View Full Version : So much stress when it comes to choosing a major
I graduated in the spring with a bachelor's degree in speech pathology; a field that requires a master's to practice. I didn't get into grad school, and am not sure I want to do it anyway. So, I have taken the semester off this fall. I've been trying to find work but it's not easy so I know I need to go back to school.
I was a business major for awhile and have decided my "fallback" will be to major in accounting. I can get it done in two years and there's a 100% employment rate for students. But, I've also considered dietetics. It may be more difficult as it's more science based, but job prospects are good I think and the way the degree is set up at my college you can get a lot of experience before you graduate. I have an appointment to meet with an advisor in the program to see what it takes.
The thing is, I have moments where I fell really good about it, and others where I fell like I just can't do it. The program is competitive. My speech program was competitive as well, and I failed at getting in. My heart wasn't in it, but now I'm terrified to do anything like that because I'm scared I'll take the prerequisite classes and be rejected yet again. I tell myself that I am smart, I have been told that my entire life, but I just can't believe it anymore because if I was smart I would have gotten into grad school, right?
To top it all off, I was accepted for readmission, but then was pressured by my parents to re-apply for grad school so now I have to sort out telling the grad school I don't want to apply for graduate school so I can be for-sure accepted as an undergraduate again and get an advisor and a class schedule - hopefully before classes fill up.
I really want to go back to school, I really want to do something with my life. I'm going stir-crazy at home. I just need to make the right choice this time. Even if I'm passionate about dietetics, I don't want to fail again and that's always at the back of my mind. There's little chance of failure with accounting.
I count myself lucky - there are moments I have of clarity and confidence, even if they're few and far between. And then there are others when I just want to run or scream or cry or something because it's down to the wire and I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. I'm living at home with my parents and haven't been able to find work, so I know they're disappointed in me. My father will often say things like "what did you do today?" or "are you going to school yet?". My twin brother is in graduate school, but then he's just smarter than I am in all regards. :weep:
How can I handle this stress? How did everyone else decide what you wanted to do with your life?
I think you should write out a list of things that are important to you in your future employment.
You could achieve this that and the other and find yourself in ten years sitting at a desk in a room, surrounded by colleagues with work to do that day and think "this doesn't suit me at all. To feel happy and comfortable and satisfied I think this is important to me and this and this and THIS job has NONE of those things.
It has this, this and this, dads happy, bills are paid, it's secure, but the things I see as important to me now aren't catered for at all. I find this job stressful and it makes me unhappy. Maybe I should have a career change" And that is not going to be ideal for you.
What do you want your work day and your working week to look like ?
What things make you uncomfortable ?
What do you find stressful ?
What do you enjoy ?
What factors are essential.
Choose THAT environment.
When you reach it it will feel right.
I have been on an unhappy journey in my working life being social phobic and worrying a lot about work places but I ultimately have chosen to be self employed and to do something that deals with things rather than people. I also have no boss.
Knowing myself and who I am these things were essential on my list. But back then I didnt cater for them and have worked many years in agonising and stressful environments. Think what's REALLY important to you.
They'll be clearer when you're older but you can pinpoint them now if you really ask yourself who you are as a person.
I've qualified as a caterer, a welder and an electrician searching for what, on paper, seemed like a good choice. But the important factors were really
Things not people
No boss
Work local
Not reliant on anyone else
Etc
I wasted a lot of time finding these things out. They weren't on my original list. I'm happy now I've found something that fits.
Think what will make you happy on a day to day basis in the workplace you choose.
What will you be happy and at peace doing.
Research the role itself. Sites like http://www.prospects.ac.uk show you what the actual role will be like on a day to day basis. Pick a role that fits. Don't do it for someone else. Don't choose based only on your likelihood of getting a job in that field.
Will you be happy crunching numbers all day every day ?
Maybe that good salary and job security is what's important to you.
What will the people be like who you'll work with ?
I think if you can find a role you're sure you want to be in then don't anticipate failure. Find what the level is to pass and give it all of your time and attention and get it. I think with hard work you can get it if you really want it.
Who passed?
What did they produce that you didn't ?
Why ?
Can you hit that level ?
How can you hit that level ?
What do you need to do ?
Where are you weak !
Where do you need to try harder because you're weaker than them in those specific areas.
