View Full Version : Get a plan and get on it
Evening everyone,
I don't post on here all the often at the moment, mainly because my job has become phenomenally demanding and so when I get home my time belongs to my kids rather than an Internet forum. But, I pop on here occasionally and thought that I would give my perspective on recovery from HA, tell you all a bit of my story in case it resonates at all.
There is nothing in this post that I haven't said before, but for the most part the membership here has changed significantly since I started posting in about June 2013.
Firstly, let me tell you a little about me. I am a 36 year old guy from the UK. I have it all, a great family, I live in a fantastic place, I have a job doing something I love, I have two wonderful children and I have the financial freedom to basically do what I fancy. Don't get me wrong, I am not gloating, but just trying to highlight the perversity of health anxiety, the fact that twelve months ago this thing took me from living a life I had dreamed of to virtually becoming a recluse, a terrible father, even worse husband and to a point where I almost gave up my new, dream job because I felt I could not cope. I was at the bottom. I have never had serious suicidal thoughts, but I often wonder if I didn't have children whether I might have.
I have always had a tendency for depression and actually thinking back I think I have always had anxious tendencies. I am a perfectionist in every way, and easy to dismiss things that I do that don't meet my exacting standards. I would bet that these are traits that many here can associate with.
So, it all started when I learned that my father, when he was a couple of years older than me was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer. Firstly let me tell you he is now 65 so I think that diagnosis was more a reflection of the standard of medicine in the mid eighties. I had a sudden thought, 'what if it was hereditary', 'what if I have it?' 'He had no symptoms'.
I hit google, relentlessly, endlessly for days at a time. I wouldn't sleep, choosing to stay up late and read stories of kidney cancer. I phone Macmillan helpline, I even contacted a specialist in renal cancer and then I booked an ultrasound scan. And then it cascaded, I came to the conclusion that I didn't have renal cancer, but maybe I had renal failure, after all, my urine was a bit foamy, or perhaps I had MS because I noticed some tingling or numbness.
You know the score guys, I could list fifteen conditions at least that I had in a six month period and that is probably a conservative estimate. I used to get home from work and instead of my first thought being about what to do with the kids, I would head to the bathroom to check myself, prod and poke. Given a chance I could find a new obsession every day. I basically became useless at work and god knows now how I got away with it.
Ok so that is the bad, but today, a year on, my life has turned around. I hesitate to say I am better, because I don't believe that is an appropriate way to think....more on that later, but I am enjoying life and I am not so much of a nightmare to live with :)
So let me tell you what I did. This doesn't mean it will work for everyone, it doesn't mean it is right and it is only my take on things. But the thing that prompted me to post this today, was an email I received from a member on here a couple of days ago to say thank you for helping her. Frankly I didn't do anything at all, other than help to remind her that the main issue she faced was anxiety and there were things she could do to tackle that. A few months ago she could see no way out, now in her words, her life has turned around.
1) Develop a plan. No one achieved anything significant without a plan of action. As a HA suffered you should not underestimate the magnitude of what you are taking on, nor the effort that it will take to get through it. Getting through it successfully will take effort and for me you need to think about what you are doing and how to execute it,
2) Measure success differently. This comes back to the point of feeling better. Try not to measure HA in absolute terms. View it is a journey and so long as that journey has a positive trajectory, acknowledging that there will be bumps and pitfalls then that is fine. Don't beat yourself up when things don't go we'll, but rather take a long term view, look backwards as well as forwards and give yourself credit for journey travelled.
3) Take responsibility. I have seen many people on here saying they have tried everything, drugs, therapy wasn't for them etc. I wonder how many of those people genuinely invested in these things or participated passively? To get better from any health condition you have to be actively engaged in your recovery, the health service is there to help you, but you are the chief when it comes to safeguarding your well being, whether it is physical or mental.
4) Remember that mental health has parity with physical. Well it should anyway. You should never feel ashamed going to your GP to discuss mental health, band they should never make you feel bad for doing so, nor should they shrug their shoulder and write you a script. If they do, change GP, there are so many things that they can signpost you to or do things themselves to help.
5) Stop googling. This is so hard, I know, but it can be done. I gradually reduced my google time, replaced it with other activities and before long I found I could resist the temptation. Now I rarely think about googling health conditions, and even if I do, I can read what I see with perspective and a rational head.
6) Acknowledge you have HA. That's not to say that you are immune from physical health conditions, but the one thing everyone has on here is anxiety. When you acknowledge that even a tiny part of your issue may be HA and you seek help for it, there is a decent odds bet that your symptoms will diminish.
7) Find a doctor you can trust. This was the best thing I did, and I went through three GPs before I felt comfortable. I arranged an appointment, wrote down what I wanted to say and agreed the following:
* I knew I had lost my rational mind when it came to listening to my body and I wanted her to know that.
* I wanted to see her every six weeks to discuss physical concerns and I wanted her to take me seriously no matter how ludicrous they were. I also wanted to monitor my mental health in that way. This was a strategy to beat the desire to go to the GP every two minutes.
* Under no circumstances was she to refer me for tests, unless it was necessary in her objective medical opinion. This was the best thing I did. Equally she was not to put anything glibly down to 'just anxiety'.
