View Full Version : Please could I have some advice
I apologise in advance if this post is long and confusing. For many years now me and my mum have had an on and off relationship, she kicked me out of the house a few times from aged 16 to 19 for a number of silly reasons, but the last time was when I met my boyfriend 10 and a half years ago, anyway his parents took me in and I lived there for 4 years until we got a flat. During this time me and my mum didn't speak then I bumped into her and we started taking again. (I'll try and keep this simple) . Then I found out I was pregnant and she was the first person I told, she didn't believe me and told me I was wrong, our relationship ended not long after that. When my son was born, we still wasn't talking and my dad asked if she could come and see my son, I told him yes, and the relationship started again. About a year down the line she objected to my boyfriend smoking cannabis and told me she would phone the social services to have him taken from me, obviously the relationship dissolved again. Then a few months down the line we bumped into each other and I let her back into my life again. This was again short lived , becsuse she told me to get rid of my partner (who no longer smokes cannabis) and we didn't see each other, until two days ago when me and my son bumped into her in our local town and she asked us to for coffee with her, so I did. There were really no explainations from her as to why she behaves the way she does and she blamed the last " break up " on me, HUH. Also the following day she came down with some money from my dad. I really need some advice on this as when shes around me I feel really anxious and not in control of my life, and for this last year that she hasn't been around I've had my panic disorder and anxiety and I've done ok. I really don't know what to. I've thought of writing her a letter to say that I'm not ready for a relationship with her yet but my father in law saya "when will i be ready". I'd like some advice from people who understand what it's like to live with anxiety, depression, panic and to have something disrupt my life again, I don't know if i'm ready for it. Thanks for reading my confusing long post, Love Tara xxxxx
Hi Tara,
I have a similar problem with my mum as she always makes me feel anxious and panicky. I know it's hard to do but I think the best thing would be for you to sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. If you don't feel up to it, then writing a letter would be best. Sometimes things on paper have more of an effect than spoken words anyway. She probably doesn't know how anxious she makes you feel and she might never do unless you tell her. Good luck!
Sarah (seh1980):D
Caz Fab Pants
20-08-04, 18:34
Tara,
You didn't state in your post how you actually feel about your mum after all that's gone on between you and I think this is quite an important factor.
Perhaps you could try to weigh up the pro's and con's of being in regular contact with your mum again to see which is the best road to take.
Maybe you should talk to her, as Sarah said, and suggest seeing her on your terms. You decide when and how often you want to see her and then you are the one in control. If she upsets you again (as she seems to have a habit of doing) then you walk away.
I think it would be a real shame to completely lose touch with your mum but it could turn out to be the best for all concerned. After all, it must be confusing for your son seeing Granny one minute and not the next.
Best of luck with whatever you decide, only you know whats best.
Caroline :)
x
Hi Tara
Parents can be very demanding and it sounds like your mum hasn't accepted that you've grown up and are capable of making decisions on your based upon what you know is best for you. Somehow, she's trying to maintain control by behaving the way she is but she's really not being very fair to you.
I agree with Sarah that the best thing you can do is talk to her about how she makes you feel and tell her that her behaviour isn't helping you to deal with your anxiety, depression and panic. It may be hard, but I think you need to firm with her and explain that you can't accept such erratic behaviour, that you want to have a good relationship with her but that she has to accept that you're your own woman now and that she has to respect the decisions you make. I'm sure that she loves you heaps and that this may be hard for her, buts its for the best for both of you and hopefully will allow you to get your relationship back on track.
Good luck hon, take care, love Jo xxxx
Thanks for your advice, I think I will write a letter to explain how I feel, after this last period of not speaking I told myself that this was the last time she was going to do this to me, for my own sanity and for my son. She has done numours things to me in the past, sold my car, forged my signature in my bank, lied and more lies, and this was to be the last time I even told myself that I had no parents(as my father is an alcoholic and I never see him) and I was settled this time with the fact that this was it, I was to take no more, I don't really know if I even like her ( sorry if this sounds cruel) . The thought of her knocking my door makes me very anxious and I had a panic attack when I was in the cafe with her and had to go to the toliet to calm down. I don't know if I want her back in my life and my familes life. Thanks for the advice, anymore would be greatfully accepted. Love Tara xxx
Thanks girls for your advice and support, love Tara xxx
Hi Tara
You really dont need to have this affect on your life that she is at the moment, and it must be so hard not knowing when it will be thrown back in your face again. The uncertainity must be horrible. I dont have a great relashionship with my mother she is very un understand of the whole situation but expects me to be at her beck and call whenever she feels like it and we should be, we are adults now.
