Ollie28
01-09-14, 20:46
Thanks to you all who have helped me so far on this last 6 month of hell!
Today has been again horrible,
Can't think straight, can't take nothing in, convinced I'm going to lose my mind, lost, FEAR! pure pure uncontrollable fear its so bad, so sudden and uncontrollable it hurts! The pain in my head is tortchure. It's so intense I can't breath or remember much like the time around it is a dream.
I fed up of it all now,
Yesterday & today like the last 6months solid I don't feel like my normal self, I'm constantly worried I'm lost forever I don't feel normal I don't know how to herb through the days no more I'm that lost and bad.
Today I woke felt like I always do "kind of half ok" then my body wakes up with no feeling of awaress of what day it is or how to go about the day, anyway about 11.30 my mind and body opend up and I felt like I could feel and think a little more clearer and better, 70% me feeling, went to look at new family car even felt a little excitement and I could feel feelings of outwards was like normal to make decisions, left a car sales place and out if no where u felt my body staring to shut down losing mind power, losing feelings and things losing the feelings of feeling like me.
I started to get weak legs and tingling feelings in them,I struggled to have a conversation with my wife she was trying to see if I was ok and I couldn't respond like my brain just couldn't take it in, I felt lost didn't feel the feeling if where I was going, I felt like I couldn't talk back. Then the strong twisted fear feeling started. Starts in my stomach, gets higher and higher up in to my head feels like I'm going insane I feel like screaming it physically hurts too.
It's so bad it's brought tears to my eyes, it dies down but my stomach feels on fire. It's gone now but I can feel it a little but in the out if my stomach and my head feels like load of slight electric little shocks are happening,
Everything I think about creates pure fear, even though I'm not scared it feels like my brain is saying your not doing it your scared and I'm telling myself no I'm not!!
I can't think straight! My boss has asked me to make a list of materials I use for my gas job and Im struggling to think. I'm full of fear and I dint know why! I've done my job for 15 years I'm not scared but my brain is saying "yes you will be!"
I'm taking a trip to my drs tomorrow, the pain, the sensations I'm feeling arnt right, the fact I can't even think intelligent or anything near like I use to is destroying my life or what little life I have left im like this 24/7!
Them feelings of uncontrollable intense fear I've has them from day 1, I've been out in public and had to hold on to something it hurts that bad like my minds being twisted up! The very first time it happend I was at home it was so bad and u didvf know what it was it made me fall to my hands and knees screaming in pain! It feels like I'm losing my mind or going backwards,!!8-(
What can the dr give me for this?? Us this anxiety Defo? I'm worried I have some sort of desease in my body it's so bad,
....
Physically Numb body
Constant head aches,
Blocked ears that crackle when I yawn
Poor blurred vision
Lack of mental clarity
Lack of intellegence and feeling of awarness
Detached
Emotions are changing within minutes, crying, happy, angry, scared, but constant lack of mental clarity why like this
Sometimes il cry then cheer up but then yawn a lot and then feel like I'm stuck in the high emotion after crying,
Hair is going grey!!!! 8-(
Find myself walking around the house without feeling or purpose
Having to ask for jobs to do otherwise I just get lost in time in myself
Body feels like it's telling me it's full of fear "go and run away" but I don't want to it's like a feeling I don't control
Mental clarity clears up then drops then clears up a little so I can't think of ideas and like I have common sense!!! Then it goes again (stuck pretty much in it all say everyday bar a few minutes if I'm lucky)
Lack of awareness of time and co ordination (I've left gas rings on, I've got out the bath leaving my son in there because I forgot I just bathed with him he's 2!
Walked in through the front door sat down with no feeling of awarness of my kids like my brains just locked up and not working)
Sat around the house feeling nothing at all Interms of feeling outwards! I can sit for 2 hours and forget u even have my son 2 and 7 year old girl upstairs until I hear a noise and consciously think oh yer!!! I'm like this al day everyday unless my brain eases and opens up so I can think feel and function a little)
The list goes on, I'm trying to remain calm wgen them fear feelings happen I try to let them pass and not fight them but it's impossible there that bad! There not easing at all, I'm worried I have more wrong than what there saying,
It's like my brain is being starved of something - why feel like I do then I can think a bit better like my brains started then it dies away, then il feel a little clearer then I can't even take a word in or think intelligent or find it hard to spell it finish a sentence I get lost! Like I'm thick,
But then "click" and I feel the click too and bio it all goes away and I feel like I've been born again and feel amazing! Better than I've ever felt ....yaaaaaaaaaaaawn!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaawn!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn!!!