Sunflower2
24-10-14, 20:33
I was in a similar situation to you a year ago. I studied architecture but decided my heart wasn't in it. Except I didn't know what else to do! I decided to continue with my degree to get a BSc out of it, except I failed the final project! It was such a set back for me because I've never failed anything in my life! Failing that taught me that you have to pick yourself up and carry on, and that's what I did and I passed in the end. It also helped me realise what I really wanted to do with my life and now I'm working towards becoming a qualified project engineer!
Failing and being rejected is really hard. It can make you scared to try again because of the fear that you're not good enough. But it can also give you fuel to prove that you can do whatever you put your mind to. I hope you find what you are passionate about, it takes a lot of trial and error but eventually you find it!
Thanks for the answers. I really want to find my passion, but I'm also at a point where finding something I believe I could successfully do is challenging. I feel like "MaKenna is smart" has been the party line my entire life, and I thought I believed it, but then I failed and it's not just me that doesn't believe it but it's like my friends and family don't either. My self-esteem and self-worth are at an all-time low right now. I'm living with my parents again and I feel like I need to grow up and be an adult, yet I've spent all semester trying to find a job and have come up empty; for that reason, I feel like getting a degree I can find work in (and be somewhat confident about) is very important.
I should analyze what's most important to me. I think that's why my going in and speaking with an advisor will be very helpful. I can't just sit around for another semester and whine that I don't know what I want to do with my life - so talking to this woman feels very proactive.
My parents really don't know I'm considering anything else but going to grad school. I think telling them will be easier if I have a concrete idea of what I want to do, and if I can tell them I have spoken to advisors, looked at job outlook, etc. in order to come to that decision. It will feel more responsibly decided, instead of something else I'll fail/quit and be back in the position I'm in now.
Of course it's very stressful too because I was readmitted, then applied for grad school which screwed my admissions up. I'm really hoping that I can get it all sorted, get an advisor, and get a class schedule by the end of next week (optimistically). I really want to be able to tell people that I have a plan, and I'm not just a lost bum anymore. I also really need a plan for myself.
I'm glad both of you have found your passions. I'm hoping in a year I can look back on this and laugh :) Of course, this time last year I was freaking out about the same things - being forced to apply to grad school even though I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do. Maybe I just need another year to set things straight!
*fingers crossed*
I'll tell you what I told my kids (my daughter is in college). All through their lives I told them do what you have a passion for. I know you're not sure but take some time and think about the things that make you happy. Are there hobbies you enjoy that could be parlayed into a career? For example, a love of the outdoors can lead to being a park ranger or if you're creative, a career in graphic design would be great. With myself, I changed my major from pre-med to music after my first year of college (my parents about flipped out!). BUT... I did what I had a passion for and I have no regrets. I've worked in the music industry (performance and CD manufacturing) my whole career and still perform on a regular basis and it brings me no greater satisfaction. No, I'm not making the $$$ a doctor would but I did what my heart told me to do.
My son loves travel and works for an airline and my daughter loves kids and wants to be an educator. I'm behind them 100%
It's not about the $$$, it's about enjoying what you do. What good is $$$ if you're miserable? ;) If you follow your heart then there's no anxiety about it.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
25-10-14, 04:06
I'll tell you what I told my kids (my daughter is in college). All through their lives I told them do what you have a passion for. I know you're not sure but take some time and think about the things that make you happy. Are there hobbies you enjoy that could be parlayed into a career? For example, a love of the outdoors can lead to being a park ranger or if you're creative, a career in graphic design would be great. With myself, I changed my major from pre-med to music after my first year of college (my parents about flipped out!). BUT... I did what I had a passion for and I have no regrets. I've worked in the music industry (performance and CD manufacturing) my whole career and still perform on a regular basis and it brings me no greater satisfaction. No, I'm not making the $$$ a doctor would but I did what my heart told me to do.
My son loves travel and works for an airline and my daughter loves kids and wants to be an educator. I'm behind them 100%
It's not about the $$$, it's about enjoying what you do. What good is $$$ if you're miserable? ;) If you follow your heart then there's no anxiety about it.
Positive thoughts
Take this advice Poppy, its absolutely true!!!
Otherwise, you might get 10 years or so in and feel depressed about how you are doing something you don't believe in.
Fullfillment is far more important than money. What good is a nice house when you don't even like yourself...a classic starting point for anxiety & depression.
Really good advice FMP!!! :yesyes:
Thanks for the answers. I really want to find my passion, but I'm also at a point where finding something I believe I could successfully do is challenging. I feel like "MaKenna is smart" has been the party line my entire life, and I thought I believed it, but then I failed and it's not just me that doesn't believe it but it's like my friends and family don't either. My self-esteem and self-worth are at an all-time low right now. I'm living with my parents again and I feel like I need to grow up and be an adult, yet I've spent all semester trying to find a job and have come up empty; for that reason, I feel like getting a degree I can find work in (and be somewhat confident about) is very important.