If you dont feel you can talk to her take your time and write it all down on paper. That way she can see how you feel and if you had spoken to her how many times do people misinterpret what we say or choose to ignore parts of the conversation. But a letter we can use our avoidance techniques on that one.
I hope you feel you could manage that and i hope she takes heed to what you have to say. She cannot dictate your life, only you have that choice and you have gone with what you want and makes you happy.
Love Sal xxxxx
Rennie1989
20-08-04, 21:25
tara
iv suffered the same as you when my ex-mate (sam, not the one on this site!!!)slip up with me and everytime i would see her my heart would miss a beat as i would be scared if she came up to me and said something to me, even if it was just hello. The best thing to do at the time was to ignore her, not ignore what she was saying and not reply but just not to look at her and turn the oposite direction as her. She soon realised my plan and did the same. I know sam but i dont know your mum's personality but if you want, write a letter to her as you are not talking and she can not interupt, i told sam via email that our relationship was over, she took it the wrong way but your mum may understand as she is your mum. Then again i feel sorry fro you for what she has done to you!!!
Hope your ok tara
Scooter Girl
if i wa hungry would u feed me, if i fell u you help me up, if i was crying would brush away my tears
Thanks a lot for youe advice, I've just wrote a letter explaining the wasy I feel and that change and disruption to my life at the moment is no good for me and that i don't feel strong enough to deal with building a relationship at the moment and if i do build one i'm not strong enough to deal with rejection again. I'll have another read of it and add some more as i think of it, Thanks again Love Tara xx
Hi Tara
Well done for writing some of it down, you have done well there and sounds perfectly acceptable what you have said.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Well Sal, thanks for saying it was acceptable for what I have said, but my mum didn't seem to think so, she came came knocking my door at 6.30 am this morning and she asked me did I write the letter and I told her yes, she told me that I am pure evil and i'll never have a days luck for what i have said to her, but what i said was i am not strong enough to build a relationship with her at the moment, only for it to fall apart, and i explained that i don't know why it happens but when i'm around her i feel anxious and panicky and i can't deal with that at the moment, also i told her it's not her fault it's the way i feel. She wrote a letter saying that i'm an evil girl and she'll never bother me again. Iasked her to stay for me to explain and maybe take things slow but she was crying and she didn't want to listen. Well i'm unsure what to make of it, Thanks for the advice Love Tara xxxx
I didn't mean for her to take it as me being evil, i wanted to explain my feelings and how i find it difficult to cope with them and how i need things to be stable in my life (meaning no more eratic behaviour) i thought she may have taken the way i feel on board and accepted it, not turned it around to make things my fault again (which she always does) she've never admitted that she may have been in the wrong sometimes. I'm not a bad person and i've never really been a bad person, a bit dizzy sometimes and i may have done a few naughty things when i was younger, but nothing bad, but i'm 30 now and i need to be in control of my own life, oh well, Thanks again Love Tara xx
Merlinssister
21-08-04, 10:23
I'm sorry to hear your Mum reacted so badly to the letter. But I think you did the right thing. You get to a point where you have to put yourself first, especially when you're coping with everything else. Just keep reminding yourself that you are a good strong person, and whatever your Mum is doing is down to her, not you.
Thanks for your words of encouragement, Her reaction was a little self centred, it was all about her and it has affected her, nothing about the words i wrote to her about the way i feel and how it's hard to cope somedays, it kind of just confirms to me what i've been thinking that is controlling and uses manipulation to get what she wants at any means, even if it means she wishes me and my family bad luck, which is an awful thing to say especially when I have a young child whos totally innocent in all of this. Thanks Love Tara xx
Sorry about the last post, now i've calmed down and read it back it sounds a little nasty, sorry, Tara xxx
Merlinssister
21-08-04, 14:21
I don't think the last post was nasty. Sounded very accurate from what you have written so far. And even if it was a little angry I'm sure the mods would tell you this is the one place you can vent in safety! :D
hi Tara,
Sorry to hear that your mum reacted so badly to your letter. Maybe the best thing for you to do now is to give her some time to cvalm down and think it over.
Sarah (seh1980):D
nomorepanic
21-08-04, 16:48
Hi Tara
You didn't sound nasty atall. I bet you are upset though.
It was hard for you to write the letter and then your mum has come round and had a go at you over it.