After about four months of this I found myself with nothing to discuss and questioning why I was there. I haven't seen the GP now since January and a year ago I would have seen her ten times in that time.
8) Understand the mechanisms of anxiety. I didn't find CBT useful in the way that some people do in terms of exercises to do etc. but I did find it useful in understanding the mechanics of anxiety. I taught me that I was focusing my efforts on the wrong thing, that i wanted to eliminate uncertainty (which is impossible) and that my constant checking was also part of the same picture. When I learned that actually what I needed to affect was my reaction to things then it started to fall sensibly into place and I developed my own strategies for progress. From that point on, I used therapy as a kind of weight watchers, keeping me in check every fortnight and keeping me diligent. I was fortunate that I could pay privately, but I had to make big sacrifices to do so.
9) Find a listening ear. Family isn't always the best, I was a nightmare to live with to be honest. So I came here. I was lucky that when I arrived here, I found half a dozen people who were all committed to recovery. We supported one another and made progress together. I am proud to call some of those people my friends now, keep in touch with some on here, others by email and hope to catch up with one or two for a glass of wine at some point.
Be aware though, that very understandably, Internet forums like this attract people who are desperate and upset and in a difficult place. That can sometimes give the impression that recovery is impossible. Know that it isn't. I have seen so many people who were completely desperate, yet have come out the other side. The issue is that most no longer post, and so quite naturally the prime content of this site becomes about symptoms rather than anxiety.
Try and find peers to lean on, collaborate and work together and support one another. It really helps.
Finally, I will leave you with something that a member called Skippy said that really stuck with me.
'Your recovery from HA starts when you start to fear not living now more than you do dying' or something to that effect. Very true. We are all going to die one day, but I for one I am going to have one hell of a time before that happens and I hope you all do too. Don't let health anxiety rule you, you are in charge, get a plan, be flexible and take control.
I hope none of this is too contentious and that it resonates with some.
Take care and good luck everyone. I know how you are feeling and how low this can make you, but I also know that you can get better. I have achieved many things in my life I am proud of, but nothing was tougher than getting out of the mental hole I was in. Getting where I am today stands as my proudest achievement and it can be yours too.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)
Chris
Great post Chris!
People... print this out and read it everyday. This is extremely sound advice! It should be a sticky at the top of the page!
Positive thoughts
Catherine S
03-09-14, 22:04
Chris, I remember you when you joined and how low you were then, so its great to read your success story. Take care.
ISB x
Resonate!!!!, I really really could have wrote each and every word, especially the sentence last but one.
Thank you
Lucia x
Thanks ISB, I often read my old posts to remind myself and keep motivated. That said I also feel guilty occasionally for feeling better and just swanning off into the sunset. I genuinely believe that anyone can do this when they find a strategy that works for them. Furthermore I am not arrogant enough to assume I am better. I am sure there is a bump around the corner, but to steal Tanner's metaphor, I have a few tools in my box that I can get out when I need them.
Rosiebee87
03-09-14, 22:22
Great read, thank you :hugs:
littlemissworry.x
03-09-14, 23:06
Very good read thank u so much x
This is very encouraging and I believe every word you said. There is a great deal of truth in your words. I went down hill big time 6 months ago and using some of your points has definitely helped me. The most important fact is that you want to recover.
I wouldn't say that I am cured, I still have a way to go and like you; do not take anything for granted. But, with determination you can get your Life back! :)
Great post. Im really struggling with my Anxiety /health anxiety right now, and althought I feel Im trying very hard, I just don't seem to be improving. I think one of those reasons is I lack focus. I keep trying lots of different things, but need to have a specific goal and try and achive it, rather than many goals.
Maybe I am a classic case, but I really don't know anymore what the pains I am suffering are caused by anxiety or not - and the worse point is neither does my doctor. Ive already given up on one who just told me to go away basically, and I have a bit more faith in my current one, but I feel so hopeless.
Like cpe suggested, I don't google, as I would inevitably find something new to worry about. And I only tend to read the success stories on here for the same reason.
I get no support from my partner, my current tablets don't seem to be helping, and cbt has only had a limited effect on me.
Cutting to the kill (thank goodness I hear you say !) - I do keep trying to read some positive posts on here to try and helpme believe I can get thru this. Ive done some really positive things today, and yet the fact my tummy hurts drags all the negatives ahead of the far more positives. Im trying to tell myself my anxiety is so deep rooted that it wont be fixed in a day ...but its so hard.
Awesome post and great advice. Having a good doctor is HUGE, especially one who understands anxiety. I also agree about having a plan ... without a plan, we can so easily get off-track or lost. Thank you for the post.
Great post, gives me hope that I can get out of this dark hole I'm in at the moment. Printed off to read over and over. :)
Took me a while to write so a shameless bump :)
Took me a while to write so a shameless bump :)
Ha... now you know how I feel! I'm probably the king of buried advice ~lol~
Positive thoughts
About 3,641 pieces in your case :)
Bumping cos I've read this a lot since it was posted and tend to feel very hopeless I'll never get better at the minute. This proves you can. Thank you for writing it x
Wnsos - I felt exactly the same - genuinely I did, but then I noticed small progress, then a bit more and so on. Started to believe it was possible and then frankly I cannot believe the transformation in twelve months. I certainly wouldn't have believed it a year ago.
