My story with HA and symptoms. Long post.

[oldnews]

I just want to share my story with SEVERE HA with everyone, I haven't spoke about my issues much or when I do I only share half a story. Even if nobody reads this or reply's it will still make me feel better for letting it all out.I will try to make it as short as possible. My story starts with me looking forward to giving birth, not scared at all (well maybe a bit lol) I was very happy and content with my life with my partner with our baby daughter on the way, anyway I went 8 days over and had to be induced, it all happened very quickly and I was in labour within 30 minutes, I was then pushing for 1 hour and 28 minutes (to be precise) and they had to cut me to help her out, I lost a lot of blood and was wheeled back to the ward and just dumped there. The next day I was feeling OK so I went in the shower, I remember waking up in my bed with midwives looking over me and when I asked what had happened they told me I had lost 2 melon sized clots and passed out,that night I lost placenta whilst on the toilet. I couldn't sit or walk without been in pain down below and I was very very swollen. I then developed an infection in my stitches and begged for 4 days for someone to look, they kept telling me everything was fine until I demanded a different doctor who then told me I had an infection. Then the health anxiety kicked in, I had this awful pressure in my head which I thought was a brain tumour, I had a bloody lump in my nose (a nose infection) which I thought was MRSA or clots on the brain. I had a strange sensation in my stomach as though there was something about to fall out. I refused to go home for 6 days. The worst day of my life was the day I went home, I had the strangest sensation in my head and I honestly thought I was going to die that evening. It felt like I was about to have some sort of deadly seizure or stroke. I still shudder just thinking of that day. I was forced by a mental health team to go home as the hospital clearly thought I was mad as I thought I had a different illness every hour and demanded the bloods to be redone, Id had so many bloods taken I cant keep count, each time everything was fine apart from severely anaemic from the blood loss. After coming home I developed, chest tightness and leg pain (went to A&E as I thought it was DVT/PE and called an ambulance after having a panic attack thinking it was heart attack). De-realization, I didn't even feel like my house was mine and everything was strange, The chest tightness went and was replaced with stomach problems which I still have to this day. I couldn't hold a conversation without my mind been on overtime thinking of different illness's I could have. I have basically since then diagnosed myself with every possible disease and illness. I don't know how to stop it. My partner is very stressed with me and iv barely been able to bond with my baby who is 9 weeks old. I have only just come to terms with the fact it is indeed HA, I just did not believe it as I didn't think it was possible to feel so ill without a reason or illness. I sat for weeks and weeks just googling symptoms and diagnosing myself. The hospital thought I was mad, Docs thought I was mad and so did my mam and partner, I even thought I was going mad and felt I would be took to a 'mad house'. I told my mam one day in the hospital that the doctors where ganging up on me and that I wouldn't get out of here alive, the next thing I know the mental health team came, I was screaming at them to help me as i was dieing and no one believed me. Some of the symptoms iv had are:
-Head Pressure
-Chest tightness
-Leg pain
-Hip pain
-Stomach pain/abdominal pain left and right just below ribs
-Rib pain
-Back pain
-IBS
-Migraine
-Internal Shakes
-Cold chills
-Heart pain
-Weakness
-Shortness of breath
-Eye twitching

I am 21 years old and feel like iv aged 50 years in the last 9 weeks, this has ruined my relationship and stopped me from bonding and enjoying my daughter been newborn. I'm not really sure how iv survived the last 9 weeks or how im still alive, deep down I know I have developed HA after the traumatic birth but I cant convince myself as I still have that niggling voice, All my symptoms have now disappeared apart from stomach pains which iv had for about 2 weeks gradually getting worse. I'm confused as to whether they are related, doctors think they are. I have start stabbing pains in my stomach, in my upper right abdomen (where my liver is) and all down my sides. It varies with severity daily.

If anyone read this far- Thank you! If anyone has a similar story or any advise please reply. I feel so alone with this illness.

[swanick15]

You've already taken the first step which is realising that it has become a problem. Next thing is to see your GP and ask for a referral to the mental health team unless you are already on their books and ask for CBT and I suggest antidepressants.