Sorry it didn't work out too well for you but maybe when she calms down she will re-read the letter and see that what you are saying makes sense.
I hope things do work out for you both
x
Nicola
Caz Fab Pants
21-08-04, 16:54
Tara,
Try not to worry about whether you did the right thing writing the letter because I'm sure most of the people on here will agree it was the right thing. You needed to let your mum know how you felt and writing it in a letter means you dont get flustered or say things on the spur of the moment. I'm sure what you said was honest and long over-due.
Maybe if you give your mum time to settle and perhaps reflect on the past she will gradually realise that what you've said is true. It sounds as though it will be hard for her to admit any blame but maybe if she understands how she comes across it will help her to change.
If nothing else at least you took control of the situation and should be proud of yourself as I'm sure it wasn't easy.
I hope things work out for you, keep in touch and remember we're here to help.
Caroline :)
x
Thanks girls for your kind words, the letter was written from the heart and it explains my feelings about getting attached and not being strong enough to deal with rejection. This is the first time I have ever taken control, every time we have made up before it has been "thank god for that" but this time i knew there were too may bridges burnt and things needed to be said(nothing nasty) for her to understand who i am now, not the person i was a year ago, but none of what i wrote was taken on board. I do understand her ignorance to anxiety, panic, depression, but part of the letter explains this to her. Thanks again Love Tara xxx
Hi Tara
You have every right to feel angry and you do well by writing a post on it to get it off your chest.
I sense you mother cannot handle the truth too well and has managed to try and turn it round to be all your fault, like she seems to have done on numerous occasions.
May she will read the letter again and see it in a different light but i really dont think she will ever completely understand how you feel.
You spoke from your heart and it is a shame she cant see that but like you say another rejection from her is the last thing you need at the moment and i think you have chosen wisely not wanting to build up a relationship with her at the moment.
Noone knows what the future holds, so we have to go with it and i think you should let her take time on her own and see how she feels. You can only tell her how you feel, you cant make her listen.
You have done your best, so now take time for you.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Thanks for your support, I don't feel bad or guilty about writing the letter, it was something that had to be said for all concerned. As I have said I was settled in the fact that I had no parents, although my in laws are fantastic. Her appearence back in my life unsettled me, which is no good for me, and she really couldn't expect to pick up where she left us all over a year ago, we have all moved, grown and changed. Thanks again Love Tara xx
Rennie1989
21-08-04, 21:37
hiya tara
your mum is alot like sam, i emailed her to say that you were using me and not looking after me when having a panic attack (she would do nothing and have a go at me). She took it the wrong way, like your mum.
For now on tara i think your mum wont talk to you, not in a negitive way, so yuo can both calm down and re-do your lives, sam was more unmature and more childish but me on the other hand i was more mature and i do things at home that house wives do (well holiday is not long)!!!!
Speaking of which and me sam haven't spoken in AGES, im not sure whether we should get back together but if we do we would split up again in the next 2 weeks we've got back together. What do you think i should do???????????
Scooter Girl
if i wa hungry would u feed me, if i fell u you help me up, if i was crying would brush away my tears
Hi tara
What a positive reply to what you have been through.
I am so pleased you dont feel guilty as you have no reason to you, you just said how you feel.
Obviously her coming back into your life has really unsettled you especially as you had resigned yourself to having no parents.
I am pleased you get on so well with the in laws and you do deserve so much better than you mum can give you.
One day she might realise how she let you down and missed out on a great daughter but until she does you keep on living your life how you want and the happiness you have now, enjoy it.
Take care and you did the right thing letting her see it in black and white. Be pleased with yourself that you got it of your chest. However hard it feels now is your time and you can live how you want to and not worry about her disapprovement. At times it may get to you but you have done well for yourself and that is what counts.
