Need therapy

[loopyloo68]

I posted in the wrong place originally sorry mods..... Im not on here much, thought I had in all under control. my ex husband was diagnosed with HIV recently after several months in hospital. So I had to get tested . I tested negative thankfully.. However, this stress has made all my successfully suppressed issues resurface . ..I can't hide anymore..I'm a complete wimp, becoming a doormat and to add to my fears , I being played at work by a manager, I can feel it and I'm confused by it. This woman started in January this year, we had worked in the same office 12 years ago, she was quite malignant then, and did not want to become part of the team but she was really bright, so I knew she would do well.. Anyway before I started my new job in May, she told a few managers that they should be wary of me, that there was a toxic environment before, inferring I was responsible .. So everyone was really cool with me and quite wary me... Then someone told me what she had said becaus they felt she had been malicious and wanted me to be aware... To BEWARE .. Then she engineered it to be my line manager.. She is really persuasive, but really cold and has this calm controlled disposition... I cried in front of her and she was totally impassive.. I felt like a complete idiot. I think she has psychopathic tendencies....she never blinks and has this penetrating stare, I can feel myself being manipulated... I'm feel like a puppy with her, desperate to please, I think I'm slowly going mad... My anxiety is always there, worse than ever, socially I'm beoming more inept, keep thinking back to meeting and going over what I said and thinking everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I keep sweating, feeling faint. I'm going to seek humanistic therapy ...I really need help now.

[Oosh]

Sounds like you might be safer than you think there. Your colleagues obviously have your back because they told you what she said. Sounds like its her who's the unpopular one.

If she's having this effect on you she's probably having a similarly negative effect on many others there too. That's usually the way it is. Don't take it personally and keep your cool.

[MyNameIsTerry]

This sounds like a classic bully to me.

Employers have legal responsibilities to your health and she has to follow them or she leaves the company open to legal action or tribunal. So, if you are talking to her about your problems and she is ignoring helping you, check your company handbook, your online HR, etc and see what she is supposed to do in their policies. Another option is to also look at the responsibilities of employers with heallth which is reasily available via Google, just be aware that some will state best practice as opposed to minimum legal requirement.

You seem to have a witness here in another manager. Would this manager be prepared to back you up? I would hope so or they are not suited to a management position. If she is, you could use her as a witness in a grievence complaint.

How is she with other people? Is it just you?

[loopyloo68]

This sounds like a classic bully to me.

Employers have legal responsibilities to your health and she has to follow them or she leaves the company open to legal action or tribunal. So, if you are talking to her about your problems and she is ignoring helping you, check your company handbook, your online HR, etc and see what she is supposed to do in their policies. Another option is to also look at the responsibilities of employers with heallth which is reasily available via Google, just be aware that some will state best practice as opposed to minimum legal requirement.

You seem to have a witness here in another manager. Would this manager be prepared to back you up? I would hope so or they are not suited to a management position. If she is, you could use her as a witness in a grievence complaint.

How is she with other people? Is it just you?

It's just me. For example, she says that she wants to raise my profile. But does the opposite. during a brainstorming session I came up with some ideas, it was a positive meeting. A few days later, she sent me an email, when I scrolled right down to the initial email I found she had sent to my big boss praising everyone for coming up with ideas... Except me..my name was not there.. I asked her about it and she said she gives praise about me verbally... Then before the mid term reviews the same senior manager questioned what my outputs were as he hadn't seen anything...I was gutted.. She took my name off minutes, changed meeting dates when team members couldn't make it, but didn't change the date for me, so I will miss a crucial meeting. Also i had an OHS referral because I have EhLers Danlos/ hypmobility syndrome- the doctor showed me the referral, she basically inferred I was not capable of travelling into London, carrying a lap top and that she wanted to know whether I would be better in a static role ( no prospects)- the OHS Doctor wondered what it was all about, whether there was an agenda... she said that other managers would not be so understanding- that's ******** because previous managers always were great, I'm never sick, do my work snd have an impeccable record. Sorry to waffle on... Its just me...my emotional response is pants... I totally worry about it, I get intrusive thoughts about things I said... So I say nothing, she has already made it known she hates me... I did speak to her about it, she said she was wrong about me.. I'm being manipulated, I can feel it.