Wnsos - I felt exactly the same - genuinely I did, but then I noticed small progress, then a bit more and so on. Started to believe it was possible and then frankly I cannot believe the transformation in twelve months. I certainly wouldn't have believed it a year ago.
This really gives me something to hope for. I'm still in the really early stages but I'm sure as everyone knows, we never expect it. I go from being really afraid something f I going on to plain "I think I'm losing my mind." Trying to get psychological help already. I want to beat this. As soon as my constant ache is gone I feel like I might but I'm so wound up that it's daily and I'm doing myself no favours! X
The first and most important step in my view is to accept that the ache is probably anxiety and focus on anxiety itself. Who knows the ache might go away?
To give you an idea, for months after I no longer felt anxious I ached all over, head to toe. Gradually over time as I accepted it for what it probably was it started to diminish and has for the most part gone. Now i just accept I am 36 and will probably have the odd ache from time to time and use it as an excuse for a good massage.
Don't fall into the 'I'll deal with the anxiety when just this tiny thing is better trap'. That day never comes.
I really really do appreciate your advice. I'm on at my doctors for recommendations to therapy and phoned a self referral today. Whenever I think "how did I stop being normal?" I annoy myself more. I'm definitely going to beat this. I've lost too much of my life already to other anxiety. Not letting my body be taken too. :D
You sound like me in some regards. Before anxiety chose my health as the hole to burst out of, I struggled for the best part of 8 years with something approaching body dysmorphic disorder. Looking back I have had anxiety now since my mid twenties - the last ten years.
Personally it sounds to me like you are doing just fine. Realistic expectations, small steps, determined. I used to get really angry with myself, still do sometimes, but you need to learn to be kind to yourself. Try and imagine what you would do if you were looking in from the outside.
This is the first time in nearly ten years that I have been happy whilst not taking some sort of medication. I am so chuffed with that, and it has convinced me that the vast majority of people have the tools within them to beat this thing.
It has also persuaded me to become a director of a mental health charity - but that is another story. :) good luck - you'll be just fine..
Whoa, that's exactly what I have. I was making progress with it and was given reading material about it before all of this happened. Body dysmorphia has pretty much ruled my 20s and was the main catalyst for the social anxiety. Sigh, the brain.
I feel like I'm continuously saying thanks but I can't help it. You're really giving me a lot of hope when I feel otherwise hopeless. Congratulations on being off meds! I kept going off mine in the past but have also never been this manic. Though when I think rationally and push the pains aside, I realise while they came out f nowhere, there was certainly a rapid decline over the last year. Hope your weekend is brilliant.
I will thank you and you too! I think I am having a mid life crisis, my daughter wants to learn to roller skate so I have been out and bought myself some fancy roller blades so we can do it together. Think I need A&E on speed dial.
I work in the NHS, I am a manager rather than a doctor, but I am learning a lot about mental health. It is such a fine line between 'normal' and not so much. You can get there, honestly I have been loitering around here long enough to have seen lots and lots of people get out of some very dark holes. Still in touch with many of them.
This list should be bumped every day. :D
Double bump.
Hope you didn't manage to sprain your ankle there, cp :yesyes:
:) well nearly but mainly because my seven year old has been desperate to learn to roller skate so I bought us both some inline skates. Went out for the first time today. Not sure if this is a mid life crisis or diligent parenting but I am not ideally built at 36yrs old and 6ft 4 tall. Nonetheless we got going quite quickly in the end.
Thanks for the bumps - whether you agree with the sentiment or not I do think that it is important that those who are determined to recover from anxiety keep threads going that address the issues. Peer support is where it's at!
Thanks for the bumps - whether you agree with the sentiment or not I do think that it is important that those who are determined to recover from anxiety keep threads going that address the issues. Peer support is where it's at!
IMO, it's not about agreeing or disagreeing. The logic in your post is flawless. It's not a matter of can or cannot, it's a matter of do or do not. Support and encouragement are vital. Unfortunately, as I've seen here and elsewhere, there are some that for lack of a better word, are terminally ill with anxiety. No amount encouragement or advice will ever help. I see plainly that reassurance is just a short term fix be it here or from a medical professional. That for me, is the saddest part of this illness.
We should all continue to post encouraging posts like this. If 1 out of 100 benefit, it's worth the time to write it. I for one, will continue to bump this. I feel this should be a sticky on the page for others to continually benefit from your experience.
Positive thoughts
I completely agree. For all the darkness I've let into my mind the last few weeks, this post has been one of the brighter times. Knowing that with work and conviction, you can battle this and you can win. It's really helped me a lot and it should even be pinned if we can get it up there.
This time last year the dark hole I was in was about 30 foot deep. Ten years of HA had really took its tole on me. Ten years of tests, reassurance, disbelief, googling, more tests, more reassurance etc. Now with a clear mind I am perplexed as to how it took me so long to get here. Everything now seems so simple. But we know it's not, as HA feeds something on an emotional level and usually has it's roots in something. So while we don't have all the answers we might aswell go with the consensus and follow tried and tested methods advocated by those who have recovered. I think most people can get better, even the die hard reassurance seekers. It is just a matter of when they will start working on their plan.
