Josh21
03-10-14, 09:00
Hi,
Bit of a long post but really need some people's thoughts on this as it's affecting me alot recently. Thank you.
I've always felt like the afterthought or second choice with people. They would only contact me if they have no one else or nothing else to do etc.
As a result i've always wanted someone that would put me first, a best friend of sorts who would say i'm their best friend too and be the first thought in their mind if they are arranging to go out for example.
One thing that I do is that I end up 'testing' people to see where I stand with them. For example if i'm always intiating i'll wait to see if they initiate conversation also i.e text. To me if they don't I know where I stand with them. Same if they take ages to reply to a text and do it often.
I'm not sure if this is the best thing to do, one person I know said you need to build the relationship up first and then you will get the connection you seek. However this is where the problem arises. I always feel i'm close to this person and really i'm not, i jump the gun so to speak and not sure how to resolve it. Maybe i'm just so desperate for close relationships that I want it too quickly.
But recently i've been more cautious with people and for one work mate I still feel I'm being let down. We share alot and says she's always there for me when I need help yet when i'm feeling down she doesn't really seem concerned. She may ask me how I am as she will notice i'm down but if I say nothing is wrong (i'm v. reluctant to share my feelings) she wont ask me again. Am I being too harsh on her?
I judge people based on what I would do in the same situation you see, if I was her, i'd keep asking the person whats the matter even if they say there nothing wrong and persist in asking.
But maybe we aren't that close, I dont have many people in my life yet she does so they way she sees me if different to how I see her as a friend i.e i'm just a workmate to her yet to me shes a close friend.
I'm not sure if its just my inexperience with people and anxiety making me overly paranoid or i'm justified on what i'm thinking.
Thx for reading.
Bit of a long post but really need some people's thoughts on this as it's affecting me alot recently. Thank you.
I've always felt like the afterthought or second choice with people. They would only contact me if they have no one else or nothing else to do etc.
As a result i've always wanted someone that would put me first, a best friend of sorts who would say i'm their best friend too and be the first thought in their mind if they are arranging to go out for example.
One thing that I do is that I end up 'testing' people to see where I stand with them. For example if i'm always intiating i'll wait to see if they initiate conversation also i.e text. To me if they don't I know where I stand with them. Same if they take ages to reply to a text and do it often.
I'm not sure if this is the best thing to do, one person I know said you need to build the relationship up first and then you will get the connection you seek. However this is where the problem arises. I always feel i'm close to this person and really i'm not, i jump the gun so to speak and not sure how to resolve it. Maybe i'm just so desperate for close relationships that I want it too quickly.
But recently i've been more cautious with people and for one work mate I still feel I'm being let down. We share alot and says she's always there for me when I need help yet when i'm feeling down she doesn't really seem concerned. She may ask me how I am as she will notice i'm down but if I say nothing is wrong (i'm v. reluctant to share my feelings) she wont ask me again. Am I being too harsh on her?
I judge people based on what I would do in the same situation you see, if I was her, i'd keep asking the person whats the matter even if they say there nothing wrong and persist in asking.
But maybe we aren't that close, I dont have many people in my life yet she does so they way she sees me if different to how I see her as a friend i.e i'm just a workmate to her yet to me shes a close friend.
I'm not sure if its just my inexperience with people and anxiety making me overly paranoid or i'm justified on what i'm thinking.
Thx for reading.