View Full Version : Wept every day since finishing with my Therapist?
Whether it's a coincidence or not, I don't know. I had Therapy for 6 months and due to the cost, decided to end it. Unfortunately, I have gone to pieces since then. It may be psychological that I feel this way, because I probably finished too early. I still have many issues that need to be dealt with and of late my problems and stress is like an overflowing cup. I've taken many tools to work with for my symptoms and I know I have them to hand. But, it is not the same as having a Therapist you see every week. I didn't want to become dependent on my Therapist as well as the financial situation, but I can't seem to cope with my decision. I can't go back, as my place will have been filled and I can't keep going with the costs either. I've tried books and they upset me too much and I am trying to find a way to cope with this. :scared15:
Sunflower2
23-10-14, 19:11
I bet you know what I'm going to say, we've switched turns again now that I've sorted some things you're suffering more. I'm the same when it comes to have support. Its like a stability thing that makes you feel better because you know if you have a bad time, someone is there to help you back on track. When that's gone, you feel out of control and a bit lost because you're relying on yourself to keep stable. Its exactly what I've been dealing with, because I'm currently stuck between services due to being a severe case. It was better when I have a monthly appointment to look forward to as I knew even if I got really bad, that would be waiting for me. When they said I needed more intensive treatment instrad, I kind of fell apart a bit as I didn't know where to turn.
Is it a possibility to go through NHS? I don't know if you've already been to your GP about it, but you should try go back anyway. I took a while to be taken seriously and after today I finally feel like they are supporting me fully now. It just takes a few health scares for them to see it. And since you are in a similar situation to me, I really think they would listen to your concerns and requests.
Are there any charities in your area also? I know some of them offer counselling so that could always be a possibility?
I struggle with self help and books also, because I take in what I want to and ignore the rest. I need someone to tell me, you have to stop doing this to yourself, for me to take note and listen.
Yes, yes and yes! Absolutely spot on. We seem to bouncing our advice to each other back and forth. The thing is we both probably already know the answers to our woes as we've been there time and time again. It's just the frustration and uncontrollable emotions I am struggling with. The symptoms are just a part of my daily Life now, so I am learning to live with those. I've also wasted today; achieved nothing and I hate that. And, I seem to be attracting more and more problems that I can't deal with. Someone hit our car last month and it has been causing me more stress. Luckily I wasn't in it this time, but the person who hit us is a top Medical Professional and has been giving us grief. Looked up his House; must be worth a million and he's been quibbling about paying what would be a p..ss in the Ocean to him financially. Then my Mum has been hitting the bottle since Dad died and tells me she wants to Die everyday. my Mother-in-Law's Dementia has increased to intensity this week and my Partner had a Panic Attack today. I just feel like I want crawl into a corner and stay there so nothing else happens. I've actually got more stuff to talk about to my Therapist in this week than I have had in the last three months. Typical!!! And, that's without the other stuff I was dealing with before. Oh My, what do you do???:ohmy:
Oh Carnation you seem to have so much going on at the moment :hugs: I can relate to the therapist situation as I came to end of my sessions a year ago and felt like I still had some loose ends to tie up. Luckily in my area we can refer ourselves back again (NHS) and I have done just that and this time they have promised I will be there until the loose ends are tied. I don't know what it is like in your area? Can you refer yourself for Talking Changes?
Thanks Annie, but I worry about; 1. The wait and 2. Will I have the same connection with another Therapist. I am quite shy on these matters and find it difficult to open up about my problems. On here, I feel I can say anything. But, I am feeling like I am going back in to my shell. I will look at it though. My Therapist was also NHS, so I might even get her back???? I can't praise Therapy enough.
I have had 3 different ones and to be honest I am pleased as they have all helped in different ways. Luckily they have all been good. I did have another years ago though who was a bit of an eccentric and no help at all! I think he needed therapy himself! :D
Sunflower2
23-10-14, 21:22
Oh that does sound like a lot of stress, no wonder you've been suffering! Take what you've learnt and use it on these situations, because you know you can. Like you say to me, don't worry about what may or may not happen! For all you know you might find a therapist that you click with again! Even with mine, I found and still find it hard to open up but I have gotten better at it. This site has helped so so much at expressing myself, and it must have helped you too.
About the wait, the sooner you're on the list the better, what have you got to lose? Then if you're really struggling you can get a couple private sessions maybe?