Then click - I go back in to that non functional thicko and it all starts again for another god knows how long! I want out if this know! I need some medication to help me live atleast some sort of existence again, it's dangerous living and feeling like I do. I'm worried for my family and future, it's a good job my wife is here because some days I can't even think like a normal person.
Why would this clicking out of "it" happen? I'm afraid it my brain not getting enough oxygen, vitamins, I don't know but why the massive massive massive long yawns every time this happens?
I have a clear head, I look around like where have I been, things I've been looking at in our new home for the last 6 months feels like I'm seeing them for the first time! ....frustrated, 8-(
Has anyone ever had this clicking out yawning before??? Is this even possible with anxiety? 2 therapists, 3 assors and 2 old doctors couldn't say they seen anything like it,
Talking tot new dr tomorrow I want to see a neurologist, nose and throat person, ct scans I want everything there is before I lose the plot out of frustration
I know I've posted before all this I just don't know what to so or where I can find the strength from no more to get better, if I lose my job il lose the plot! I worked so hard to get where I am at I can't lose it but I can't even think the route to work somedays!! What's up with me!!!!!!!
---------- Post added at 20:46 ---------- Previous post was at 20:26 ----------
....I get little periods where I can think things like I have some sort of mind power, I can't feel my past, I can't feel my present, I feel lost.. I get little things coming to me from years ago that ild usualy think about and be oh yer remember that like it was nothing - when it happens now I'm like omg! Remember that because that's how terrible my brain is, I start to panic then because I want out! The months are flying by and I feel like I'm drowning in this hell and I can't breath or escape it, i just want my life back I want to feel intelligent again, think sharp, spell correct and make sense! Talk to people technically like I use to be able to in my job, make contact and feel my family and feel and make clear ideas.
It's like my brains dormant and needs a push start - I give it one I half feel ok it juddered I get a few feelings and memories then it breaks down again,
I've tried citalopram, progabalin, setraline (possibly the course for this) buspar
Still taking the citalopram -because I feel like I do I don't even know if there doing anything I'm that everywhere.
Lost a friend a few week back in a motor cycle accident - I'm that bad I didn't feel anything or think what to do, I missed is funeral because I could t think straight,
Can anyone put a disorder do this in going through? Or have I just lost the plot?
Scared for my future now I don't have no one else if anything was to happen to my partner why I'm like this I wouldn't know what to do and I mean I really couldn't think how or what to do like I can't think straight or normal.
This is not the real me. Where am I?
Today has been again horrible,
Can't think straight, can't take nothing in, convinced I'm going to lose my mind, lost, FEAR! pure pure uncontrollable fear its so bad, so sudden and uncontrollable it hurts! The pain in my head is tortchure. It's so intense I can't breath or remember much like the time around it is a dream.
I fed up of it all now,
Yesterday & today like the last 6months solid I don't feel like my normal self, I'm constantly worried I'm lost forever I don't feel normal I don't know how to herb through the days no more I'm that lost and bad.
Today I woke felt like I always do "kind of half ok" then my body wakes up with no feeling of awaress of what day it is or how to go about the day, anyway about 11.30 my mind and body opend up and I felt like I could feel and think a little more clearer and better, 70% me feeling, went to look at new family car even felt a little excitement and I could feel feelings of outwards was like normal to make decisions, left a car sales place and out if no where u felt my body staring to shut down losing mind power, losing feelings and things losing the feelings of feeling like me.
I started to get weak legs and tingling feelings in them,I struggled to have a conversation with my wife she was trying to see if I was ok and I couldn't respond like my brain just couldn't take it in, I felt lost didn't feel the feeling if where I was going, I felt like I couldn't talk back. Then the strong twisted fear feeling started. Starts in my stomach, gets higher and higher up in to my head feels like I'm going insane I feel like screaming it physically hurts too.
It's so bad it's brought tears to my eyes, it dies down but my stomach feels on fire. It's gone now but I can feel it a little but in the out if my stomach and my head feels like load of slight electric little shocks are happening,
Everything I think about creates pure fear, even though I'm not scared it feels like my brain is saying your not doing it your scared and I'm telling myself no I'm not!!
I can't think straight! My boss has asked me to make a list of materials I use for my gas job and Im struggling to think. I'm full of fear and I dint know why! I've done my job for 15 years I'm not scared but my brain is saying "yes you will be!"
I'm taking a trip to my drs tomorrow, the pain, the sensations I'm feeling arnt right, the fact I can't even think intelligent or anything near like I use to is destroying my life or what little life I have left im like this 24/7!
