High levels of anxiety

[mlondon]

For the past 6 months my anxiety was really high. I knew the reason, I was desperate to move to Australia to be with my boyfriend and family members I have but the only way I was able to was if I got in to do a PhD at uni. I was living overseas at the time. I didn't want to be living away from my family and friends anymore but the thought of returning to London which was my other option to be with my mum and brother who also have mental health problems was very depressing. I love my boyfriend and was looking forward to the new life Australia had to hold. I got in to uni but those 6 months of anxiety and waiting to find out took their toll and I had really intrusive thoughts such as I was one day not going to be able to cope and commit suicide or my anxiety was going to get worse and i'd go mad. I was so relieved when I got into uni but now I am here, living with my boyfriend in our flat and am still having these thoughts. They subsided for a while but I am worrying my boyfriend will leave me coz of my anxiety or I won't be able to complete my studies and I have this persistent thought that 'this is it, my anxiety has got me this time and I won't get better' and 'won't enjoy life again'. I keep saying these are just intrusive thoughts, but paired with feelings of depersonalisation it is all just horrible and a struggle. I want to love life again like I once did before, I have no reason not to other than my anxiety. Advice needed.

[trish1955]

Bless so I am a bit spun out. You living g with your boyfriend now but thought he was in Australia and you in London any way I am not supprised your anxiety high so many big plans and you no wzt you want but scared of it not turning out right.take small plans one day at a time. And build your self up you can do this you done it before go for it slowly xxx

[mlondon]

Thanks Trish. It is a bit complicated. I am from London but have been living in Fiji for the past 2 years working in Health Care. I met my boyfriend who is Australian in Fiji. I have now moved to Australia to be with him. The only way I could move to Australia was to study again so I have started a PhD, which i planned to do at some point in my life anyway. Luckily my grandma lives in Sydney and I have lived here before so it isn't all that new to me. I am living a life I really want and I think that causes anxiety (sounds silly i know). I had a lot of difficulty during my childhood and I think now that things are going right I worry that my anxiety is going to end up with me dying or going mad. So I get really anxious.