View Full Version : Struggling to cope - Updated HERE I GO AGAIN
Hi All
Am having a really bad few days and Today just dont know how to get through this, I have a diazepam from the Doctors but am too scared to take it,
I feel that I am going to die or get locked away in a mental ward, I just want my life back, not matter what I am told i can not beleive this can be anxiety, I feel like a stranger looking in on myself, as if i am about to slip away and either die or go mad, I am confused and getting strange thoughts, could this be the end for me?
I keep having crying outburts and just generally think i am never going to be normal again,
Any advise please, I just am not coping with this
Wendy
Under~The~Stars
28-12-06, 16:35
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Wendy you are not alone hun! It is just anxiety that you are feeling, and I feel the exact same. It's been a bad few days for me too, but we can try and get through this!! We need to be strong!! Feel free to send me a message anytime!!
Take care
Louise xxx
Hi Wendy, oooooooo I do feel for you because I have had many days like you are having now.
Listen to me please, You simply have too much adrenalin in your system at the moment. You certainly are NOT mental, you will NOT go into a mental ward, this I can promise you :D
You are NOT going to die either, all that is going to happen is you will be feeding your mind with more anxious thoughts and this you CAN stop, I promise.
Put the kettle on, put some relaxing music, take some long ,slow breaths and come back here to let me know how your getting on....
I will reply, honestly Wendy, you will come thru this and you will smile again :D
mirryx
Wendy, what you are doing now is seeking reasurance, this is because your mind is racing with "WHAT IFS", you are already wondering , what if I go mad , or what if I die,.....................
you will have many what ifs if you are feeling anxious.
Ive had anxiety and panic for 5 years now, and when I get bad days or weeks I just tell myself its a blip, it will pass.
The worst thing you can do is castrophise it, you have the power to stop this.
I take the odd diazepam pill, it wont harm you at all, that I promise :D
take it, you will feel much much calmer.
mirryx
Hey wendy
How you feeling now hun? I used to feel exactly the same. I never went mad, died , went schizo, killed anyone hurt any one NOTHING.
You are not psychic, what you are experiencing is anxiety.
Anxiety = thoughts, all be it negative. But that is all it is THOUGHTS!
Thoughts cant hurt you, they are scarey yes, I know that, I used to tell myself positive affermations everyday, there a bit like a mantra, I said tem over and over again, to myself or sometimes out allowed.
The whole point of an affermation is that they are positive. I used to say
Im calm
Im safe
and Im in control (I was scared I was going to just lose control and go mad)
Believe it or not there was something soothing by doing this. Wether it was the distraction I dont know but it worked.
People say that women/men who are are verbally abused by there partners ie told there ugly, fat etc will eventually beleive it themselves.
The point I am trying to get at is, all the time your saying theses negative things to yourself, am I going mad etc??? Its having a negative impact.
I know and really I know its easier said than done, but give it a go. You have nothing to lose??
I was unbelievable anxious and paniky when it all began but slowly the good days began to out do the bad. Dont get me wrong I do end up anxious sometimes but NO WHERE near like I was before.
Please feel free to PM me or I am on MSN messenger]
Kim_wilkinson487@hotmail.com
Hi Wendy
The others have all said the helpful stuff but I want you know I was there in the scary 'going mad' place too and thought I would never get out and I would ahve to be locked up forever.
And although I get panic attacks still it isn't in the deep scary world now and they much easier to control on my terms.
So it won't be like this for ever - just try to let it ride as sometimes when they are really bad you can't fight it. And your body may need to get out them out of the way so you can begin to get better.
Hugs.
Thanks everyone for your replies, I am still struggling again today, I have new sensations that am not sure can be purely anxiety, I dont feel like me, as if im almost watching myself from far far away, everything around me if odd, if is awful, wish it will soon pass,
Thanks again xxx
Wendy,
First off big hugs! Your not the only one who feels like this. It will get better.:)
Work like you don't need the money, Love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody's watching
I have the detached feeling too Wendy. It's just reall odd isn't it?
Try not to worry - it is all part of the big nasty. Let it happen as I promise you Wendy it won't be here forever.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Thanks everyone for your replies, I am still struggling again today, I have new sensations that am not sure can be purely anxiety, I dont feel like me, as if im almost watching myself from far far away, everything around me if odd, if is awful, wish it will soon pass,
Thanks again xxx
<div align="right">Originally posted by wendy - 29 December 2006 : 16:41:57</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Depersonalisation, it is one of the scariest aspects of anxiety. I still get it now and again and I just ignore it.