Them feelings of uncontrollable intense fear I've has them from day 1, I've been out in public and had to hold on to something it hurts that bad like my minds being twisted up! The very first time it happend I was at home it was so bad and u didvf know what it was it made me fall to my hands and knees screaming in pain! It feels like I'm losing my mind or going backwards,!!8-(
What can the dr give me for this?? Us this anxiety Defo? I'm worried I have some sort of desease in my body it's so bad,
....
Physically Numb body
Constant head aches,
Blocked ears that crackle when I yawn
Poor blurred vision
Lack of mental clarity
Lack of intellegence and feeling of awarness
Detached
Emotions are changing within minutes, crying, happy, angry, scared, but constant lack of mental clarity why like this
Sometimes il cry then cheer up but then yawn a lot and then feel like I'm stuck in the high emotion after crying,
Hair is going grey!!!! 8-(
Find myself walking around the house without feeling or purpose
Having to ask for jobs to do otherwise I just get lost in time in myself
Body feels like it's telling me it's full of fear "go and run away" but I don't want to it's like a feeling I don't control
Mental clarity clears up then drops then clears up a little so I can't think of ideas and like I have common sense!!! Then it goes again (stuck pretty much in it all say everyday bar a few minutes if I'm lucky)
Lack of awareness of time and co ordination (I've left gas rings on, I've got out the bath leaving my son in there because I forgot I just bathed with him he's 2!
Walked in through the front door sat down with no feeling of awarness of my kids like my brains just locked up and not working)
Sat around the house feeling nothing at all Interms of feeling outwards! I can sit for 2 hours and forget u even have my son 2 and 7 year old girl upstairs until I hear a noise and consciously think oh yer!!! I'm like this al day everyday unless my brain eases and opens up so I can think feel and function a little)
The list goes on, I'm trying to remain calm wgen them fear feelings happen I try to let them pass and not fight them but it's impossible there that bad! There not easing at all, I'm worried I have more wrong than what there saying,
It's like my brain is being starved of something - why feel like I do then I can think a bit better like my brains started then it dies away, then il feel a little clearer then I can't even take a word in or think intelligent or find it hard to spell it finish a sentence I get lost! Like I'm thick,
But then "click" and I feel the click too and bio it all goes away and I feel like I've been born again and feel amazing! Better than I've ever felt ....yaaaaaaaaaaaawn!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaawn!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn!!!
Then click - I go back in to that non functional thicko and it all starts again for another god knows how long! I want out if this know! I need some medication to help me live atleast some sort of existence again, it's dangerous living and feeling like I do. I'm worried for my family and future, it's a good job my wife is here because some days I can't even think like a normal person.
Why would this clicking out of "it" happen? I'm afraid it my brain not getting enough oxygen, vitamins, I don't know but why the massive massive massive long yawns every time this happens?
I have a clear head, I look around like where have I been, things I've been looking at in our new home for the last 6 months feels like I'm seeing them for the first time! ....frustrated, 8-(
Has anyone ever had this clicking out yawning before??? Is this even possible with anxiety? 2 therapists, 3 assors and 2 old doctors couldn't say they seen anything like it,
Talking tot new dr tomorrow I want to see a neurologist, nose and throat person, ct scans I want everything there is before I lose the plot out of frustration
I know I've posted before all this I just don't know what to so or where I can find the strength from no more to get better, if I lose my job il lose the plot! I worked so hard to get where I am at I can't lose it but I can't even think the route to work somedays!! What's up with me!!!!!!!
---------- Post added at 20:46 ---------- Previous post was at 20:26 ----------
....I get little periods where I can think things like I have some sort of mind power, I can't feel my past, I can't feel my present, I feel lost.. I get little things coming to me from years ago that ild usualy think about and be oh yer remember that like it was nothing - when it happens now I'm like omg! Remember that because that's how terrible my brain is, I start to panic then because I want out! The months are flying by and I feel like I'm drowning in this hell and I can't breath or escape it, i just want my life back I want to feel intelligent again, think sharp, spell correct and make sense! Talk to people technically like I use to be able to in my job, make contact and feel my family and feel and make clear ideas.
It's like my brains dormant and needs a push start - I give it one I half feel ok it juddered I get a few feelings and memories then it breaks down again,
I've tried citalopram, progabalin, setraline (possibly the course for this) buspar
Still taking the citalopram -because I feel like I do I don't even know if there doing anything I'm that everywhere.
Lost a friend a few week back in a motor cycle accident - I'm that bad I didn't feel anything or think what to do, I missed is funeral because I could t think straight,
Can anyone put a disorder do this in going through? Or have I just lost the plot?
Scared for my future now I don't have no one else if anything was to happen to my partner why I'm like this I wouldn't know what to do and I mean I really couldn't think how or what to do like I can't think straight or normal.
This is not the real me. Where am I?