fear of going crazy

[julz]

Hi everyone!

I'm new to this and am hoping that someone may be able to help me. I've been suffering on and off with anxiety and depression for 10 years now. I have recently had another bout that started about four months ago...The problem is that I have convinced myself in the past couple of weeks that I am going crazy, or developing schizophrenia. I am truly terrified and just don't know what to do. I sometimes feel like I scare myself and try to conjure up images that will convince me that I am losing my mind...I'll imagine that I am going to hurt someone or that I am just on the verge or hallucinating, even though I know rationally that I will not. I am just so tired of thinking and so worn out. Does anyone know where I could get some relief from all of this? I can't sleep and my husband doesn't understand. Am I going crazy?

[groovygranny]

Hello julz, welcome!

Take your time and have a read through the posts here. You will soon find you're not alone and I'm sure will find encouragement,comfort and, above all, understanding.

Take care

Lotsa luv

GG [:P]

xxx

'There are no such things as strangers; just friends we haven't made yet!'

[keepemlaughing]

Hi Julz, you are not crazy! If you were you would'nt be looking for help! Welcome!

Sheryl

Why stay in prison when the door is wide open?

[julz]

Hi groovy granny and Sheryl!

I am just so touched that you both took the time to reassure me. Thank you!

julz xxx

[rozie]

Julz

My heart goes out to you....BUT
Please hear this...

You are SO not going crazy!!!

I promise you that what you are feeling is the anxiety many many many of us have felt and you are going to get beyong this and be just fine.!

This is so hard to hear from someone you don't even know but I am telling yo the truth ....really

[ginger2006]

Hi there Julz

It's my first time on this forum too. I've been suffering for the same amount of time as you so I totally understand.
Chat away if you feel it will help.

Ginger x

[candie]

Hi julz,

Firstly you are NOT going crazy.I felt the same way a few weeks ago but rest assured once you start to pick up a bit(and you will),the anxiety wont be able to play tricks on you like it is doing now.

Hope this helps,Candie xxx

[julz]

Hi again!!

I can't believe the number of replies I have got in such a short time!!! I feel like I have my own little cyber support network!

But how do you know that you're not going crazy? I feel like I need some kind of proof!! Does that sound stupid?

Does anyone else ever get the feeling that they're going to lost the plot completely any day soon and that they'll no longer be able to care for themselves, know who they are or recognise their loved ones? This is my fear at the moment...Who's to say that it won't happen?

Again, thanks for all your lovely messages.

[Dreamer029]

i also have a fear of going crazy...its the worst!! you can really convince yourself of it too, i get myself all in a panic. but somewhere along the line, im always like well what if i do go crazy?? i guess i wont be really aware of it and scared if i cross the line (because crazy people are never scared they're just crazy!) haha. i had a psychology course last year and my professor said that one of the things they do in therapy sometimes is have the people completely face what they are fearing. i am going to try this next time i am having the fear of losing it...dance all over the room stick out your tongue shake your arms, pound the walls....try and be ridiculous...you'll probably end up having a good laugh at yourself.

Lauren

[d3niro]

Hi Julz,

I know exactly how u feel.... I'm feeling all the symptoms right now.... i have spent the last 2 days crying and goin mad thinkin i was going crazy.
I have learned though.....by talking to people and goin out to see friends takes my mind off it. So that proves a little something to me....that it can be controlled. I just haven't learned how to control it at all times.
I woke up this morning... felling sick, nervous, i wanted to cry...and then i started to saying to myself..... "what if i'm supposed to be in a mental home"? "Shall i put myself in a mental home"? Then i started to get upset again, because i know deep down i don't belong in there, i just can't get these stupid thoughts out of my head.

I know trust me..... It cripples u. I have had these thoughts now for 3 months....they just don't seem to be budging. I have signed myself up to see a shrink but i'm on the waiting list[V]. In the meantime..... I come on here.... its GREAT.

I GET SO MUCH REASURANCE.

Even if u get no replys to any posts its always good to read what other people are goin through.... to come to realize you are not alone

[julz]

Hi!

