new to all this and scared

[elliesun]

hi, to start I'm not even sure if i have an anxiety disorder but anyway i've been reading this forum for a few months now and it's really been helping me whenever i find things a little too much for me. i wasn't sure where to post and i'm sorry if i've done it in the wrong section :weep: if anything I'm only posting to vent, i have nobody else to talk to who understands..

i would say i've always been a slightly nervous person. my mother has severe anxiety and my childhood experiences have resulted in me being a nervous person.
around may i started to become more and more anxious which resulted in me taking a panic attack in the middle of a driving lesson ( something i felt very confident about at the time ) it was a horrific experience and i wouldn't ever want to experience it again :weep: but a few months ago i became so ill with worry that i ended up vomiting repeatedly and shaking, resulting in me being admitted to hospital. at the time, i didn't realise it was all due to my nerves but afterwards it was obvious - there was no infections or viruses. my consultant was not helpful and accused me of forcing it for some reason..

ever since being ill, i've rarely had a moment where my stomach is not in knots and my heart is not beating ridiculously fast. i worry ALL the time, and mostly about my health but sometimes i'm worrying over nothing. i'm terrified any time my body makes any unusual noises / feelings and any time i get hungry or a similar feeling i panic and get myself into a ridiculous state.
today, my friend and i met up where she told me she had a stomach bug yesterday. i became instantly paranoid. right now i'm shaking and panicking over the fact i may have caught it which i've been told is extremely unlikely due to the fact that i used hand sanitiser religiously and to my knowledge didn't touch anything she did.
i just feel so worried 24/7 and i feel like a shell of my former self. i used to be totally confident and outgoing, now i'm terrified to get involved in things in case i end up taking a panic attack. it was embarrassing enough to happen in front of a driving instructor and i couldn't handle it in front of proper strangers.

a doctor i saw after being released from hospital gave me propranolol but i haven't used them yet, she advised me to take them when i will be in a nerve wracking situation but i'm not sure when is best.

i have a doctors appointment tomorrow during school ( I'm 17) and i'm going to explain everything to her, i don't really want to take any medication and i'm not sure why. but i hope it'll ease my worry a little :(

it just feels a little better to vent my feelings to people who can understand.
my mother who suffers from anxiety and frequently has had to take diazepam when she's been particularly bad just patronises me, claiming i've nothing to be worried about and i'm just being stupid and uses it as an excuse to argue. :(

i just don't know what to do anymore, will this get any easier? :unsure:

thanks anyone who reads or replies

[Baggs]

Will it get easier? Yes it will. Hi Ellie and welcome to the site. I hope you find as much help here as I have. I wish you all the best.

[elliesun]

Will it get easier? Yes it will. Hi Ellie and welcome to the site. I hope you find as much help here as I have. I wish you all the best.

Hello, thank you. I hope so, I just want to curl up and cry every day with how I'm feeling just now. Hopefully speaking to my doctor makes me feel a little more at ease! :weep:

[Baggs]

You may not believe this but even though I'm an old guy sometimes I curl up and cry too. Talking to people actually does help, I wish you good luck.

[trish1955]

Awww baggs you not old xxxxx

[Angelika]

It's hard to know what to say to you. Except that we all, here, know how you feel, and what a 'stupid' thing anxiety is. You are only 17. I'm getting older now, but also had anxiety at your age. It can get better. I have had long periods without it at all, and periods when it was very bad. One thing is to not fight it, if you can. Accept it, and try to go with it, which is easier said than done when it takes hold.

I wish you luck, and say to you - anxiety is nothing really but a big fake. It is still a miserable thing to have, but you are surrounded here with people who know how you feel. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing to fear but fear itself.