Finally, a long hello!

[MrsNoggin]

Hi everyone. I have actually been hanging out (snooping discreetly) on here since February. At some point I made an account, mainly so I could stalk a bit better, even though I mainly use it on my phone, unlogged in... But anyway, I figured it's about time I get into it all properly. So prepare for a long-winded rambley post.

I always had issues with depression, then following the birth of my second daughter, was diagnosed with PND (still no anxiety) and given sertraline. Dose went up and down over the years as needed. Wish I'd stuck with that.

GP decided in February that three years was too long for PND and referred me to psych who diagnosed bipolar. Took me off sertraline and put me on prozac. Which gave me anxiety. I know it's a initial side-effect, but after a fortnight and the first spectacularly major panic attack I seem to have developed some serious anxiety disorder. I stopped the prozac immediately, got put back on sertraline with some diazepam (for a couple of weeks only *sob*) and propanolol. It has taken months and months to even get to the stage I can do the school run, or stand in a queue in a shop. Except now the psych has decided to try me unmedicated, which I was fine with, to try and sort out what are side-effects and what are actual symptoms of the illness.

Well, let's just say the anxiety wasn't a side-effect. I have managed a month unmedicated, and now I'm holed up on the sofa again, unable to even think about cooking tea or what time my husband will get home from work without throwing up and hyperventilating.

I want to cry. I AM crying. I just want to be normal again. I know, there is no normal, but MY normal. How I used to be. I'd take crippling depression over this any day.

Sorry - that really did turn out long! My major issue is that I'm anxious of being anxious. I'm anxious that I'll always be anxious. I worry about panicking in front of people when I'm trapped and can't get away - in shops, on the school run, places I can't just pick up the kids and run. I'm fed up of my issues affecting them. I'm fed up my friends thinking I'm useless. I'm tired of worrying that my husband feels he drew the short straw in the wife department. I'm just plain FED UP. And tired. Sorry.

[hugo87]

MRSnoggin,

I feel the same with my wife. I'm constantly apologizing for not being like a normal guy. I joke around sometimes saying I must have broken the world record of crying. Just like you, I feel that she got the "short straw" in the husband department. But, this is the way it is. We are and in a way handicapped and that's ok. There much more to you than Anxiety. Your husband fell in love with you and Anxiety is a part of who you are. The key is to learn how manage. Anxiety makes me very impulsive and so sometimes I make some strange decisions (strange for a lot of people), like quitting work and traveling for months (I saved 3 years to do this). I don't know who you are, but I'm sure are awesome (you are husband would not have married you, if he didnt think so).

If you at look some of my past posts you will some of things I did manage my Anxiety.

I hope you can find some hope in this place,

"I know its hard to remember sometimes, but you are gotta try to keep your head up."

[SADnomore]

:welcome: MrsNoggin! Too funny, I "lurked" and "stalked" for awhile as well before I started posting. Good luck, and keep hookin' in. We're your peeps here, lol!

[Carnation]

Hello Mrsnoggin and welcome to the Site. You'll get loads of support on here and hopefully some good tips. You can get through this and get your Life back; Yes, it will be different, but it might even improve in some departments. We have two choices in Life. 1. To be defeated and give up. 2. To fight and get what you want out of Life.
I know you are thinking; yeah easier said than done, but, hey, Life isn't easy. There are always obstacles along the way, it's just we have a little more work than others. I'm getting through this Med free and 6 months ago I couldn't even get out of bed of hold a conversation. Things have to change, if you're not up to doing dinner one evening, the whole world isn't going to fall apart. Get a takeaway, get someone else to do it. Ask your Hubby to bring in some chips or pizza. Have a night off! If your panicking waiting for Hubby to come home, find something to do in the meantime to take your mind off of it. Get out of the norm, just do stuff that works for you. Change your routine around a little; this is really good for Anxiety. It gets confused and lays off of you for a while. And most importantly, find time for you, do some stuff that pleases you or something you've wanted to do and never found time for. Remember you are worth it and deserve it. :)

[Clement]

Hullo..oh That anxious of being anxious and worried that it will be your life from now on. The roller coaster road of meds and not meds and what the hell happened to my life!!
No one really has the answers for each other , but oh how wonderful it is to feel heard and know that you're not alone... I come in here when I feel things building up and feel like I've got 'friends ' who walk with me.... All the best to you xx

[MrsNoggin]

Thanks you guys! I feel very welcome. I felt welcome from the first day I came here, even though I was reading other peoples' posts and no one was actually talking to ME. I'll probably see you all around on here, I'll be here a while!