Hello there

[hugo87]

Hey everyone,

My name is Hugo. I suffer from High Anxiety Disorder and Agoraphobia. I suffered since I was kid. I used to cry before going to school and I could nerve stop shaking my legs. Years passed without me knowing that what I had was a serious disease.Growing up I had a few near death experiences that only made things worse.

On my early college years I did a lot of drinking and a lot of pot, which sure did not help. When I was in my early 20's I went to jail for drinking driving. Due to mixed up I ended up a week in jail and that's when my brain gave up. I got married a few months later and the symptoms only got worse. I started taking online classes due to the frequent panic attacks I was having. My physician prescribed lexapro, xanax and aderol. The drugs did not work very well. I took them for a few years and eventually decided to quit with the help of a therapist (this was one of the hardest things I ever had to do).

I eventually graduated from school. I found a job that pays ok, but that I could work from home. My wife is not very happy with the money I make, so I applied for a job and now. I have an interview coming up. The best thing about the job is that after six months of training, there is a possibility that I could work from home 4 out 5 days of the week, which it brings me here. I'm freaking out about the six months. I have not slept well for a few days now and been crying a few times a days. Its not easy being a grown ass mass and suffer from this disorder. My wife understands what I go trough, but not to the extent of someone who suffers from this terrible illness.

Thanks and I'm very much looking forward to relate with some of you.

[Seamus Ireland]

Hi Hugo87,

You've had/having a pretty rough ride in life hope you find some help on here. Panic Attacks are terribly debilitating but you can over-come them feel free to pm me if you want some support. I struggled with PTSD panic attacks etc for years I know how you feel.

Best wishes Hugo

[hugo87]

Thanks Seamus,

This past few days oh man has not been easy. I feel like there are cannons shooting at my chest. I try the dam breathing exercises, but they don't do anything sometimes. Running helps, but as soon as I'm done, there it goes again.

A lot of times I look forward to death. Everyday that goes by its like alright one less day to live. One less day without pain. My wife has gone through this with me for six years. Shes patient and everything, but patience runs out.If she goes away I might become homeless. I barely have the will to keep fighting and if she ever goes away, I don't know what I would do with myself.

I know everyone's case is different, but how do you deal with panic attacks and working life? You suffered for years, but do you have any hope of getting rid of this disease?

[Seamus Ireland]

Hi Hugo,
yes I should have mentioned I have almost fully recovered now :D you can over-come it with the right plan of action. Therapy Psychotherapy and or CBT + MEDS I will pm u some info 2moro when I get a chance I also had severe Agrophobia and have just recently done a sky dive so you can definitely beat this Hugo. Feel free to pm me anytime.

[HalfJack]

Hey hugo, welcome to the site!
Theres a way to deal with it, it can just be hard to find it. I beat my agoraphobia too, well kinda, it never 100% goes away but I can leave the house alone whenever I want to now, so I'd call that cured. Likewise if you ever want any info feel free to PM me.

Working and anxiety can be a hard mix to deal with, I've just applied for my first job in years and I'm worried about that too. Medication is a big help, I wouldn't be able to work without it. I don't depend on it but it helps me take the edge off the stress and then when I'm at a more stable position in my life I ween myself off it.
Once I learned how to stop a panic attack from building up I got better pretty fast too.

You might find you can't do much else other than your job for those first 6 months but perhaps with things like meditation and support from your wife you can do that - and then you'd have a job that's much easier to handle at the end of it.

[hugo87]

Thanks Seamus and Half Jack,

I guess my agoraphobia is not as bad compared to what you guys experienced. I skydived, hang glided, I even had hang gliding accident in Rio where I crashed and needed to be rescued.Hell, any sport that had good possibility of dying, i pretty much tried. Maybe I wanted something to happen and sometimes it did. I just got very injured or had to be rescued.

The only two places I had panic attack were at school and work. At school I was able to take online classes and avoid. With work is a bit more tricky. There are a lot of Jobs out there that will let you work 100% from home, if you tell them a good reason, such as i'm raising a family and my wife needs me. Or I live too far from the job. The only problem is the training, which most of the time is in the office. My wife is very supportive. She just hates seeing me like this. I love working from home and she supports that. She just wants me to do it because I want to not because I dont have any other choice. I'm tired of Anxiety dictating my life. I love working from home. I just want to be Ok if the company asks me to trained. I want to be able to respond "yeah, no big deal." Instead of, crying, not sleep, and not eating. I already lost 5 pound since this whole ordeal started a few days ago. I'm already a skinny guy and five pound makes a huge difference.