Love Sal xxxxx
Thanks girls, I was feeling a little down this morning. I'll try not to dwell on it and I know that it was for the best to say how I feel. Seeing her brought back loads of thoughts, memories and feelings which I had put behind me, and I did try to be "normal" with her, but it left me totally exhasted, anxious and with a head ache so I knew I wasn't ready for it. Writing this down now has made me feel a liitle better. Take Care all Love Tara xxx
Jade, it must be hard for you seeing her at school all of the time, at least I can avoid my mum nearly all of the time, even though she only lives two streets away. I always think, you've got to do whats best for you, even if that means avoiding, not speaking, what ever you have to do for you to be comfortable and in control of things. Having on and off relationships is a hard one to deal with and it just gets you all angry and gives me headaches lol. She doesn't sound like a good friend, although what would I know I haven't got any friends and thats the truth, all of the friends that I did have I choose not to bother with them any more as they do things with I do approve of. If she doesn't make you happy don't put yourself through it again. I'm sur you'll do whats right for you jade, Take care, Love Tara xx:)
Hi Tara
Sorry I haven't been on the forum for a couple of days or I would have replied sooner. I'm really sad that your mum reacted the way she did to your letter, but maybe thats because you struck a chord and she knows deep down that she hasn't been very good to you. You totally and utterly did the right thing to write your feelings down, I think it was a very brave thing to do, and you deserve to feel better for saying what you had to say. At least now its out in the open, and as everyone has told you, you have to look after yourself now. Its up to your mum to choose how she reacts but you don't have to be dragged down by her anymore. Hold your head up high and be proud of what you have done. There's no way you've nasty, just realistic. Unfortunately we can't choose our family and sometimes we don't always like them too much. I don't get on that well with my dad and always say that if he wasn't my dad, I really wouldn't like him at all!
Take care hon, lots of love Jo xxx
That really brought a smlie to my face, i will hold my head up high and i think i'll take my son down the park for an hour before in rains. I didn't think that maybe it has touched a nerve with her and she my had had a little reflection of her behaviour and realised that i can't and won't accept it any more , i won't have taken all the things she has done to me off no one else ( and there a lot more that i haven't mentioned) so why should i take it off her just because shes my mum. Thanks jo, I'm feeling a little more positive. Tara xxxxx
Hi Tara
Pleased Jo made you smile.
I hope you had a good time at the park and chilled out.
You have done your bit now and your best, so the ball is entirely in her court.
Have a good day hon.
Love Sal xxxxx
Thanks Sal, we had a really lovely time at the park , then when me and Lennon got home, robs friend brought his little boy over and they went down the beach and his quad bike and I stayed in and watched the marathon. Lennons now absolutly flaked out on the sofa and i'm feeling relaxed. Take care sal.......Tara xxx
Rennie1989
22-08-04, 20:20
thanx for the advise tara
infact im jealous of her as she has loads of friends but i dont habe any close friends :'(
Scooter Girl
if i wa hungry would u feed me, if i fell u you help me up, if i was crying would brush away my tears
Tara
I think the time has come to put yourself first.
I don't think you are evil. There is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. It is just a shame your Mum can't deal with how you feel.
Only you know when you are ready to face your Mum with all that entails.
Having a grandmother who is in and out of the relationship is not good for your son. The poor soul won't know where he stands with her.
Give it some time and some distance and see what happens next.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
It's really nice to have such positive support through all of this. My mum has always said that I don't say how I feel and now that I have she couldn't handle it. I had to let her know my feelings on this and that walking in and out my life is not going to happen anymore. My son was one of the main reasons that I became so strong over this matter as I couldn't let her do to him what she has done to me. He is such a wonderful little boy, balanced, happy and secure in his life and I always want to do the best for him. Having her back in my life would totally disrupt and unsettle me and then that will directly affect my son, which i am not willing to do. I do feel comfortable with what i have done and it was something that needed to be done, probably for many years now. Thanks for all your advice and support it is much appreachated Love Tara xxx
Hiya Tara,
I have just caught up with the post. I'm sorry your mum reacted so badly to your letter. In my opinion you were very adult about all this and didn't let your emoptions get the better of you when you wrote the letter.
You are so right - you have to put yourself and your son first. you are the most important person in his life and him in yours - I totally agree with Liz - a part time grandmother is not good for him.
Think of yourself and good luck
Take Care
Lucky
Hi Tara
Only just read the post too.
You have definitely done the right thing. I'm so sorry things couldn't have worked out differently. But with time, your mother might chance her point of view.
I know for a long time after my father died, I found it hard to spend time with my mum due to her drinking. At the time she was very unreasonable and couldn't see what she was doing wrong but has over time changed ( and thank goodness stopped drinking). I know how hard it can be to cut yourself off from your mum. At the end of the day you have to look after yourself and your son.
