Scared, confused, worried all the time

[rockoo]

Hey guys,

I've done pretty ok past year or so, not much anxious just episode from time to time. But still in the back of my head I always have that "what if" thought for every pinch, twich, sound, etc.

It all started about 10 years ago when, at 21, i suffered a oanic attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was panic attack. However the doctor there told me they've checked if I had heart attack just in case and said all was clear.

Ever since then my health anxiety began and I've been obssesed with first my heart for a few years, then difficulty breathing my lungs, and then my stomach and so on. For the past year I've been worried about lung cancer and is getting worse this fear now. I hate it it is ruining me mentally... I have went to emergency once for chest pain they took x ray and they said all good but something on the xray which they said nothing to worry about check it with your primary doctor in two weeks for a follow up x ray. Which came out good no problems. But that has stuck in my head and I cant shake that tought. Every I have to take a deep breath is lung cancer, every back pain is lung cancer. I used tomconstantly monitor for my heart rate now I contantly monitor my breathing, if im winded or out of breath, when I am I wonder if its normal or not.... I came down with a cold and been coughing for two days and yesterday i noticed when i breathed in i could hear a faint wheez or hiss.... Google says "in sever cases wheezing is heard on breathing in"... So i am pretty much dead....

I hate my life with this.... I'm affraid and scared. i'm 31 feeling like I'm 12... I keep thinking what if I never see my daughter grow up... Be there for her in her life....

I don't know what to do... I want to go do CT or MRI or whatever but ironically i'm mortified of tought they would find something....

Does anybody else feel anything like i feel?

[wnsos]

Hiya there. I'm relatively new to this aspect of anxiety but something I'm increasingly aware of more every day (though I'm constantly running into the "WHAT IF" blip too much to settle myself completely) is how strong our minds are.

I think back to being a kid (which has actually, funnily enough, been something that's been getting me down for a year or more) and playing games where everything was so real. We could convince ourselves of anything. And when we get locked on to these symptoms it feels similar in a less than enjoyable way. My imagination was so so hyperactive when I was younger that I spent months at a time living another life to the one I had in my head vs what was going on. And when we start to panic and feel out of control, we aggravate our bodies and they go into defensive mode. They're trying to protect us from ourselves but in doing so, give those of us with extreme health anxiety more to worry about.

Worrying as I type this even, but trying to push the thoughts to the back of my mind. I particularly identified with the being afraid and scared part, all of this insurmountable worry and feeling like we're twenty years younger than we are. It's so scary and isolating and when we can't seem to trust doctors it makes it even more so.

I've had a cold too recently and I asked on here if a heightened state of anxiety can make you more susceptible to picking up bugs we might otherwise get off lightly with (cold, flu etc) which in turn make us feel pretty grody. But the wheeze is probably your cold.

I hope this helps somewhat. Trust your doctors. Xx (I'm trying this at the moment with great fear!) much love and if you'd like to vent or talk to anyone, feel free to pm me. :hugs:

[trish1955]

Every minute of every day I am a bag of what if nerves like I got up feeling like I been hit by a bus my back shoulders neck arms and legs are so stiff from tension. I am scared I am sneezing up xxx