OCD is so weird

[peacealways]

I am 100% positive I don't like my thoughts and yet when the images occur a feeling of liking them occurs which I guess is OCD and my brain playing tricks on me. How can I know I don't like them and still feel as if I do. Weird it's like my mind is telling me I like what I hate.
I think I'm learning a little bit more about OCD and how it works. The uncertainty kills me but I'm trying to best to ignore it.

[Jabz]

how can you know?

posting this question on a forum, is more than enough evidence.

read this: http://www.ocdonline.com/#!thinking-the-unthinkable/c1arh

---------- Post added at 15:24 ---------- Previous post was at 15:22 ----------

also, the fact that you created another thread on the same topic is a classic sign of compulsive behavior.

[peacealways]

More than enough evidence for what?

I never thought about my multiple questions being compulsive before. I'm all very new to this.

[Jabz]

More than enough evidence for what?

I never thought about my multiple questions being compulsive before. I'm all very new to this.

ah okay, I didn't realize that you are new to OCD. it will take some time to understand and get used to, but the good part is, it's totally manageable.

the fact that you posted a new thread indicates to me that you are so worried about liking your thoughts, it's becoming your new obsession, rather than the thoughts themselves, you are now more worried about possibly liking them. what that really means is if you thought for example "oh gosh, what if i do this and that" and then you start thinking "oh boy, am i really capable of doing this and that, i kind of liked that thought, that must mean I am that person, oh no" and you panic. i am going to tell you a little secret, people who are for instance pedophiles, murderers etc...they don't panic about it.

the point being that your thoughts whatever they are (initial ones or follow up ones) trigger an anxiety response to which you then perform compulsive behavior, what is compulsive behavior? more often than not, it is a behavior that you will repeat like a ritual in an effort to seek relief from whatever is causing you anxiety. it is a behavior that is also reassurance seeking.

this behavior is very easily seen in classic OCD, such as washing your hands over and over (a ritual that creates a feeling of re-assurance hence safety), or flicking a light switch over and over (again a re-assurance/safety compulsion).

however, what happens when you get intrusive thoughts? there is no switch to flick and no cracks to avoid, the compulsions for intrusive thoughts still exist, however they are hard to notice. these compulsions include, obsessive googling of symptoms, obsessive rumination...basically obsessive re-assuring/safety behavior.

posting on the forum multiple times about the same object is reassurance seeking behavior. now I understand what this forum is for and it does a great job, but I have to point out that what we sometimes think is helping us, can actually be counter productive to our health. and this forum, can sometimes be counter-productive, especially if you get into the habit of consistently looking for reassurance on it.

a classic example of something that we feel helps us and yet is counter productive to our health is a well known act of avoidance. it feels great to avoid the place that gave you panic, but nobody has ever gotten better from avoiding places.

it feels great to avoid our intrusive thoughts, but nobody has ever gotten better from avoiding thoughts.

the key to success is not avoidance, but acceptance. in your case, you have OCD, I suggest you learn as much as you can about Purely Obsessional OCD and understand that 85% of the population have the same intrusive thoughts as you do, their brain just knows how to deal with these thoughts, yours doesnt, but that's okay, because it is a skill you can learn.

and once you learn the skills necessary to manage your OCD, you too can live a life filled with intrusive thoughts, that no longer bother you.

[peacealways]

Ok I understand where you are coming from. This may be reassurance seeking again but if I panic about my thoughts does that mean I don't like them? Sorry this all just very confusing

[Jabz]

Ok I understand where you are coming from. This may be reassurance seeking again but if I panic about my thoughts does that mean I don't like them? Sorry this all just very confusing

you remind me of myself when I first was diagnosed with OCD, it's not about whether you "like" these thoughts, your fears are "if i like these thoughts, that must mean I am capable of them".

if you get such an intense emotional response that causes you anxiety, panic and discomfort, it is more likely than not that you would NEVER follow through on your thoughts.

and yes, you're going to hate me for not giving you a 10000% confirmation of your question. but you will soon realize that even 10000% confirmation won't be enough for you, so I don't care if you hate me, I care that you get better with understanding and dealing with your fear of uncertainty.

[peacealways]

Hmmm interesting! I see your point. I guess I just have to let it go.
It's just weird because at times I know I don't like my thoughts that's why I am seeking a psychiatrist and I'm in therapy as well. Who knows I guess. I know I'm not gonna act on them I don't believe that's my biggest fear with them.

---------- Post added at 16:20 ---------- Previous post was at 16:13 ----------

And no I don't hate you I understand what are you trying to tell me.

[Jabz]

Hmmm interesting! I see your point. I guess I just have to let it go.
It's just weird because at times I know I don't like my thoughts that's why I am seeking a psychiatrist and I'm in therapy as well. Who knows I guess. I know I'm not gonna act on them I don't believe that's my biggest fear with them.

you are no different than anyone else with OCD, my therapist once told me, your OCD does not make you and your OCD thoughts do not make you. I would in a heartbeat let any of my OCD patients babysit my child, more so than any person from the street.

so please don't go to a therapist to try to dissect your thoughts, i am telling you now, it will be a waste of your time and you won't get any better. realize that OCD is a DISORDER and it has been proven scientifically that our brains just misfire and that causes the thoughts to happen, nothing else, nothing more. these thoughts are not coming from your "inner desire", they are coming form a misfiring caused by a disorder, like people with twitches or people with Tourette Syndrome. You just happen to have OCD.

[peacealways]

Thanks! it does help I just have been very depressed over this because of the fear of liking them. I can reassure myself 1000 times I don't but it won't suffice so I just have to move on.

[Jabz]

Thanks! it does help I just have been very depressed over this because of the fear of liking them. I can reassure myself 1000 times I don't but it won't suffice so I just have to move on.

i understand, trust me. ocd, anxiety and depression are like the all consuming trio.

like i said before reassurance doesn't help, it's not about moving on, it's about not reassuring yourself. let your thoughts occur naturally and whatever happens, happens. i guarantee once you learn that skill, you will feel instantly better.

[peacealways]

I will try thanks for all the help!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi,

I agree, there is nothing there to analyse in therapy because you didn't do anything to put in there in the first place. In therapy you would do this if you needed an analyse an actual event that caused this such as in abuse, but in the case of most forms of anxiety its more important to move forward than it is to analyse it.

If you have CBT, your therapist will ask you about it and some basic questions about your background in order to determine if anything else is bothering you, but after that they just concentrate on a strategy to move forward.

You've created a few threads so far and initially it was about the fact you didn't like the thoughts and why were they there. Then you noticed a change in that you thought you linked them and this has obviously caused you a lot of anxiety because you have been creating more threads about it.

Don't be put off posting things, thats what this place is for. But whilst it will initially reassure you, you will find it doesn't really move you forward. The best thing to to do is try to discuss it with a focus on moving forward and how you can do it.

Honestly, I've had issues with violent thoughts and liking them and 12 months on I barely get them at all and if I do, I either dismiss them without any anxiety or even laugh at how ludicrous they because they aren't me! You can do this too.

You just need to retrain yourself not to respond to them and not to run them over & over in your mind which just reinforces it as a credible chain of thought.

Its well known that neurons in the subsconscious pair up with each other to form associations between memories, thoughts, feelings & sensations so that they are all sent together to your conscious to interpret them. If you alter how you respond to them, they will still be sent but you won't react anymore.

Another concept of neuroscience is neuroplasticity which is well proven. We have the ability to form new associations & neural pathways that send this all to our conscious. Just think about a phobia and how through exposure people become habituated to cure their phobia. Thats just neurons changing in the brain and its relevant to all anxiety disorders as well as learning in general.