xofeatherxo
15-10-14, 16:46
Which really sucks. I've been at the end of my rope and I was hoping I would feel better after.
(This is gonna be long, people. I'm feeling a lot of feelings right now.)
I've had a chapped, swollen spot on my lip for a month or two now. The swelling has gone down but it's still a little irritated, and I've been so worried about squamous cell carcinoma. I know it's generally easy to treat if you catch it early, but still, no one wants a cancer diagnosis.
So anyway I went to the appointment and right off the bat knew it was just going to make everything seem worse because I have a fantastic doctor who can look at whatever is wrong with you and almost immediately tell you what it is, what causes it, and how to fix it. And he seemed confused by my symptoms. A red, dry patch on my upper lip with no other symptoms? He asked if I've had cold sores before and I said I had but this didn't feel like one, and it's been hanging around for a few months, I mentioned that it was swollen but now was just red and kind of dry, and he started poking around my jaw and said I had "swollen glands."
WHAT.
So he prescribed cold sore medicine and said to try that and if it doesn't work, to come back. And now I'm sitting at home hyperventilating because I have a whole new arsenal of potential scenarios to think about.
Like maybe I really do just have chapped lips... But my body says "Surprise, lymphoma! Ha, haven't worried about THAT in a while, have you?!"
Or maybe it is squamous cell carcinoma, but it's spread to my lymph nodes and my chances of survival have just been chopped in half.
Or maybe the chapped lips and swollen glands are just side effects from some horrible lurking disease that's destroying my immune system and leaving me open to all kinds of illnesses.
Or maybe it's a cold sore, or an infection from my recently pierced ears, whatever.
I'm just trying to think logically now... If he was at all concerned it could be any kind of cancer he would have taken action immediately, right? If he thought the swollen glands felt cancerous, he would have sent me to have them checked, right? He wouldn't say "oh, you've put this appointment off for a month already and even though I think it could be cancer I'm going to make you wait another ten days before I do anything about it!".... Right? He seemed so sure it's an infection of so e kind, and he didn't bring up the possibility of cancer at all. Maybe that was just to avoid upsetting me. Ugh.
I do trust him. He's been my doctor since I was 5 and he's never been wrong before. I trust him, but it's so hard to tell my inner monologue to shut up.
Also, after the appointment my parents and I went out to breakfast, and I had to pee so I went straight to the bathroom, and when I came out my dad told me that my favorite teacher from high school, the one that helped a lot with my anxiety, had just left. He said she waited a few minutes but had to go and left right before I came out. I was struggling with a freaking automated paper towel dispenser and took too long, darn it. Lol. It was pretty disappointing. I mean I obviously wouldn't have unloaded all of my frustrations on her in the middle of Bob Evans, but it would have been nice to see her again.
Anyway, cancer. Right, I'm still worried about that I guess. I just hope this all goes away soon.
(This is gonna be long, people. I'm feeling a lot of feelings right now.)
I've had a chapped, swollen spot on my lip for a month or two now. The swelling has gone down but it's still a little irritated, and I've been so worried about squamous cell carcinoma. I know it's generally easy to treat if you catch it early, but still, no one wants a cancer diagnosis.
So anyway I went to the appointment and right off the bat knew it was just going to make everything seem worse because I have a fantastic doctor who can look at whatever is wrong with you and almost immediately tell you what it is, what causes it, and how to fix it. And he seemed confused by my symptoms. A red, dry patch on my upper lip with no other symptoms? He asked if I've had cold sores before and I said I had but this didn't feel like one, and it's been hanging around for a few months, I mentioned that it was swollen but now was just red and kind of dry, and he started poking around my jaw and said I had "swollen glands."
WHAT.
So he prescribed cold sore medicine and said to try that and if it doesn't work, to come back. And now I'm sitting at home hyperventilating because I have a whole new arsenal of potential scenarios to think about.
Like maybe I really do just have chapped lips... But my body says "Surprise, lymphoma! Ha, haven't worried about THAT in a while, have you?!"
Or maybe it is squamous cell carcinoma, but it's spread to my lymph nodes and my chances of survival have just been chopped in half.
Or maybe the chapped lips and swollen glands are just side effects from some horrible lurking disease that's destroying my immune system and leaving me open to all kinds of illnesses.
Or maybe it's a cold sore, or an infection from my recently pierced ears, whatever.
I'm just trying to think logically now... If he was at all concerned it could be any kind of cancer he would have taken action immediately, right? If he thought the swollen glands felt cancerous, he would have sent me to have them checked, right? He wouldn't say "oh, you've put this appointment off for a month already and even though I think it could be cancer I'm going to make you wait another ten days before I do anything about it!".... Right? He seemed so sure it's an infection of so e kind, and he didn't bring up the possibility of cancer at all. Maybe that was just to avoid upsetting me. Ugh.
I do trust him. He's been my doctor since I was 5 and he's never been wrong before. I trust him, but it's so hard to tell my inner monologue to shut up.
Also, after the appointment my parents and I went out to breakfast, and I had to pee so I went straight to the bathroom, and when I came out my dad told me that my favorite teacher from high school, the one that helped a lot with my anxiety, had just left. He said she waited a few minutes but had to go and left right before I came out. I was struggling with a freaking automated paper towel dispenser and took too long, darn it. Lol. It was pretty disappointing. I mean I obviously wouldn't have unloaded all of my frustrations on her in the middle of Bob Evans, but it would have been nice to see her again.
Anyway, cancer. Right, I'm still worried about that I guess. I just hope this all goes away soon.