Take care
Hugs
Jules
Thanks for such lovely replies, when shes not in my life i feel in control of it and i've had a lot of practice seeing as she've done this too me for the last 12 years lol. Now it's time for me to stay in control and whats best for me and my family, thanks for such wonderful support, Love Tara xxx:D
Hiya Tara
So glad you're feeling a little more positive - I really do think all this has worked out for the for you and your son. Well done you for sticking up for yourself :D
Lots of love Jo xxx
Hi all, I woke up much more relaxed and positive this morning. Just waking up knowing that shes not going to knock my door and unsettle me makes me feel a whole lot better, maybe I can get back to the routine I was a week ago, happy and content with my life. I've got a doctors appointment on friday, and my doctor is great, he knows all about the suituation with my mum and he always asks me have I seen her and how things are going, so i'll be glad to see him and give him the low down about whats gone on, he always gives me great advice too, just like you lot :D Take care tara xx
Merlinssister
24-08-04, 11:27
Glad to hear you're doing okay. :D
Hiya tara,
I'm glad you woke up positive and relaxed. Focus on what's important to you and i'm sure you'll be grand!!
Love Lucky
This is nothing to do with my post but I thought I'd let you know, to cheer myself and my son up I'm going to get a kitten today. I've already got one cat but he's really nervous and won't go near my son and only appears at night when my sons gone to bed lol, got him a hamster but he only comes out at night as well (i forgot about that when i got it lol) and two budgies which are crap and don't do anything LOL, so maybe this kitten will like my son, heres hoping LOL Tara xx
Ahhh Tara
I'm sure kitten will love anyone who gives them attention. I love cats. Please let us know what you get boy or girl and what you decide to call them
Jules
Well what a perofmance, took us ages to find the place it was somewhere the place time forgot. Got a little girl kitten, it's a rescue one named it Katie. Got it home and about 5 mins after getting, we couldn't find it[Oops!]. Thought it had gone out of the front door, went searching the street for half an hour, then my boyfriend heard something move in the settee and there she was, insde my bloody settee LOL little sod. Tara xx
Merlinssister
24-08-04, 17:50
Sounds like Katie's going to be entertaining if nothing else. :D
When I visited the rescue centre there were so many cats there, and I really love them. I saw a beautiful 2yr old fluffy girl, really friendly meoiwing all over the place, rubbing up against my leg, really sweet, the lady said that i can have her too if i want so i'm gonna have a think about it LOL
Hiya Tara
Congratulations on your new addition! Katie sounds fab, I'll be you won't have a dull moment with her :D. Can't wait to hear if you decide on the fluffy girl too - my family have always had cats and I love them but unfortunately my dogs are non too keen and go mad when next door's moggy sits on our fence teasing them.
Lots of love Jo xxx
Hiya Tara
Congratulations on your new addition! Katie sounds fab and I'll bet you won't have a dull moment with her. Can't wait to hear if you decide on the hairy girl too! My family have always had cats (and dogs and hens) and I'd love one but my dogs are non too keen and go totally mad when next door's moggy sits on our fence teasing them :D
Lots of love Jo xxx
Well i've lost katie again! Shes got to be in the house some where, i hope! I'll keep looking:( When i woke up this morning I was a little down[Sigh...] (got to shake it off) took my meds and feeling a little better now.......Tara xxx
Oh Tara
Katie sounds a real little madam. My cat used to hide everywhere. She had a good trick of getting into the wardrobe and closing the door on herself so she couldn't get out.
She will turn up just make sure you keep your windows and doors closed. One of my cats used to climb out of my bedroom window two floors up. She fell off more than once but was always ok, thankgoodness. Now she is banned from going upstairs as I live in a three storey house.
Glad you are feeling a bit better
Jules
Oh Jules, we've been loking for 1and a half hours, couldn't fing her any where. My boyfriend started to get dressed after his shower, went into his draw with his boxer shorts in and........................there she was:D Little sod LOL..........thanks jules i am feeling little better now about things. I always find the mornings difficult, it takes a while for me to snap outa things.............Tara xxx
LOL, sounds like Katie has trouble with mornings too, she went back to bed.
I would love another kitten but we already have a german shepherd and a cat so don't think it is a particularly good idea.
Have you thought about moving your bedroom round or redecorating it. Sometimes a change in the morning or to your routine, can just give you the bit of lift you need. Well in the short term at least.
