Genuinely terrified

[SoccerFan14]

Hi. I'm 19 and have recently started feeling as if I am forgetting who I am and who my parents and family are. It's as if everything that is meant to be subconscious is now conscious and i'm constantly thinking about it. My head feels heavy all the time and I feel dizzy. I am quite genuinely terrified that this will never go away and it feels like day by day it is getting worse and one day I will wake up and just have forgotten completely who I am and who everyone is. I had similar feelings about 6 years ago but they did go away, this time it just seems 100% worse. I end up crying every night and I am just really scared and numb. I don't look forward to anything anymore, I just don't feel like me. My old self feels like a distant memory or someone else. I went to my doctor and he basically told it was al in my head and that i'm not going mad but it definitely feels that way.

[lior]

Did your doctor talk to you about depression/anxiety? Are you on any drugs? It's a really common side effect of some drugs to make you feel this way.

If you are not on any drugs, feeling this way may be a natural response to something that is going on. Something about becoming detached from reality as a subconscious protection mechanism, perhaps.

I know it's scary. I've experienced this pretty similarly:



I am just really scared and numb. I don't look forward to anything anymore, I just don't feel like me. My old self feels like a distant memory or someone else. I went to my doctor and he basically told it was al in my head and that i'm not going mad but it definitely feels that way.


I experience this because I am depressed. I feel like I'm mad too but it's not a label they like. Even when I black out. It's your mind protecting itself in the ways that it knows how to. I don't forget myself or my family - that effect might be more specific to your circumstances.

If you read up on depression and anxiety a bit more, or whatever your doctor mentioned to you, it might help you.

[debs71]

SoccerFan14 - Sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

These symptoms are totally normal for DP/Derealization, though I know that is no comfort when you are experiencing them. They are incredibly frightening.

I have had this several times over, and whilst I know well and good what they are, they still frighten the hell out of me, and yes, you do feel that you are losing it or going mad, but you ARE NOT and you WILL NOT!!!!!!

One thing you must bear in mind is that -as you said - you have had this before and it went. This will go too, it is just that your anxiety is so high at the moment that it is hard to rationalise that fact, but it will.

I am sure you may know already, but DP/DR is just the mind's way of protecting itself from very high anxiety. It detaches itself, and this is why we feel spaced out and like everything around us that is so familiar normally becomes weird or unfamiliar.

When I have it, my worst symptom is feeling like I am in the wrong body...like I am not me anymore....so scary. Like you, I also feel like I don't know my family, and that they are strangers to me. It is awful I know, but you do recover from it, but the key is to address your high anxiety and/or depression.

Are you on meds at the moment? Are you having any therapy? Tackle the anxiety and the dreaded DP/DR will go away.

A doctor telling you it is 'all in your head' is less than helpful, as you know that already, and what they need to do is help with the anxiety, if they are not already.x:hugs:

[SoccerFan14]

SoccerFan14 - Sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

These symptoms are totally normal for DP/Derealization, though I know that is no comfort when you are experiencing them. They are incredibly frightening.

I have had this several times over, and whilst I know well and good what they are, they still frighten the hell out of me, and yes, you do feel that you are losing it or going mad, but you ARE NOT and you WILL NOT!!!!!!

One thing you must bear in mind is that -as you said - you have had this before and it went. This will go too, it is just that your anxiety is so high at the moment that it is hard to rationalise that fact, but it will.

I am sure you may know already, but DP/DR is just the mind's way of protecting itself from very high anxiety. It detaches itself, and this is why we feel spaced out and like everything around us that is so familiar normally becomes weird or unfamiliar.

When I have it, my worst symptom is feeling like I am in the wrong body...like I am not me anymore....so scary. Like you, I also feel like I don't know my family, and that they are strangers to me. It is awful I know, but you do recover from it, but the key is to address your high anxiety and/or depression.

Are you on meds at the moment? Are you having any therapy? Tackle the anxiety and the dreaded DP/DR will go away.

A doctor telling you it is 'all in your head' is less than helpful, as you know that already, and what they need to do is help with the anxiety, if they are not already.x:hugs:


Yeah today it wasn't so bad but tonight it seems to have gotten really bad again.

I hate it, it just feels like I am forgetting who I am. Which is just horrible and very discomforting. And not knowing what triggered it as well is frustrating.

I am not on anything yet, my doctor told me to come back in 2 weeks if it hasn't gotten any better and he'd discuss meds with me and also a counsellor's number whom I haven't contacted yet.

I think I just need to try and get my mind off of it. When I had it before I was in school every day so it went fairly quickly but now i'm only at Uni twice a week and other days a lot of the time i'm not doing much, so just sitting around thinking about it.

Thanks so much for replying, it really does comfort me knowing that someone has been through it and knows how it feels since my parents don't really understand.:hugs:

[MrFriday]

You need to go back to your doctor or see a different one. It sounds serious.

[debs71]

Yeah today it wasn't so bad but tonight it seems to have gotten really bad again.

I hate it, it just feels like I am forgetting who I am. Which is just horrible and very discomforting. And not knowing what triggered it as well is frustrating.

I am not on anything yet, my doctor told me to come back in 2 weeks if it hasn't gotten any better and he'd discuss meds with me and also a counsellor's number whom I haven't contacted yet.

I think I just need to try and get my mind off of it. When I had it before I was in school every day so it went fairly quickly but now i'm only at Uni twice a week and other days a lot of the time i'm not doing much, so just sitting around thinking about it.

Thanks so much for replying, it really does comfort me knowing that someone has been through it and knows how it feels since my parents don't really understand.:hugs:

Yep, it is the quiet times that are the worst hun. Keeping as busy as you can even if you are chilling out and not in Uni is absolutely essential with anxiety and DP/DR.....watch a movie, listen to music, play PC games or whatever you enjoy doing really does help. It keeps our brains focused on something other than the fact we feel awful and spaced out, and it really does help to bring us back down to earth again, and ground us in reality. It is also crucial to be around people - your friends, family, etc. as much as possible. Being alone is when we stew and the anxiety and symptoms niggle at us.

I agree with MrFriday. I think that you need to see your doctor again, and get firm with him/her about the fact you feel so bad, and that your symptoms are as you describe and not going anywhere. I would also contact that counsellor. They can be very helpful, and help you identify why you feel the way you do, and what may have triggered it, which can be the most innocuous thing that hadn't even occurred to you.

DP/DR is scary, I know. For me it is the worst symptom of high anxiety. I can take the physical stuff, but the mental stuff like DP is bloody awful and so hard to conquer. Keep reminding yourself that you are NOT going mad, and will not go mad. It is purely the total sod that is anxiety playing tricks on you.

I also understand how hard it is not to feel you can talk to anyone about it, even those closest to you. I was so lucky as my Dad has suffered from anxiety and panic attacks practically his whole life, so I was able to talk with him and get support, but it is not easy I know. I lost a lot of friends over the years, as people just didn't understand me, or know how to support me, and I felt very isolated at times with only my Dad to help me and talk to, but you do not have to feel alone with this.....this great forum is full of people who totally relate to you, me for one! :)
Please do go back to your doctor and I would also contact that counsellor hun. You can get help and get past this. x:bighug1: