View Full Version : hello, another new one
hello, this is oshun and i'm another new one,
i wanted to say, i have been suffering with anxiety, panic and depression for 14 years now, but it is only recently in the last month that i have realised the full impact that this has had on my life. though over the years i have tried many things such as seeing my GP, taking anti-depressents and tranqulisers, seeing different counsellors and a cognitive behavioural therapist, now i am feeling very scared again but also very angry. it makes me angry when i am having a very bad panic attack and i get screamed at for having a tantrum. it makes me angry with myself that i can not do the things i would like to and fullfil my potential because things like using the phone and email make me have anxiety attacks. it makes me sad that i feel i cannot handle a relationship because it means using the phone and i find it too stressful. it makes me angry that after all these years of struggling to explain what this is to my family and close freinds i still get told to "pull myself together". right now i am trying again to find work as the money situation is not good and i am very scared i will lose my home. i feel i have too much on my plate and dealing with it very badly.
i know there is so much more out there and i want to experience it. i have come online today to try and find a self help group or maybe talk to other poeple who have had similar expereinces.
thank you very much who ever takes the time to read this, i am not feeling so good today, but also quite emotional that there are others out there and i did not really know.
all the very best, oshun
Hi Oshun
Welcome to the site, i am glad you have found it.
Its a great site that offers so much support and great advice.
By reading your post you seem to have suffered for a long time, but recently seem to be going through a hard stage again.
It is great to finally realise that there are people who understand and can offer you so much help by their personal experiences.
I know how it feels to think you are the only one that is suffering and it is a relief to realise that other people are going through the same thing. Makes you realise that you arent going mad, or alone, just suffering from extreme anxiety.
Unfortunately through the rough times it does make a great impact on your life and can go as far as disabling you, even though not physically but mentally.
People who dont suffer do find it hard to understand and i am sure loads of us on her have been told to pull yourself together, i have and i would have loved it to be a case of doing that.
My anxiety makes me really angry to, so dont worry that is quite a normal reaction. Its the frustration of not being able to control it and it controlling you. But you can take control again, hard as it will be, you have to face it and when you feel less anxious think of the postive things you can do.
It is so hard when you feel anxious as you cant rationalise anything and how every hard you try and even though you know how you thinking is wrong you can help it. But when the height of the anxiety dies down you can begin to be rational again.
My biggest fear of my anxiety are the thoughts that go on in my head, i think i am going to go mad and turn into some kind of crazy person who has lost control.
Are you on any medication at the moment?
I agree with you it is hard to contemplate having a relationship when you feel so bad, i am scared that if it went wrong it would send me even worse, the fear of rejection i suppose and what have i go to offer someone and will they understand.
Sorry you are not feeling to good today, but hopefully you will get some support on here and will make you feel there is a lot of help and understanding for you.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
hello Oshun,
Welcome to the site!! I'm sure you will find loads of helpful info here and meet lots of nice people. We all feel that we're alone at the beginning but hopefully now that you've found this site, you will start to feel better about your situation. Take care.
Sarah xxx:D
hello sarah,
it is good to meet you :) and also to know i am not as alone as i thought . so just to say thanks for your kind words
take care, oshun x
]
hello sal,
its good to meet you nd thanks for your reply. in answer to some of your questions/comments:
yes it does seem i have had a this problem for some time. i think becasue 14 years ago when i had my 1st major attack no-one new what was going on with me, least of all myself, and i was diagnosed with clinical depression. it has since become clear to me that actually i was suffering from a very severe bout of anxiety with panic attacks, but a side afect was that i did feel very depressed and scared cos i had no idea what was going on. as the years went by i realised i had basically been misdiagnosed and stopped taking the antidepressents ( tri-cylics at that time), and sought councelling which has helped in some ways.
over the years i have had recurring attacks, some pretty severe so i could not work and was bed ridden etc. and had taken anti-depressents again ( this time ssri's). i am not in favour of taking "chemicals" so twice i have come off the medication cos of the side effects and gone sort of "cold turkey". right now i am pretty determined to get thru without taking any artificial chemicals.
most of the worst attacks have been triggered by relationships never getting off the ground ( as you righly guess) so i have never had a meaningful long term relationship, which is something i am very unhappy about as i am now 40 and would have really wanted children.
the current attack is now because of a bad financial situation which may lead to me being criminally prosecuted and losing my home. i pray to god this wont be a prison sentence. i am trying to find work to pay off some depbts but not being able to use the phone is a real hinderance and so geting very angry with myself.
well i just wanted to explain a little more and hope this message hasnt got too long :)
once again thanks so much for your reply, it means a lot, and take care too
x oshun
Hi Oshun
Welcome to the site. Hopefully by finding this site you will see that many people have the same kind of feelings and fears that you are experiencing and that you are not alone.