Take a diazepam hon, give yourself a breather from this. One won't do you any harm at all.
Nel xxx
___________________________________________
"At the end of a storm, there's a golden sky..."
I am sorry to go on but am sure that I am finally going to go mad, Things are so so bad that i dont know what to do, I am shakin inside and out so much and my body feels like it is goin stiff, I have a vision of myself in a mental home just sat shaking and not knowing who anyone is, what is happening to me, I am so sure that i am worse than anyone else has ever been and I will never be normal again, has anyone ever felt this bad??
I have gone past the stage of been able to do breathing exercise as I am so confused, nothin looks or feels normal has hasnt for days, everywhere I read that panic last mins or hours not days and days on end so what can be wrong with me, my mind is whirling so fast, can anyone help please x my thoughts are scaring me xxx
Wendy - I have been there at my very worst. And I am virtually holding your hand honey.
This is horrible. Have you anyone with you at the moment?
Gosh Wendy I so want to help you!
Take a diazepam, and read this self help stuff (link below). The site helped me lots of times:
http://www.anxieties.com/free.php
___________________________________________
"At the end of a storm, there's a golden sky..."
Thanks for replies, really am having a nightmare, am on my own at moment, just wish I could have a days off from this, the panic attacks come in Wave after wave and wouldnt wish this on anyone, really helps that you all understand, think it just me with this at time x
Just try to breath Wendy and find a safe place for yourself so the big nasty can get on with it - when it's a huge one you can do little to stop it. It's like being at sea in a storm.
It will ease xxxxxxxxx
Wendy there are so many people here who can identify with how you are feeling.
What we can all tell you is that you are not going mad and this is a passing phase - it's horrible when we feel this acute but all of your symtoms can be clarified. I don't know whether you have ever read Claire Weekes books 'Self help for your nerves'. It's reassured me more than once I can tell you.
When you have this much adrenalin rushing round your body it makes you feel frightful - could you do some gentle exercise to try and get rid of it. Even just doing circle movements with your arms while you are sat in a chair will help.
Also an ongoing thing should be regular muscle relaxation exercises - it's amazing how much tension we hold in our muscles, which can cause a whole host of problems.
Try and drop your shoulders and your jaw and slump your body into the chair, this will send a message to your brain to relax. You are not on guard duty hun and you are perfectly safe, so let go just a little.
Big hugs
Piglet xx
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Wendy, I have had the depersonalisation feeling, I have believed I am going mad, I have known all about the breathing etc but not been able to do it and I have had the anxiety for days and days on end. I remember reading that the anxiety reached a peak and subsided but it didn't with me in a matter of hours, it was days. I am here, it did pass I am not mad. Please believe it is a blip.
I know it is so hard to believe it when you are feeling so c**p, but it will pass/ subside in time.
Happyone
x
Wendy, how are you now ?
You sound very sensible, infact us panic people are the opp of mad !!!
Did u take the diazepam ? did it help ?
You will get past this horrible patch and when you do . you can then use that evidence for next time you feel bad.....
you will remember that you felt bad once before but it did go away.
mirryx
Hi Wendy, it has been a while since I last posted but I read postings on here nearly every day. I can honestly say that I know exactly how you feel. Nic will verify that last year I couldn't even get out of bed for fear of collapsing, losing control, being carted off to a mental hospital. I really thought I was totally losing the plot. I felt my head swimming and that I was looking on but not in control of myself/thoughts. I knew that I should get a grip and accept all my feelings as anxiety but a little part of me would NOT accept that. It is with hindsight that you realise that until you accept that anxiety can mask all these feelings (assuming your Dr has told you that is what it is) you will continue overloading your body with adrenalin. When adrenalin has no where to go (flight or fight) then you body diffuses it throughout the body and thats when the dp/dr, flushes, wobbliness, pounding racing wobbly heart happens. So easy to write about but so hard to ACCEPT. With anxiety you are so concerned with watching for every new symptom that your life becomes so inward looking and then our minds race with - 'this is it I am losing the plot.' I still have the most weird thoughts - totally bizarre, I still get the jelly legs, dizzy head, irregular pounding heart but 5 years on from when it first reared it's ugly head I just have to accept that Mr Anxiety is never far from me but he will not take any more of my life from me. Please Please take the reassurance offered to you from the wonderful people on here and for the moment just try to believe that you, like many others WILL recover from this blip, you are NOT going mad and recovery WILL happen. I really pray that you will find peace and not suffer anymore anxious thoughts. Love Dawn x
groovygranny
29-12-06, 20:01
I sympathise with you Wendy, this is so horrible. When I was poorly I felt exactly the same, I didn't think I was ever going to get better. It was almost as if I had been abducted by aliens and returned the wrong way round and inside out!
