View Full Version : Fight (not only anxiety)
Morning,
Bit of a silly thread but my anxiety is through the roof this morning due to various factors.
Anyway to cut a long story short, I got involved with a girl who said she was single but turns out not to be, I had previous encounters with her and then she ended up going out with someone that was in our social group.
On a drunken night out she informed me she was single and she ended up back at my house, although nothing happened she then informed me she was off back to her boyfriends flat.
Now I've bumped into him for the first time since and safe to say he isn't too happy.
I'm unsure on how to approach this whole ridiculous situation and know this could end up with me in hospital after a fight. Having never wanted or indeed having fought in my life, I really don't want it going down that route.
You didn't know. She lied. If her "boyfriend" can't recognize that then he's as bad as she is. If he confronts you, apologize, tell him you don't want any trouble and walk away.
I had a similar thing happen many years ago. Man, that was a mess!
Lesson learned. If you have doubts or there are red flags, for a small fee you can get a background check on anyone!
Positive thoughts
Thanks Fishmanpa,
It's not the best of situations to be in, I'm acknowledge that I'm in the wrong to some degree but not fully to blame.
MyNameIsTerry
09-09-14, 02:47
Ah, ok, so its the fact she was still going out with someone in your social circle.
Well, she did tell you that had finished so if you are a close group it would have always been tricky at first. Is this why you feel you have to shoulder some blame?
All you can do is explain the situation. If he still doesn't like it, or doesn't like the fact that you were willing to go out with her after she may have finished with him, there isn't much you can do about it.
Do others in the circle know? What do they think?
---------- Post added at 02:35 ---------- Previous post was at 02:32 ----------
If you have doubts or there are red flags, for a small fee you can get a background check on anyone!
Not in the UK FMP, DBS is for employers. Other parties have to be law enforcement or courts. Individuals cannot get a check like this done on other members of the public overhere.
---------- Post added at 02:47 ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 ----------
You didn't know. She lied. If her "boyfriend" can't recognize that then he's as bad as she is.
Whilst I agree, I think something we should also mention is that she may tell her BF something different to the OP so it may come down to who the BF believes. That might be an issue.
to be honest she's very good at minipulating people, me and her were going out previously, which adds to the issue.
it's all a bit of a mess, he really only came into our social circle through her, so avoidance maybe the best thing in this case.
"Not in the UK FMP, DBS is for employers. Other parties have to be law enforcement or courts. Individuals cannot get a check like this done on other members of the public overhere."
On the contrary. In the situation I mentioned when I suspected something was up. I had her name, address, telephone and for a fee on a website (available all over the internet... some are good, some are not). There are things of public record that are available for a fee. If that's not the case in the UK, my bad but I would think things like an arrest, a marriage or divorce would be. I got all the info to prove what I suspected, including when the marriage license was purchased and the fact that she was not divorced. So she was truthful in that she was having issues with whom she called her "ex husband", however, he was not her "ex".
Turns out the husband worked for the government in intelligence and had monitored/recorded all cell phone and email conversations. He knew everything. The last conversation I had with her, I found out he was using that information as blackmail to help him in the divorce. He couldn't use it legally but he held it over her head like a sword. Nasty business for sure! Needless to say, I cut ties immediately, changed cell numbers, email addresses etc. and hoped he wouldn't send a hit squad after me :ohmy:
to be honest she's very good at minipulating people, me and her were going out previously, which adds to the issue.
it's all a bit of a mess, he really only came into our social circle through her, so avoidance maybe the best thing in this case.
Helps to know the details when responding. Definitely a mess of a situation and I understand now why you feel as you do.
Positive thoughts
yeah, theres alot of history and cheating basically mixed in, I didn't want to bore people with the full story.
Unfortunately for me irrational thoughts kick in, I'm sure I'll survive.... hopefully!
Rennie1989
09-09-14, 13:08
Whilst it feels like a massive issue, in a few years time I bet none of you will think over it much. I hated the whole dating scene back in the day and stuff like this makes a complicated process much worse.
If he bumps into you again just explain politely and calmly that she told you that she was single and that you would not date somebody who was already in a relationship. If he doesn't like it then so what.
And another word of advice, stay the hell away from her!
thanks for all the advice.
I agree Rennie, I fully intend on avoiding her at all costs and him in that case.
MyNameIsTerry
10-09-14, 02:28
"Not in the UK FMP, DBS is for employers. Other parties have to be law enforcement or courts. Individuals cannot get a check like this done on other members of the public overhere."
On the contrary. In the situation I mentioned when I suspected something was up. I had her name, address, telephone and for a fee on a website (available all over the internet... some are good, some are not). There are things of public record that are available for a fee. If that's not the case in the UK, my bad but I would think things like an arrest, a marriage or divorce would be. I got all the info to prove what I suspected, including when the marriage license was purchased and the fact that she was not divorced. So she was truthful in that she was having issues with whom she called her "ex husband", however, he was not her "ex".
