View Full Version : Advice Needed - A Trip to Malaysia???
hello all,
I really need some advice on my dilemma here. As some of you may know, my boyfriend's parents live in Malaysia. I have been there twice before and had an amazing experience both times. Both of these trips were made before I started suffering from panic attacks. But, my boyfriend and his mum really want us to go to Malaysia for two weeks in December prior to Christmas. Normally, I would be over the moon about the idea but with panic attacks, I'm not too sure. I have travelled quite a bit since I've had panic attacks. I've been to the US to see my relatives (I'm American) and I've been to Paris a few times as my parents live there. However, Malaysia is a completely different kettle of fish for me. Although I have been there a few times, it isn't exactly one of those places where I feel comfortable. It's a 13 hour flight and just the idea scares me!! It's also a place that is completelty different from the Western world and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Also, I feel like I should be seeing my own parents at Christmas. My boyfriend has suggested that we go to Malaysia for a few weeks prior to Christmas and that we then go to Paris for Christmas. That sounds like a great idea but it also sounds like a lot of travelling for an agoraphobic!! If I don't go, I'll feel like I'm letting my boyfriend and his family down but I'm too scared to commit myself to the idea.
Any suggestions? Should I say [Yes!] or [No]?
Sarah (seh1980)
Hi Sarah
That is a dilema. I would really take your time to think about it before you decide what to do. Remember though that you have been there before although before the panic attacks, so you know some of the routine and Ed will be with you.
It does sound like a lot of travelling, but it will be nice to see his parents and then spend Christmas with yours.
I hope you feel able to do it, as i am sure knowing you that you will cope a lot better than you feel you will.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi Sarah, this is a difficult one. All I would advise is go with how you really feel on this one, thats what I woul do. There's still a little while before christmas so you've time to weigh up how things are going for you. Does your boyfriend know your feelngs on this? Don't worry too much i'm sure he'll totally support your decision wether you go or stay. Remember, a little change sometimes always makes us aprehensive about how we will cope with it, but thats something we all do to protect ourselves. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for yourself. Take care Tara xx
Hi Sal and Tara,
I think you are both right - I do need to think about it carefully before I commit myself to anything. The only problem is that when I'm feeling fine, I think to myself "Of course I can do it - what am I worrying about?" and when i'm feeling down, I think "there's no way i could manage!!" I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Thanks for your advice.
Sarah xxx:D
That sounds like a great idea but it also sounds like a lot of travelling for an agoraphobic!!
You may have been agoraphobic in the past . Are you still ? Don't live in the past- look back briefly at your achievements and fab progress to establish where you are now.
Are your concerns still truly valid or is this a gut reaction of - I can't - can I ? with anticipatory anxiety kicking in at the very thought of it.
What exactly are you scared of ..
flying,
whats scary about malaysia
that you might panic etc
Really quiz yourself about what is the real, true fear factor in the way here .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Rennie1989
21-08-04, 22:14
Sarah
what you should do is let your boyfriend see his parents are you see yours at christmas. Of why dont you spend it together at home without any parents being there, or invite both parents over to your place
Hows that???
Scooter Girl
if i wa hungry would u feed me, if i fell u you help me up, if i was crying would brush away my tears
Caz Fab Pants
21-08-04, 23:06
Sarah,
This is a tough one. I think part of the problem is not knowing how you're going to feel by December as its a long way off.
How long do you have to decide? If you play it safe and tell you're boyfriend you'd rather not travel so much this year but perhaps next would it be so terrible?? Dont be scared to put your own feelings first rather than worrying about how everyone else will feel. You are important and even without panic paying you a visit I'm sure it will still be quite a tiring time. Rest assured everyone involved will understand what ever you decide.
Caroline :)
x
Sarah
You have had some good advice in the replies.
Knowing you i have a great faith in you that you can do this, but if you cant you know you will have Eds full support. Take your time and make a decision that is right for you.
Love Sal xxxxx
hello Meg,
What you have said, has really made me think. I do think that you are right - I am living in the past and because I WAS an agoraphbic, I feel that I still am. I will try to think about all I have achieved and be positive instead of negative. Thanks a lot!!
Sarah (seh1980):D
Hi there Jade,
I really like your idea but it's not really possible. we are kind of EXPECTED to go there for Christmas. If I don't, my boyfriend will go without me and I'll be missing out...
