How many more times ?

[gauss101]

Over the past eighteen months, I've been struggling with anxiety. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes worse. I teach maths to adults and, up till now, loved my job. The problem is that when you're in the middle of explaining something and a panic attack hits, it's living death trying to carry on. I know it will pass and I keep going to the end of the class. The problem is that I know I have to do it again, and again, and again. I get to the point of everything becoming pointless because all I'm trying to do is get from one end of the session to the other.
I'm off work, at the moment, for the second time because the anxiety is there 27/7. No relief, despite medication, and the blackness of the future, such that it is. I'm sure I'm not the only person on here that's considered ending everything but I know the devastation it would leave behind. So, you end up trapped in your own personal hell.
My meds have been changed and I'm hoping, yet again, that it will give me the strength to get back and do what I do best. Anyway, to get to the point I've been advised to have one to one CBT therapy. Is there any hope I can put in this, or is it just going to be a ream of self affirmations and deep breathing? Sorry if I sound cynical but I feel so tired of it all, I'm starting to doubt everything. Thanks and with love. ;o)))

[JoeM89]

So sorry to hear you're having a hard time. The worst part about anxiety is when it makes us stop enjoying the things we used to love. I can completely relate to you being cynical about CBT. I recently quit a group CBT class because it wasn't helping. I think the one on one course will be much more helpful though! You should definitely give it a go.

[chuchu]

I am really sorry to hear of somebody else who like me feels they are in their own personal hell. My anxiety has been with me in one form or another all my life but this year has been horrendous culminating in my brother committing suicide 3 months ago and now I have anxiety about doing this myself but know I can't as it would leave too many people in utter devastation. I feel lost in my own hell worried about everything even worried about getting out of bed in the morning. I am pushing myself to do things trying to not think if you want a friend I am here x