Need to learn to drive but too anxious

[tn13]

I am almost 23 and I still don't have my license. I got away with it because I didn't in high school (too anxious to even go get my G1) and then went to university in the city where there was public transit everywhere and some people willingly never get their license because they just don't need it.

Now I'm back living and working in the suburbs and I get by hitching a ride with family, friends or co-workers but I can't keep that up. I need to travel around town for my job and I'm looking to go to grad school next year, which I will definitely need to commute to, and public transit is terrible to the two places I'm most serious about.

My anxiety (GAD, OCD and panic... I'm a mess) got worse while I was in university in 2011 which led to me finally getting treatment (been on here since then and this is the best anxiety forum!). My anxiety is mostly around health and death as well social anxiety/fear of being judged and failing. I am mostly better after a relapse in summer 2013 and I have grown a lot this year. I finally got my G1 (Ontario learner's permit) in 2011 and did my classroom portion of drivers ed in May. I have driven with my dad a fair bit. I wanted to jump right in to the in-car lessons but the driving school messed up and didn't pair me with an instructor until July, when I went on vacation and I couldn't start the lessons.

Meanwhile the last time I drove with my dad I was on a busy street and changed lanes. When I got to the intersection a guy in a fancy car started screaming and swearing at me saying I cut him off. My dad even said I didn't really, maybe was a bit too close but I signaled and there was no risk of a collision or anything like that. It really bothered me and I haven't been out driving since.

Today I was finally supposed to have my first lesson and I freaked. When the instructor came to pick me up I wouldn't even leave the house at first. When I finally went outside and saw the car I started bawling. He was really nice about it and drove me around for a bit, then I drove just around my neighbourhood for about 20 minutes (the lesson was supposed to be an hour). We went back to my house and he said that was it for today, that he wanted me to try driving with my dad more to build up confidence then to call when I was feeling ready.

If I had a choice I would never learn to drive. I know it makes things easier and I can't rely on other people forever but I just never want to do it. Or at least I can't ever see myself being confident enough to be able to drive to uni. Maybe to the store down the road or my workplace 15 minutes away but not to school. To add even more pressure I need to get my license by next April or else I'll lose my G1 and have to go back and do everything again.

And there's so much stigma about not driving, like it makes you a loser and I feel like a loser.

[Sunflower2]

You had a bad experience while learning to drive and took it really badly and personally. I get anxiety driving, even though I've driven for quite a few years now.. But I'm working on reducing the anxiety. I actually also had a refresher driving lesson because I was too scared to drive myself last winter. It's all about confidence, you need to believe in yourself that you can do this. I know by being a learner and not being in complete control of the car is very scary, but all you need to do is practice and expose yourself to this. Keep going out with your dad, could he even drive to a quiet place so you can practice where there are no other cars? Every learner driver also gets in the way of other people, I couldn't tell you how many times I stalled while learning and terrifying my dad, but all you can do is practice.
Do you get nervous while driving or is it just beforehand? If it's during the driving, what I do is slow my breathing down and focus on this rather than the worrying thoughts going through my head. Although when I was learning to drive there was so much to think about I wasn't really thinking about anything else!
Don't give up on this, you've proved that you don't want to give up by going out driving again after your bad experience.