Ollie28
06-09-14, 22:36
Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask but was wondering after what I have been through wich was very emotionally, mentally, at times physically traumatic would you say it's possible to be psychologically possible to not be able to be with someone as in a partner? Wife/husband/bf
I've been suffering from a very high state of anxiety & only what I can think of is DP, I've improved very slightly over the months about 5 months ago I could barley think to write my own name, I'm still horribly bad with my mental clarity
But I have episodes of feeling Okish enough brain power to feel & think straight I often tell myself its what I've just been through and how I trained my mind to think and I need to be single and I cavt go back to how I was it's impossible....
For those of you that don't know my past I was cheated on by my wife and partner of 15 years but the episode after I found out lasted for 5 months solid, 24/7 and a lot happend, 3 weeks before this happend to me after 5 months of hell we finally got back together, at this stage I had already accepted I was to be single and started thinking in a different way - I was wondering if it's possible to train the brain in such away especially after everything I went through - rejection, lies after lies, more rejection, more lies, treated like dog sh*t for no reason, so much stress and emotion trying to keep my family together to then accepting I was to be single.
Now I'm in this mess Everytime I see a good looking lad I get pure anxious feelings rushing through me and I tell myself at the same time - my partner should be with him, or he's the type of guy she was with, every time I see her putting make up on or see her brushing her hair I get really anxious and it reminds me of when it was all happening - my partner is very attractive that dosnt help, I tell her all the time how beautiful she is I always have but the messed up part is I get momants where I think I want to be single then I'm thinking I can't be without her then I'm begging her not to leave me then I'm wanting to be single - I don't know what's going on I'm mentally and emotionaly everywhere, I can't think straight. Struggling to think at all most days like my minds full and just won't function,
I know one thing when i finally accepted my wife no longer wanted me for about 2 weeks before she come around that rejection gave me the fight and motivation to proof I'm ok on my own and after 14 years and moving out way from my kids and wife after what's just happend I can prove I can still stand on my own two feet - I love my wife and kids dearly I never wanted any of this to happen but I'm questioning the psychological side of it all - is it possible no matter how much you love and need do be with someone can you after they have hurt you, rejected you emotionally and mentally?
Is it possible to train your brain to go from living life everyday like you do for so long like clock work bad relaxed to hitting a trauma going through emotional very high level of anxiety and stress to training & tuning your your brain and thoughts in a different way to then try to go back to how you you to think and feel so quickly, can this be possible? I'm guessing like some sort of OCD and comfort zone.
I hate my partner for what she done especially now I'm like I am, struggle to think intellegenly most days! Certain situations turn my stomach and send fear and jealousy through me, anger comes in to play (I'm not a angry person usually ) but then I love her more than anything I want my family life back i want my life back! For some reason I keep thinking if I was single all my crazy arse symptoms will go away???? But then maybe I'm wrong and just need some help.
8-(
---------- Post added at 22:36 ---------- Previous post was at 22:14 ----------
Just to note my partner has been amazing through my illness since it hit.
But that still isn't enough for me to forget the past because I am now a result of "it"
I'm afraid she will walk out on me again - I'm a 30 year old good looking hard working honest guy who had a lot going for me - now I struggle some days to remember how to write my name or what day it is or where we have to go that day, ever now and then il get a bit of mental clarity back and I'm able to think a bit better and ild get memories back of things we use to do I enjoyed doing but most if the time I just feel like my life's now over and this is me. Pain, struggle, can't think or remember, I'm 30 FFS!
I hate her for what she has done to me but at the same time I love her more than my own life she's my wife and I always have,
Why do I keep saying if she left me again this would all go away and ild be normal again, it's like I need that to give me that fight and motivation and adrenaline I had last time - or am I just losing my mind??...
It's feels like I've been me all my life - hit the shock and trauma and stress, went on some sort of amazing high felt on top of he works like I've never felt before confident, exciting, then come crashing down and ended up on the wrong side of my own mind I'm I'm now stuck like this,
Pain. Lack of mental clarity, DP, high anxiety, what ever it is I'm close to going to take myself to a hospital because I feel like I'm close to hitting a point of no return I've been and felt like this for so long im scared to go bed at night because I dont tomorrow to come.