I think most people can get better, even the die hard reassurance seekers. It is just a matter of when or if they will start working on their plan.
Added two words to your statement ;)
Positive thoughts
Regarding those for whom a plan is not on the cards it is either:
- very early days
- the HA is not yet posing enough of a problem
- the HA is posing too big a problem to be calm for any period of time
- the penny has not and may not drop
- HA has to big of a purpose in disguising or feeding something else
- depression and apathy have broke them
PLEASE ADD
Regarding those who are ready to give the plan a go there is so much support for you on NMP - ask questions, share stories, experiences. I will support anyone as long as their post does not start with " I know I shouldn't but I googled" or include doctor and piece of mind in the same sentence ha.
These are the sorts of posts/comments I come here to see and share. I appreciate all of you for the support. I'm pretty early days (and apparently still taking punches from the dragon) but I'm so determined to get better. I always feel less good when I read too many of the hopeless posts - though I can understand cos I know how terrifying it is. But I just need to share my appreciation for the positivity. It's really hard to walk the path alone but if people have walked it first and can assure you it's possible, it's more ammo than anything else.
You certainly don't need to be alone. We have all been where you are right now.
I find getting up very difficult due to my anxiety, and it takes me a while to get on an even keel in the mornings, so I've decided to read your post when I awaken. It seem to help me put in things in perspective.
Thanks for writing it. It really should be made a sticky. :yesyes:
---------- Post added at 09:28 ---------- Previous post was at 09:17 ----------
Just realised you can vote on a thread. So I have given this one five stars. Get voting everyone, them maybe this will be a sticky.
Ooh thanks prim! Voted :D
We can conquer this HA, by reading the recovery posts, and sorting out our plan. As cpe1978 says, you can become despondant, and think it can't be overcome, when you read the reassurance seeking posts. I think I have posted twice seeking reassurance, and it doesn't help in the long run. I don't answer the reassurance posts very often, because reading them sometimes brings me down.
My plan is this , if you are interested :)
No googling health worries.
Writing down my worries
Relaxation/meditation
Walking dog
Trying to eat a balanced diet
Spending time with family and friends
Learning to live with uncertainty (difficult but not impossible)
Saying to myself every day, I can overcome this, health anxiety is not in charge I am. I choose whats good for me not health anxiety or anyone else.
Whats your plan?:hugs:
Take some time if you get the chance to look up another member Tanner. She had quite a different approach, but nonetheless made phenomenal progress under some incredibly trying circumstances. She certainly inspired me on numerous occasions.
Like I keep saying the support on here has for me been so important. I must be a very visual thinker and I go through my day at work drawing on images of some of the mainstays on here whose wisdom has helped me. We all know what FMP looks like but Primula you have become Ness from Gavin & Stacey and Cpe you will always now have very long legs with rollerblades on and you wear a blue round neck jumper and jeans !!!!!:wacko:
:roflmao: oh Luc... wass occurring? You've made me laugh out loud, thank you. I love Gavin and Stacey, being from Wales. Well I'm nothing like Nessa apart from the accent. I'm 5ft nothing with short dark hair. My son tells me I look like a little Italian Mamma. I think I look like a fab 52 year old, lol.
My vision of you... with a name like Lucia, medium height, dark hair with a mediterranean look. No doubt I'm way out. :D
You were small and dark Primula but you were definitely 'homely' as my gran called it. Your about right on me Primula just add out of proportion sized boobs and freckles ha.
An I definitely have long legs :) now sure about the round neck.
Ha CPE the jeans are stonewashed and you are sporting a little wedge. In fact you look kike a French exchange student circ 1988:shades:.
---------- Post added at 18:59 ---------- Previous post was at 18:59 ----------
kike??? look
Lol mais je parle seulement un petit peu francais :)
Yes but you roller skate and, I must add, around the Serpentine Gallery in Hyde Park !!!!!!
Bit far for me ;) more like the hills of the last of the summer wine. Starts whistling the theme tune and thinking of Nora Batty.
See - another good route out of anxiety is inane discussion.
Ooh Lordy, you'll end up as Compo reading Wuthering Heights !!!
I try to veer away from inane conversation as I worry it may seem flippant or smug to those who are really struggling. However on this forum there has to be room for those who are doing ok, to share experiences, common goals and a bit of daft carry on :D
Nora Batty is a name I haven't heard for years, complete flash back, my nan used to mock other pensioners for their tights being baggy around the ankles by calling her that.
I'm picturing you all from these descriptions now. :)
I cannot get past Animal for you wnsos !
So Primula/WNSOS - how are you getting on?
Hi CPE, thanks for asking
Bit of a wobble today. But I'm in work, and will get on with my day. I just have to remember that sometimes I will feel off colour, but it doesn't have to mean I'm terminally ill. :)
Luc, animal is definitely my spirit...animal. So I'm okay with this!