I'm just having problems with the whole day, lol
Jules
Jules, thats a really great idea. My bed room does need another paint and i have been thinking about it for a whlie. I think I'll set the wheels in motion ..................Tara xxx
I'm feeling a little anxious and scatty. It started last night so I went to my bedroom and had a lie down on the bed and watched the olimpics, it seemed to pass, but it's here again this morning[Sigh...]. It could be due to the upset i've had, my period is also due, but I never now how to judge these things. I hate feeling uptight, i'm trying to do things to take my mind off things[Sigh...].............Love Tara xxx
Well i've taken some adivce that Jules give me to change my bedroom. Went out and bought myself new curtains, bedding and wallpaper all in lilac colours, .......Tara xxx
Merlinssister
26-08-04, 21:23
Snap! Only my walls are yellow. Still, lilac is a very restful colour. Hope you're feeling a little better now.
At the moment my walls are just white and plain, so I thought that lilic would be restful. Tara xxx
Hi Tara
Lilic is chilling, my bedroom is lilac walls and curtains and bedding. Gives me that lavender affect!!
That should keep you busy doing your room and just think how cozy it will be when you have done it.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi all, I'm having a better day today, woke up feeling quite down (as usual), anyway, went to see my doctor told him the story about my mum, he was really good, listened to what I had to say, asked me questions about it, told me i'm doing well and that the disruption will have caused me to get anxious and down again, but he recons when i settle down again i'll be fine. I was doing really well the first three weeks of taking citralopram and i'm staying postive . Thanks for all your support and advice....................Love Tara xx
I couldn't wait until the wallpaper was up, so i've put up my curtains and put the new bedding on the bed . lol xxx
Hi Tara
Pleased you went to see the doctor and he has reassured you. It is no wonder you have been feeling like you have with the added pressure, but hopefully you are through the worst of it. You have done the hardest part by writing the letter and giving it to her.
Hope you have a good weekend, i am going out tonight and really looking forward to it.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Glad you had nice nite out Sal. My period has come so i'm feeling a little better knowing that some of the symptoms i was getting was to do with that. Has anyone any remidies for PMT, i have never taken anything to help me with this, and i'm sure that theres something that can help. Does anyone else get low, scatty, anxious during this time?.......Tara xxx
My kitten has found her feet now, shes does circuits around the house and shes really playful lol. I think shes going to be a cheeky one!........Tara xxx
Hi Tara
Pleased you are feeling ok. Yeah i get the same symptons, so much more since i started suffering from anxiety. Never really affected me before that but they say it can get worse with age to LOL
I take Vit B6, Evening Oil of Primrose and Zinc, and they do seem to help.
Thanks i did have a really good night, got some drinks bought to LOL
Love Sal xxxxx
Sal do you take them all of the time or just before and during ?...........Tara xxx
Hi Tara
I take then all the time now and it definately has helped loads.
Worth a try.
Love Sal xxxxx
I'll pop to the health and herbal shop on tuesday and buy some, it can only help! Tara xxxxxxxx
Hi Tara
Nothing to lose by trying them, take a while to feel the benefit but have definately helped me.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi all, i'm getting really bad headaches lately. I done so well with my headaches i hadn't had to take a pain killer in months, but i've gone through a full pack of 24 nurofen in the last few days aaaaaaahhhhhh, it's really bad today, and i've started to grind my teeth in my sleep again(my boyfriend told me) and when i wake up my teeth are still clenched LOL........Love Tara xxx
nomorepanic
30-08-04, 17:35
Tara
Sorry to hear about the headaches. I am quite lucky cos I rarely get them. I did last week and I think that was after re-introducing wheat but they went after a couple of days.
Hope you get over them soon !
Nicola
Hi Tara
Sorry you are suffering with headaches and are grinding your teeth apparently i do that aswell. My friends have told me on numour occasion when we have gone away on holiday that it is really loud. It is horrible when you wake up and your jaw is still tense.
Hope the headaches subside and could it be related to the time of the month, just a thought.
Love Sal xxxxx
Tara - phone your dentist and explain about the grinding and clenching. They can make you a mouth guard which will help on several fronts. Clenching and grinding no only damages your teeth but can in the long term lead to jaw and neck and headache problems.
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Tara
Hope you're feeling a little better and that your headaches have subsided. I had a short period of getting them all the time when my anxiety was going through a really bad phase. Try to make sure you drink plenty of water and see if you can take some exercise which might help too - even if its just a brisk walk.