Thanks everyone for your words of comfort and support...I don't know if I can be of use to anyone at the moment, but I am happy to help if I can.
I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on this little quandary I have: I have taken 3 months off work because of my problems and am supposed to be going back in 1 week. Do you think it is better to work or to rest at this time? Has anyone found work to be beneficial in "turning the thoughts off" so to speak? I am really stressed about going back and will have to let my boss know soon if I don't return.

thanks!
julz
xxx

[Peru83]

Hi julz,

I too felt the same way last year, thought I was loosing my mind! But a doctor reasured me that I wasn't as people who are crazy don't think they are! (you know the people you see hovering around in ally ways with odd shoes, paper hats and declaring that they are hitler, really believe this is the case). Where-as people like us on here know there is something wrong and are trying to fix it. Also we don't wear odd shoes and paper hats, I hope! LOL [:o)]

Hope that made sense and helps a little bit.

Take Carexx

Claire

onwards and upwards

[tree]

hey julz
I have been there like so many thinking im going to get so anxious i go mad and there been times when i thought right i just let it come and just screamed and that was it nothing. I know im not crazy or anyone eles on here its just a belief to a thought, hope you doing ok now chris

jammie
I have recently worn a paper hat, but it was christmas

[neonpink_smurf]

i have felt the same but i rarely feel it anymore so i just wanted you to know if you tell yourself enough that its not true you will believe it.. hope this helps

[d3niro]

Hi..... i always get anxious about the most stupid things, like last night for instance. whenever there is an event coming up i freak out.
I was only goin to my friends house....a few of us were there and we were planning on havening a games night.
I was goin to bail out because the thought of haveing a panic attack in front of them was scarying me. they all know about my nervous disability...but they have never seen me go through a panic attack. When i'm around people i seem to keep un control. Thats what annoying aswell... i do seem to keep it under control which tells me...panic attacks r not that bad and that it is all in the mind....so why am i still having them. Anyways......the point was......I went last night and i ended up haveing a relaxing funny night. when i got home....i thought see that wasn't anything to worry about.... but it seems to happen everytime.

[evenflow]

hey julz
i first started suffering from anxiety/panic in april..i had a real fear of 'becoming' schizophrenic..or losing my mind...its nine months now and it hasn't happened..this site is so valuable in fighting the demons...i'm much better now...went on cbt...meditation and herbal supplements..it's been about 5 weeks since my last bout of anxiety..
hope u get better soon...pm if u like.

[Melina]

HI Julz

My feeling of going crazy was at its worst when I was at work (left a month ago coz could not take any more) and what made it worse was that I could hear other people saying that I was going crazy and loosing my mind (I was working in a very cut-thoart sales environment) I too thought I must be schiz. because my mother had it so I'm convinced I will get it at some point. I also sometimes think I have multi personality disorder as often feel and act like different personalities (or I feel like I do)

[guds]

hey everyone! I also have the fear of going crazy. It started as a abstract fear of loosing it... then it developed into a specific fear of having schizophrenia. After that i started to think what would happen if i'd start hallucinating and having paranoias. Like seeing scary creatures trying to hurt me, like a child after seeing a horror movie :) and i know that they arent really there. So it has been staying on my mind and feeding itself from my fear :( its a really vicious circle and i cant get out of it. I start to think .. what if i see.. then to reassure i look and i know that there is nothing there and it is just caused by my immagination but it is really getting on my nerves. Turning into a compulsive thought or something. And if i distract myself then it doesnt haunt me .. and if i remember it i start to think about it. It just is there. The fear and i understand that is has no point but i cant seem to stop it. Im waiting for my psychiatrist appointment.. meanwhile just trying to cope. Its incredible how powerful your own mind is. I have always been and anxious person and now i have been through alot of stress which boosted my panic attacks. Feeling really helpless now. Victim of my own mind. Trurth is.. i have had panic attacks and anxiety disorders before.. very similar to what i have now, only then it was more powerful.
Well, the main thing is to remember... if you doubt that you are going crazy.. you are definetely not :)
All the best, keep your strengh!

[mlondon]

This is exactly what I needed to read today, thank you everyone, this forum is great!