This is a very friendly site and I am sure you will receive some much needed support.
Briary
Hi Oshun,
Welcome to the site. Its good to be able to share our experiences, often you find that you are not as alone as you previously thought.
'it makes me angry when i am having a very bad panic attack and i get screamed at for having a tantrum.'
I'm sorry to hear that you are being treated in this way. Clearly by people who have not experienced anything similar themsleves ..
Its great that you know what is triggering your attacks. It does make it easier to cope with them. Sorry to hear about your financial problems and do hope it works out for the best for you.
If you're not going to take medication this time then ensure you are looking after yourself nutritionally with B complex and Omega 3 supplements .
You have got over this before and can do so again .
Meg
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch
Hi Oshun
Good to hear from you again.
You have a lot to worry about at the moment and a financial burden is not going to help either, especially if you are going to be criminally charged.
I am sure if the worst comes to the worst you could get some sympathy as to how you have suffered, especially as you will have medical records to show how hard you have had it.
Its good to hear you are going to try and do it without medication, but if you get to the stage and really need that support do think about it seriously as an option. But only you will know if you need to go down that road.
It must be a struggle for you feeling like this and trying to get some work to benefit your financial situation.
If debts are so bad had you considered taking further advice on it?
Pleased you have found this site as you wont feel so alone anymore.
Love Sal xxxxx
hello again sal,
yes, thanks for your comments. i tried to get some help about my legal/financial situation from the citizens advice bureua. it was very weird as that sort of thing really stresses me out so i was not fully able to understand waht they were talking about. however they are not in a position to give me further legal help and i have not been able to find a soliciter at this stage either, so i am basically tying to deal with the paperwork myself.
now my main fear/anxiety trigger is waiting for the postman each day to see if there is any news. unfortunalty waiting for the postman has become a bit of an obssession as i feel i can not carry on with my day unless i know one way or the other. annoyingly the postmen is very unrelaible and sometimes doesnt come til 5pm !!!!! and until then i feel to anxious to go outside or anything else. so working now on trying to fight those feelings and trying to rationalise.
ok sal , have a good weekend :) x oshun
]
hello briary
thanks you for your welcome message, and yes it does help to know there are other people out there!
take care, oshun
hello meg,
thanks for your message. I was interested in what you said about taking dietary supplements such as B complex and Omega 3. are these knwon to help in anxiety problems? i have heard that brazil nuts are very good cos of the selenuim content. other than that i am quite careful about what i eat and love fresh/organic fruit & veggies etc. i know also it is importnat to maintian blood sugar so i try and eat regularly.
also meg, this quote that you used:
"Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.
If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
Robert Albert Bloch "
it really does make it clear what this anxiety thing does, and i had never thought of it in such a graphic way. now it makes me more determined to fight it. before i got ill again i was working as a designer and i find being anxious literally drains the creativity from me.
well thanks again and have a good weekend,
oshun
Hi Oshun
It must be hard if you are waiting for the post to come as the longer it takes i can understand the more anxious you will be getting, added pressure you dont really need at the moment.
But you have done well recognising it isnt helping you and are doing something about it. So that is a really positive step forward. I hope you manage to overcome it hon.
Hope you are doing ok at the moment.
Take care.
Love Sal xxxxx
Hi oshan, I've just caught uo on your post, There seems to be a lot on your plate at the moment and having previously suffering with depression, anxiety it's making your problems worse as you can't think straight or rationalise things. Also your getting angry (which is something that I do a lot) as you know your capable of doing more and it gets in our way. As for relationships, thats a hard one, I was with my partner for 9 years before I had my anxiety and panic, so now hes just got to deal with it and i know it real had for him to see me sometimes struggling day to day, but he understands that i can't do the thing i used to do before, and i'm sure that when the right person comes along with a warm, understanding and kind heart you'll feel comfortable (i'm sure after being on here you'll see that there are many of us around) as for the past, it's something we can't change, (although we'd like too) we can only go forward and make the most of it......Take Care Tara xxx
nomorepanic
29-08-04, 18:56
Hi Oshun
Just wanted to welcome you to the Forum and say hi. I see that you are getting some great advice already.
Sorry to hear about the problems you are having financially and it must be stressful waiting for to hear news so I hope it all turns out ok for you.
How was your weekend - done anything good?
Nicola
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