Relationship anxiety or real doubts

[Natreturns]

Hello everyone,

I don't really know where to start but here goes.

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder last year that was started by me fainting on holiday. I felt as though I was going to faint all the time and struggled leaving the house, working etc. I got into a bit of a state with everything - I had a successful course of CBT and was prescribed 50mg sertraline for 6 months which worked perfectly for me.

I came off the meds in July this year without too many hiccups at first. Unfortunately about 2 months ago I started to get dizzy again and fear the fainting. I re-started CBT and felt as though I was starting to get back on track.

A couple of weeks ago, without any real warning, I just started to doubt my relationship of 5 years. I have never had these feelings before but they came on really strongly to the point where I am now a complete mess. I'm back on meds and have these doubts all the time that stop me eating, make me feel sick etc. The fear of fainting/dizziness is now non-existent. I am also back with my therapist who is helping me tease out what is going on.

I think my problem is I don't know what is real. Our relationship isn't perfect but I've always been happy and contented enough. I have had these doubts that started with a previous boyfriend that turned out to be true and I'm scared that these are the same. I think the difference is in my last relationship I never really loved the guy whereas this time we have bought a house together and I have relocated to be with him.

I guess I want to know if anyone else has felt like this. Could I be so anxious of being alone that I am hoping the doubts are anxiety so I stay with him, or could the anxiety be making me think that I have doubts. I'm in such turmoil. Could it just be normal relationship niggles that have blown up because I was feeling low?

One thing I have noticed today is that when I look at pictures of him and us I really love the guy in the pics but I doubt him in real life. I feel like I'm going completely mad. If anyone could give me some advice I would really appreciate it.

[Oosh]

Whenever I have doubts, suspicions, theories I ask myself do I have evidence.

I can be very analytical and aware, TOO aware. I can wonder about stuff based on small things. I ask myself if it means this or that because I'm being hyper vigilant.

So what I do is I will accept I have these and then ask what I've based it on and then start looking for that to clearly become an indicator.
Does the thing happen more than once.
Could it be an indicator of other things.
Etc
Until I KNOW.
Until I know I have to assume I could be wrong.

So you are unsure if you want to be with him ?

Well if you didn't want to be with him there would be a list of things about him that make you unhappy wouldn't there ?
So think about what you look for in a man, does he tick a lot of those boxes ?
Do you like who he is !
Is there anything about him that's REALLY bothered you ?
What are the things you like about him ?
Are there specific things you DONT like about him ?

If you can answer these and come up with a surprisingly large amount of specific things about him you're not really happy with you're starting to build up some evidence that you really may not be that happy with him.

But if you find you can't really complain and that you like plenty of things about him and would miss him if he wasn't in your life anymore then you're building up evidence that you want to be with him.

Observe how you feel about him. Look for specific, listable evidence that you do or don't like him. (Lol that sounds terrible doesn't it, poor bloke)

[Natreturns]

Thanks for the reply. I think that's what the problem is- I've never had any issues until now. We get on well, have a laugh, I can depend on him and him on me. I'm just so confused.

I keep finding evidence that things aren't right even though nothing has ever bothered me in the past.

I feel very alone and just imagine myself being alone forever trapped like this. If I can't trust this relationship to be right then I think this will keep happening to me. Very hard to keep positive and keep going

[CharleneMac]

hey nat,
being honest with u ... i could happily scratch my fiances eyes out on a daily basis !! i sit there and imagine that id have such a glam life and be happy if we werent together. i have it in my head that hes talking to other women all the time and get really jealous but then i tell him i wished he would then i would get peace. he comes to bed and i dont want him near me then if he doesnt come near me i go mental and accuse him of finding me unattractive or not loving me.

the truth of it all is i love him, with all my heart and soul i think he is amazing !! the problem is me, yes hes a gigantic pain in the rear end and yes there are times when he does things to provoke these feelings in me but its only about 5% of the time.
in my more rational moments i think to myself that me questioning him will be the thing that makes him go and have an affair anyways, i mean u might as well do the crime if u are doing the time. also worrying wont make 1 damn bit of difference if hes going to go do it !! all its doing is making things worse :(

have u ever kept a diary of your mestrual cycle ?? i find hat when i ovulate till my period starts is when i get these feelings of hate the most, for a week to 10 days out the month im totally fine with him. xx