jiffnon
23-09-14, 19:21
Hey guys,
Apologies for the massive amount of text about to ensue. I didn't know whether or not to post this in the OCD section, but seeing as I've only been diagnosed with GAD I'll take my chances on here.
I've had anxiety for around two and a half months. At first, my focus was very much on the possibility of developing any physical illnesses (cancer, MS etc). Now, however, my focus is very much on the emergence of mental deterioration whether it be schizophrenia, bipolar, adhd or ocd. I think the closest to what I'm feeling now could be Pure O.
Up until a few weeks back I was OBSESSED with the idea of developing schizophrenia, but a simple consultation with my therapist was enough to clear this up. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I no longer feared it because I knew I didn't have it.
A few hours later, I was sat on my sofa and I got the most unpleasant intrusive thought regarding a family member. I knew it wasn't something I believed but it terrified me nonetheless. I've since managed to let thoughts about my family pass through without judgement and now I don't tend to get them, and when I do they don't bother me as much. I also sometimes experience horribly sexist, racist intrusive thoughts. However, for the past couple of days I've been experience the most horrid intrusive thoughts regarding suicide. Because I'm very fearful of my thoughts at the moment, the intrusive thoughts tend to pop up quite easily. I'll often be cleaning or listening to music and "maybe you should kill yourself" pops up. This is not something I want to do, nor have ever wanted to do, but it still seriously concerns me.
Am I alone in this? It seems far less extreme than many cases of pure O that I've read about. I'm constantly trying to control my subconcious because of it and I fear the actual thoughts more than the idea of carrying these things out, because I know I never would. Could it just be hypervigilance from my GAD?
Apologies for the massive amount of text about to ensue. I didn't know whether or not to post this in the OCD section, but seeing as I've only been diagnosed with GAD I'll take my chances on here.
I've had anxiety for around two and a half months. At first, my focus was very much on the possibility of developing any physical illnesses (cancer, MS etc). Now, however, my focus is very much on the emergence of mental deterioration whether it be schizophrenia, bipolar, adhd or ocd. I think the closest to what I'm feeling now could be Pure O.
Up until a few weeks back I was OBSESSED with the idea of developing schizophrenia, but a simple consultation with my therapist was enough to clear this up. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I no longer feared it because I knew I didn't have it.
A few hours later, I was sat on my sofa and I got the most unpleasant intrusive thought regarding a family member. I knew it wasn't something I believed but it terrified me nonetheless. I've since managed to let thoughts about my family pass through without judgement and now I don't tend to get them, and when I do they don't bother me as much. I also sometimes experience horribly sexist, racist intrusive thoughts. However, for the past couple of days I've been experience the most horrid intrusive thoughts regarding suicide. Because I'm very fearful of my thoughts at the moment, the intrusive thoughts tend to pop up quite easily. I'll often be cleaning or listening to music and "maybe you should kill yourself" pops up. This is not something I want to do, nor have ever wanted to do, but it still seriously concerns me.
Am I alone in this? It seems far less extreme than many cases of pure O that I've read about. I'm constantly trying to control my subconcious because of it and I fear the actual thoughts more than the idea of carrying these things out, because I know I never would. Could it just be hypervigilance from my GAD?