I've been suffering from a very high state of anxiety & only what I can think of is DP, I've improved very slightly over the months about 5 months ago I could barley think to write my own name, I'm still horribly bad with my mental clarity
But I have episodes of feeling Okish enough brain power to feel & think straight I often tell myself its what I've just been through and how I trained my mind to think and I need to be single and I cavt go back to how I was it's impossible....
For those of you that don't know my past I was cheated on by my wife and partner of 15 years but the episode after I found out lasted for 5 months solid, 24/7 and a lot happend, 3 weeks before this happend to me after 5 months of hell we finally got back together, at this stage I had already accepted I was to be single and started thinking in a different way - I was wondering if it's possible to train the brain in such away especially after everything I went through - rejection, lies after lies, more rejection, more lies, treated like dog sh*t for no reason, so much stress and emotion trying to keep my family together to then accepting I was to be single.
Now I'm in this mess Everytime I see a good looking lad I get pure anxious feelings rushing through me and I tell myself at the same time - my partner should be with him, or he's the type of guy she was with, every time I see her putting make up on or see her brushing her hair I get really anxious and it reminds me of when it was all happening - my partner is very attractive that dosnt help, I tell her all the time how beautiful she is I always have but the messed up part is I get momants where I think I want to be single then I'm thinking I can't be without her then I'm begging her not to leave me then I'm wanting to be single - I don't know what's going on I'm mentally and emotionaly everywhere, I can't think straight. Struggling to think at all most days like my minds full and just won't function,
I know one thing when i finally accepted my wife no longer wanted me for about 2 weeks before she come around that rejection gave me the fight and motivation to proof I'm ok on my own and after 14 years and moving out way from my kids and wife after what's just happend I can prove I can still stand on my own two feet - I love my wife and kids dearly I never wanted any of this to happen but I'm questioning the psychological side of it all - is it possible no matter how much you love and need do be with someone can you after they have hurt you, rejected you emotionally and mentally?
Is it possible to train your brain to go from living life everyday like you do for so long like clock work bad relaxed to hitting a trauma going through emotional very high level of anxiety and stress to training & tuning your your brain and thoughts in a different way to then try to go back to how you you to think and feel so quickly, can this be possible? I'm guessing like some sort of OCD and comfort zone.
I hate my partner for what she done especially now I'm like I am, struggle to think intellegenly most days! Certain situations turn my stomach and send fear and jealousy through me, anger comes in to play (I'm not a angry person usually ) but then I love her more than anything I want my family life back i want my life back! For some reason I keep thinking if I was single all my crazy arse symptoms will go away???? But then maybe I'm wrong and just need some help.
8-(
---------- Post added at 22:36 ---------- Previous post was at 22:14 ----------
Just to note my partner has been amazing through my illness since it hit.
But that still isn't enough for me to forget the past because I am now a result of "it"
I'm afraid she will walk out on me again - I'm a 30 year old good looking hard working honest guy who had a lot going for me - now I struggle some days to remember how to write my name or what day it is or where we have to go that day, ever now and then il get a bit of mental clarity back and I'm able to think a bit better and ild get memories back of things we use to do I enjoyed doing but most if the time I just feel like my life's now over and this is me. Pain, struggle, can't think or remember, I'm 30 FFS!
I hate her for what she has done to me but at the same time I love her more than my own life she's my wife and I always have,
Why do I keep saying if she left me again this would all go away and ild be normal again, it's like I need that to give me that fight and motivation and adrenaline I had last time - or am I just losing my mind??...
It's feels like I've been me all my life - hit the shock and trauma and stress, went on some sort of amazing high felt on top of he works like I've never felt before confident, exciting, then come crashing down and ended up on the wrong side of my own mind I'm I'm now stuck like this,
Pain. Lack of mental clarity, DP, high anxiety, what ever it is I'm close to going to take myself to a hospital because I feel like I'm close to hitting a point of no return I've been and felt like this for so long im scared to go bed at night because I dont tomorrow to come.