View Full Version : Total lack of mental clarity on and off up n down
Hi is it normal to have total lack of mental clarity with anxiety?
Ive been like this 7 months now, at first i was really bad couldn't hardly right my name, totally lost who I was where I am and still am like this,
The clarity of my brain thinkng feel power is some days non existent, I struggle to think, then it will lift and I get things coming tor like normal like it use to, then it goes and I'm not aware of where I am, I'm not aware I have family or I need to be somewhere, that awareness of what you done this morning or the awarness of you have to pick the kids up from school or you even have family - I don't have!!! Somedays it's bad I can't think some days it's not as bad, some days it's up and down all day but I'm constant left feeling no way like I use to,
Don't get me wrong if se asked if I had kids il say yes a boy and a girl, if some asked if I'm married il say yes I am if someone asked did I go work today ild say yes - my problem is I don't no longer have that feeling that allows my body or brain to feel that normal awareness.
I'm back on work but struggling to even think normal, I'm installing gas appliances with no feeling of what im doing, the more I do work the more it gets worse - yesterday I finished a installation of a gas fire and left the house with my work partner - I felt like my brain had switched off and I was all lost, tense, couldn't think didn't feel where I was or what I had just done and like a lot of the time I keep needing to tell myself where I am and what I'm doing!!! Like I'm not here not with it like a lost soul that's previous life before all this was a dream!
I keep getting little things coming to me like a computer havin information installed! It's horrible!
I can't carry on like this but I have no option!
I feel like my old life is somewhere in there I just don't know whsts going on! I can't find where I am!
Yesterday I tried taking the customer through how to work the appliance and I couldn't find the brain power to explanation to him, I felt as I always do very strange and in intelligent & like my head was being crushed, I struggled to find words and kept getting lost in what I was trying to say like a child learning new sentences! I got there in the end but left the house feeling like I just wanted to break down and cry out of feeling like this.
Again I had no feeling where I was or that I had finished work what I had done in the day and was on my way home to my family like you do and use to do!
Instead I sat in the van felt lost, tense, spaced, strange in pain, I had to tell myself I'm in bury I'm going home! It's hell,
Today I've been having strange pains like pressure in my face and nose, like a balloon is suddenly blew up in my head, it pushes on my eye and nose area of my face for a few seconds and goes! On and off - when it happens it feels like my nose is about to explode with blood or something - I was on the train this morning and it happend a few times sharp quick pushing down prrssure pain I was afraid I was about to have a bad nose bleed,
Fed up now of the mental clarity! Can't think or feel like I use to, my brain feels dormant, I feel thick n lost! I'm training it to work each day with changes I swet all day everyday and I'm always hot and clammy!
If I sit still n do nothing I get lost I don't know where I am and because I feel no awareness I start to freak out! I mean scary I panic
If I keep myself busy I feel tired, mental clarity gets worse, I feel more and more unintelligent! I struggle to think! I can do a hard days graft and not feel like I've done anything or don't feel that tirdness
No awarness of time too! I've got a list on a white board in my kitchen because when I pick my wages up I can't think or feel what I need to do with it, litrally like a bread dead person!
Struggling to spell too! And even write texts and follow the sense of it or what I'm trying to say!
8-(
You're post is articulate, descriptive and intelligent with good grammar which shows that what you're experiencing is symptoms of anxiety and not genuine cognitive issues. I'm sure you'll find lots of people on here that have experienced the same feelings (I know I have). They fade once the anxiety goes away x
Anxiety tires your brain and it shuts down to protect itself,meditation and mindfulness can help you overcome the anxiety and restore it once more.Everything you have described is common with anxiety
When you say "anxiety" do you mean stress? Or worry (anxiousness) This is the thing I don't have anything other than what's happening to me currently in my life thats making me anxious only basic things like everyone in the wold (work, kids, bills, ECT)
I've been a evertonian all my life and I had to put a reminder on my phone they were playing tonight because ild forget! How do you totally forget something like that when all my life like everything else there's that awareness your team is on tv) I can remember being on the train on the way home today struggling to think of a Everton team to put out and I couldn't even remember or think who played for us.
