Toomanyproblems
14-10-14, 01:16
Hello! I was a bit worried about posting on here... I'm a 17yr old female who has recently broken up with my first boyfriend, and started college! Ive got aspergers and always struggled with making and maintaining friendships, was homeschooled most of my life because of constant headaches, depression, anxiety ect. But this past year has been overwhelming... At around christmas time last year I was very ill, I was bed bound for about 2 weeks before during and after christmas.
After that everything has gone downhill and I'm embarrassed to go to my doctors because whenever I do I go with a long list of problems and feel like a nuisance.
I have been getting sevear episodes of depersonalization, derealization and dissociation they happen everyday without fail. I seem to notice they are worse if I wake up and go on the computer or ipad or watch tv as soon as I wake up, so I try not to do that anymore. But nevertheless it still happens...
These past 2 weeks I have been in hospital suffering from numbness in all my limbs and face, ive undergone brain and spine MRI's and they have all come back negative. Had numerous blood tests (and more to come soon) and all come back fine exept for my iron, that was low so I am now on iron tablets.
Ive constantly got a headache and it feels like someone is tightening a clamp on my brain, the back of my eyes hurt and my neck aches. It feels like someone's punched me in the nose... All my muscles ache and ive recently started getting brain zaps!
I haven't been sleeping very well... Been waking a lot during the night and can't get back to sleep (I'm barely getting 3-4 hours a night) I'm scared of sleeping... Every time I try and settle down and close my eyes my brain goes into overtime and my derealization/depersonalization goes crazy and I end up waking myself up because I don't like the feeling of loosing control and letting my body drift off to sleep!
I'm worried that this will never stop and I'm due to start back at college next week after my stay in hospital but I can't get back into my sleeping routine. I sometimes experience Alice in wonderland syndrome and I also get my internal voice shouting my thoughts at me or whispering at me (usually when I'm tired at night) I have a lot going on in my head and I can't seem to calm myself down...
I'm sorry this is such a ramble but the past couple of years have been a blur and I'm trying to write it all down but I forget things and get things muddled up because I feel like I have so much wrong with me! I'm not on any medication at the moment, the hospital wanted to put me on amytriptaline but I refused. I am on olive leaf extract though and that helps with my foggy head and dims down the headaches a lot! I also get visual migranes (my optitian said that was what they were) where I get static dots (like on an old tv) in my vision, lots of eye floaters, after images that last for atleast 5 minutes. I also get dizziness and constantly feel like I'm going to pass out!
Sorry about it all being so mismatched I just wrote it as I remembered everything! My minds a little messy at the moment! Its 1am and I'm so tired but scared of falling asleep! Sick of feeling like this and don't see much point anymore! I'm very depressed and don't have anyone to talk too! I live at home with my mum but whenever I speak to her about it she says 'you'll be going to a counsellor soon, talk to them about it' (I'm on a waiting list for a counsellor)
I hope I'm not the only one feeling like this and I hope I haven't forgotten anything but I think these are my main things! Is it just anxiety? How can I help it if it is? I don't really like my own company.. My DP/DR gets a lot worse when I haven't got background noise or people around so I try to keep as busy as possible!
After that everything has gone downhill and I'm embarrassed to go to my doctors because whenever I do I go with a long list of problems and feel like a nuisance.
I have been getting sevear episodes of depersonalization, derealization and dissociation they happen everyday without fail. I seem to notice they are worse if I wake up and go on the computer or ipad or watch tv as soon as I wake up, so I try not to do that anymore. But nevertheless it still happens...
These past 2 weeks I have been in hospital suffering from numbness in all my limbs and face, ive undergone brain and spine MRI's and they have all come back negative. Had numerous blood tests (and more to come soon) and all come back fine exept for my iron, that was low so I am now on iron tablets.
Ive constantly got a headache and it feels like someone is tightening a clamp on my brain, the back of my eyes hurt and my neck aches. It feels like someone's punched me in the nose... All my muscles ache and ive recently started getting brain zaps!
I haven't been sleeping very well... Been waking a lot during the night and can't get back to sleep (I'm barely getting 3-4 hours a night) I'm scared of sleeping... Every time I try and settle down and close my eyes my brain goes into overtime and my derealization/depersonalization goes crazy and I end up waking myself up because I don't like the feeling of loosing control and letting my body drift off to sleep!
I'm worried that this will never stop and I'm due to start back at college next week after my stay in hospital but I can't get back into my sleeping routine. I sometimes experience Alice in wonderland syndrome and I also get my internal voice shouting my thoughts at me or whispering at me (usually when I'm tired at night) I have a lot going on in my head and I can't seem to calm myself down...
I'm sorry this is such a ramble but the past couple of years have been a blur and I'm trying to write it all down but I forget things and get things muddled up because I feel like I have so much wrong with me! I'm not on any medication at the moment, the hospital wanted to put me on amytriptaline but I refused. I am on olive leaf extract though and that helps with my foggy head and dims down the headaches a lot! I also get visual migranes (my optitian said that was what they were) where I get static dots (like on an old tv) in my vision, lots of eye floaters, after images that last for atleast 5 minutes. I also get dizziness and constantly feel like I'm going to pass out!
Sorry about it all being so mismatched I just wrote it as I remembered everything! My minds a little messy at the moment! Its 1am and I'm so tired but scared of falling asleep! Sick of feeling like this and don't see much point anymore! I'm very depressed and don't have anyone to talk too! I live at home with my mum but whenever I speak to her about it she says 'you'll be going to a counsellor soon, talk to them about it' (I'm on a waiting list for a counsellor)
I hope I'm not the only one feeling like this and I hope I haven't forgotten anything but I think these are my main things! Is it just anxiety? How can I help it if it is? I don't really like my own company.. My DP/DR gets a lot worse when I haven't got background noise or people around so I try to keep as busy as possible!