your life and this is how you want to manage it. You've made a strong, assertive, sensible decision. Feel good and confident about that.

Anybody who comes into your life has to consider your thoughts/feelings like this. These are your rules ! They are fair. You're not asking too much.

You should feel secure in yourself for being so strong and assertive.

You have to stand by what you believe in and let people walk away if they disagree.
You can't change your opinion because of what the other person might think.
The thing with that is, that stance feeds your self esteem and doesn't weaken it and paradoxically has the effect of attracting those people to you more as you are showing you have value for yourself, your opinions and have self esteem.

It's much better to give off self esteem like that than to weaken and bend out of fear that they'll leave you. That just communicates low self esteem and sets the relationship up for you to be manipulated like that even more.

I think what you've done is great. Well done ! And I think your bf is probably quite impressed too :winks:

[Fishmanpa]

Firstly, I want to say you've done the right thing. It's your body and if your boyfriend loves you, he will respect your wishes. Besides, protection for men these days is quite diverse and if he (and you) embrace it, it can be quite a bit of fun for both of you.

Secondly, in reference to reassurance. In the time I've spent on the boards, I've come to realize that reassurance is like crack cocaine to the anxiety sufferer. You look for it constantly and when you get it, there's a brief moment of "ahhhh" followed by a need to get more and you never really feel satisfied. Looking into treating your anxiety will help to alleviate this and the fears and doubts that continually plague your mind.

Again, high five for having the inner strength and constitution to discuss a very important and intimate subject and stand by your feelings. Perhaps you can go to the pharmacy and buy him a variety pack as a present for being so understanding ;)

Positive thoughts

[Butterfly22]

Thank you everyone for your comments, they have made me feel much better about the decision I have made, he has agreed to use protection I think the doubt came when I know that he wasn't that keen in the first instance and I didn't want to ruin "his experience" if that makes sense.