I've sat and tried to watch this match on tv I can't think of a single incident ok the past 70 minutes other than the goals like I can't connect to it or take in what's going on, not like me!!!
My memory, awareness, feeling we're very good now I can't even feel or think half like I use to.
I'm like this 24/7 btw not just when I get a little anxious or worried.
24/7 nearly 8 months.
---------- Post added at 21:53 ---------- Previous post was at 21:37 ----------
I can sit & think inwards to myself all day no problem, but as soon as I TRY to think outward of things ild use to in the past its just like the mind power isn't there and I get lost and go back in again,
Tried a little today I was sat trying to think and feel "ok I'm going home to my wife & kids, I tried to think about what they might be doing at home trying to think outwards but it was like my brain couldn't handle it.
I feel stuck inwards completely, thinking, feeling, awarness,
How do I exercise my mind back how it use to be?
Is it possible or am I stuck like this?
I keep reminding myself where I come from I have to otherwise I start to panic like I'm lost in time. It's horrible, I try not to think about it but I can't help it I think if I'm stuck like this my life's over everything I wanted to do in my life has been destroyed, I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind, I just want to open out n feel & think like I use to.
I'm in the process of trying to buy a new car but i can't - I don't feel any connection or feelings towards it, I dont know how to pick one,
I'm a mental mess, really worried I'm stuck like this.
I have two young kids I need to look after and provide for i can't stay like this it will end up breaking me,
This carnt be normal!!?
I'm on a installation in bury, I'm swetting like a pig, my head feels like it's being crushed, me ears feel all locked up, I can't even remember what the customers look like each time they walk In and out of the room!
I'm totally struggling today, I'm having a minute I feel like I'm going to drop on the floor.
Still having pressure pain in my face. Feels like my nose is going to explode, comes and goes suddenly
I know I have other jobs to do today but I don't feel it or feel anything other than what I'm doing.
What's going on with me!?
Anyone like this? Or been this bad? It feels like my head is under so much pressure it's stopping me from feeling normal like it wants click open.
Frustrating!!!
---------- Post added at 12:35 ---------- Previous post was at 12:16 ----------
If anyone had please please please tell me how I get out of it! Tell me like I was a child if it helps because I can't feel like this no more!
I've tried not to think about it, but how do you not think about it if your feelin like I do.
I'm worried I'm Gona go crazy! Or I'm getting dementia or something it's that bad,
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I feel like screaming!!!
Ollie I am nearly exactly the same and like you I don't feel stressed or depressed. I'll have an anxiety attack over literally nothing and then my days are filled with weird negative thoughts which then builds on another attack. I sweat massively when I'm anxious and my stomach just releases everything its awful but you're not alone mate.
Hi mate,
I'm on my day off today I can't cope working full time just yet,
It's messed up mate I honestly feel like chucking the towel in, but I've never been a quitter and I'm a proud dad of two that I'm trying my best to carry on for.
Get on to this, yesterday I was on the train home after a hard days work (didn't feel it or feel aware of it but I knew it was if that makes sense)
I was stood on he train totaly done in, I couldn't think proper al I knew was where I was I didn't feel it I just knew it in my own head, my mrs rang me I couldn't even think to talk I was that messed up I told her I love her that's al I could mentally think to say! I felt like I was in a Cloudy tense mental block like I do all the time, I was swetting too, anyways the phone went down I changed trains again struggling to feel where I was I just had to keep telling myself in my head, I stood on the train felt the same then out of nowhere I felt about 90% my old normal self! I could think and feel wheeee I was what I had done that day without having to think my hardest where I've been what I've done ect. I could even feel the feeling of awareness of where my wife was where my kids are what ild be doing that evening like I said like my normal old self, I even felt that feeling of not being in work the next day and felt excited a little.
Today is a different story! I woke up feeling ok hoping yesterday was another corner turned to the road to feeling my normal old self, the mrs went work I dressed the kids took my little girl school arrived home then I could feel my mental clarity going, I was going back to how I've been feeling like above.
