fayesiedaisy
20-10-14, 19:36
Hi everyone,
Well here goes, my first post.
I first started having problems about 8 years ago after a huge panic attack, complete with hyperventilation and the horrible twisting of your mouth thing that happens when you're not getting enough oxygen :weep:
I had some counselling then (more about other issues in my life than the PAs) and things just grumbled on for 3 more years until I had another biggie, this time with my fingers curling up due to the hyperventilation etc. Had cbt after that which has helped me not to hyperventilate for the last 5 years but I have been left with this gruelling, never ending battle for control over my own mind - I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about!
I find now that the fear of panic is mostly worse than the fear of death and is the thing that has never really gone away in all these years.
So, I've joined up because I had a bad weekend this weekend. Felt the worst I have in years and really came horribly close to losing control and going into hyperventilation mode.
Feel like I've gone back 100 steps, but also I know that I wasn't really better anyway. After my bad day this weekend my old issues are returning - absolutely exhausted but too nervous to sleep, short of breath, feel like my heart is skipping beats. Blah blah. The worst thing is I know it's all in my head but does that help in the moment? Not today it seems!
I think most of all I'm just feeling like I don't know if I have the strength to do all of this again. When will it end? Is there anyone out there who actually got 'cured' or is it just a constant stream of coping, coping, coping from now until the day when one of my imaginary symptoms turns out to be real?
Anyway, that post is a lot more depressing than I intended it to be. Really just wanted to say hi :)
Well here goes, my first post.
I first started having problems about 8 years ago after a huge panic attack, complete with hyperventilation and the horrible twisting of your mouth thing that happens when you're not getting enough oxygen :weep:
I had some counselling then (more about other issues in my life than the PAs) and things just grumbled on for 3 more years until I had another biggie, this time with my fingers curling up due to the hyperventilation etc. Had cbt after that which has helped me not to hyperventilate for the last 5 years but I have been left with this gruelling, never ending battle for control over my own mind - I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about!
I find now that the fear of panic is mostly worse than the fear of death and is the thing that has never really gone away in all these years.
So, I've joined up because I had a bad weekend this weekend. Felt the worst I have in years and really came horribly close to losing control and going into hyperventilation mode.
Feel like I've gone back 100 steps, but also I know that I wasn't really better anyway. After my bad day this weekend my old issues are returning - absolutely exhausted but too nervous to sleep, short of breath, feel like my heart is skipping beats. Blah blah. The worst thing is I know it's all in my head but does that help in the moment? Not today it seems!
I think most of all I'm just feeling like I don't know if I have the strength to do all of this again. When will it end? Is there anyone out there who actually got 'cured' or is it just a constant stream of coping, coping, coping from now until the day when one of my imaginary symptoms turns out to be real?
Anyway, that post is a lot more depressing than I intended it to be. Really just wanted to say hi :)