Peterpizza
02-11-14, 01:19
Hey guys,
I'm turning to you because I've been in pain a long time. I need some advice about what to do because I'm running out of ideas.
It all started when I was around 14 years old. I became obsessed with elements of my appearance, it started with small things like chapped lips, but when I was 15 I became obsessed with my skin, I had mildish acne at the time. I would stare at it for hours a night in the mirror, I'd pick it to the point where it'd bleed, my face was just a red mess. This obsession faded and was replaced by the next one; hair. I was obsessed that I was losing my hair. This was more extreme than the skin picking one, I would stare and comb my hair for hours on end. Look at it for sometimes 4 hours a night. Analysing it from every angle, I would have to convince myself I was not losing my hair before I could resume with my life. It would consume my mind. 95% of my thoughts were on this issue. Whilst at the start I wasn't losing my hair, I did eventually go on to lose my hair over the next 5/6 or so, I believe this was due to stress. You can imagine how destressing this was. I was in denial about it and would spend hours a night trying to convince myself I wasn't. After a while I managed to find a treatment that would completely cure my obsession relating to my hair in a matter of a week. I thought this would be the end of it. Can you imagine 6 or so years of repetitive dread and obsession disappearing overnight? I thought I was free. Free to live a normal life. Then something else came along.
Health anxiety. I because obsessed that I had cancer. Bowel, testicular, Lymphoma, Leukemia, Lung etc etc. I have had them all in my head. I've had multiple tests including ultrasounds and colonoscopys. I had been researching symtoms for hours on end. Not able to carry on untill I had conviced myself I did not have that specific illness. This consumed me. This has finally moved on to health anxiety related to drug taking. I am obsessed at the moment that I have damaged myself from taking drugs. There isn't much evidence for this either, realistically I am in perfect health and haven't used drugs in over 5 years.
The problem I have with this is not just the dread, it's the fact that I don't feel I can do the things I enjoy until I have compulsively checked or reserached my fears to the point I am content, the fear always creeps back and the cycle continues. I have tried to keep this brief and there is a lot more to add but to save from boring you, I'll keep it short.
What do you suggest I do guys? Can someone shed some insight for me. I have tried medication, councilling; nothing has worked. I am at a dead end, I don't feel there is a way out for me. I would rather have all these things ^ for real than have to carry on life ruined by such thoughts. I need to break the cycle.
Thanks for taking the time to read,
Peter
I'm turning to you because I've been in pain a long time. I need some advice about what to do because I'm running out of ideas.
It all started when I was around 14 years old. I became obsessed with elements of my appearance, it started with small things like chapped lips, but when I was 15 I became obsessed with my skin, I had mildish acne at the time. I would stare at it for hours a night in the mirror, I'd pick it to the point where it'd bleed, my face was just a red mess. This obsession faded and was replaced by the next one; hair. I was obsessed that I was losing my hair. This was more extreme than the skin picking one, I would stare and comb my hair for hours on end. Look at it for sometimes 4 hours a night. Analysing it from every angle, I would have to convince myself I was not losing my hair before I could resume with my life. It would consume my mind. 95% of my thoughts were on this issue. Whilst at the start I wasn't losing my hair, I did eventually go on to lose my hair over the next 5/6 or so, I believe this was due to stress. You can imagine how destressing this was. I was in denial about it and would spend hours a night trying to convince myself I wasn't. After a while I managed to find a treatment that would completely cure my obsession relating to my hair in a matter of a week. I thought this would be the end of it. Can you imagine 6 or so years of repetitive dread and obsession disappearing overnight? I thought I was free. Free to live a normal life. Then something else came along.
Health anxiety. I because obsessed that I had cancer. Bowel, testicular, Lymphoma, Leukemia, Lung etc etc. I have had them all in my head. I've had multiple tests including ultrasounds and colonoscopys. I had been researching symtoms for hours on end. Not able to carry on untill I had conviced myself I did not have that specific illness. This consumed me. This has finally moved on to health anxiety related to drug taking. I am obsessed at the moment that I have damaged myself from taking drugs. There isn't much evidence for this either, realistically I am in perfect health and haven't used drugs in over 5 years.
The problem I have with this is not just the dread, it's the fact that I don't feel I can do the things I enjoy until I have compulsively checked or reserached my fears to the point I am content, the fear always creeps back and the cycle continues. I have tried to keep this brief and there is a lot more to add but to save from boring you, I'll keep it short.
What do you suggest I do guys? Can someone shed some insight for me. I have tried medication, councilling; nothing has worked. I am at a dead end, I don't feel there is a way out for me. I would rather have all these things ^ for real than have to carry on life ruined by such thoughts. I need to break the cycle.
Thanks for taking the time to read,
Peter