I should analyze what's most important to me. I think that's why my going in and speaking with an advisor will be very helpful. I can't just sit around for another semester and whine that I don't know what I want to do with my life - so talking to this woman feels very proactive.
My parents really don't know I'm considering anything else but going to grad school. I think telling them will be easier if I have a concrete idea of what I want to do, and if I can tell them I have spoken to advisors, looked at job outlook, etc. in order to come to that decision. It will feel more responsibly decided, instead of something else I'll fail/quit and be back in the position I'm in now.
Of course it's very stressful too because I was readmitted, then applied for grad school which screwed my admissions up. I'm really hoping that I can get it all sorted, get an advisor, and get a class schedule by the end of next week (optimistically). I really want to be able to tell people that I have a plan, and I'm not just a lost bum anymore. I also really need a plan for myself.
I'm glad both of you have found your passions. I'm hoping in a year I can look back on this and laugh :) Of course, this time last year I was freaking out about the same things - being forced to apply to grad school even though I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do. Maybe I just need another year to set things straight!
*fingers crossed*
Ultimately what's important to you might not be what's important to other people. Sounds like you're going through a period of self doubt recently and feel that success at the next thing is very important to you. Then that's as good a thing as everything else to base your decision on.
If youre fearing success at nothing then success at something would tick a lot of important boxes for you, that makes sense.
You've got these doubts that you are maybe not as intelligent as you once believed you were. You feel inferior to your brother in this area. And you are worried about looking like a failure and a bum.
So this is all linked to your self esteem now too and how you see yourself and how others are starting to see you.
We can throw all the cliches at you but at the end of the day you have to decide what it is you need from this decision now.
To be honest I think you sound like you're already on the right track with your thinking. You're already deciding how you feel about things and recognising what you need.
Thank you again for your answers. They have been so very helpful.
I contacted the graduate school and withdrew my application. I don't want to be a speech pathologist, and the grad application is standing in the way of my undergrad application. Funny thing is, I got an email on Friday from the program I applied to but I'm too afraid to open it. I don't want to be rejected again, and if I got in it doesn't matter as I don't want to do it anyway.
So, I'm working on pushing my undergrad application through so that I can get a new degree. I'm hoping the meeting I have with the dietetics advisor will be optimistic and give me direction. I need to know more about the field to know if it's what I want, but I've always had an interest in nutrition and it's something that I really want to learn about and know, which I figure is a really good start.
I'm not so much worried about making a lot of money - I'm not especially high maintenance, but finding a job is important to me as is staying fairly local. As is, of course, failing again as I think I'll have to take prerequisite courses and then apply to the dietetics program which is competitive and I don't know what I'll do if I fail. But we'll see....I may just have to face that fear.
Lol and you're asking US for advice. That sounds really well thought out.
I'd love a career in nutrition. I could enjoy nutrition or physiotherapy I think.
Lol and you're asking US for advice. That sounds really well thought out.
I'd love a career in nutrition. I could enjoy nutrition or physiotherapy I think.
The nice thing about asking you all for advice is that you understand the anxiety :winks:
When I talk to my parents about it, they go between telling me not to worry about things I can't change, or being angry at me because I don't seem concerned enough about it. I've yet to tell them of my plans, I still want it more concrete first. I get the impression they think I just sit around and watch TV all day....when in reality I'm pacing back and forth and trying to figure it all out!
Well, I had my meeting today. I'm not totally sure about majoring in dietetics, because while the woman was very nice, she was also very honest about just how competitive it is (which I appreciated). I'll have to retake biology, and all my courses in major - most of which are very science-heavy - I must get a B or better in. Even then, there's about a 50% acceptance rate into the program, which is not great.
So, I did some soul searching and I think I'd be happy with accounting as well. I think what I'm going to do is sign up for that, get some classes, and take Chem I as well (which I have to take for dietetics). That way, I can see how I do with the science courses, and if I can get a B I'll rethink changing my major to dietetics. If not, no harm, because I'll have classes for my other major under my belt and won't have lost any time.
Honestly, having made the decision makes me feel better. Almost excited, actually - I've been panicked and stir crazy so having a plan is very nice. Now I just have to break it to my parents. :/
That makes perfect sense to me. Safe but still taking a tentative step towards dietetics. Result.
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