[oldnews]

Hi, im currently on sertraline and propanalol although iv reduced myself to one pro a day. I currently have a CPN worker for my bipolar but she isnt experienced in anxiety.

im not really sure if there is any CBT classes around where i live but i will ask my GP for advice.

thanks for reading.

[mummyanxious]

Some of your symptoms could be down to the anaemia. Especially as they've gone away as you've started to presumably build your iron stores back up. Trauma can really mess you up though and you need to cut yourself some slack. Having been through a fairly traumatic first birth myself I know how it can affect you. I cannot believe your dr and antenatal tram haven't been more supportive though. I would be tempted to go back and ask for them to refer you for some counselling as it sounds to be bordering on PTSD/post natal depression.
Big hugs. You're not alone here x

[oldnews]

Hi, yes alot of the symptoms where due to anemia but i had alot more and i think the anxiety made them alot more intense. I still have days where i can go all day and be ok then on an evening i will start going dizzy and the anxiety comes back. Its very strange, i constantly feelon edge and worried for my health.

[ttff44]

Old news.....I too had a traumatic delivery, but it was many many years ago. I also had a nightmare of anxiety- which led to severe depression. It is hard to bond with your Baby when you feel on the brink of mental and physical death. The pregnancy hormones seem to calm expectant Mothers at about 5 Months in and then the world changes drastically right after birth.....the hormones can drop very quick....add to that the traumatic delivery and all the pain, after effects and worry-----it effects some Mothers different, I know it did me- since I had constant underlying anxiety prior.

Its hard to believe anxiety and the resultant depression can effect someone so extreme, but it certainly can........so even if you KNOW thats what it is and accept it, it is still a battle because it doesn't change what you're feeling and going through.....time and acceptance - eat, even if you have to sit for 2 hours with a sandwich- rest, even if you don't sleep- I went 2 weeks straight with out any sleep- it did take me 2 hours to eat a sandwich- and so much more- but each hurdle ( eating the sandwich even as I gagged, was an accomplishment- you CAN do it - maybe not as fast as you'd like.........it ain't easy, but accept and know you feel like death right now- but eventually, slowly you will a bit better......I am sorry you're going through this........big hugs to you.

[oldnews]

ttff44 thank you for your reply, I never realised what some woman go through after giving birth but now i realise anxiety is alot more common than i knew. Its very very hard to get on with my days. I miss my old life soo much, i never had this constant worry, but then when i think about my old life i get upset and guilty cos it feels like im wishing my daughter wasnt here when thats not the case at all.

she is my whole world but im finding it very hard. I constantly feel on edge, feel out of it, dizzy and weak all the time. Im struggling. I have no family close by apart from my mam and my partners family dies when he was very young so we dont get much help, he works long long hours 6 days a week so im mostly doing it on my own, i find when im on my own my anxiety plays up. when the attacks first started i used to panic more and that would make them worse, now i let them ride out as i know deep down im not physically ill its just anxiety but this doesnt seem to make them go away faster or stop them coming. I will be fine all day (but still have anxious thoughts) and then as soon as i chill out for the night the pains come, the dizzyness, disorientation, and head spin comes. i cant stop it, i really dont know how. even if i go an hour without anxious thoughts they will come back with a vengence because i will remember about my "illness" and think oh iv been ok. it the same on a morning, i will wake and my first thought is, "am i feeling anxious today" then the anxiety comes because im thinking about it. its such a vicious circle and its very hard to describe an explain to anyone whos never been through it. i dont think my partner fully understands the extent it rules my whole life, i think he thinks im a hypacondirat and going over the top. He think im just been silly. I dont know how to get him to understand the constant spinning and thoughts in my head. sorry for rambling, its been a strange day and i need to let it out somewhere.

please could you tell me more about your birthing experiences?
i know some people dont like to talk about it and thats fine but if you dont mind i would really be interested to know, i find it really helps to know im not the only one thats experiencing this.

its the constant physical symptoms that scare me. it really is a vicious circle, (you feel anxious so you feel symptoms, you think the symptoms are serious so you feel more anxious, the extra anxiety gives you more severe symptoms which then results in severe symtoms and severe anxiety! i wish there was a way out! )

---------- Post added at 01:43 ---------- Previous post was at 01:39 ----------

spell check : hypochondriac, sorry for all the mistakes, was typing really fast lol!

