MrsDP85
04-09-14, 13:04
So it's my first time on here (hi everyone). I've suffered with anxiety on for around 13 years, I'm now 28 years old. My main worries as a teenager were brain tumors and being in public. I had constant anxious feelings and my panic attacks were quite severe. I saw a professional who helped a lot, got better and enjoyed the rest of my teen years with minimal worries. I knew the anxiety would always be with me but never thought it would get as bad as it is now!
I didn't work for a long time due to my anxiety issues and found it hard to commit to one job without quitting whenever it got a little bit tough. This was always when I lived with my parents so money wasn't an issue. I finally felt ready to get back into work and started part time. I did this for 9 months then found my perfect job, which was 40 hours a week. I started and felt great until things started going downhill. Our landlord decided to sell the house we were living in so we had to find somewhere new. Found a great new house but I found it really difficult moving whilst working 40 hours a week. It just felt like it was rushed and I never got time to get used to my new home because I was always at work. I then found out my Nan had cancer which just got worse and worse. We found out it had spread to her brain and she didn't have long left. I have always been very close with her and she is one of my idols. Of course when I found out I panicked. One of my anxieties is of brain tumors so this really freaked me out. To top it all off I've been experiencing "bullying" at work. I hate to say bullying but there's really no other way of saying it. My manager and supervisor are very close. I got called into the office to talk about my attitude changing since my probationary period ended. This really pissed me off because as soon as my probationary ended is when everything happened with my nan. I thought of course my attitude will be different, especially working in a hospital where we deal with cancer patients on a daily basis. It really got to me that they showed no support whatsoever. Since then it feels as if they have been trying their best to get me to leave. I made a simple mistake and the supervisor jumped down my throat in front of customers and after stopped talking to me. Everytime I walked past she would slam doors, drawers, whatever she could slam she did. This ended up in us not talking to each other at all. I had a couple of days off due to my achilles tendon playing up (doctors orders) when I came back I had a back to work meeting (which no other staff member has had to fill in may I add) and the supervisor completely turned everything round on my saying I was making her feel unwelcome at work, she will not be pushed out of her job etc etc. I couldn't believe this!! Was she seriously turning everything SHE had done around on me!! Finally the stress of everything has got to me. The Doctor signed me off for 2 weeks due to an acute stress reaction. I called to tell my boss and she laughed. Now I feel like my anxiety is back in full swing. I hate being alone, I worry about allergies and fear of going into anaphalatic shock when alone and won't be able to call for help. I'm constantly dizzy, tight chested. I feel like I have every symptom my nan did before she died, confusion, hands not working properly, weak arms. I have the worst derealisation. I worry that I'm going crazy! When I'm at work I just feel like I can't cope and want to walk out every minute that I am there!
How can I help myself? I feel I have taken the first steps. I found a new job and am leaving that dreadful place I work in and can't wait but another part of me is super nervous. I want to feel like my mind will be refreshed in a new place but will this anxieties just follow me. I have overcome this before and know I can do it again I just can't remember how? :unsure:
I didn't work for a long time due to my anxiety issues and found it hard to commit to one job without quitting whenever it got a little bit tough. This was always when I lived with my parents so money wasn't an issue. I finally felt ready to get back into work and started part time. I did this for 9 months then found my perfect job, which was 40 hours a week. I started and felt great until things started going downhill. Our landlord decided to sell the house we were living in so we had to find somewhere new. Found a great new house but I found it really difficult moving whilst working 40 hours a week. It just felt like it was rushed and I never got time to get used to my new home because I was always at work. I then found out my Nan had cancer which just got worse and worse. We found out it had spread to her brain and she didn't have long left. I have always been very close with her and she is one of my idols. Of course when I found out I panicked. One of my anxieties is of brain tumors so this really freaked me out. To top it all off I've been experiencing "bullying" at work. I hate to say bullying but there's really no other way of saying it. My manager and supervisor are very close. I got called into the office to talk about my attitude changing since my probationary period ended. This really pissed me off because as soon as my probationary ended is when everything happened with my nan. I thought of course my attitude will be different, especially working in a hospital where we deal with cancer patients on a daily basis. It really got to me that they showed no support whatsoever. Since then it feels as if they have been trying their best to get me to leave. I made a simple mistake and the supervisor jumped down my throat in front of customers and after stopped talking to me. Everytime I walked past she would slam doors, drawers, whatever she could slam she did. This ended up in us not talking to each other at all. I had a couple of days off due to my achilles tendon playing up (doctors orders) when I came back I had a back to work meeting (which no other staff member has had to fill in may I add) and the supervisor completely turned everything round on my saying I was making her feel unwelcome at work, she will not be pushed out of her job etc etc. I couldn't believe this!! Was she seriously turning everything SHE had done around on me!! Finally the stress of everything has got to me. The Doctor signed me off for 2 weeks due to an acute stress reaction. I called to tell my boss and she laughed. Now I feel like my anxiety is back in full swing. I hate being alone, I worry about allergies and fear of going into anaphalatic shock when alone and won't be able to call for help. I'm constantly dizzy, tight chested. I feel like I have every symptom my nan did before she died, confusion, hands not working properly, weak arms. I have the worst derealisation. I worry that I'm going crazy! When I'm at work I just feel like I can't cope and want to walk out every minute that I am there!
How can I help myself? I feel I have taken the first steps. I found a new job and am leaving that dreadful place I work in and can't wait but another part of me is super nervous. I want to feel like my mind will be refreshed in a new place but will this anxieties just follow me. I have overcome this before and know I can do it again I just can't remember how? :unsure: