kingsfan4life2
03-09-14, 19:25
Hello All,
I'm new to this site and decided to join this morning because I've continued to have pervasive anxiety for four years now. At first it was much easier to manage because it was just a shock to my system and with a little bit of therapy and a low 10mg dose of citalopram was able to feel like I overcame it. Or so it seemed. Well a few life stressors and a philosophical overhaul in my mind caused what seems like a never ending cycle of worry and wanting to constantly "get rid of" and "change" how I feel. I'm slightly anxious and worried pretty much all of the time. For about 2 years it was absolutely horrible! but I think I was in denial that I was even going through anything. I thought I had beaten the anxiety but instead I think with the way I wanted to live my life post anxiety actually made it worse. I became a very deep person and very philosophical because of my experiences with anxiety were so eye opening. I tried mindfulness meditation and tried really digging deep to who I was to figure out what person I wanted to be. Unfortunately I believe what this did was create a seed of discontent because I started noticing all of the "problems" with the world and how I contributed to them. I became more angry and irritable and frustrated that I couldn't change everything.
However, even with the realization that this may have been one of the causes of my anxiety, it did not alleviate how I was feeling. No matter what I've done lately. Constantly! All day! I've thought about why I feel the way I do and how to rid myself of it. If I think this way, or think that way, maybe I could improve it. It just seems like cyclical thinking that I could just not control.
Now to back track a bit, I have had some incredibly difficult life stressors that may have contributed as well. For instance, my father passed away in October of 2012 from cancer at the age of 54. He was my hero, my role model, an amazing father and an amazing friend. He was incredibly kind, thoughtful, selfless, but also just a genuine and honest person who never tried to self inflate his image. I respect and love the hell out of him. Also throughout the last 2 to 3 years I have gone through 3 break ups with girlfriends, being fired from a job, difficulties with my mother not being able to support herself and a move from Sacramento CA to San Jose CA. You may think that all of these things "caused" or contributed to my anxiety but I think the truth is it was there before any of those events. Its like a switch has been turned on in my mind and now my brain is primed for this disposition.
I now have increased my dosage 3 times. At the end of last year/beginning of this year from 10 to 20, that seemed to slightly work. Then last Wednesday from 20 to 30 that worked better with my mood and gave me a little hope. and then today from 30 to 40mg which is probably the best ive felt in a few years, even though its just day one. I hope with every inch of my being that this does the trick.
Does anyone have similar experiences they could share. Anyone else have this tough of a battle where it seems like nothing they did worked or had much of an impact?
Thank you for reading my story
I'm new to this site and decided to join this morning because I've continued to have pervasive anxiety for four years now. At first it was much easier to manage because it was just a shock to my system and with a little bit of therapy and a low 10mg dose of citalopram was able to feel like I overcame it. Or so it seemed. Well a few life stressors and a philosophical overhaul in my mind caused what seems like a never ending cycle of worry and wanting to constantly "get rid of" and "change" how I feel. I'm slightly anxious and worried pretty much all of the time. For about 2 years it was absolutely horrible! but I think I was in denial that I was even going through anything. I thought I had beaten the anxiety but instead I think with the way I wanted to live my life post anxiety actually made it worse. I became a very deep person and very philosophical because of my experiences with anxiety were so eye opening. I tried mindfulness meditation and tried really digging deep to who I was to figure out what person I wanted to be. Unfortunately I believe what this did was create a seed of discontent because I started noticing all of the "problems" with the world and how I contributed to them. I became more angry and irritable and frustrated that I couldn't change everything.
However, even with the realization that this may have been one of the causes of my anxiety, it did not alleviate how I was feeling. No matter what I've done lately. Constantly! All day! I've thought about why I feel the way I do and how to rid myself of it. If I think this way, or think that way, maybe I could improve it. It just seems like cyclical thinking that I could just not control.
Now to back track a bit, I have had some incredibly difficult life stressors that may have contributed as well. For instance, my father passed away in October of 2012 from cancer at the age of 54. He was my hero, my role model, an amazing father and an amazing friend. He was incredibly kind, thoughtful, selfless, but also just a genuine and honest person who never tried to self inflate his image. I respect and love the hell out of him. Also throughout the last 2 to 3 years I have gone through 3 break ups with girlfriends, being fired from a job, difficulties with my mother not being able to support herself and a move from Sacramento CA to San Jose CA. You may think that all of these things "caused" or contributed to my anxiety but I think the truth is it was there before any of those events. Its like a switch has been turned on in my mind and now my brain is primed for this disposition.
I now have increased my dosage 3 times. At the end of last year/beginning of this year from 10 to 20, that seemed to slightly work. Then last Wednesday from 20 to 30 that worked better with my mood and gave me a little hope. and then today from 30 to 40mg which is probably the best ive felt in a few years, even though its just day one. I hope with every inch of my being that this does the trick.
Does anyone have similar experiences they could share. Anyone else have this tough of a battle where it seems like nothing they did worked or had much of an impact?
Thank you for reading my story