My mood changed massivly uncontrollable too not me just being peed off it's like my mind just took over I was in a bad dyer mood and I couldn't get out of it!
I was nasty to my partner over the phone very bad, but I know it's not me that's how it feels like someone taking over my body.
30 mins later I was saying sorry but felt worried convincing myself I'm not good enough for my family no more, I'm better off not here, my wife's stunning very attractive and I'm telling her to leave me I'm not good enough because of the way I am, then I'm telling her I love her I can't livecwithoutvher but because I feel like I do it's pointless her being with me because I can't enjoy our rekatuonship but then I love her n know I cant be without her,
Moving on 15 mins later I was feeling feelings if fear, I kept just telling myself out a film on and relax but I can't then I start to panic because I know I should be at the park with my little boy but I can't process doing it, then I panic because I need to go out but it feels like again my body is saying go and hide and just cry in fear and frustration, my mental clarity is poor why going through all this, so u put my shoes on and take my little boy for a walk! Try to break the feeling of hiding indoors even it's not what I really want it's more my body telling me. (Sounds strange I know)
The seconds I step out the door I feel a bit better clarity wise but I feel like I've been crying for months! Or I need to let out a massive cry! My emotions are messed up, I felt like my hormones were 100% female lol (no offense to al the ladies) but being a 20st boxer I've never felt like this before all this started.
Walked around still feeling on a high mood, mental clarity better clearer but like I have just been crying my eyes out and I felt like I was stuck in that emotion you feel after crying!!
When I got home I felt little bits of fear creeping back in, I spoke to my little girl over the school fence but didn't feel any connection like I was there I couldn't even feel enough to think what to ask her about her day, it's soul destroying!!
See my feelings and emotions seem to be like a circle and I keep going around and around and I can't escape it!
The feelings and emotions I'm going through I experienced when I was going through what I went through and it's like my body emotions is stuck in the past trauma still putting me though it all even though I want to move on,
The mental clarity is the hardest part, I can't think straight or some days at all! My wife talks to me and nothing goes in, so I can't reply, I have to ask over and over, I struggle to feel the feeling of taking things in so basicaly I go bed some nights upset because I feel it's another day lost in my life that was a waste of time.
The list goes on.
I'm embarrassed to say but I cut myself last week not for attention but out of frustration, I was doing the same as above relaxing when I was getting feelings of don't know where I am, then realising I was forgetting about my girl at school like she didn't exist, no feeling of awarness as always! Then I started to feel the panic fear feeling because of it all so I just thought I had had enough!!
....my point is like on a post I put a while back they only take notice if you hurt yourself or someone else! 8 months 24/7 I've been like above and been passed from pillar to post - tomorrow for the first time in 8 months I see a psychiatrist all because I cut myself out of pure anger and frustration of missing my life and family! I'm far from proud of it but I get to see the tip of the chain so finguers crossed he/she can help me finally
a tired mind plays tricks on you ,when i was in hospital i couldnt do the simplest tasks ,wash,clean my teeth or eat.I also couldnt speak to or go near my family for a long long time including my wife and daughter,I was exhausted and broken.Slowly very slowly I got better,you will to.It takes time but you will get there with the right support and help,dont be afraid to push very hard for this when you feel the need.
Good luck and keep the faith
Can anyone tell me is it normal to feel such emotional carnage up and down with anxiety? I now it's more a bipolar thing but my moods are so quickly changing it's strange, I've been through emotional carnage before this happened to me prob what triggerd it all off but I don't know how to escape it.
The feeling of crying or been/need to cry but on a high feeling....I've felt this a few times over the last few months, like my hormones aren't right I need a hug and and good cry even though I'm in good mood what's that all about?
---------- Post added at 14:48 ---------- Previous post was at 14:41 ----------
a tired mind plays tricks on you ,when i was in hospital i couldnt do the simplest tasks ,wash,clean my teeth or eat.I also couldnt speak to or go near my family for a long long time including my wife and daughter,I was exhausted and broken.Slowly very slowly I got better,you will to.It takes time but you will get there with the right support and help,dont be afraid to push very hard for this when you feel the need.
