Is this a lapse or a relapse?

[DoubtfulDarling]

Hi everyone! :)

I hope you're all well.

I'm here because I was diagnosed when I was 19 with depression, GAD, panic disorder and OCD.

I went through a difficult couple of years with medication and therapy but I managed to come out the other side.

I also got a new boyfriend at the beginning part of this year and he's the most amazing person I've ever been with.

I was working full time, I left my job to start as a PA and they changed the job role two months ago which has left me out of work.

Since being out of work, I've began to experience what I would call "minor lapses" I.E. the feelings of not being good enough, wanting to give up, intrusive thoughts, doubting myself and my OCD has come back to tell people my thoughts (true or false) when they come back into my head to avoid the feeling of panic.

I've managed over the last couple of days to keep my thoughts to myself as they were upsetting my partner, and as we all know, OCD thoughts 99.9% of the time are NOT true. They like to play with your mind, so I've been laughing them off because they're absolute rubbish.

Is what I'm experiencing normal? Like, should I be feeling the way I do? And should my OCD have come back due to the major changes in my life? My sister has also moved away in the last week too an hour away which has been change too and I do not deal well with change...

Can anyone relate?

Thank you!
DD

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, losing your job has taken away one of the elements important to self confidence, self worth & self esteem. The feelings you describe seem to fall into those categories e.g. "I'm not good enough" fits into self esteem.

So, perhaps your OCD has resurfaced due to these elements being affected negatively?

Are you saying that you have to tell people what you are thinking to avoid something bad happening? If so, this sounds like Magical Thinking OCD, something I have although not in that form.

Its good that you are laughing at them because the worst thing to do would be the react with strong emotions which your subconscious will use to make connections between them.

You just need to work on not performing the ritual of telling people your thoughts (if I read that right?)

What did you do to get better before? Can you use the techniques you learnt in therapy?

[DoubtfulDarling]

Hi Terry,

Yeah - I think it's pretty much a case of that.

Magical thinking is a killer! I think due to the big change that this is why these things have been happening, etc.

Yeah - essentially, to avoid a panic attack and the feeling of hiding something and being dishonest.

Yeah - I know - it's been difficult but I know things are getting better.

I essentially distanced myself SO much from OCD that to me, I convinced myself I never had it, thus, causing it to go away.

I have been implementing the techniques I used in therapy, as I know that the thoughts I have are unnecessary and not real. I know they're a load of bull anyway! It's just irritating how panicky and agitated they make me feel and guilty too.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Have you considering something like Mindfulness meditation? I found this very useful for my various OCD, many of which I don't do anymore because of starting this.

You could learn that and then when you feel these compulsions you could spend a few minutes practicing Mindfulness to see if that changes how you feel. Mindfulness will help you to view the thought in a non judgemental way and to just let it pass through. It sounds like you are doing a lot of this anyway so maybe it would teach you another way to do what you are already?