But, I did get better and so will you like everyone is saying. This is the darkest side of anxiety and panic but it can be overcome. Please accept what your doctor is offering, if only as a temporary measure to get you over this period.
I also hope and pray that you will find relief soon.
Take care
Lotsa luv
GG
xxx
'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'
Dreamer029
30-12-06, 03:51
Wendy,
I have or have had all of the exact symptoms you describe. I completely understand where you are coming from. I recently got on Lexapro, and I take Lorazepam(Ativan) for anxiety when I need it. These have helped me a lot, but Im still waiting for the full effect. When I had it the worst about a month ago I'd wake up with that feeling and go ALL day long with it, I felt like I was going crazy and just like I didnt understand life and all the commotion etc. It's like a disconnect from reality thats why they call it depersonalization/derealization. And when you're feeling it, it feels so rational, almost like wow this is how Im going to think for the rest of my life. But it does fade away with time. What really helps me is to have some bench mark events in the week that I look forward to. For example: a TV show, or a get together with friends. Try to have something you do when you wake up as a routine, and also something you do once a day even if it's really simple.
PM me any time!! (one of my distractions is replying to PMs and posts that I can relate to!) :-)
Lauren
Morning all
Well i guess im still here, not dead or gone crazy (Yet !![:I][:I])
I am overwhelmed by so many caring replies and all your advice if very helpful and comforting,
Had the night from hell (had a quarter of a quarter of diazepam, didnt dare to swallow it) - Just so afraid
I am going to try and go out today, dont feel good still but after 5 days of sitting in with this have decided I have to make a move and try and shake this damn awful thing off.
I am still concinced the worse is about to happen but going to take on board everyones advice and do something to try and change this, its is so so so hard,
Again, I cant thank you all enough for taking the time to reply and re-assure me, I am so gald you can relate to me and I am not the only one
Will update you on my day later, Hope everyone has a good anxiey free day
Take Care
Wendy xxx
:D Well done Wendy, that's the attitude. Try and go out - little steps - each one a move in the right direction. Leave the 'What If's' at home! Not sure whether this helps - maybe now isn't the time to think it? - but I tried to imagine the worst that could happen - for me it was collapsing and being taken off to hospital. Then I looked for the evidence - has it ever happened? For me the answer was 'No'. Then I put the fear into perspective eg It has never happened even though I have felt many times inches away from collapsing - but it has Never happened so why will it happen just because I choose to leave the safe environment of my home? I know this is all easier said then done. I just hope that some of it helps/ registers and eases your anxiety a little. Enjoy whatever you do - remember Little Steps.
Dawn x
PS I was taking Cipralex 10mg (and Diazepam 5mg when needed) when I was at the height of my anxiety. I hated taking the meds but they allowed my body respite from the constant state of heightened alert it was in. Again I can say all this with hindsight. You can and will conquer your fears......
'Hold me close, let Your love surround me, bring me near, draw me to Your side; And as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagle, and I will soar with You; Your spirit leads me on, In the power of Your Love.'
Yes, a big Well Done to you Wendy!
Getting out of the same four walls, even if you do still feel strange and panicky, will definately help.
Try and go for a short walk to get rid of some of that adrenalin. It really does help.
Let us know how you get on.
Kate x
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Well Done Wendy ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) xxx
Take Care
Mandyxx
Well, went out and got back from a couple of hours shopping, feel more like I have climbed mount everest!!
Not going to be too hard on myself coz at least I went out but it didnt go too well, had 5 major panic attacks with full on anxiety inbetween but did manage to do a couple of que's.