Sarah :D
Hi Caroline,
Yes, you're right, part of the problem is that december is a long way off and it's hard to tell how I will be feeling then. The thing is that we need to book our tickets asap as prices will go up a lot of we wait. so I do need to make the decision within the next few weeks. You're correct in saying that I should think about myself and not worry about letting people down. I will try my best! Thanks!!
Sarah (seh1980):D
Hi Sarah
I really hope you can decide that you will be okay doing this and go for it. Not trying to make up your mind at all but know how much Ed understands and i know that you can do it.
But at end of day it is up to you and you can only decide for yourself whether you are up to it.
Got a lot of faith in you and it is genuine as i know you and can see what you have achieved.
Love Sal xxxxx
hi Sal,
Thanks for your post!! I still haven't decided but it's nice to know that there are people that understand my situation. Thanks mate!
Sarah xxx :D
In 5 months you'll be 5 months better than you are now . Look back a few months and see your progress.
Maintain your status quo meds wise in the mean time.
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
nomorepanic
30-08-04, 18:05
Sarah
Why not book it and see how it goes. If the worst comes to the worse will you be able to cancel it and get the money back (travel insurance etc)?
Sounds like a great opportunity for you and something to look forward to!
Nicola
Hi Sarah
What Megs says is so true, look back five months and see where you have come from there, add another five months on it doubles the progess.
Hope you are doing ok, will try and call and see you one night after work this week but will phone you first.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hello everyone,
Well, I have made my decision about going to Malaysia and.........I've decided not to go. On the one hand, I do kind of feel like I'm being a big scaredy cat and not going because I'm trying my best to avoid all situations where I might panic...but, on the other hand, I do feel like it might be a little too early for such a big step. After all, it is half way around the globe and it's not like I can just leave if I don't feel comfortable lol. Ed is a little disappointed as he was looking forward to us going away together but I guess it's not to be this time.
I'm sure that I'll be up for it next year and we'll both have an amazing time together!!
Thanks all for your advice!!
Sarah :D
Hi Sarah
Sorry i and others missed your post when you have made your decision.
Feel really bad now as i have let you down when you needed some support most, sorry.
It is your decision and i will support you all the way, I can imagine Ed is disappointed but knowing Ed he is the best person to understand and you know how lucky you are having him.
If you felt it was too much with you, it took a lot of courage as a lot of people would have kept quiet and gone along with it.
Really sorry i missed it, cant believe i did and feel crap knowing you will have needed support once you have made that decision. You cant shout at me when you see me ok.
Call me as i am at work all weekend and i will pop out if you are in for a 20 minute break, my work number is 3323537 or 3323561.
Please give me a call and i will pop up for a cuppa.
Lots of love and hugs Sal xxxxxxx
Hi Sal,
No worries about having missed my post about deciding not to go to Malaysia!! I don't regret the decision at all and am thinking that it might even do me some good to be without ed for a month. I depend on him far too much and should really learn to be a bit more independent scary as that sounds!! You have made me feel so much better about the whole situation - it really does make me feel so much safer knowing that you are down the road and will keep an eye on me!!
Look forward to seeing you soon!!
Sarah :D
nomorepanic
04-09-04, 15:15
Hi Sarah
I missed this post too - must have slipped through the net.
Good on you for making a decision I know it wasn't an easy one to make. [:O]
I am sure everyone will understand and there are other years that you can go so it wasn't just a one-off was it?
Don't feel bad about it though will you - you made a decision and you should stick to it ok?
xxx
Nicola
Hi Sarah, I can fully understand your fears about being alone, when Rob's not around I can't wait for him to get back, but I tell you what these last few days he's been out a lot, all day in fact and i've been thinking "i hope i can cope on my own with Lennon" but i tell you what i did cope, and i'm sure you will cope, you will find the strenth and power to do it and you will find your own way of doing it, and i bet you'll be real proud of yourself when you do. Take Care Sarah...........Tara xxx
Hi Sarah
Pleased you dont regret the decision as that shows you werent ready for it and you dont need to push yourself beyond your limits.
I am sure you will miss Ed, but although you feel you rely on him, i am sure that is not the case, he just understands and is very supportive, which is exactly what you need.
Speak soon.
Love Sal xxxxx
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