Cp, major crash. Back to checking myself, it's verging on ridiculous at this point. The aches just get worse and I know I'm probably making them worse with worrying but. Exhausted. About to take the dog out instead of lying around all day feeling sorry for myself. Actually wondering if all this aching is from a pinched nerve cause in may I gave myself whiplash at a courtney love concert and never went to the dr about it? Held off on booking an appointment though, on the wait list for talking changes and am going to print off the CBT booklet from here. Hopefully that doesn't sound completely self involved! Just sort of scared most of the time.
Doesn't sound completely self absorbed at all. Cut yourself some slack and accept that you are going to have terrible days. Probably at the moment more terrible days than good days.
BUT......be determined that tomorrow will be better, and keep on trying to bat anxious thoughts away rather than feeding them. Anxiety is a construct of how much you feed it and entertain it. I would bet that over time, terrible becomes a little less terrible and then a little less frequent. When you can see progress over a period of time then you can see its possible. Recovery isn't absolute, it isn't a line you will cross when one day everything is brilliant, it is a long journey with multiple, often quite significant bumps in the road. Accepting these bumps, I believe is key to success.
As always though, this is just my view and hopefully doesn't come across as patronising. :)
Participating in threads like this one also demonstrates that you are accepting that anxiety is at least a sizeable chunk of the problem, which is a step further than many.
Not patronising in the least. I need to be told these things cause I know how irrational my brain is at the moment. The line is so narrow cause I do still have more than my fair share of bad thoughts that terrify me enough to make my aches and pains worse (really don't think the medication is helping my mood) and at the moment, my biggest fear is suffering chronic pain. I do still fear having something terminal of course but that's what's really getting me down at the moment. I honestly try to avoid some threads here these days cause it feels counter productive, but this one helps. :hugs:
Hope your off to take the dog out Wnos:hugs:
---------- Post added at 08:28 ---------- Previous post was at 08:27 ----------
wnsos
Will be soon! I took him out twice yesterday, despite my body wanting me to stay in and wallow. I'm going to kick this wallowing, I refuse to let it ruin my life. :mad: Hope you're having a good day so far :hugs:
Being busy is one of the dragons worst enemies. Poor dog will end up looking like a whippet:winks:
Absolutely right Luc. The dragon hates it when you get on with things. Earlier this evening when I was walking my dog, I fell in to conversation with another dog walker, we talked for about 10 mins, and because the focus had been taken off myself, I felt relaxed and no symptoms for the rest of the walk.
I realise it's so important to get involved in things that take the focus off yourself, even if you really don't want to.
Really important to keep this thread going. Admin can it be made a sticky?
I think that's a good idea seeing doctor every 6 week.
I have been to doctor and waiting for appt for cbt not sure they would agree to seeing me that often tho. As it's a big practice with different doctors. But at least I've arranged for help . Been waiting for a month now , how long does it normally take for appointments to come through ?
Bump.
Hits dac, CBT has a wait list generally of 6-8 weeks. That's what they told me at least. There's a booklet somewhere on here that you can do in the mean time. I need to get back on it as I've been preoccupied with thinking I have something for the last week and therefore not touching my CBT homework( worst thing to do!)
Back on this train now.
Also just a quick question for anyone out there to answer, I still have a stiff neck that won't seem to cease, I'm right in thinking that even if my anxiety and tension caused it, it won't just disappear over night right?
You are indeed right wnsos :)
K thank you! I need to curb my worry about this cause it's the main thing bringing me back down. :) It seems so illogical that a pain to come from nowhere can be this long lasting so I just sort of needed to hear it from another person.
Thought it was time this was given a bump. To remind us all of how to get better :)
definitely agree that this post is a great help. I think it should be made a sticky!
Me too Mondie, i's helping me get out of the dark hole again, and stopping me from despairing. It's one of the best posts I've ever read about getting over HA.
I also think it should be a sticky! I think everyone should read it but I don't think enough do :unsure:
Agreed. I said that right off the bat when I read it! Let's just all send a note to admin ;)
Positive thoughts
I've sent my note to admin. Perhaps lots of others could do the same :)
nomorepanic
28-10-14, 22:57
We don't need anyone else to contact us now lol
venusbluejeans
29-10-14, 00:10
Oh Nic, I got some PM's asking to make this sticky, did you know?? :roflmao:
I didn't see this before it was made sticky. It's wonderful. Thank you
I think you should make any thread by cpe1978 or Fishmanpa sticky by default...
CleverLittleViper
29-10-14, 12:06
Great post, thank you for writing and sharing it with us. :flowers:
I've definitely noticed that once I started to get back to a kind of normality, things started to ease off a little. The symptoms are present, and I'm still anxious (some times more than others) but it's not as bad as it was when it first began.
One of the things I would add is don't obsess over getting better. It won't be immediate, and the more you obsess over it, the more anxiety you will feel when you wake up and you're not "better." That's what I'm working on. I acknowledge progress when a symptom has moved off, but I'm not beating myself up or obsessing about the other symptoms quite as much lately. They, too, will fade with time.
There will be good days, there will be bad days, but eventually, the good will outnumber and outweigh the bad, and that's all I'm thinking when I go about my days. Have something to look forward to-even if it is just a new episode of your favourite TV show, and indulge in it.