Good luck and keep the faith
You don't understand how lifting that post was! My biggest fear is spending the rest of my life like this.
I'm an emotional wreck, uncontrollable it feels, sometimes I think I'm being to hard on myself but that's how I've always been! Always put so much pressure in myself mainly to make sure my family are happy before myself.
I put myself through a heck of a lot just try to keep my family together and my wife in my life. I knew I couldn't be without them so for 5 months solid I was dragged emotionally through hell,
Sleep and the gym are my next two things - I've not been exercising at all due to not being able to think much, bit getting much sleep either. 6 hours max broken sleep ever night. My little boys a sleep terror!
Can anyone tell me is it normal to feel such emotional carnage up and down with anxiety? I now it's more a bipolar thing but my moods are so quickly changing it's strange, I've been through emotional carnage before this happened to me prob what triggerd it all off but I don't know how to escape it.
The feeling of crying or been/need to cry but on a high feeling....I've felt this a few times over the last few months, like my hormones aren't right I need a hug and and good cry even though I'm in good mood what's that all about?
everything you are describing is anxiety ,buy a copy of paul davids book http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/ ,it really helped me understand what i was experiencing,once i knew it was only anxiety i took the correct steps to tackle it.Dont go mad and overdo it on the excercise front a gentle walk in nature is enough when your feeling bad,every day in hospital i would go for a walk for an hour outside and it really helped.You also need to stop being hard on yourself straight away,you need to get better for you and your family and to do that you have to come 1st for a while.It took me 18 months to get back to where i am now and i am leading a pretty good normal life with low anxiety and coping with a stressful job
write a mood diary every day ,nothing complicated just a few notes then you can look back on it when you feel down and see where you have improved
good luck
I've got that book mate read it all I could relate to is the DP part even then it was only bits.
I know my mind is tired very tired infant.
I'm just fed up of not feeling like I'm taking anything in so nothing stays with me, little example - mrs went asda I walked in from my therapy she fold me she had been, it wasn't only til just now I realised what she said even though I looked her in the face when talking to me, it's like i just don't or feel the awareness of knowing, I've just been lying on my bed on eBay why getting hammerd with pure fear prickle sensation that feels like my heads being kicked,
It's that bad it makes me quiver like all my nerves in my body are being prickled,
The sensation - emotion - feeling is like when I was panicking about losing my wife & kids, once it calms down I need to take deep breaths to relieve the sensation, my body feels tired after it and my head is left feeling sore, as it settles a little later il be left feeling like I've been crying like I'm highly emotional,
See that's what I would of done back when I was going through the hell I went through - ild panic Badley, think deeply, deeper and deeper! Start to get highly emotional and full of fear then cry, then after I had calmed down ild be like F it il be ok on my own then 10 mind later ild be the same and this went on for 5 months solid getting deeper and more stressful more traumatic until boom! I didn't know where I was one night n I've been suffering since.
But it feels like my body is trapped in that same emotional cycle!
PTSD?? I don't know hoping to find out tomorrow.
I've noticed too if I put my hands under cold water that fear crazy prickly sensation goes as my mind shifts to feeling the coldness.
Strange
I started with PTSD long story can't be bothered to type it but I think I'm over that now
Put a plan together and get some professional support ,your local mind or rethink.org are good
Go for it what have you got to lose
Just returned from seeing a psychiatrist - being refered on to someone experienced in dissociation disorders, as he thinks it's a dissociation disorder,
The more the stress or anxiousness rises the more I struggle with mental clarity and the more dissociated I become takes me a while to relax and feel or think where I am,
He's also proscribing me some new meds to try,
Il keep cracking on mate as hard as it is to feel like in even part of this world and despite the pain I have two amazing kids I love, as much as I feel not part if them no more I know they still look at me through there eyes as there dad.
Cheers for you time, means alot
good luck,I am sure you will get this sorted
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