As for your mother, she needs therapy more than you do! Is there any way you can convince her to talk to anyone else? I know older people are very stubborn about this but she can't just offload on you all the time. We are always here for you, maybe not as therapists but definitely as support for anything! :)
Thank you Kimberley and Annie. I will get through this, I always do. But, I would just like a period of stress free time for a change. It's like a never-ending circle of problems and trauma. But, it helps me so much that I have support here.
Carnation, I saw a therapist a decade ago, after my sessions ended I was scared I wouldn't cope. I think for me, therapy had run its course, but in your case clearly there is still work to be done.
I totally relate to what you say about not connecting with another person. It is true that the relationship or bond you develop with each health professional is different. another person can also offer alternative viewpoints and even though you may feel differently about them, it can still be beneficial to go back for more help.
Ok.... you are worried about the wait but if you make enquiries now about finding more help then this will mean you are getting on the list sooner. So I recommend that you do see your doctor and make arrangements.
From reading this post and others that you have made, I feel you are doing everything within your power to help yourself. I totally agree with you that it is not the same if you are not seeing a therapist every week. Or even every couple of weeks or even once a month.
I have been seeing a counsellor for quite a while now. At one time it was every week. Now it's only once a month. I am gradually spacing the appointments apart. I don't want it to end. She's lovely but also she is a professional & I know the relationship is not like a normal friendship but after a period of time they do kinda become your friend...... But as I say I know that's not the reality.
Oh carnation. I wish I could help you, I wish I could be your therapist. I will try to help you here at the forum. I know it's not the same as a proper therapist or counsellor! I don't have any qualifications! But i do have experience, life experience. I have bundles of empathy & I will gladly help you if I can......
---------- Post added at 21:24 ---------- Previous post was at 21:15 ----------
Oh, I meant to say as well.... It did take time for me to open up to my counsellor, I didn't cry ever in front of my therapist. I couldn't. It took alot for me to open up but in the end I got there. Some weeks I cried so much, I was worried I would never stop. At times it was pretty awful but now I am beginning to realise all that "stuff" just needed to come out. It feels much better now having got all that stuff out of my head. It wasn't easy but going through it was beneficial.
I learned so much from the experience. I learned about me. I learned how my past has affected me & still affects me.
Something very important to come out of it all is becoming more assertive.
You sound pretty clued up about all this. and i think your attitude is right, you will be able to sort this out if you stick at it and as I say I will help if I can:-)
---------- Post added at 21:39 ---------- Previous post was at 21:24 ----------
Been reading some of the other posts here, Carnation. you talk about uncontrollable emotions ..... I am familiar with that, actually i think mine have alot to do with menopause or just my hormones generally. I started back on fluoxetine about a month ago & it is helping me so much.
Now my emotions are more under control I have been able to think more clearly. Of course I am not saying you have to take anything but it demonstrates when u r not contending it's emotions, it makes day to day life easier.
Try not to castigate yourself.... Like believing u have wasted today; when depressed or coping with stressful situations, it's not easy to feel motivated is it. So don't be too hard on yourself, please :-)
i think rather than attracting more and more problems, it is unfortunate but when under a lot of stress .... problems do seem to mount up. Things you'd usually take in your stride become issues.
As regards your mum, she cannot keep putting on you. It is not right. You are also grieving for the loss of your dad. Even though she is your mum, you are not totally responsible for her even if it may feel that way.
You do have a lot on your plate, you really do.
What do you do about all this? Keep talking ... That's what.
Kep talking to us..... Coz we r all ears aren't we?
Anyway, Nuff Said me thinks, don't want to send you to sleep with a monster post.......
:weep:Oh Tessar, this message could not have been timed any better. It brought me to tears, but in a good way. I have just been bickering with my Partner. He is fed-up with me and my condition. It's like I'm just a piece of furniture that is waiting to go on the scrap heap. He is ill as well. With what? That dreaded Anxiety. Yes, we both have it. So, you see, he can't help me anymore as he has his own problems. I just can't stop crying all the time, it is making me so ill and makes my Anxiety symptoms worse. I know it is good to cry, but I can't seem to stop. I look like one those pumpkins; all screwed up and wrinkly. I can't get a grip of myself and am losing control.