[Kraft09]

My anxiety problems started when I was in my sophomore year of college. I was going through a lot of stress with school and my boyfriend lived in Germany while I was studying in NYC and I made the dumbest decision of my life, while I was driving down from upstate back to school I allowed my self to give into peer pressure and smoke... you know what. and what happened was the I felt trapped in a car with a bunch of people that I did not feel safe with and with all of the pressure from school and being away from my boyfriend I "snapped" I dealt with extreme paranoia after that. I never felt safe and was fearful of everything. sometimes I could not even sleep because I was afraid that I would not wake up in the morning. I even dropped out of most of my classes so that I could travel more often home (syracuse, ny) to see my doctors. But after a while of working hard most of my anxieties faded away. Then in the summer after my sohmore year ( 6 months after my initial breakdown) I felt strong enough to move to Germany to be with my boyfriend. that was two years ago and during thoughs two years I have dealt with minimal anxiety and was not on any medication. I felt pretty much normal. But recently I have applied and was accetped to go back to my old college and finish my degree. At first I was excited to go back (eventhough I knew my boyfriend could not come with me because he has to finish school here) but then all of a sudden about a month ago, I paniced. I worried that if I were to go back alone then all my anxieties would ome back and they would drive me crazy. So I decided not to go, and instead apply to college here. But somehow not having a certain derection in my life was also scary enough to panic again so I have developed this horrible fear of going crazy. It is truly terrifing I feel similar to how I felt to years ago, but instead of worring about dying I am worring about loosing my mind which in someways is more scary because I dont dont know anything about it and how it works. when i lived in the states I was able to work on my problems whenever I wanted too, but here my closests hospital is an hour away and I dont have the support of my family and freinds like I did then. I have created this false reality in my head and it is scarier then any nightmare. I am so afraid of becoming crazy that I over analyze everything and the more I think about it the worse it seems to get. Sometimes when it is silent i become extremly anxious becuase I am worried that maybe this is when I am going to staring hearing voice or nosies that are not real. And somehow I feel a little disconnected so to say from my life becasue I am so involved with my thoughts. I have not been preparing my self these past to years for my next panic attack because I just assumed that my problems are over, but now I realize that it is going to be something that I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.
All the posts have helped becasue I dont feel so alone anymore. But the thoughts are not going away that easily and I guess I cant help but think 'am I different? maybe I am going crazy, and everyone else maybe experienceing someting different than me.'
I would love to hear what you guys think.
-Kraft

[phil06]

The best advice I read was if you are going crazy you would not know. You could be too busy being "crazy".

I think any part of my anxiety brings on the fear of losing control/going mad part. When anxiety gets intense it builds up stress so you feel like you will go mad.

Best way is to try and relax let it pass.

[Kraft09]

but is it the same way with schizophrenia?

[Yvonne]

Julz

Are you getting any therapy at the moment? You need a professional to reassure you that these are symptoms of anxiety. Go and see your gp for a little reassurance.

By the way - you're not going mad.

[Kraft09]

Thanx Yvonne and Phil. Sometimes I feel confident that it is only anxiety but I still cant seem to get rid of this on edginess. I am going to see a professional on Thursday. I am trying really hard to stay positive but it can get really tiring.
-Kraft

[mlondon]

Hi!

I feel exactly the same and my therapist has assured me that I am not going crazy. I sometimes imagine images that scare me, it is a way of maintaining the anxiety tough obviously I don't want to maintain it!

You are not alone!

[Kraft09]

I also wanted to mention that a little while after my fear of "going crazy" started, I somehow convinced myself that to go crazy you loose yourself or something and now I am afraid sometimes to even look in the mirror because I am afraid that I would not recognize myself. I act normal I think normaly my personality has not changed and my memory and capabilities are normal but somehow I feel disconnected from myself or at least that is what I am letting myself think so everytime I think about this I get a rush of anxiety.

[Horologist]

I can only add to what others have said in saying your not going crazy its natural to think your going crazy when your coping with mental illness and others around you dont understand.

The best thing to do is what i do, tell people they dont have to understand and its hard for them to understand when they havent experienced it. All they need is to show their support and that will suffice, thats only good though if your willing to except that some people will never understand an illness they cant see. If you had a broken arm or leg then they would show you support just ask for that and it should take the edge off it.