Take care, love Jo xxx
Hi all, sorry I haven't been around for a few days, my son started full time school on thursday, i've been really busy sorting out everything for him, school uniform, packed lunch ect.... Any way i have some good news.......I've got a job!!!.........OK OK it's only a dinner lady in my sons school, but i've got a job, i'm so happy. Done my first day today it's only an hour a day but i really enjoyed it. Iwas really nervous but once i was there the other dinner ladies were great. I feel real important LOL, got a uniform too, and a hat LOL. I'm so pleased! (still getting headaches but i'm dealing with them ) Take Care tara xxxx
Hi Tara
Congratulations and well done you. Whatever the job it is a move forward. I am well proud of you. Hope your son has settled ok been in full time school now, but at least you can see at meal break how he is getting on.
How you have been feeling lately and what you have been through you have done brilliantly.
Lots of love Sal xxxx
Hi Sal, I feeling a lot better now after the unsettling week i had, we've had Rob's dad's car for the last few days and i have been making a big effort to go out every day, even if i don't feel like it, i have made sure that me and lennon get out of the house for a few hours and we've had a real god time when we've got there, Rob hasn't been with me everytime i've taken lennon out (which is another new thing for me) and don't get me wrong i felt a little anxious at that thought but i was determined to make the most of the car and to enjoy some quality time with lennon. I've taken him to the fair, country park, shopping centre, macdonalds, and i think this has done me a world of good being able to get away from everything and just enjoy being a mum.....Tara xx
nomorepanic
04-09-04, 14:45
Hey Tara
As I said in chat last night - well done to you on the job[:P]
It doesn't matter what the job is or how long it is for but you have made the step to getting out there and that is great news.
Is this a permanent position now every day?
Nicola
Hi Nic, yes it is a permenant position, 12.15 til 1.15 mon to fri. I know it's only an hour but it's a start and you never know more work could come my way now my foot is in the door. Most of the dinner ladies do cleaning in the school aswell, so i'm hopeful. The good thing is that i'll have the same hoildays as lennon!:)..Tara xx
Hiya Tara
well done on the job hon, im really pleased for you!!
love Sarah
xx
Thanks all, I can't wait for Monday so I can go and do it again, it really gives me something to look forward too and it also breaks up my day...........Tara xx
Merlinssister
05-09-04, 21:19
Well done on that job. That's great!
Thanks for all your support :) . Over the weeked when I started to feel down I remembered that I had a job and it really cheered me up. Going to have a shower soon to go into work, i'm a little nervous but excited too. Tara xxx
Hi all, yesturday went fine at work, got a little anxious half way through but dealt with it. Was getting nervous again today then there was knock on my door, got real anxious thinking "whos that" well...............it was the post man LOL ................with my new engagement ring YIPPIE!!!!!!! I lost my last one about a year and half ago and never got round to choosing a new one. Now my boyfriends got it and won't let me put it on yet coz hes just woke up and he wants to put it on my finger HEHEHE Tara xxx
That's great about the job tara. you are admitting to feeling anxious but are dealing with it!!!
That is soooo lovely about the engagement ring!!! tell him to hurry up and wake up till you get it on your finger!
Love
Lucky
Hi Tara
You sound so postive.
I bet you are walking round doing everything left handed at the moment aren't you.
Hope you have had a lovely day
Love
Jules
Hi jules LOL funny you should say that lol your right about using my left hand LOL Tara xxx:D
Hi all, I haven't had a moan for a while so here goes, i'm feeling a little fuzzy headed today, light headed maybe, and a little aggressive and short tempered, i've had a few bad dreams aswell these past few nights, aggressive ones, i'm fighting and arguing (which is something i don't do), my mum has been in one and last night i was in some sort of firing line, werid!!!. Anyway i've had my moan now, Take care all Tara xxx
Hi Tara
sorry to have missed your posts for a few days.
Well done you you seem to be doing really well and i am proud how well you have coped and moved forward.
Sorry you have been feeling a little off today but you know you can overcome that and move on. After all you have been through you have done so well and should be proud of youself, because i am you.
Take care
Love Sal xxxxx
Merlinssister
12-09-04, 11:01
Hi Tara,
Sorry to hear about the dreams. It's amazing how they can affect your mood. Mine had Morecombe and Wise in them for some reason last night. It's just your mind trying to process stuff.
And sounds like you've done great recently. Good on you. :)
MS
Hi all, thought i'd update you on how things are going for me. The bad dreams have stopped after the inital upset of seeing my mum, must have been that , that caused them, all the anxiety and stress which i was under ! I'm still getting headaches, guess i've just got to put up with them, my day isn't right if i don't have a headache LOL My job is going well, i really like it there and have settled in well, the women there are great and there is one real mad woman who constantly makes me laugh LOL. I have taken on voluenter reading in my sons school, with some of the older childern, so this fills up my days, and i'm also going to family learning which helps us teach our children to read and write the way it's done in school. I thought that when my son stared full time school i would relax all day and be really lazy, but i've found myself buisier than ever LOL I have still have my moments of anxiety but these are only moments and i work through them the best way i know how, Tara xxx
Merlinssister
03-10-04, 13:35
Hey Tara,
Good to hear things are going well for you. Didn't you go on hols as well?
