sleeplessinmo
29-10-14, 19:42
I tend to always think my symptoms could be something bigger rather than minor. My first symptoms were some intermittent pains in my breasts, and I fixated on that. I googled constantly, and worried and convinced myself I had breast cancer. Let me note here that my 29 year old sister-in-law just finished treatment for breast cancer and is now cancer free. My mother-in-law also just finished treatments within the last few months and is cancer free, Thank God. Also, in September of last year, my grandmother, who I was very close to, passed away from pancreatic cancer. I started really stressing and then telling myself that pain usually wasn't associated with breast cancer, etc. I was constantly reading breast cancer stories, checking out the symptoms, etc. Well, the breast pain pretty much quit, and then I became fixated on my back. It started hurting, and I thought, oh no, if I had cancer, it has probably spread. I then starting becoming more aware of leg pain. (Now I have had lower leg pain on and off for years.) I then convinced myself I had bone cancer or a DVT. This got to the point that I was at school teaching, and while my students were at music, I had been doing more googling. I then felt like my throat was closing up, and I couldn't get enough air. I felt light headed and my chest felt funny. This was about 2 weeks ago. I thought maybe I was dying. I also thought maybe I was having a heart attack. I was able to do some controlled breathing and get past it by convincing myself I was just working myself up into a tizzy. I really hadn't suffered a true panic attack like that before. I've certainly had a few panic symptoms in my life, but not too many. Mostly just overreacting. My back continued to ache pretty bad for several days, and I kept thinking something severe and life-threatening was going on. My husband and kids wanted to go hiking on a trail, and all I could think about was what if my body can't handle it? I was thinking, what if something happened? How would I get medical help all the way out there? I didn't tell my husband any of this, because I felt ridiculous. He knew I had been having back issues, but that's about it. We started hiking, and I worked myself into another panic attack right at the beginning. I started getting that same feeling of not being able to get enough air, etc. I then worried that maybe I had cancer in my lungs and I really wasn't going to be able to hike. I stopped and did some breathing techniques and prayed about it, and got myself through it. I ended up having a pretty good hike. I of course came home and googled all of my symptoms, and ended up coming across this site. After reading through so many threads, I realize I most likely suffer from health anxiety. When I think about it, I have had episodes similar to this in the past, just not quite as severe as this go-round.
One in particular stands out. It was in 2008. I had just had my son, and he was four months old. I noticed I was really tired, and had a lot of bruising on my legs. I just didn't feel up to par. I decided to see a family doctor. He recommended I get my thyroid tested. I didn't have insurance at that time, so he recommended a clinic that draws blood and then gives you a paper result, which you can take to your doctor. I went to the clinic, had my blood drawn, and then picked up the results a few days later. I looked at all the numbers, and searched the internet to see what they meant. I had a few low numbers, and I immediately diagnosed myself leukemia, myeloma, etc. All the blood disorders. I didn't take into account that I had a baby four months ago and was probably anemic from having bleeding issues for about 8 weeks after. I remember having a cold sensation, like water running down my back. I was devestated, and terribly upset. I confided in my then husband of 8 years, who acted like nothing was really wrong and that I was a hypochondriac. I thought, well maybe so. I'll just wait and see. I then remembered that when I had a chest ache in previous months, I thought I probably had lung cancer. I decided I was okay, and I would see how my symptoms were. I reminded myself that I had always bruised easily, and that the bruised on my legs matched where I was always hitting them with our son's carseat. During this time, I began to be consumed with trying to save my crumbling marriage. ( health had nothing to do with it.) I pushed everything thought regarding my health away, and my symptoms went away, and I was okay.
Fast forward to 2009, 2010. I noticed I would intermittenly have an ache on my right side and my left side, not at the same time, at the bottom of my rib cage. I then of course googled it, and decided I probably had leukemia, or liver cancer, or something horrible. During this time, I was finalizing my divorce, and was a single mom to my then 2 and 3 year old boys. For a little while, I was totally convinced I must be dying, but after I made myself quit focusing on the twinges, I realized eventually that the aches had pretty much went away. During this time I also graduated college and got my first teaching position.
Fast forward to the end of 2011, I was seeing someone, who I would later marry. Together we have four kids. I just have to say he is such an amazing man. Anyway, one morning in December I woke up with my jaw like out of place, and it hurt sooooo bad. This went on for a week, and in the course of a day, I convinced myself I must have cancer in my jaw bone. It got better and then I felt silly. Of course, anytime I feel a twinge of pain in my jaw, I start to think this again. Another time last year, I thought I must have ovarian cancer because I seemed to be gassier. I had a bout with constipation as well, so then I thought I probably had colon cancer, which my great grandma passed away from when I was in junior high. This reminds me that back in 2008 I thought maybe I had colon cancer as well.