One of the worst aspects when my anxiety hit was losing who I was prior. I wasn't interested in anything. Not even my new pug that was on his way. I love my dogs, but I couldn't summon the energy to care about anything. My favourite TV show came out on DVD (I'd been looking forward to it big style for months) and I couldn't have cared less. I wasn't writing, walking, or doing anything that I once loved.
Don't lose yourself to the anxiety, and if you have to force yourself to do whatever it is that you once loved, do it. So, I would always recommend clearing a night or a time slot purely for yourself, (that doesn't mean you have to be by yourself) and take the time to do what you love to do.
I kind of went off on a tangent there, but thank you, OP, for the thread and the great advice.
Hey Guys
Been away with the kids for half term so haven't been online much. Just wanted to say that I am glad this post resonated with folk. Really it is just the tale of what it felt like for me, merged with a bit of the fact that the way I tend to deal with problems is to break them down into more manageable chunks.
@skippy coming from you that is a great compliment.
Great post. That's exactly what I do, obsess over getting better, and that's what I need to remember when I'm having a blip.
Great post, thank you for writing and sharing it with us. :flowers:
I've definitely noticed that once I started to get back to a kind of normality, things started to ease off a little. The symptoms are present, and I'm still anxious (some times more than others) but it's not as bad as it was when it first began.
One of the things I would add is don't obsess over getting better. It won't be immediate, and the more you obsess over it, the more anxiety you will feel when you wake up and you're not "better." That's what I'm working on. I acknowledge progress when a symptom has moved off, but I'm not beating myself up or obsessing about the other symptoms quite as much lately. They, too, will fade with time.
There will be good days, there will be bad days, but eventually, the good will outnumber and outweigh the bad, and that's all I'm thinking when I go about my days. Have something to look forward to-even if it is just a new episode of your favourite TV show, and indulge in it.
One of the worst aspects when my anxiety hit was losing who I was prior. I wasn't interested in anything. Not even my new pug that was on his way. I love my dogs, but I couldn't summon the energy to care about anything. My favourite TV show came out on DVD (I'd been looking forward to it big style for months) and I couldn't have cared less. I wasn't writing, walking, or doing anything that I once loved.
Don't lose yourself to the anxiety, and if you have to force yourself to do whatever it is that you once loved, do it. So, I would always recommend clearing a night or a time slot purely for yourself, (that doesn't mean you have to be by yourself) and take the time to do what you love to do.
I kind of went off on a tangent there, but thank you, OP, for the thread and the great advice.
Skippy your posts are also very good. There was one a while back which I thought should have been a sticky, but I didn't know how to go about it then, and now I can't find the post. :blush:
yay it's a sticky! thank you mods. :D
Thanks for your post cpe1978. I'm going through a year long bought of HA the is like a Whack-A-Mole game.. I deal with one illness obsession and another one pops up in it's place. The change in daylight that comes in the Autumn seems to make it more pronounced. I'm doing CBT and trying to let my common sense take the wheel again instead of this damned HA being a backseat driver that is sending me into the ditch.
Thanks again!
Thank you! Many things in there resonated with me.
Thank you so much for your advice! It was a great read and good job!
Got a bit of time tonight and did a read through of this post again. This and the Getting there slowly threads are KEY to my battle with the demon. Just reading though, the part about finding a doctor you can trust helped me immensely. I saw so many doctors and they were great but not what I needed. My family one that I've seen for years, she was the first that took me seriously and said at first to see her again in two weeks, then three, then four. Just knowing she was on my side was essential. So much love for this thread.
Gonagetbeta
24-12-14, 23:04
Thanks Chris, this is very encouraging. I like how you grouped with people that were like minded.
To the OP - that was a really useful post, so :flowers:
I agree with just about everything you've said - getting a plan is key, along with a decent GP. Mine has been great in this respect, and I'm immensely grateful for that.
Just a little note to some of the other people who've read this thread; try not to personalise your anxiety. Some people refer to this as creating a thought form, and in effect, you are giving your anxiety more energy. Step away from doing this if you can, as the less energy you give to your anxiety, the more likely it is to recede.
I don't come here that much now as I'm at the stage where I can mostly manage my anxiety. I'm not cured - I never will be, as anxiety isn't like that, and accepting that as a fact was also helpful. After all, if we didn't have some sort of anxiety, none of us would live very long.
nefelibata
05-01-15, 18:47
What a wonderful post, Chris! :yesyes: So many valid points that will inspire & give hope others. You should be really proud of your achievements. I wish you the best of everything and continued well being & positivity. Well done! :bighug1:
Mrschurchill
19-01-15, 15:17
I LOOOOVE this post! :bighug1:
panicnutter
13-02-15, 13:03
Thanks for this post Chris, it was very positive and helpful.
Hoping if I make this bold, people might click it :yesyes:
Thank you. I just joined and I came to these realizations myself last night. It was awesome to read something so close to my own thoughts. Thank you for sharing and giving me hope.
Bump.
Hits dac, CBT has a wait list generally of 6-8 weeks. That's what they told me at least. There's a booklet somewhere on here that you can do in the mean time. I need to get back on it as I've been preoccupied with thinking I have something for the last week and therefore not touching my CBT homework( worst thing to do!)
Please can someone link to the booklet? I can't find it.
Please can someone link to the booklet? I can't find it.
