Terrified my fiance will die, can't stop panicking

[-effy-]

I'm 24 and my fiance is 42. Our age gap never bothered me when we started dating but now that I'm in love with him and we're getting married, all I can think about is how I don't want to lose him and I've become completely hysterical about his health. If he gets even slightly sick I become an emotional mess, I convince myself that he's going to die and I have panic attacks that take hours to recover from. I don't know what to do, this is becoming a big problem. It's become the main focus of my anxiety and it's consuming me. I am so afraid of losing him, I know that because of our age gap he will likely die before I do, and I am terrified that it will happen soon. Right now he is sick and I am going out of my mind with worry. His stomach has been sore for weeks and the doctors think it's a common bacterial infection that can be easily treated with antibiotics but the test results aren't back yet and I keep thinking "maybe it's cancer". I can barely focus on anything else. Last night I broke down and had the worst panic attack I've had in years.

The worst thing is that we are currently apart -- he's in America and I'm stuck in Britain waiting for my American visa to process. I won't get to go home to him for another couple of months. The distance makes my health anxiety worse because I'm terrified that he will die before I get to spend any more time with him.

[firecracker777]

Hello,

I am so sorry you are going through all of this emotion. I actually have a cousin who is 25 dating a man (and has been for about 6 years now) who is 51. So very close to your age and actually older than your fiance! She has mentioned she knows she will probably outlive him but she doesnt constantly think about that. Instead they go about their everyday lives as if the age gap wasnt there.

If the doctors think its just a stomach bug that can be treated with antibiotics, thats probably all it is. Hope you feel better quickly and can move on with everything!

[-effy-]

Thank you firecracker, that's very comforting. I'm glad your cousin is able to be present and enjoy her time with her partner. I try so hard to live in the moment but the anxiety always finds a way to creep back in.

[firecracker777]

I know its hard. So hard. I worry about my husband frombtime to time myself. I also think "what ifs" about him. He gets a lot of weird stomach pains and I talked him into getting a colonoscopy since his dad had chrons disease I was convinced he had it too. The results came back clear with no crohns. The stomach pain we believe is just poor diet. He was also getting bad heart palpitations and chest pains for the first few years we were dating and one day he had a full blown panic attack from stress at work (and maybe a little bit of relationship stress thanks to my anxiety at the time). He cut out all caffeine and after a few weeks the palpations were gone along with the chest pains. All along I thought he was going to die if a heart attack before 30.

So even though we don't have the same age gap as you and your fiance, I have my concerns as well. I wish you the best and really hope you can get your mind to ease :)

[swanick15]

To be completely honest with you, what you are feeling is an inevitability, the only certainty in life is death, but that doesn't mean that doesn't mean that we should sit waiting for death to arrive, but enjoy the here and now, just forget death even exits until it comes.

[Pet59]

As someone who has always gone for older men, I met myhusband when i was 23 and he was 42. I often worried about his health because he was a big drinker and smoker. I like a drink and i dont smoke. His drinking was at times a nightmare. I had him diagnosed with liver cancer and all sorts - all from the family encyclopedia!! Then he had lung cancer from smoking - again diagnosed by me and the encyclopedia!!

Tragically, he was killed in a road accident last year at 54. We are from UK but live in Middle East. The accident wasnt his fault. He was a passenger and the driver fell asleep at the wheel. He was then hailed a hero for killing a white man.

I am telling you this because all through my 10.5 years with my husband, I thought cancer or a heart attack would kill him. I would watch his every twitch and move. In the end it was neither. It was out of his control. You cant worry about what may or may not happen because you end up worrying your time away and when it happens you cant change it anyway.