Anyway, I'm sure there are other past events, but I want to focus on now. The last two days I've had a cold tingly or menthol feeling in the back of my right side of my throat. It doesn't seem to go all the way down, but it's definitely there. So of course, I immediately googled. My right ear now has that same sensation. I do have sinus drainage right now. I took benedryl, but that didn't really help. I've noticed if I don't think about it, it's not there, but as soon as I turn my attention to it, it's there. In fact, this morning I noticed that it wasn't there, and started thinking about it, and sure enough it's back. Of course I googled tingling etc, and now I feel like I have tingling and maybe numbness in my right foot. geez!! This is ridiculous. I am trying to stay away from Google, but keep finding myself right back there, finding results such as MS, lupus, tumors, etc. My friend's mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma, so today I was reading about it, and thought, my goodness! I could have that!! Good grief. I feel like this is getting out of control. I've never went through the anxiety like this. I've always been pretty level headed for the most part, but I now find myself focusing on every little symptom, and I think I've made myself super-sensitive to every twinge in my body, and think everything I feel is pain, and a sign of some impending doom. Again, I feel absolutely ridiculous, and thought I might somehow feel better writing this out and getting it off my chest.
One in particular stands out. It was in 2008. I had just had my son, and he was four months old. I noticed I was really tired, and had a lot of bruising on my legs. I just didn't feel up to par. I decided to see a family doctor. He recommended I get my thyroid tested. I didn't have insurance at that time, so he recommended a clinic that draws blood and then gives you a paper result, which you can take to your doctor. I went to the clinic, had my blood drawn, and then picked up the results a few days later. I looked at all the numbers, and searched the internet to see what they meant. I had a few low numbers, and I immediately diagnosed myself leukemia, myeloma, etc. All the blood disorders. I didn't take into account that I had a baby four months ago and was probably anemic from having bleeding issues for about 8 weeks after. I remember having a cold sensation, like water running down my back. I was devestated, and terribly upset. I confided in my then husband of 8 years, who acted like nothing was really wrong and that I was a hypochondriac. I thought, well maybe so. I'll just wait and see. I then remembered that when I had a chest ache in previous months, I thought I probably had lung cancer. I decided I was okay, and I would see how my symptoms were. I reminded myself that I had always bruised easily, and that the bruised on my legs matched where I was always hitting them with our son's carseat. During this time, I began to be consumed with trying to save my crumbling marriage. ( health had nothing to do with it.) I pushed everything thought regarding my health away, and my symptoms went away, and I was okay.
Fast forward to 2009, 2010. I noticed I would intermittenly have an ache on my right side and my left side, not at the same time, at the bottom of my rib cage. I then of course googled it, and decided I probably had leukemia, or liver cancer, or something horrible. During this time, I was finalizing my divorce, and was a single mom to my then 2 and 3 year old boys. For a little while, I was totally convinced I must be dying, but after I made myself quit focusing on the twinges, I realized eventually that the aches had pretty much went away. During this time I also graduated college and got my first teaching position.
Fast forward to the end of 2011, I was seeing someone, who I would later marry. Together we have four kids. I just have to say he is such an amazing man. Anyway, one morning in December I woke up with my jaw like out of place, and it hurt sooooo bad. This went on for a week, and in the course of a day, I convinced myself I must have cancer in my jaw bone. It got better and then I felt silly. Of course, anytime I feel a twinge of pain in my jaw, I start to think this again. Another time last year, I thought I must have ovarian cancer because I seemed to be gassier. I had a bout with constipation as well, so then I thought I probably had colon cancer, which my great grandma passed away from when I was in junior high. This reminds me that back in 2008 I thought maybe I had colon cancer as well.
Anyway, I'm sure there are other past events, but I want to focus on now. The last two days I've had a cold tingly or menthol feeling in the back of my right side of my throat. It doesn't seem to go all the way down, but it's definitely there. So of course, I immediately googled. My right ear now has that same sensation. I do have sinus drainage right now. I took benedryl, but that didn't really help. I've noticed if I don't think about it, it's not there, but as soon as I turn my attention to it, it's there. In fact, this morning I noticed that it wasn't there, and started thinking about it, and sure enough it's back. Of course I googled tingling etc, and now I feel like I have tingling and maybe numbness in my right foot. geez!! This is ridiculous. I am trying to stay away from Google, but keep finding myself right back there, finding results such as MS, lupus, tumors, etc. My friend's mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma, so today I was reading about it, and thought, my goodness! I could have that!! Good grief. I feel like this is getting out of control. I've never went through the anxiety like this. I've always been pretty level headed for the most part, but I now find myself focusing on every little symptom, and I think I've made myself super-sensitive to every twinge in my body, and think everything I feel is pain, and a sign of some impending doom. Again, I feel absolutely ridiculous, and thought I might somehow feel better writing this out and getting it off my chest.