Here you go! I couldn't find it in threads either but Google is good when it's not pretending to be a doctor. http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=53 Xx
Greenman50
26-08-15, 23:21
Chris
Thank you great post it has helped .
HardkorexGlamour_87
01-09-15, 13:47
Great post Chris :D
I have recently joined the forum as I realise now I need help.
Your success story has given me a surge of courage and bravery.
Thank you
All the best to you.
heatherd1986
14-10-15, 14:47
This is such a positive post. I love it.
Thanks for posting
Heather x
WiseMonkey
22-02-16, 06:27
Thanks Chris, just what I needed to hear :)
No problem guys. It still slightly surprises me that this post sticks up the top of the forum. I don't come by here much nowadays but it is great to know that it has an impact on people. Change of mindset really is key here and I wouldn't have believed it myself two years ago.
Thank you Chris. Great post.
I like your idea of seeing a GP routinely every 6 weeks. It does beat the urge to rush to the GP whenever a small symptom appears.
Thank you so much for these pointers, I've started my plan of action to take back control of my life. It involves accommodating more time for exercise, good eating with supplements, stretches and meal prep. The vast majority of the illnesses and diseases we fear with HA can be prevented, if not mitigated by truly beneficial exercise and a good lifestyle.
I'll see if I can arrange seeing a GP every six weeks but the surgery I have to go to is a very busy one so they might not be able to help in that regard. A regular check up just to see if anythings changed would be ideal for everyone but of course cutbacks in funding and support will make it difficult unless you go private.
I'm starting a CBT exercise training course in a few weeks which I am looking forward to, a good couch to 5k run with people will do me good as well.
For me, HA is making me feel powerless and pathetic, so anything I can do to fight off that feeling is great.
Sean Yaxley
13-04-17, 17:13
Solid advice Chris, I've suffered with depression and anxiety for years, the first piece of advice I give to others is simply don't let it beat you. Sounds pretty obvious to non sufferers but those few words can be just the inspiration you need.
Thank you, this post has actually helped a lot - making me think there is hope to actually overcome this. I'm actually pretty new to HA - its only been going on for 2 months, I can't imagine how it must be for some of you to deal with it for years, this past 2 months have felt like the longest and worst two months of my life. In the past 2 months I've self diagnosed myself with 4 different cancers that were all disproven by my doctor but each time I will find a new symptom to be worried about right now.
Like literally this morning my doctor checked and made sure my lymph nodes are okay and now 8 hours later I am obsessing over a bump in my neck that my physiotherapist said is just a tiny peace of cartilage or something like that that grew there for no reason and I must've had it forever but I just keep being like HOW DOES HE KNOW?? HOW DID I NOT NOTICE IT BEFORE?? You probably know how it goes.
Anyway I guess this gives me a little bit of hope because right now this feels endless but it seems like some of you managed to get better. I can't keep on living like this, I just want my life back and to feel a normal bodily sensation without automatically coming up with 5 kinds of possible cancer in my head...
Happygirl21
11-05-17, 20:05
Joined this morning and your post was one of the first I read. Really helpful, thank you
Evening everyone,
I don't post on here all the often at the moment, mainly because my job has become phenomenally demanding and so when I get home my time belongs to my kids rather than an Internet forum. But, I pop on here occasionally and thought that I would give my perspective on recovery from HA, tell you all a bit of my story in case it resonates at all.
There is nothing in this post that I haven't said before, but for the most part the membership here has changed significantly since I started posting in about June 2013.
Firstly, let me tell you a little about me. I am a 36 year old guy from the UK. I have it all, a great family, I live in a fantastic place, I have a job doing something I love, I have two wonderful children and I have the financial freedom to basically do what I fancy. Don't get me wrong, I am not gloating, but just trying to highlight the perversity of health anxiety, the fact that twelve months ago this thing took me from living a life I had dreamed of to virtually becoming a recluse, a terrible father, even worse husband and to a point where I almost gave up my new, dream job because I felt I could not cope. I was at the bottom. I have never had serious suicidal thoughts, but I often wonder if I didn't have children whether I might have.
I have always had a tendency for depression and actually thinking back I think I have always had anxious tendencies. I am a perfectionist in every way, and easy to dismiss things that I do that don't meet my exacting standards. I would bet that these are traits that many here can associate with.
So, it all started when I learned that my father, when he was a couple of years older than me was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer. Firstly let me tell you he is now 65 so I think that diagnosis was more a reflection of the standard of medicine in the mid eighties. I had a sudden thought, 'what if it was hereditary', 'what if I have it?' 'He had no symptoms'.
I hit google, relentlessly, endlessly for days at a time. I wouldn't sleep, choosing to stay up late and read stories of kidney cancer. I phone Macmillan helpline, I even contacted a specialist in renal cancer and then I booked an ultrasound scan. And then it cascaded, I came to the conclusion that I didn't have renal cancer, but maybe I had renal failure, after all, my urine was a bit foamy, or perhaps I had MS because I noticed some tingling or numbness.
You know the score guys, I could list fifteen conditions at least that I had in a six month period and that is probably a conservative estimate. I used to get home from work and instead of my first thought being about what to do with the kids, I would head to the bathroom to check myself, prod and poke. Given a chance I could find a new obsession every day. I basically became useless at work and god knows now how I got away with it.