Felt everyone was looking at me and that I would collapse any second, obvioulsy I didnt but feel like c**p now but guess I felt c**p to start with so havent ended up any worse for the experience!
I feel like slapping msyelf to end these constant thoughts I keep having and feel awful coz everyone's voice sound like an echo to me and is annoying me, I feel really worried still about these feeling but am trying my best to keep going, Bloody anxiety hey!!
I am determined I am goin to come on here and post about a good day instead of my constant moaning! Its strange coz I really love everything about life (well used too) the days out, nights with friends, walking with my dog...... anxiety has the ability to take away it all, but at least realise from all your comments that it doesnt have to be this way and despite how bad I feel now I am not prepared for it to take anymore of my time away from me, tomorrow is a new day and the start to a new year is near and I going do my best to beat this so think I going to be asking for a lot more of all your help!!
Thanks for everything
Wendy xx
I think you deserve a really big clap for showing such determination today hun.
Big well done to you - noone can do more than try their best and you totally did that today!! :D:D:D
Love Piglet x
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Thanks Piglet, you made me proud of myself then! What can I say, thank god for everyone here to help each other along in the right direction x
Wendy,
WELL DONE!!! Going shopping was a huge achievement!!! BIG HUGS!!!
You are definately not alone. I have felt like you at times. The panic can be overwhelming!
Please don't be scared of taking your diazepam. You could try breaking the tablet up and taking just a quarter at a time until you are confident you know what it feels like to take it. You won't suddenly get any scary feelings, I promise. Diazepam just gently makes you feel a little drowsy, not even drowsy exactly, more like chilled out! It's a nice feeling, nothing to be scared of, and if you only take a quarter or half a tablet you will hardly notice anything, I promise. Please PM if you want to ask anything as I will be more than happy to help. I get nervous about taking new medicines also.
GOOD LUCK! You seem to be doing really well. :)[Wow!]
shoegal xxx
Hi Shoegal
Thanks for your reply, I am so nervous when It comes to meds, Really wish I dare to take them, Still not too good so may be brave and try half
Thanks again
Wendy x
Well said id need support and here I go again........ my sensations are back (infact never really went) in force! I am posting here to try and divert from getting into that downward spiral again, had found a little teeny bit of positivity and am not willing to let it go, I am trying to get myself able to venture to a friends tomorrow but am scared if i feel like this I will ruin everyones nite, and something dreadful will happen, any tips on how to get myself motivated to take this step, sorry that I am so needy right now,
Wendy x
Well done, Wendy! :D
Ok, it didn't go as perfectly as you would have liked, but you went, and you survived!
Try and go to your friends tomorrow. Think through the things that you are worried about. Try not to just think that "something bad might happen", really think it through asking yourself to see the scenario through to it's final conclusion. It's never as bad as we anticipate!
Kate x
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
WOW Wendy ! You did it. OK you felt c**p but you still DID IT! I am sure you know already (but I will just tell you anyway! ) ...... It is only through facing the fear and ACCEPTING the panics and weird feelings that slowly, very slowly, you will have moments when you lose yourself in the moment and you won't be analysing how you feel all the time. Those moments become minutes, then hours etc. Soon you will have long periods of being anxiety free. That is all to come - and it will - but for now it is those little steps that will get you there. Try not to think about whether you will or won't go to your friends tomorrow. Live for this moment, or as my hubby says to me 'don't get off the train until it is at the station.' Just be proud, very proud that this afternoon you put anxiety behond you - and it tried to do it's very worst - but you still DID IT! The score tonight is - Wendy 1 Anxiety 0. Tomorrow will come soon enough and that holds a new page for you to write on.
Love Dawn x
'Hold me close, let Your love surround me, bring me near, draw me to Your side; And as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagle, and I will soar with You; Your spirit leads me on, In the power of Your Love.'
WOW - you went shopping!! So pleased and proud of you Wendy. That's brave.
Think of the good things about seeing your friend tomorrow and just play it as calmly (ho ho) as you can. Nothing will happen to you at your friends that can't be dealt with.
Thanks for all replies, am (dare i say it) a little brighter today, still feel odd but not as odd as yesteraday if that makes sense! Had a few drops of Valerian that I got from the health shop and it helped me get a few hours sleep, going take everyone's advise and try and get out tonight, is so hard going this anxiety and get sick of my constant self talk and new symptoms but going to give it a go! x
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