I've started a Diary to help me get through this, more of a Life notebook that I can work from. I feel like I'm on my own with this. My Partner was so supportive in the beginning, but he has just lost interest now. I get comments like; "Oh, your illness, your bloody illness!. As you know, my Life is difficult anyway with the responsibilities I have and now he's gone to bed on an argument, which I hate. I just don't know what to do anymore. :weep: I'm trying to get a bit of distance from my Mum, but she just keeps phoning me all the time. (Had a call at 11.30pm tonight!). I also go and stay with every week for a couple of days and it's still not enough. I just can't do this anymore. I can't get my Life back together because everyone is causing me grief. :weep:
First day with no tears for a week. Now, I am feeling exhausted!!! Can't seem to do any of my jobs today, so I am going to listen to my Body and take things easy. I feel very down today, but maybe the upsets of the week. My Partner apologized this morning and I hadn't realized he was feeling bad too. I am going to make Monday a fresh start. I won't be beat by this, I still have a Life to live. :)
Good for you carnation. I like your attitude, not least giving yourself and your body a break. Sometimes it has to be done,. you.... Yes YOU are entitled to a break .... And you are entitled to say NO to anyone you like. I must look up some info for you on "rights". Have a print out somewhere and will see if I can find something similar online.
Carnation..... Here's a list of "rights" I found online ....... Just as an example.....
I'll also see if I can find another list, as a comparison & again as an example....
- I have the right to be the judge of what I do and what I think.
- I have the right to offer no reasons and excuses for my behaviour.
- I have the right to refuse to be responsible for finding solutions to other people's problems.
- I have the right to change my mind.
- I have the right to make mistakes.
- I have the right to say "I don't know".
- I have the right to make my own decisions.
- I have the right to say "I don't understand".
- I have the right to say "I don't care".
- I have the right to say "no" - without feeling guilty.
- I have the right to be miserable or cheerful.
- I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
- I have the right to set my own priorities.
- I have the right to be myself without having to act for other peoples benefit
---------- Post added at 22:39 ---------- Previous post was at 22:34 ----------
Here you go......
You have the right to ask for what You want.
You have the right to say no to requests or demands You can't meet.
You have the right to express Your feelings, positive or negative.
You have the right to change Your mind.
You have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
You have the right to determine Your own priorities.
You have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions feelings, or problems.
You have the right to expect honesty from others.
You have the right to be angry at someone You love.
You have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
You have the right not to give reasons for Your behavior.
You have the right to make decisions based on Your feelings.
You have the right to Your own needs for personal time.
You have the right to be playful and frivolous.
You have the right to be healthier than those around you.
You have the right to be in a non abusive environment.
You have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
As you'll see, they follow pretty much along the same lines.
It really is worth reading and re-reading this sort of thing because you can absorb the information. It can become part of your make-up. then when you are in a situation in which you want or need to be assertive in...... assertiveness may well come more easily.
That's Brilliant Tessar. I will keep looking at that to remind me of all that.
Well, I kept my promise. I have approached a Charity to do some voluntary work. I have contacted my Doctor to get a letter so that I can claim for all my Therapy I had to pay for due to the Car Accident. I didn't ring my Mum today and when she called, I said I was with some friends and I would call her later. I went and bought myself something from the shops. I had a nice lunch out and didn't worry about anything that I was eating. And some people complimented me on the outfit I was wearing and I accepted it. (Not the usual; 'Oh, do you think so?" attitude). The Sun was shinning and I felt much better and felt that I had achieved something today. I don't know how long I can keep this up, but I am trying. The driving is a HUGE issue for me and gives me my worst symptoms, so I can to put it on the back seat; (scuse the pun), until I feel a little stronger. The main thing is that I know I CAN drive, it's just the nerves. And, I won't drive unless I feel safe to do so. You have been so a great help to me and I need to tell you that I appreciate the time you take to help me. Thank you. :)
What a good day you've had carnation. I am only too pleased to help. It helps me feel worthwhile if I can help. from time to time, things I learned in therapy come back to me.
It does me good to look stuff up as well since it reiterates to me what I learned all those years ago.
It was really good to read your post & I appreciate your genuine compliments :-)
We do sound very alike, I was no good at accepting compliments either. My therapist suggested when I am complimented or something goes well,rather than flinch, i stay with the good feelings. She likened it to imagining I am showering in good feelings, to stay in the shower & revel in the good feelings. If that makes sense. That one often springs to mind for me.
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