Ok so that is the bad, but today, a year on, my life has turned around. I hesitate to say I am better, because I don't believe that is an appropriate way to think....more on that later, but I am enjoying life and I am not so much of a nightmare to live with :)
So let me tell you what I did. This doesn't mean it will work for everyone, it doesn't mean it is right and it is only my take on things. But the thing that prompted me to post this today, was an email I received from a member on here a couple of days ago to say thank you for helping her. Frankly I didn't do anything at all, other than help to remind her that the main issue she faced was anxiety and there were things she could do to tackle that. A few months ago she could see no way out, now in her words, her life has turned around.
1) Develop a plan. No one achieved anything significant without a plan of action. As a HA suffered you should not underestimate the magnitude of what you are taking on, nor the effort that it will take to get through it. Getting through it successfully will take effort and for me you need to think about what you are doing and how to execute it,
2) Measure success differently. This comes back to the point of feeling better. Try not to measure HA in absolute terms. View it is a journey and so long as that journey has a positive trajectory, acknowledging that there will be bumps and pitfalls then that is fine. Don't beat yourself up when things don't go we'll, but rather take a long term view, look backwards as well as forwards and give yourself credit for journey travelled.
3) Take responsibility. I have seen many people on here saying they have tried everything, drugs, therapy wasn't for them etc. I wonder how many of those people genuinely invested in these things or participated passively? To get better from any health condition you have to be actively engaged in your recovery, the health service is there to help you, but you are the chief when it comes to safeguarding your well being, whether it is physical or mental.
4) Remember that mental health has parity with physical. Well it should anyway. You should never feel ashamed going to your GP to discuss mental health, band they should never make you feel bad for doing so, nor should they shrug their shoulder and write you a script. If they do, change GP, there are so many things that they can signpost you to or do things themselves to help.
5) Stop googling. This is so hard, I know, but it can be done. I gradually reduced my google time, replaced it with other activities and before long I found I could resist the temptation. Now I rarely think about googling health conditions, and even if I do, I can read what I see with perspective and a rational head.
6) Acknowledge you have HA. That's not to say that you are immune from physical health conditions, but the one thing everyone has on here is anxiety. When you acknowledge that even a tiny part of your issue may be HA and you seek help for it, there is a decent odds bet that your symptoms will diminish.
7) Find a doctor you can trust. This was the best thing I did, and I went through three GPs before I felt comfortable. I arranged an appointment, wrote down what I wanted to say and agreed the following:
* I knew I had lost my rational mind when it came to listening to my body and I wanted her to know that.
* I wanted to see her every six weeks to discuss physical concerns and I wanted her to take me seriously no matter how ludicrous they were. I also wanted to monitor my mental health in that way. This was a strategy to beat the desire to go to the GP every two minutes.
* Under no circumstances was she to refer me for tests, unless it was necessary in her objective medical opinion. This was the best thing I did. Equally she was not to put anything glibly down to 'just anxiety'.
After about four months of this I found myself with nothing to discuss and questioning why I was there. I haven't seen the GP now since January and a year ago I would have seen her ten times in that time.
8) Understand the mechanisms of anxiety. I didn't find CBT useful in the way that some people do in terms of exercises to do etc. but I did find it useful in understanding the mechanics of anxiety. I taught me that I was focusing my efforts on the wrong thing, that i wanted to eliminate uncertainty (which is impossible) and that my constant checking was also part of the same picture. When I learned that actually what I needed to affect was my reaction to things then it started to fall sensibly into place and I developed my own strategies for progress. From that point on, I used therapy as a kind of weight watchers, keeping me in check every fortnight and keeping me diligent. I was fortunate that I could pay privately, but I had to make big sacrifices to do so.
9) Find a listening ear. Family isn't always the best, I was a nightmare to live with to be honest. So I came here. I was lucky that when I arrived here, I found half a dozen people who were all committed to recovery. We supported one another and made progress together. I am proud to call some of those people my friends now, keep in touch with some on here, others by email and hope to catch up with one or two for a glass of wine at some point.
Be aware though, that very understandably, Internet forums like this attract people who are desperate and upset and in a difficult place. That can sometimes give the impression that recovery is impossible. Know that it isn't. I have seen so many people who were completely desperate, yet have come out the other side. The issue is that most no longer post, and so quite naturally the prime content of this site becomes about symptoms rather than anxiety.
Try and find peers to lean on, collaborate and work together and support one another. It really helps.
Finally, I will leave you with something that a member called Skippy said that really stuck with me.
'Your recovery from HA starts when you start to fear not living now more than you do dying' or something to that effect. Very true. We are all going to die one day, but I for one I am going to have one hell of a time before that happens and I hope you all do too. Don't let health anxiety rule you, you are in charge, get a plan, be flexible and take control.
I hope none of this is too contentious and that it resonates with some.
Take care and good luck everyone. I know how you are feeling and how low this can make you, but I also know that you can get better. I have achieved many things in my life I am proud of, but nothing was tougher than getting out of the mental hole I was in. Getting where I am today stands as my proudest achievement and it can be yours too.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)
Chris
BUMP!
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