Details that are a matter of public record such as marriage, deaths, director positions, etc yes but you cannot access peoples criminal records in the UK without applying via a DBS and they don't give them out to anyone who asks, you have to provide reasons inline with a DBS check which does not include checking on anyones background in a scenario like this. The reason I said this is because the OP is in the UK. Members of the public overhere can easily prevent other members of the public even finding their address from their name or a record of their name against the address.
Sounds like you needed The Equaliser!!!
---------- Post added at 02:28 ---------- Previous post was at 02:26 ----------
to be honest she's very good at minipulating people, me and her were going out previously, which adds to the issue.
it's all a bit of a mess, he really only came into our social circle through her, so avoidance maybe the best thing in this case.
I guess that also adds to it because she could manipulate her BF into thinking you were trying to get her back.
It may be a no win situation with those two but if it doesn't affect the relationships of your other friends, perhaps it doesn't matter? Do you think they will be affected or are they well aware of how she conducts herself?
Terry- All my friends, which includes some her friends have my back in this matter, he cheats on her, she cheats on him, from the outside it looks ridiculous.
In a way they deserve each other.
My anxiety just adds to the issue as I'm over thinking it.
Just one more tidbit of advice. This situation started over a "drunken" night. We all know drinking and anxiety don't mix but that's besides the point. There's a saying that has to do with a girl becoming more attractive based on the number of beers you have. The other side of that is you becomes less intelligent based on the number of beers you have.
Anxfusious say "Man full of spirits sees women full of dung like beautiful princess"
Positive thoughts
Just one more tidbit of advice. This situation started over a "drunken" night. We all know drinking and anxiety don't mix but that's besides the point. There's a saying that has to do with a girl becoming more attractive based on the number of beers you have. The other side of that is you becomes less intelligent based on the number of beers you have.
Anxfusious say "Man full of spirits sees women full of dung like beautiful princess"
Positive thoughts
Ha, all very true.
MyNameIsTerry
11-09-14, 02:32
Thats good then. If it had acused a rift because some believed her, it could have been a bit tricky and made things messy. Since they all know what the pair of them are like, they obviously realise its exactly something which she could do, as opposed to something you could do.
Thats a big pressure off there.
If the BF doesn't like, I'm sure all that circle will see him as being in the wrong as well.
It is the anxiety, its hyping it up into something bigger. Environmental issues are always something difficult to deal with in anxiety, but all you can do is tell him your side and he will believe what he wants. The fact your friends believe you over them, is a comfort. If he wants to turn it into a fight, you can always say its not worth it and walk away, tell your friends and then they will probably have the same attitude towards them, but be careful and protect yourself...not everyone is rational and I don't like saying this knowing anxiety can fuel it, but some people just like to fight no matter what the issue and these people are best left to their own circle of morons.
---------- Post added at 02:32 ---------- Previous post was at 02:31 ----------
Anxfusious say "Man full of spirits sees women full of dung like beautiful princess"
:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
Love that one!!!
Details that are a matter of public record such as marriage, deaths, director positions, etc yes but you cannot access peoples criminal records in the UK without applying via a DBS and they don't give them out to anyone who asks, you have to provide reasons inline with a DBS check which does not include checking on anyones background in a scenario like this. The reason I said this is because the OP is in the UK. Members of the public overhere can easily prevent other members of the public even finding their address from their name or a record of their name against the address.
Sounds like you needed The Equaliser!!!
---------- Post added at 02:28 ---------- Previous post was at 02:26 ----------
I guess that also adds to it because she could manipulate her BF into thinking you were trying to get her back.
It may be a no win situation with those two but if it doesn't affect the relationships of your other friends, perhaps it doesn't matter? Do you think they will be affected or are they well aware of how she conducts herself?
Yeah, I don't think I'll get the chance to give him my side, he falls into the catagory of someone who likes to fight, so I'll face that issue when it comes to it, explain myself.
My thoughts are that if he was going to do anything if he had his chance on Friday night and let me go, possibly knowing he is in the wrong.
:wacko:
MyNameIsTerry
12-09-14, 03:12
Yeah, thats something to consider. These things are more heat of the moment and over time they dissipate so if he was likely to do anything, it would have been when it was fresh and hurting him the most.
He may be doubting her, since she cheats on him anyway or maybe he is considering why she wanted to do something, perhaps to get him back for something? Maybe the rest of the circle siding with your description of events has got through to him in some way?
Sounds like it may be more a case of stung pride for him.
Sometimes if you don't react to it, it just passes and with some people even trying to reason with them when they are 'in one' just ends up escalating it.
I would let it go and see what happens.
Yeah, thats something to consider. These things are more heat of the moment and over time they dissipate so if he was likely to do anything, it would have been when it was fresh and hurting him the most.
He may be doubting her, since she cheats on him anyway or maybe he is considering why she wanted to do something, perhaps to get him back for something? Maybe the rest of the circle siding with your description of events has got through to him in some way?
Sounds like it may be more a case of stung pride for him.
Sometimes if you don't react to it, it just passes and with some people even trying to reason with them when they are 'in one' just ends up escalating it.
I would let it go and see what happens.
Thanks Terry your thoughts are muchly appreciated!
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