Tired of being treated and feeling inferior

[scaredgirl86]

For as long as i could remember i seem to be the type of girl who people just look at and feel the need to say,or laugh,or make dirty faces at. I don't know why i'm attractive but for some reason not to the world i'm not. I'm tired of it i'm, 27 and wasted so many years feeling this way and i really get angry and actually end up hating everyone, i want to be one of those girls people know not to mess with and people treat good, what makes these girls better than me that they deserve to be treated better, it makes me so mad, everyone is so full of themselves where i'm from and they think their better and they get treated better and i feel inferior and i want this to stop, i want to be able to go out anywhere and have a good time and not be picked or made to feel like crap to just feel good about myself the way i should feel. Any advice

[MyNameIsTerry]

It can be a confidence thing. If you 'appear' confident, people treat you more reasonably as they assume you will react to them and stand up for yourself if they don't. Its built in to us in various ways.

Think of this example. Take a guy and let him walk down the street. The guy looks pretty average, normal hair, normal walk, etc. Now, shave his head, add some tattoos and tell him to walk head held high, chest out and arms turned forwards. Watch people shift out of the guys way.

A lot of it is perception. People have a tendency to make certain judgements. Take our shaved headed tattooed guy for instance, many people will assume he is violent and have a criminal record. In the UK, this is a long running stigma because if you looked like this decades ago you would be a criminal, a racist thug, etc. Whilst more guys look like this thesedays, many people still think that way about them.

These women you say no one messes with, what are they like? Are they horrible people who treat others like dirt? Bullies, etc? If so, whilst people offer them more respect, you can bet they also can't stand them. You don't want to be like that.

If they are not, is it because they show they are confident? And, do you think that maybe you don't?

Honestly, people who make remarks to you are not people you want to know anyway. Basic respect dictates that you don't do that. They are very likely to be quite ugly on the inside.

[scaredgirl86]

I try to be confident hold head up and look at people and still it happens you think that's cause it's not real confidence? These girls def are not nice but they are full of themselves so they do have confidence but i feel it's not hard for them since they are treated nicely

[MyNameIsTerry]

No, if you are doing that then you are showing confidence.

Are you assertive?

Perhaps its not so much that people let those girls get away with things out of respect, perhaps its more because they come across as superior and others feel the need to fit in with them? They will always find people that will dislike arrogance like that though as well.

[scaredgirl86]

I try to be assertive, i want to people to think i'm superior for once i don't know how to change it

[Oosh]

Are you still around the same people you grew up with ie the people who mistreated you ?

It can be that you need to be surrounded by new people who don't see you that way. It can be hard to change people's perceptions of you once they're in the habit of looking down at you. They'll put up a fight to let you back up.

Lots of us have painful beginnings. It doesn't mean it has to write the rest of your life. Painful experiences build character and give motivation.
What positive could all of this motivate you to do ?

I'd suggest achieving those positive things around new people though.
It will do you a lot of good seeing some kind and caring faces around you for a change. Not everybody in the world can have a disgusted look for you. The world just isn't like that.

Where might you find those nicer people ? In what kind of work ?

Don't give up on people because some treated you badly. There are lots of good cool people in the world who have too much respect for themselves and others to be crapping on other people.

Screw those crappy people from your past. Plan the rest of your life and do it.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I don't think you want people to view you as superior, for me thats a negative thing and people may view you as arrogant or egotistical. You don't want this. You want people to see you as confident in yourself and in what you do and to respect you for that.

The thing is, as Oosh is saying, are these people even worth it? I look at people and I don't judge them like this and look at other people as inferior. We are all equal and equally we all have our faults.

You realise you are attractive, so you have no cognitive distortion there but you believe others think you are unattractive. I think this is a cognitive distortion as many people aren't really that bothered as they are wrapped up in their own thoughts. Those people who laugh or make dirty faces are horrible people but can you see a difference between how they act and how other people are acting that don't do this? What is your impression of what these other people are thinking about you?