MS
Hi Tara,
Just read your post, you should be proud of yourself you have come along way. I am really :D happy for you. You have shown that with alot of hard work support and time anything is possible. I myself have come along way because of the support of the special people on this site.
Your keeping yourself busy with your new job and listing to children read in your sons school. You are doing really well.:D:D
look faward to reading your next post.
TAKE CARE
The one who's been in the twilight zone
and could not get into your post LOL LOVE JILLXX
May your troubles be less
and your blessings be more
and nothing but happimess
come through your door
How wonderful Tara that you're feeling so much better and are able to fill your life again and enjoy it .
Have you had your eyes tested recently if you're doing lots of reading suddenly ?
Dreams are filled with whatever the subconcious is trying to filter through at that time- glad its filtered and passed now.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Tara
Good to hear you are doing so well.
You cant blame yourself for feeling so low and confused with your mum, anyone would feel like that.
Pleased you have pulled round though mate and really pleased to hear how well you are doing.
Good luck and you take care.
Dont forget it is you that counts mate.
Love Sal xxxxx
I'm feeling really low todaydoning stuff but not really wanting to do them, not sure why i feel so crap, got my usual daily headache lol, been shopping this morning to cheer myself up. I know it won't last (hopefully!) Going into work soon, maybe i'll snap out of it there!! Tara xxx
Hi Tara'
:( sad to here you are feeling low today.
How did work go did it help you snap out of it?
THINKING OF YOU.
WISHING YOU WELL
LOVE JILL.XXX
Hi Jill, no I didn't snap out of it, still feeling rubbish, i have got a lot on my mind don't want to admit it, don't know what to do:( Tara xxxx
Merlinssister
05-10-04, 13:40
Hope you're feeling a bit more perky now. :)
God i'm feeling rubbish this morning, it's 5am and I have been woke up with a near panic:( I really need to cry, i hate being like this, what am i going to do, i need to calm down, concetrate on my breathing, oh god i haven't been like this for ages, i need to run away, i'm frightened, Tara xxxx
Hi Tara,
How you feeling now?
Kate x
Hi Kate, I'm so greatful I have this site and everyone here!!!!
I spend just over an hour calming myself using breathing exercises and distraction, managed to get rid of the worst of it, took a propanonol and a cuppa and spent my time browsing the forum. I managed to go back to sleep and i've just woke up, no panic, but kind of away with the fairies and i feel very serious!!! Gonna pamper myself today make myself look lovely LOL Thanks Kate Tara xxx
What a good idea, Tara!
Have a lovely day, just pleasing yourself [^]
Glad you are feeling a little better.
Love Kate xx
Merlinssister
09-10-04, 10:00
Hey tara,
Sorry to hear things have been a bit up and down the last few days. Keep taking care of yourself. I know you can do it. :)
MS
I'm happy to say that i've had good day after the initial panic!!! It left me feeling a little low and drained but I snapped out of it and got on with my day. Not gonna dwell on it, it's just one of those things! Tara xxx:)
Glad to hear your day got better, Tara! [^]:D:)
Kate x
nomorepanic
09-10-04, 19:46
Tara
Well done for snapping out of it and coping so well.
Sorry you were alone panicking this morning. Do you know how to view online people on this forum so if you come on you can see if anyone is around for a chat?
Meg is usually on early during the week and Sal is too.
You may not be alone at that time.
Take care
xx
Nicola
Fantastic attitude Tara-- well done.
You said you had lots on your mind . Was the panic due to any of these issues ?
If so , it does make it easier to identify the cause.
Take care
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Meg I do have some issues at the moment which i'm finding difficult to deal with !! One minute I feel I know what I want and need the next I'm unsure, been like this for a while, I hope that I'll be strong enough to make a decision one day ! Tara xx
Hi Tara
Pleased you are feeling a bit better and have an okay weekend.
I know what you mean about decisions, i was undecisive before i got ill now i just cant make decisions and when i do i still dwell if it is right or not.
Love Sal xxxxx
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