Going to a Funeral.

[Tim91]

Yesterday my grandmother passed away after battling heart issues for the better part of the year.

That being said:

I have not been out of my house in 2 years I am 23 years old and my parents are on the very extreme end of un-supportive, they think mental issues do not exist and that I'm just being a lazy good for nothing.

I am also unable to get into vehicles without having a massive panic attack and the funeral is an hour drive away. I have been told that if I do not go I will have a "bad time"

The last time I got into a car I had a massive panic attack infront of my mom and had to get out of the car and walk home, upon getting home my mom said it was a very "clever" show to get them to believe my lies. This was 2 years ago.

I cannot imagine being out of the house for even 20 minutes let alone 5-6 hours and I can't even get into a car anyways. I've been having constant panic attacks thinking about all of this.

No words of encouragement will change the way my body reacts to all of the aforementioned stuff nor will it change the way my family thinks, so I will more than likely be homeless and dead within the next week, this post is really just to vent.

I don't understand why all this has to happen to me, how for the last 2 years I have been unable to live a normal life help my family financially or earn my families love again and this happens and all I can think about is myself. I feel like a disgusting piece of human trash and I'm even too scared to just kill myself. I don't know what to do and I have noone to talk to and writing this is making me have a panic attack so lets just end it here.

Thanks for reading I guess.

[MommyLondon]

Hi Jim....I am so so sorry you are having to go through this....I know EXACTLY how hard it is when you have this and family does not understand....I myself am in a particularly messy situation concerning my Agoraphobia and family...My mother lives down south in another state and gave us her house...She wants me and my family closer to her because her health isnt so great these days....We sold the house...cars...and everything in the house....Bought an RV (motor home) to travel down there in....And we were supposed to be there over a month ago....It is now 5 weeks after we left our home and I have yet to be able to get on the interstate to start the 14 hour drive down to where our new home is....We have been staying at my sisters house...I feel like a massive loser....My mother is sooooo irate that I'm not there already....She calls me about every 2 days to threaten and push to get me to start the drive down there...which you know as well as I do, does not help with the panic what so ever....

Anyways...I just wanted to let you know that you are not a piece of trash for not being able to do this...Panic is a tricky and complicated thing to figure out a way to overcome...But I'm confident that one day we will be able to...It may not be rite when our family "expects" it to be...But it will happen..

Please feel free to message back and forth on here....I would be happy to talk some more..I know it doesnt help with your particular situation but I just wanted you to know I'm in a similar situation and you are not alone.

Take care

LeAnne :)

[Tim91]

Just got confirmation tonight that if I don't go I will be disowned and removed by the police from my house hold.

There is pretty much zero chance that I'll be able to get into a car and be out of the house for 6+ hours and my ******* family doesn't give a shit.

So yeah, no idea what to do.

[VictoryIsForever]

I have read it, but I don't really know who to say expect that I know how you feel.

I hope to see you posting here tomorrow too.

[Seanesso]

My suggestion would be to (and I know this is really difficult) try to completely empty your mind. Just tell yourself to shut up. Sometimes it works for me and sometimes it doesn't. Then, step outside the house. Go for a walk. Baby steps. If you succeed, try to drive/be driven somewhere close. Eat at a fast food place. Something quick. If you keep thinking about it, tell yourself you can easily get back home because you are very close.

I get major anxiety at restaurants sometimes, especially ones where I've been in forced valet or I have a ways to go to get home. If I know it's going to take me awhile to get home, and I could "possibly" get sick, it bothers me. I think about the trouble of having to drive home with all that to deal with. I think of the possible embarrassment. I get all panicky. You just have to tell yourself to stop thinking about it. Force it. Stare at something. Force other thoughts. Take deep breaths. It doesn't always work, but you can try.