I'm new... and I need help

[Autumn18]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry this is long but here goes.

I have probably always had some health 'concerns' if i'm looking for a trigger it was probably when i was 12 and my friend died of Leukemia.
More recently though, my Aunt died last month, aged 43 of aortic dissection. this has triggered full blown health anxiety along with grief at the same time.
she had no previous conditions that were known, she went into hospital with severe stomach pain, it was thought she had gallstones and she died that night.

Since then, I have been struggling everyday; with the loss of a family member that was seemingly healthy, pretty young and was just gone so quickly, and also for anxiety about my own health. Now, started after the cause of death was confirmed and my mum called me to explain it, followed by 'this could be hereditary, heart problems run in the female side of our family and you should get checked' this to her was a simply bit of information....but it sent me in a downward spiral.

I went to doctor to explain this (and made the mistake of telling them that i had recently been experiencing some anxiety but perhaps hadn't been able to identify it as that) My cousin (my aunts daughter) is 23 and has had an un-diagnosed heart issue for a few years. Apparently my mums cousin also has heart issues...but i don't know the details. I told the doctor all of this and they seemed convinced that this would not be hereditary (apparently for it to be hereditary there has to be more than one case...meaning they will take the risk of someone else dying!)

Anyway, for the past month i have had all the typical HA symptons, palpitations, not sleeping, not eating, loose bowels, weight loss, tearful, irritable, constant trips to the doctor, back pain. i've been a mess. i thought i had it under control after a month i was able to think a bit more clearly but then my fear changed to TB and following that, lung cancer.

I'm back to the heart fear and more specifically aortic problems. I got really freaked out yesterday after reading (on here) that someone was concerned about aortic arrhythmia after being able to see their heart beat in their stomach... I GET THAT ALL THE TIME! obviously i am worried.

Going back a little, after a month of going to the Dr, they finally agreed to refer me to a consultant for a heart echo/ultrasound. I got my appointment though but it's not for 2 months. I am now considering just going private and paying £450 for the echo!

Someone advice / share similar experiences / NHS vs private thoughts are greatly welcomed!!!!

Thanks for reading if you got this far x

[wnsos]

Hiya autumn, welcome. :)

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. It's not a wonder it made you feel the way you do about doctors and medics in general, or your own health. One thing I've noticed being around here for a month is that we all have one thing in common especially and that's a fear of losing control or what's going to happen or could. I always thought I had that figured out but nope, it just took me the same twitching/heart beat you were talking about to send me to the doctor.

I will tell you what my first gp said (it eased my mind a lot, that first visit). She told me that it really is just your heartbeat/pulse. We have a big artery that goes down there and that's what we see. (Of course when I first felt and saw it, I went to dr google before I went to the actual doctor so dr google told me I had an aortic aneurysm. Thanks google, but no thanks.)

I personally don't have the funds to go private but I've found myself juggling the idea a few times. One was thyroid tests (just had an ultrasound done, I was convinced it was enlarged but nope it's normal size apparently!) etc etc. it's exhausting.

This board has been really helpful though. Well sometimes. Some posts kind of set you back but there's a few that are really helpful. :hugs:

[Autumn18]

Hi Wnsos,

Thank you for your reply!

I have certainly found some comfort in finding this website....it has already helped be recognise my systems but also see how others cope with HA.

I know that is most cases the heart pulse in stomach thing is supposed to be normal but I can't help worry for the obvious reasons. i'm just going round in circles, for over a week I had a sharp pain in my stomach and I was just convinced that it was the start of something fatal, every day i was thinking 'is this it? (the doctor said it was indigestion...probably due to the fact i was barely eating and had a lot of stomach acid) :(

I really don't have the funds to go private either, my husband was not impressed at the idea, especially now that i have an appointment. but i just keep thinking what if something happens to me in that time?!

i'm just rambling now but thanks for your message :hugs:

[wnsos]

Definitely do whatever will put your mind at rest! Do what you have to do, I'd say you've got grounds to feel the way you do. Do you feel that when you'll get results of the tests you'll be able to believe it? xx

[Autumn18]

I asked myself the same question....I think I will believe it if they say i'm healthy and everything is fine. I can't move on with my life until i've had this checked out... which answers the question really.

[Autumn18]

feeling so scared since having my heart echo. the Cardiologist said I have bicuspid (this means the aorta valve only has 2 clasps instead of 3 which allow the blood flow in and out of the heart). This was not the reassurance i was looking for!

They have recommended having an MRI scan (which i'm terrified about) It seems the more i know the worse i feel.

Anyway, i have obviously been googling and have completely convinced myself that I will need heart surgery which doesn't seem unlikely given this condition and my current 'anxiety' symptoms of breathlessness, tight chest, palps.

So so worried :(

[Pcdaft]

Hiya so sorry to hear what you have went through ? Just take it easy and breathe slowly you will be fine ? Take care I hope you are well today xx::)

[Autumn18]

My family is falling apart and it's my fault.

I went privately to have these tests and the consultant asked for my aunt's post mortem report. It's a long story, but my mum and my grandmother have fallen out over the report. I've had all the tests (which cost a fortune) and they have come back all ok.

I just can't believe what this has done to my family, i feel so stupid :(

[Mondie]

If there's one thing I've learnt in my life is that grief can do horrible things to people and I'm sure your Mum and Grandmother haven't fallen out because of you. More than likely, the grief they are both experiencing is coming out in this way.

Please do not try and pin this on yourself. If they hadn't fallen out over the report, it probably would have been over something else.

Grief can be very cruel and unforgiving. I'm sure with time, they will make amends. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and have a hug from me.

:hugs:

[Autumn18]

Hi Mondie,

Thank you for your kind message. I am trying to tell myself that it's all down to grief. I just wish they could see that surely this tragic event shows us that we shouldn't waste time arguing and that we need to cherish each other more?! I really hope they sort this out by Christmas. xx