[Lozzianne]

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter is now almost 15 months and I still feel like I haven't recovered properly from the birth! Similar to your birth story, although after pushing for two hours she was stuck back to back and had to be sucked out with a ventouse. I then haemorrhaged two litres of blood and had to have placenta manually removed - which basically meant I had this blokes hand inside me for 45mins digging about. Couldn't hold my baby til she was an hour old.

So I bled for three months, still retained placenta which led to womb infection, had to go back for scans, passed a huge clot and had to go back in ambulance. Then got mastitis twice in three months. Then ectopic heartbeats which made me think I had a heart problem. Then the stomach problems - they lasted four months so had a colonoscopy which came back clear. Now it's headaches!

Sorry, I know it's really long haha but just to show you that the symptoms are real, but it's our perception of them that's the problem. I think hormones are very much to blame, some people get PND and others, like us, seem to develop HA. You're definitely not alone in this.

[oldnews]

Hi, i passed 3 clots and placenta! i am still bleeding now and they think i could have endometritis, i have also had several womb infections and think i could still have retained placenta. I have already been for a scan and they are saying theres nothing left in but this is also from the woman who told me my womb had gone back to normal until another doc found its tilted. They didnt remove my retained placenta they left it in me to pass on its own! which i did on the 3rd day but am sure theres still some inside as still bleeding. I am seeing another gynae tommorow at the hospital to see whats going on!

My birth was absolutly horrible. I am traumatised. They had to cut me and im still no better down there. what type of pains do you get?

[Lozzianne]

At the moment it's the headaches and weird head feelings, and my upper stomach which I think is a stomach ulcer. That comes and goes. I take ranitidine and it stops the pain so I'm pretty sure it's just an ulcer. I haven't even mentioned that one to the doctor yet, she'll definitely think I'm a nut job if I throw that in there as well lol.

I get my blood test results tomorrow about the headaches. If they come back all ok hopefully I will feel better but if the headaches go on much longer I'm going to freak out properly.

I was still bleeding and in pain at your stage after birth. Took around four months to stop altogether. Then I started with the palpitations once I stopped breastfeeding but they went away eventually. They came back when I got the mirena coil put in though so I got it taken out after three months. If you worry about health, don't get a mirena, I had so many problems with mine.

[oldnews]

I have just had the depo injection to try and stop my bleeding, at the moment its on and off which is worrying. Sometimes i feel itsmy periods returning but then surely it cant be a period everyweek.

What worrys me most is how dismissive alot of health care providers are of new mums, even if we do have REAL issues they put it down to been DEPRESSED. I cant actually believe how dismissive they are. Its sad that all new mams are labelled crazy x

[oldnews]

Lol - Im sure my doctor thinks im a nut job too, some days even I think im one ha ha.

I was SURE i had an ulcer last week too, that soon turned into stomach cancer, god just reading what im writing makes me sound soo silly.

Deep down I know im going over the top, but the symptoms are REAL :\

I have just been to see my gynaecologist today and I have yet ANOTHER womb infection and the neck of my womb is very inflamed, my womb has also dropped a little and is tilted, I am on another course of antibiotics but im not sure they will work as iv had constant infections and they never seem to clear up, they said i may have to be operated on as she thinks the constant pain is adhesions (scar tissue) from all the infections and retained placenta. Im currently in the middle of a massive complaint about the hospital I had my daughter in, the care i received was DREADFUL and i think most of the way i am now is from there poor care. They basically told me i was making the pains up so iv now had to go private for scans and gynae.

[IrishLondon]

I completely think my doctor thinks i'm a nut job too! Actually i'm pretty sure my friends and everyone at work does as well - given i was crying at my desk last week. Weirdly though, i'm so focussed on my physical symptoms at the moment, i'm not caring if people think i'm crazy!! :)