Finding life so hard with my anxiety

[loopyloo68]

I'm not on here much, thought I had in all under control. my ex husband was diagnosed with HIV recently after several months in hospital. So I had to get tested . I tested negative thankfully.. However, this stress has made all my successfully suppressed issues resurface . ..I can't hide anymore..I'm a complete wimp, becoming a doormat and to add to my fears , I being played at work by a manager, I can feel it and I'm confused by it. This woman started in January this year, we had worked in the same office 12 years ago, she was quite malignant then, and did not want to become part of the team but she was really bright, so I knew she would do well.. Anyway before I started my new job in May, she told a few managers that they should be wary of me, that there was a toxic environment before, inferring I was responsible .. So everyone was really cool with me and quite wary me... Then someone told me what she had said becaus they felt she had been malicious and wanted me to be aware... To BEWARE .. Then she engineered it to be my line manager.. She is really persuasive, but really cold and has this calm controlled disposition... I cried in front of her and she was totally impassive.. I felt like a complete idiot. I think she has psychopathic tendencies....she never blinks and has this penetrating stare, I can feel myself being manipulated... I'm feel like a puppy with her, desperate to please, I think I'm slowly going mad... My anxiety is always there, worse than ever, socially I'm beoming more inept, keep thinking back to meeting and going over what I said and thinking everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I keep sweating, feeling faint. I'm going to seek humanistic therapy ...I really need help now.

[johnno]

I totally understand what you mean. I have experienced this before. The first thing I want to point out is that you aren't weak because of the 'hold' she has over you but you seem to have made the error of trying to deal with it as an emotional problem. You can't. You will just get extremely confused. At work a manager always has the upper-hand as they have power you haven't unfortunately. These people are idiots that is all I can say. They believe they're important because they have a shitty title.
The first thing I feel you should do is tackle as a professional matter. Seek help from citizens advice and the internet and see what necessary action should be taken in order to stop this manipulative, insecure person.
I want to leave you with a quote from krishnamurti which can be a reminder when faced with unpleasant people.

"it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society".

Meaning if you find it difficult to cope with people as you are you are most definitely the sane one.

---------- Post added at 12:42 ---------- Previous post was at 12:35 ----------

The hold she has over you is because you are trying to react in a way that is comfortable. But you have a right to be angry, frustrated, helpless and confused. It takes time but rather thgan getting too emotionally involved just observe the situation and you make not be as emotionally entangled. Also don't be scared to confront her or to take action. There are consequences to everything we can't help that but you will feel much better doing something about it. Even if the whole factory disliked you. They dislike you from lies not truth. People in groups can be insane

---------- Post added at 12:44 ---------- Previous post was at 12:42 ----------

If I find any good sources for you to look at I'll let you know. You can get through this once you have a foundation in which you can be confident in. Right I'll shut up now cos I'm going on abit lol

---------- Post added at 12:58 ---------- Previous post was at 12:44 ----------

This seems very helpful:

http://www.hrzone.com/blogs/jamessheehan/james-sheehan039s-blog/how-deal-unfair-treatment-work

Hope that helps you.

[loopyloo68]

Very helpful thanks.... I know deep down its not me, but I'm just a mess at the moment.